Teenager problems
May 14th 2008, 4:33 am
#32
broken but got a visa! :
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: seaford,adelaide
Posts: 1,515
Re: Teenager problems
Aww Sandra, its awful to hear youre going through this too, i really did think i was alone with this, and yes it does feel shameful. although i know it is not my fault.
I have had nights where ive stayed awake listening out for her - she threatened in the past to burn the house down with us in it and she has pulled a kitchen knife out and pointed it at me - that was pre broken leg and i battered her! not proud of it but she pushed me right over the edge.
shes been arrested twice for an assault on me and on koh, she got a warning from the one on me, koh dropped the charges on the 2nd cos he didnt want to ruin her life by having a conviction - police then said anymore theyl pursue it themselves and we couldnt stop it...but thats in the uk.
since i broke my leg i am far more vunerable than before and she knows it, i cant chase her and one time i did grab her and slap her face for calling her then 9yr old sis a fking whore and many other things, she was kicking out at my bad leg screaming she was going to cripple me...if i wasnt broken i think i would have done her serious harm by now, in fact i know i would have!
I was brought up in an army family, i wouldnt dream of swearing in front of my parents, definately not at them, even now.
thank you for replying Sandra xx
I have had nights where ive stayed awake listening out for her - she threatened in the past to burn the house down with us in it and she has pulled a kitchen knife out and pointed it at me - that was pre broken leg and i battered her! not proud of it but she pushed me right over the edge.
shes been arrested twice for an assault on me and on koh, she got a warning from the one on me, koh dropped the charges on the 2nd cos he didnt want to ruin her life by having a conviction - police then said anymore theyl pursue it themselves and we couldnt stop it...but thats in the uk.
since i broke my leg i am far more vunerable than before and she knows it, i cant chase her and one time i did grab her and slap her face for calling her then 9yr old sis a fking whore and many other things, she was kicking out at my bad leg screaming she was going to cripple me...if i wasnt broken i think i would have done her serious harm by now, in fact i know i would have!
I was brought up in an army family, i wouldnt dream of swearing in front of my parents, definately not at them, even now.
thank you for replying Sandra xx
May 14th 2008, 4:37 am
#33
broken but got a visa! :
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: seaford,adelaide
Posts: 1,515
Re: Teenager problems
Hi, i tried parentline...theyve advised to put feelings and tempers aside and try to talk to her and that koh should swallow his emotions and stand by me when dealing with her...he is bless him..theyve said to call back anytime though...think i may just do that and actually unleash it all on them, not just say i have a vile, violent teenager...
no shes not on the pill, when i raised that i was told that just cos i was a slut who got pregnant at 16 doesnt mean shes the same!
no shes not on the pill, when i raised that i was told that just cos i was a slut who got pregnant at 16 doesnt mean shes the same!
Crap
I don't know if you have given these guys a ring..
The Parent Helpline is a telephone information service for parents
in South Australia.
1300 364 100 (local call cost within South Australia)
The Children, Youth and Women's Health Services (CYWHS) Parent Helpline provides telephone information and support - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every day of the year.
It is available to parents of children/young people from birth to twenty-five years who live anywhere in South Australia.
It provides information about health, behaviour and relationships for parents and people working with children and young people.
It is able to provide information to callers on where to go for further help.
Calls are confidential and you don't have to give your name unless you wish to.
Parent Helpline staff have an information database based on the latest research, so they can give you the most up-to-date information when you call.
Staff are qualified nurses, social workers, community health workers and selected volunteers. All staff receive ongoing training and support.
Might provide you with some help. Good luck.
I know it must be incredibly hard for you but I remember being that age, had issues in my family that required family counseling...but I do remember that even though I did not want to be bad, I just couldn't help it(when rebelling against what I thought were draconian rules). It was just like having PMT at it's worse but 50 times as bad, so hormones I guess. Is she on the pill? I hope she is if she's staying out. Sorry if that sounds insensitive but it is the last thing you need right now.
I don't know if you have given these guys a ring..
The Parent Helpline is a telephone information service for parents
in South Australia.
1300 364 100 (local call cost within South Australia)
The Children, Youth and Women's Health Services (CYWHS) Parent Helpline provides telephone information and support - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every day of the year.
It is available to parents of children/young people from birth to twenty-five years who live anywhere in South Australia.
