Teenager problems
May 14th 2008 | 11:54 am
#61
Gone Senile Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 3,014
From: Sydney
Re: Teenager problems
Oh God how i feel for you.
You are suffering some really bad domestic violence from your daughter.
Tell her respect for her will come from you when she behaves in an appropriate way.
Respect however works both ways, you need to start respecting yourself too dont let the abuse go on any longer, for your and your families sake. I understand she is hurting BUT You are worth so much more than the abuse she is handing out to you, stop the guilt and blaming yourself you are not responsible for the way she reacts to situations she has to own her own behaviour. She needs professional help to deal with the stuff she has going on inside her.
Sometimes the police force domestic violence unit may be able to offer advice/support. I am sure you have tried child mental health services?
have a look at www.womensaid.org.uk they have lots of info about domestic violence it is all relevant to you and your situation About 10% of domestic violence is perpetrated by a child against their own parents. If it was a stranger in the street behaving in the way your daughter is would you put up with it?
Part of our role as a parent is to protect our children, you have other children living in the house you and your partner have a right and responsibility to protect that child and yourselves from abuse. I am not trying to make you feel bad when I say that and I know its easier said than done.
Keep Strong
You are suffering some really bad domestic violence from your daughter.
Tell her respect for her will come from you when she behaves in an appropriate way.
Respect however works both ways, you need to start respecting yourself too dont let the abuse go on any longer, for your and your families sake. I understand she is hurting BUT You are worth so much more than the abuse she is handing out to you, stop the guilt and blaming yourself you are not responsible for the way she reacts to situations she has to own her own behaviour. She needs professional help to deal with the stuff she has going on inside her.
Sometimes the police force domestic violence unit may be able to offer advice/support. I am sure you have tried child mental health services?
have a look at www.womensaid.org.uk they have lots of info about domestic violence it is all relevant to you and your situation About 10% of domestic violence is perpetrated by a child against their own parents. If it was a stranger in the street behaving in the way your daughter is would you put up with it?
Part of our role as a parent is to protect our children, you have other children living in the house you and your partner have a right and responsibility to protect that child and yourselves from abuse. I am not trying to make you feel bad when I say that and I know its easier said than done.
Keep Strong
May 14th 2008 | 11:57 am
#62
Account Closed
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,374
Re: Teenager problems
Hi , Just want to wish u guys the best of luck for the future and hope things get better very soon. It must be so very difficult for u to know what to do to hlp your daughters, but as i was once told , as a parent u can only do ur best. (and it seems youve been doing that already).
Thought id share this with u , hope it helps. When i was around the age of ur daughters things went a bit pear shaped for my family. I had always been a bit of a swat at school, always helped at home, had apart time job after school etc and would do anything poss to try and make my mum and stepdad proud of me, but it just seemed to go unnoticed to me. Then when i was almost 16 something just snapped and things went from bad to worse. And although i wasnt slackin off school and hittin people, i did start stayin out really late and drinking and basically thought i was an adult and i knew it all. To me at the time this seemed perfectly fine as everyone else my age was doing far worse. But i caused loads of upset at home and b4 i knew it i was on a downward spiral that i couldnt seem to get out of. Tbco i was really depressed at the time and despite my happy outward appearance i truely believed everyone would be happy if i didnt exist. At the time my mum n i just could not see eye to eye, and i just believed she didnt love me, and was trying to find ways to get out of her life so she could be happy with the rest of her family. Any how this just led to me being on the road to self destruction and drinking more as i was so lost and didnt know wht to do or who to trust. Then a family row after id been drinking one night and came in late culminated in my mum tellin me to leave , so i did. And this was the start of a horrid 9 months of living from one friends house to another to dingy flats and then to a hostel, where i saw things and people i never dreamed existed I ended up with no job and no standad of life and got in with the wrong kind of people. So from being a popular bright girl i had become a loser. Then i ended up in a relationship with and older guy who tried to get me on drugs, until i finally started coming to my senses. And although i went thru hell and my mum did too i had to learn the hard way. And i really dont think there would have been any other way for me to snap out of it. At that time i was so depressed and didnt understand it myself so couldnt have talked to anyone else to get help, the one time i went to docs they prescribed me with prozac at 16(which i didnt take). Half the time i was in a dream world and couldnt come bk to reality and cetainly never saw a happy future, or any at all for that matter. I dont know if a lot of it was brought on by the things that went on between my parents b4 they divorced then confusion around not seein my dad any more(as kids we blame ourselves)or what, then once my mam remarried just never felt like i belonged, i dunno. All i know now is lookin back on that time is like watchin some one else . Anyway at about 17/18 my mum n i started to build on our relationship again as i was gettin my life back on track and although for a while we didnt understand each other at all and i really truely believed she didnt love me and nothing i did would be good enuf. But time is a healer, and now i have no bad feelings to her at all about the whole time, i completely see how she was stuck between a rock and a hardplace and hope my relationship with my daughter never comes to that cos i certainly wouldnt know how to cope. Any way what i want to say to u guys really is that u have done a great job so far and it may take for the girls to be out in the big wide world on their own, sorting their problems out and growing up, for them to realise what they ve been doing to u. And i wanted to give you hope that in future there is a possibility of you and ur daughters having a good/close relationship again. As me n mum are now like best friends and she recently told me how proud of me she is for how ive turned out. Which is making tears well up as ive waited more than 10 years to have her say that to me. I do really feel for u and ur families and really hope things start looking up for u soon. All the best
Claire
Thought id share this with u , hope it helps. When i was around the age of ur daughters things went a bit pear shaped for my family. I had always been a bit of a swat at school, always helped at home, had apart time job after school etc and would do anything poss to try and make my mum and stepdad proud of me, but it just seemed to go unnoticed to me. Then when i was almost 16 something just snapped and things went from bad to worse. And although i wasnt slackin off school and hittin people, i did start stayin out really late and drinking and basically thought i was an adult and i knew it all. To me at the time this seemed perfectly fine as everyone else my age was doing far worse. But i caused loads of upset at home and b4 i knew it i was on a downward spiral that i couldnt seem to get out of. Tbco i was really depressed at the time and despite my happy outward appearance i truely believed everyone would be happy if i didnt exist. At the time my mum n i just could not see eye to eye, and i just believed she didnt love me, and was trying to find ways to get out of her life so she could be happy with the rest of her family. Any how this just led to me being on the road to self destruction and drinking more as i was so lost and didnt know wht to do or who to trust. Then a family row after id been drinking one night and came in late culminated in my mum tellin me to leave , so i did. And this was the start of a horrid 9 months of living from one friends house to another to dingy flats and then to a hostel, where i saw things and people i never dreamed existed I ended up with no job and no standad of life and got in with the wrong kind of people. So from being a popular bright girl i had become a loser. Then i ended up in a relationship with and older guy who tried to get me on drugs, until i finally started coming to my senses. And although i went thru hell and my mum did too i had to learn the hard way. And i really dont think there would have been any other way for me to snap out of it. At that time i was so depressed and didnt understand it myself so couldnt have talked to anyone else to get help, the one time i went to docs they prescribed me with prozac at 16(which i didnt take). Half the time i was in a dream world and couldnt come bk to reality and cetainly never saw a happy future, or any at all for that matter. I dont know if a lot of it was brought on by the things that went on between my parents b4 they divorced then confusion around not seein my dad any more(as kids we blame ourselves)or what, then once my mam remarried just never felt like i belonged, i dunno. All i know now is lookin back on that time is like watchin some one else . Anyway at about 17/18 my mum n i started to build on our relationship again as i was gettin my life back on track and although for a while we didnt understand each other at all and i really truely believed she didnt love me and nothing i did would be good enuf. But time is a healer, and now i have no bad feelings to her at all about the whole time, i completely see how she was stuck between a rock and a hardplace and hope my relationship with my daughter never comes to that cos i certainly wouldnt know how to cope. Any way what i want to say to u guys really is that u have done a great job so far and it may take for the girls to be out in the big wide world on their own, sorting their problems out and growing up, for them to realise what they ve been doing to u. And i wanted to give you hope that in future there is a possibility of you and ur daughters having a good/close relationship again. As me n mum are now like best friends and she recently told me how proud of me she is for how ive turned out. Which is making tears well up as ive waited more than 10 years to have her say that to me. I do really feel for u and ur families and really hope things start looking up for u soon. All the best
Claire
awwwwwwwwwe claire, got a tear in me eye,
, what a fab post.