It provides information about health, behaviour and relationships for parents and people working with children and young people.
It is able to provide information to callers on where to go for further help.
Calls are confidential and you don't have to give your name unless you wish to.
Parent Helpline staff have an information database based on the latest research, so they can give you the most up-to-date information when you call.
Staff are qualified nurses, social workers, community health workers and selected volunteers. All staff receive ongoing training and support.
Might provide you with some help. Good luck.
I know it must be incredibly hard for you but I remember being that age, had issues in my family that required family counseling...but I do remember that even though I did not want to be bad, I just couldn't help it(when rebelling against what I thought were draconian rules). It was just like having PMT at it's worse but 50 times as bad, so hormones I guess. Is she on the pill? I hope she is if she's staying out. Sorry if that sounds insensitive but it is the last thing you need right now.
May 14th 2008, 5:16 am
#34
Gone Senile Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Location: Sydney
Posts: 3,014
Re: Teenager problems
Aww Sandra, its awful to hear youre going through this too, i really did think i was alone with this, and yes it does feel shameful. although i know it is not my fault.
I have had nights where ive stayed awake listening out for her - she threatened in the past to burn the house down with us in it and she has pulled a kitchen knife out and pointed it at me - that was pre broken leg and i battered her! not proud of it but she pushed me right over the edge.
shes been arrested twice for an assault on me and on koh, she got a warning from the one on me, koh dropped the charges on the 2nd cos he didnt want to ruin her life by having a conviction - police then said anymore theyl pursue it themselves and we couldnt stop it...but thats in the uk.
since i broke my leg i am far more vunerable than before and she knows it, i cant chase her and one time i did grab her and slap her face for calling her then 9yr old sis a fking whore and many other things, she was kicking out at my bad leg screaming she was going to cripple me...if i wasnt broken i think i would have done her serious harm by now, in fact i know i would have!
I was brought up in an army family, i wouldnt dream of swearing in front of my parents, definately not at them, even now.
thank you for replying Sandra xx
I have had nights where ive stayed awake listening out for her - she threatened in the past to burn the house down with us in it and she has pulled a kitchen knife out and pointed it at me - that was pre broken leg and i battered her! not proud of it but she pushed me right over the edge.
shes been arrested twice for an assault on me and on koh, she got a warning from the one on me, koh dropped the charges on the 2nd cos he didnt want to ruin her life by having a conviction - police then said anymore theyl pursue it themselves and we couldnt stop it...but thats in the uk.
since i broke my leg i am far more vunerable than before and she knows it, i cant chase her and one time i did grab her and slap her face for calling her then 9yr old sis a fking whore and many other things, she was kicking out at my bad leg screaming she was going to cripple me...if i wasnt broken i think i would have done her serious harm by now, in fact i know i would have!
I was brought up in an army family, i wouldnt dream of swearing in front of my parents, definately not at them, even now.
thank you for replying Sandra xx
You need to use the available avenues, I have told my husband we need to talk to Police Liasion not our hearts. You will not ruin a child under 18 with an AVO in Australia - it is for your protection and you need to get it place if the violence is escalating. This is for two reasons - your protection and your family of course and 2 to allow the appropriate steps to be taken when approriate to control your daughter in future.
And if an AVO and DOCs can help (maybe) use it, you have nothing to gain but the protection of your vunerable children. My daughter thinks nothing of lashing out at her dad and 18 yr old brother, both of whom have been taught to never hit back. It breaks my heart she has made them feel small for being calm intelligent people.
As for the pill! and the insults Katsmajic - and all out there - I have tried every avenue to protect my child who walks outs drinks and does not bother coming home when she feels like it. Drink drugs etc have all opened her up for all types of abuse - make sure you are very clear to DOCs here that they need to assess her for being at risk of her own making.
I am sure you have from her that she will report your husband for sexual abuse - we get that, they can turn every scenario round!