May 14th 2008 | 12:42 pm
#63
Gone Senile Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 3,014
From: Sydney
Re: Teenager problems
Hi , Just want to wish u guys the best of luck for the future and hope things get better very soon. It must be so very difficult for u to know what to do to hlp your daughters, but as i was once told , as a parent u can only do ur best. (and it seems youve been doing that already).
Thought id share this with u , hope it helps. When i was around the age of ur daughters things went a bit pear shaped for my family. I had always been a bit of a swat at school, always helped at home, had apart time job after school etc and would do anything poss to try and make my mum and stepdad proud of me, but it just seemed to go unnoticed to me. Then when i was almost 16 something just snapped and things went from bad to worse. And although i wasnt slackin off school and hittin people, i did start stayin out really late and drinking and basically thought i was an adult and i knew it all. To me at the time this seemed perfectly fine as everyone else my age was doing far worse. But i caused loads of upset at home and b4 i knew it i was on a downward spiral that i couldnt seem to get out of. Tbco i was really depressed at the time and despite my happy outward appearance i truely believed everyone would be happy if i didnt exist. At the time my mum n i just could not see eye to eye, and i just believed she didnt love me, and was trying to find ways to get out of her life so she could be happy with the rest of her family. Any how this just led to me being on the road to self destruction and drinking more as i was so lost and didnt know wht to do or who to trust. Then a family row after id been drinking one night and came in late culminated in my mum tellin me to leave , so i did. And this was the start of a horrid 9 months of living from one friends house to another to dingy flats and then to a hostel, where i saw things and people i never dreamed existed I ended up with no job and no standad of life and got in with the wrong kind of people. So from being a popular bright girl i had become a loser. Then i ended up in a relationship with and older guy who tried to get me on drugs, until i finally started coming to my senses. And although i went thru hell and my mum did too i had to learn the hard way. And i really dont think there would have been any other way for me to snap out of it. At that time i was so depressed and didnt understand it myself so couldnt have talked to anyone else to get help, the one time i went to docs they prescribed me with prozac at 16(which i didnt take). Half the time i was in a dream world and couldnt come bk to reality and cetainly never saw a happy future, or any at all for that matter. I dont know if a lot of it was brought on by the things that went on between my parents b4 they divorced then confusion around not seein my dad any more(as kids we blame ourselves)or what, then once my mam remarried just never felt like i belonged, i dunno. All i know now is lookin back on that time is like watchin some one else . Anyway at about 17/18 my mum n i started to build on our relationship again as i was gettin my life back on track and although for a while we didnt understand each other at all and i really truely believed she didnt love me and nothing i did would be good enuf. But time is a healer, and now i have no bad feelings to her at all about the whole time, i completely see how she was stuck between a rock and a hardplace and hope my relationship with my daughter never comes to that cos i certainly wouldnt know how to cope. Any way what i want to say to u guys really is that u have done a great job so far and it may take for the girls to be out in the big wide world on their own, sorting their problems out and growing up, for them to realise what they ve been doing to u. And i wanted to give you hope that in future there is a possibility of you and ur daughters having a good/close relationship again. As me n mum are now like best friends and she recently told me how proud of me she is for how ive turned out. Which is making tears well up as ive waited more than 10 years to have her say that to me. I do really feel for u and ur families and really hope things start looking up for u soon. All the best
Claire
Thought id share this with u , hope it helps. When i was around the age of ur daughters things went a bit pear shaped for my family. I had always been a bit of a swat at school, always helped at home, had apart time job after school etc and would do anything poss to try and make my mum and stepdad proud of me, but it just seemed to go unnoticed to me. Then when i was almost 16 something just snapped and things went from bad to worse. And although i wasnt slackin off school and hittin people, i did start stayin out really late and drinking and basically thought i was an adult and i knew it all. To me at the time this seemed perfectly fine as everyone else my age was doing far worse. But i caused loads of upset at home and b4 i knew it i was on a downward spiral that i couldnt seem to get out of. Tbco i was really depressed at the time and despite my happy outward appearance i truely believed everyone would be happy if i didnt exist. At the time my mum n i just could not see eye to eye, and i just believed she didnt love me, and was trying to find ways to get out of her life so she could be happy with the rest of her family. Any how this just led to me being on the road to self destruction and drinking more as i was so lost and didnt know wht to do or who to trust. Then a family row after id been drinking one night and came in late culminated in my mum tellin me to leave , so i did. And this was the start of a horrid 9 months of living from one friends house to another to dingy flats and then to a hostel, where i saw things and people i never dreamed existed I ended up with no job and no standad of life and got in with the wrong kind of people. So from being a popular bright girl i had become a loser. Then i ended up in a relationship with and older guy who tried to get me on drugs, until i finally started coming to my senses. And although i went thru hell and my mum did too i had to learn the hard way. And i really dont think there would have been any other way for me to snap out of it. At that time i was so depressed and didnt understand it myself so couldnt have talked to anyone else to get help, the one time i went to docs they prescribed me with prozac at 16(which i didnt take). Half the time i was in a dream world and couldnt come bk to reality and cetainly never saw a happy future, or any at all for that matter. I dont know if a lot of it was brought on by the things that went on between my parents b4 they divorced then confusion around not seein my dad any more(as kids we blame ourselves)or what, then once my mam remarried just never felt like i belonged, i dunno. All i know now is lookin back on that time is like watchin some one else . Anyway at about 17/18 my mum n i started to build on our relationship again as i was gettin my life back on track and although for a while we didnt understand each other at all and i really truely believed she didnt love me and nothing i did would be good enuf. But time is a healer, and now i have no bad feelings to her at all about the whole time, i completely see how she was stuck between a rock and a hardplace and hope my relationship with my daughter never comes to that cos i certainly wouldnt know how to cope. Any way what i want to say to u guys really is that u have done a great job so far and it may take for the girls to be out in the big wide world on their own, sorting their problems out and growing up, for them to realise what they ve been doing to u. And i wanted to give you hope that in future there is a possibility of you and ur daughters having a good/close relationship again. As me n mum are now like best friends and she recently told me how proud of me she is for how ive turned out. Which is making tears well up as ive waited more than 10 years to have her say that to me. I do really feel for u and ur families and really hope things start looking up for u soon. All the best
Claire
I am printing it off and giving it to my daughter. I have told her many times how much I love her but as you say I am not getting through. She has decided this week to move into a refuge as soon as she can (from the boyfriends house) because she believes our rules are wrong and after reading your post and the past few months I am pretty sure she thinks my actions are about me not loving her.
Thank you - you have given me hope that I might some day have a better relationship. Gosh the tears are flowing again.
you have a lovely attitude and positive presence - if you ever think of mentoring young people you would be very good.
Cheers
May 14th 2008 | 1:06 pm
#64
Thread Starter
broken but got a visa! :
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,515
From: seaford,adelaide
Re: Teenager problems
My daughters key worker in the UK said A will never come through the other side until she has been to hell and dragged herself out...something koh has said all along, and i know its true too.
She has to learn to appreciate who she is, what lifes about and that no one owes her anything, she has to earn things and no one can tell her how to do these things - she has to learn all by herself.
Im now waiting for a manager to call me back from parentline...
I would still prefer to get her back in the UK - the system knows her there and know what weve done/how hard weve worked...
which was why id said we may have to return to the uk - Gina says we can all stay regardless with or without koh - so that scuppers that idea to get her on the plane but is there any way of having her visa suspended?
Surely there are obligations we have made to the Australian government to be decent citizens etc - shes breaking them already - abusing people/wagging school/out with hoons/shoplifting...or are we breaking them if we refuse to keep her any longer?