May 14th 2008, 5:22 am
#35
broken but got a visa! :
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: seaford,adelaide
Posts: 1,515
Re: Teenager problems
Never had a mention of abuse from koh thankgod...even she knows deep down that no one on this earth would believe her, he is the gentlest man i have ever know - the biggest reason i married him, cos my ex was foul...he broke my lil girls legs when she was 8weeks old - thats why i divorced him - he had abused the 2 big kids but i knew nothing until it was too late. (i worked, he was caregiver, i knew nothing until i found bruises on her tiny bottom - rushed her to hosp and ended up in the pits of hell)
May 14th 2008, 5:33 am
#36
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2006
Location: WA
Posts: 1,280
Re: Teenager problems
OMG K you've been through the mill a few times
I'm so sorry your daughter is bringing you all this grief. I just wanted to wish you every possible success that you can get this sorted.
S xx
I'm so sorry your daughter is bringing you all this grief. I just wanted to wish you every possible success that you can get this sorted.S xx
May 14th 2008, 5:38 am
#37
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Brisbane - Thornlands
Posts: 385
Re: Teenager problems
Hi,
Reading your posts it seems as though you need some help too. Go to your GP, involve the authorities. You have done all you can do alone now its time to get some professional intervention here in Oz. Her behavior will not change by its self, and is escalating. She sounds very angry and appears to need some help with this. You have other family members that are being exposed to this also so you have an obligation to them to keep you all safe.
I really do feel for you and admire your honesty, by sharing this you may help others realize that this is not uncommon.
Have strength, you've been through so much.
Tracey
Reading your posts it seems as though you need some help too. Go to your GP, involve the authorities. You have done all you can do alone now its time to get some professional intervention here in Oz. Her behavior will not change by its self, and is escalating. She sounds very angry and appears to need some help with this. You have other family members that are being exposed to this also so you have an obligation to them to keep you all safe.
I really do feel for you and admire your honesty, by sharing this you may help others realize that this is not uncommon.
Have strength, you've been through so much.
Tracey
May 14th 2008, 6:02 am
#38
Timelord
Joined: May 2006
Location: Lost in space...
Posts: 2,834
Re: Teenager problems
Not for a minute suggesting this, but my Dad dumped me at a Hostel 3 months after my 17th birthday, paid 3 months rent up front, shook my hand and said "good luck, son" and that was that... Didn't see him again for 3 years... probably one of the best things that could have happened to me... Had to grow up *real* fast...
May 14th 2008, 6:08 am
#39
broken but got a visa! :
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: seaford,adelaide
Posts: 1,515
Re: Teenager problems
Thanks, I got help, i needed it - its not everyday you find out your husband has abused your kids..and the guilt for leaving them in his care etc..
The only way we could force ss in the uk to do something was by quoting their duty of care statement re the lil kids at them...
now to find some poor unwitting dr whos willing to take us on...
The only way we could force ss in the uk to do something was by quoting their duty of care statement re the lil kids at them...
now to find some poor unwitting dr whos willing to take us on...
Hi,
Reading your posts it seems as though you need some help too. Go to your GP, involve the authorities. You have done all you can do alone now its time to get some professional intervention here in Oz. Her behavior will not change by its self, and is escalating. She sounds very angry and appears to need some help with this. You have other family members that are being exposed to this also so you have an obligation to them to keep you all safe.
I really do feel for you and admire your honesty, by sharing this you may help others realize that this is not uncommon.
Have strength, you've been through so much.
Tracey
Reading your posts it seems as though you need some help too. Go to your GP, involve the authorities. You have done all you can do alone now its time to get some professional intervention here in Oz. Her behavior will not change by its self, and is escalating. She sounds very angry and appears to need some help with this. You have other family members that are being exposed to this also so you have an obligation to them to keep you all safe.
I really do feel for you and admire your honesty, by sharing this you may help others realize that this is not uncommon.
Have strength, you've been through so much.
Tracey
May 14th 2008, 6:21 am
#40
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,918
Re: Teenager problems
We wouldnt stay in the uk with her - but would have to stay for a bit to recover the financial loss...im now at point of 'we are not going back' why the hell should we, we are living our dream...
SS in uk will take her, the keyworker was fab and despaired with our daughter - unfortunately for us A is very bright and very manipulative, the keyworker had her sussed and we have in writing that they will take her into care - pick her up from the airport if nes. (as A was refusing to come initially and then was only coming for 1 week, i had provisionally signed her over to social care in case she did return through hating it here)
Thanks Gina bout that info, i wont tell her that tho...