She has to learn to appreciate who she is, what lifes about and that no one owes her anything, she has to earn things and no one can tell her how to do these things - she has to learn all by herself.
Im now waiting for a manager to call me back from parentline...
I would still prefer to get her back in the UK - the system knows her there and know what weve done/how hard weve worked...
which was why id said we may have to return to the uk - Gina says we can all stay regardless with or without koh - so that scuppers that idea to get her on the plane but is there any way of having her visa suspended?
Surely there are obligations we have made to the Australian government to be decent citizens etc - shes breaking them already - abusing people/wagging school/out with hoons/shoplifting...or are we breaking them if we refuse to keep her any longer?
May 14th 2008 | 1:14 pm
#65
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 612
From: Saddleworth
Re: Teenager problems
why dont you put a post on the immigration site someone on there might be able to help ie migration expert/agent
May 14th 2008 | 1:48 pm
#66
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,959
From: Somewhere South... Not Telling YOU
Re: Teenager problems
Have just picked up on this thread and have to tell you K that my heart is absolutely breaking for you and your family.
Wont try and give you any advice, but please know that this kind of situation is not uncommon, though yours is quite extreme...
My parents suffered some of the behaviours mentioned from both of their daughters... to some extent... We both left home at 16 and have caused unimaginable distress to them over the years. They may not be perfect but they waited and continued to unconditionally love us, not what we were doing, but still loved us.
Leaving home was the start of our relationship, I had to stand on my own two feet and get real. My realtionship with them remained tense and turbulent for many many years.. until I "grew up", which probably wasn't until a couple of years ago.
They were blessed with their 'faith' that got them through the crap and blessed with each other for support.
I now know that they are wonderful people and I am so lucky to have them as my parents, and most of all I am lucky to have discovered them as beautiful (if a little flawed) poeple before I lost them forever.
I hope and pray that one day your daughter has the same realisation.
Until then you must look after yourself and your husband.
Wont try and give you any advice, but please know that this kind of situation is not uncommon, though yours is quite extreme...
My parents suffered some of the behaviours mentioned from both of their daughters... to some extent... We both left home at 16 and have caused unimaginable distress to them over the years. They may not be perfect but they waited and continued to unconditionally love us, not what we were doing, but still loved us.
Leaving home was the start of our relationship, I had to stand on my own two feet and get real. My realtionship with them remained tense and turbulent for many many years.. until I "grew up", which probably wasn't until a couple of years ago.
They were blessed with their 'faith' that got them through the crap and blessed with each other for support.
I now know that they are wonderful people and I am so lucky to have them as my parents, and most of all I am lucky to have discovered them as beautiful (if a little flawed) poeple before I lost them forever.
I hope and pray that one day your daughter has the same realisation.
Until then you must look after yourself and your husband.
May 14th 2008 | 2:11 pm
#67
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,090
From: Adelaide
Re: Teenager problems
Have you tried contacting Anglicare - they are there for just this situation.
You need to put your other children and hubby first . She is a danger to you all and needs to be removed from the house.
I know Anglicare can help you - although they're a religious based company - don't let that put you off.
Lets arrange a meet
Nick
x
You need to put your other children and hubby first . She is a danger to you all and needs to be removed from the house.
I know Anglicare can help you - although they're a religious based company - don't let that put you off.
Lets arrange a meet
Nick
x
May 14th 2008 | 2:22 pm
#68
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 70
From: rotherham
Re: Teenager problems
heavy duty gang.mucho sympathy to katsmajic and others struggling with family. heres hoping someone or something can help you all out
May 14th 2008 | 2:50 pm
#69
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,095
From: Castle Hill, Sydney (previously Brum)
Re: Teenager problems
What a nightmare for you all.
Have you thought about a mental health assessment? It's not what you'd want to hear, but many mental health issues start in adolescence, can we treated with medication and won't get better by themselves. It might be another line to try. Certainly the symptoms are very similar to the early stages of MDP. Talk to your GP to organise an assessment. Hope whatever it is, you can get to the bottom of it and turn this young girls life around before she destroys the family. Chin-up my darling, no one is judging you, I think we're all just in awe that you're still standing and coherent with this sort of stress.
Have you thought about a mental health assessment? It's not what you'd want to hear, but many mental health issues start in adolescence, can we treated with medication and won't get better by themselves. It might be another line to try. Certainly the symptoms are very similar to the early stages of MDP. Talk to your GP to organise an assessment. Hope whatever it is, you can get to the bottom of it and turn this young girls life around before she destroys the family. Chin-up my darling, no one is judging you, I think we're all just in awe that you're still standing and coherent with this sort of stress.
May 15th 2008 | 12:20 am
#70
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 52
Re: Teenager problems
[QUOTE=katsmajic;6352063]My daughters key worker in the UK said A will never come through the other side until she has been to hell and dragged herself out...something koh has said all along, and i know its true too.
She has to learn to appreciate who she is, what lifes about and that no one owes her anything, she has to earn things and no one can tell her how to do these things - she has to learn all by herself.
I really agree with you here, and even though its really sad from both sides as a lot of the hurt you both suffered in the past is most definately the root cause of her behaviour. None of that is your fault and her anger is being directed at the wrong person/ people. And i imagine that since you got her away from her biological father youve bent over backwards to put it all behind you all and have strived to build a happy life for your kids. It does seem that, although your both hurting, the only way forward will be for her to leave home, and you may temporarily have to cut her out of your lives. I know you would prob rather do anything before resorting to this, as you obviously love her and dont want anything bad to happen to her, but one day (especially when she has children of her own) she will understand why.
Good luck, claire x
She has to learn to appreciate who she is, what lifes about and that no one owes her anything, she has to earn things and no one can tell her how to do these things - she has to learn all by herself.
I really agree with you here, and even though its really sad from both sides as a lot of the hurt you both suffered in the past is most definately the root cause of her behaviour. None of that is your fault and her anger is being directed at the wrong person/ people. And i imagine that since you got her away from her biological father youve bent over backwards to put it all behind you all and have strived to build a happy life for your kids. It does seem that, although your both hurting, the only way forward will be for her to leave home, and you may temporarily have to cut her out of your lives. I know you would prob rather do anything before resorting to this, as you obviously love her and dont want anything bad to happen to her, but one day (especially when she has children of her own) she will understand why.
Good luck, claire x
May 15th 2008 | 12:44 am
#71
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 52
Re: Teenager problems
Claire - I started reading your post many times and could not finishing because it hurt so much.
I am printing it off and giving it to my daughter. I have told her many times how much I love her but as you say I am not getting through. She has decided this week to move into a refuge as soon as she can (from the boyfriends house) because she believes our rules are wrong and after reading your post and the past few months I am pretty sure she thinks my actions are about me not loving her.
Thank you - you have given me hope that I might some day have a better relationship. Gosh the tears are flowing again.
you have a lovely attitude and positive presence - if you ever think of mentoring young people you would be very good.
Cheers
I am printing it off and giving it to my daughter. I have told her many times how much I love her but as you say I am not getting through. She has decided this week to move into a refuge as soon as she can (from the boyfriends house) because she believes our rules are wrong and after reading your post and the past few months I am pretty sure she thinks my actions are about me not loving her.
Thank you - you have given me hope that I might some day have a better relationship. Gosh the tears are flowing again.
you have a lovely attitude and positive presence - if you ever think of mentoring young people you would be very good.
Cheers
Claire x
May 15th 2008 | 1:03 am
#72
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 52
Re: Teenager problems
Jeez... you guys are going through it... 
Not for a minute suggesting this, but my Dad dumped me at a Hostel 3 months after my 17th birthday, paid 3 months rent up front, shook my hand and said "good luck, son" and that was that... Didn't see him again for 3 years... probably one of the best things that could have happened to me... Had to grow up *real* fast...
Not for a minute suggesting this, but my Dad dumped me at a Hostel 3 months after my 17th birthday, paid 3 months rent up front, shook my hand and said "good luck, son" and that was that... Didn't see him again for 3 years... probably one of the best things that could have happened to me... Had to grow up *real* fast...
Completely agree with this post , for some people its the only way. Its a bit like that saying , if you love some one youve got to let them go. Although your daughter clearly needs help with her anger, there doesnt seem to be anything you havent tried, Apart from just kicking her out for good.
Though my behaviour as a teenager was no where near to the degree of your daughters, my mum had to turn her back on me for a good year or so , and it worked. It wont be easy for her at all, but hopefully she will grow and become a better person from being out in the big wide world all alone. I truely believe that if someone has dug themselves in to that deep of a hole and are only inflicting the misery they feel on everyone around them, then its down to that one person to find a way of digging themselves back out. If she wants to be a better person, she will find a way. Wishing you and your family all the best. Claire x
May 15th 2008 | 1:16 am
#73
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,998
Re: Teenager problems
Originally Posted by katsmajic;6346827Ok, teenage daughter - i know i joke about wanting rid of her - but underneath im totally serious.
Dont judge me as you really dont know or understand what weve been through with her[QUOTE
Dont judge me as you really dont know or understand what weve been through with her[QUOTE
First, let me say that nobody would judge you. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong in expressing your frustration. You have to think about your other children, your husband and yourself as well as her
(if he leaves the country we all have to as hes the visa holder)
As Gina said, since you have all validated your visas you can come and go as you like. If your husband goes back you don't have to or vise versa
Any agents? can we have her visa suspended for 6mths/year, im hoping in my heart of hearts once shes moved away from us and lived a bit of life and realises you have to follow rules/be a human being no matter where you are in life, that she will learn from it and become a better person and understand us...
Thanks, we did do one of these courses in the uk with her via ss. She loved it, she would jump at the chance to go on one again or even bootcamp..as its an adventure and she gets lots of attention.
I think there is a place for these type of camps, but it sounds like she's gone beyond it. She needs serious help here, more than boot camp or a course can give.
is there any 'assistance' for teenagers who cant/dont want to live at home?
i know the uk has the ymca etc, your ment to be 16 but they do make allowances.
I think there is a place for these type of camps, but it sounds like she's gone beyond it. She needs serious help here, more than boot camp or a course can give.
is there any 'assistance' for teenagers who cant/dont want to live at home?
i know the uk has the ymca etc, your ment to be 16 but they do make allowances.
Please ask your GP for a referral to CAMHS. It's the Children and Adeolescent Mental Health Service. The service has offices all over Adelaide. They can offer counselling for your family (with or without your daughter), medication for her if she needs it, counselling for her, etc. You can also call the Women's and Children's Hospital. The link is here for who to contact. If all else fails, and you can get her into the car, take her to the WCH Emergency Dept and DEMAND that she be admitted to the adolescent Psych unit. Yes, it sounds harsh, and it probably is, but it sounds like it's what she needs.
I really wish you all the best. Although not to the same extent as you, we're going through it with our kids. 11 year old was arrested a couple of weeks ago for burglery. Been suspended from school more than once for grafitti, swearing at teachers/principal, I could go on, but I won't. Good luck.
Dorothy
Last edited by Dorothy; May 15th 2008 at 1:20 am.
May 15th 2008 | 1:45 am
#74
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 402
From: kernow
Re: Teenager problems
Tough love maybe an option now, you have to think about your own happiness and the happiness of the rest of your family, who will be there for you as they sound loving and supportive.
all the best
eve x
all the best
eve x
May 15th 2008 | 1:53 am
#75
L2, GC, Surrey, OH, TX!
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 6,365
From: Surrey to Dallas (via Ohio)!
Re: Teenager problems
man - youve been through the mill. I cant imagine if my own kids were like this what i would do?
Could the aus ss help you 'escort her' to the plane? You would be helping her keep a clean slate with the police here and therefore allowing her to come back if she wants later (AS opposed to the deportation threat is she doesnt keep a clean slate).
Could the aus ss help you 'escort her' to the plane? You would be helping her keep a clean slate with the police here and therefore allowing her to come back if she wants later (AS opposed to the deportation threat is she doesnt keep a clean slate).