SS in uk will take her, the keyworker was fab and despaired with our daughter - unfortunately for us A is very bright and very manipulative, the keyworker had her sussed and we have in writing that they will take her into care - pick her up from the airport if nes. (as A was refusing to come initially and then was only coming for 1 week, i had provisionally signed her over to social care in case she did return through hating it here)
Thanks Gina bout that info, i wont tell her that tho...
She is manipulating the WHOLE family......and why should your family be torn apart by one persons anger.
good luck
D x
May 14th 2008, 6:57 am
#41
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Brisbane - Thornlands
Posts: 385
Re: Teenager problems
Hi,
Reading your posts it seems as though you need some help too. Go to your GP, involve the authorities. You have done all you can do alone now its time to get some professional intervention here in Oz. Her behavior will not change by its self, and is escalating. She sounds very angry and appears to need some help with this. You have other family members that are being exposed to this also so you have an obligation to them to keep you all safe.
I really do feel for you and admire your honesty, by sharing this you may help others realize that this is not uncommon.
Have strength, you've been through so much.
Tracey
Reading your posts it seems as though you need some help too. Go to your GP, involve the authorities. You have done all you can do alone now its time to get some professional intervention here in Oz. Her behavior will not change by its self, and is escalating. She sounds very angry and appears to need some help with this. You have other family members that are being exposed to this also so you have an obligation to them to keep you all safe.
I really do feel for you and admire your honesty, by sharing this you may help others realize that this is not uncommon.
Have strength, you've been through so much.
Tracey
T xx
May 14th 2008, 7:21 am
#42
~~~
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,849
Re: Teenager problems
I know the link I put up is an American one as unfortunately these specialised programs for teens do not seem to be available in oz, although im sure they must have one somewhere (I am googling away for you). Maybe SS could help there ??
Anyway, you have nothing to lose getting in touch with the American one and finding out how much it would all cost. It may initially seem like loads but in the long run it may be a small price to pay.
I really wish you all the luck in the world (and the other lady).
Anyway, you have nothing to lose getting in touch with the American one and finding out how much it would all cost. It may initially seem like loads but in the long run it may be a small price to pay.
I really wish you all the luck in the world (and the other lady).
May 14th 2008, 7:46 am
#43
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2007
Location: qld
Posts: 307
Re: Teenager problems
Last edited by down under; May 14th 2008 at 7:50 am.
May 14th 2008, 8:15 am
#44
Gone Senile Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Location: Sydney
Posts: 3,014
Re: Teenager problems
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/...?from=storylhs
Just another opinion - I am not a great fan of brat camp process for a start lots closed down in the US after a number of deaths occurred and what makes entertainment for TV is not always the solution for emotionally disturbed kids. My daughter has probably got a level of aspergers and needs education of how to cope in the real world. This I do not see as an excuse for her behaviour.
I think though for many it may be a solution to break the cycle of abuse - for other kids time really does do the trick. I think the severe level of abuse and controlling that this child (like mine) is doing warrants major support for the family to break the cycle.
Just another opinion - I am not a great fan of brat camp process for a start lots closed down in the US after a number of deaths occurred and what makes entertainment for TV is not always the solution for emotionally disturbed kids. My daughter has probably got a level of aspergers and needs education of how to cope in the real world. This I do not see as an excuse for her behaviour.
I think though for many it may be a solution to break the cycle of abuse - for other kids time really does do the trick. I think the severe level of abuse and controlling that this child (like mine) is doing warrants major support for the family to break the cycle.
May 14th 2008, 8:54 am
#45
OH is STILL undecided grr
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: UK.... for now!
Posts: 913
Re: Teenager problems
I dont know what to say hun I really feel for you all.
My sister is going thro exactly the same thing.Her yougest J started acting out at the age of 11 (14 now) and has done everything you descibe what your daughter is doing, also sleeping at a drugged up 20 something young mothers bedsit for 2 weeks, punching her mum ( my sister) stealing, hanging around with a very dodgy 20 year old man.
Sis tried all sorts to get her back to the sweet loving kid she was before she came this angry monster inc SS doctors ect.
Anyway last year we found out why she was so angry, shed been getting sexually abused by her step dad since the age of 8, and it was only when she was 11 that she realised that this was wrong.This is when the arger and problems started.This totally devasted the family, the fact that that monster had done this to her, hed ruined her life.
Today she is still angry and has episodes weekly.We're hoping once it all gets thro court maybe she will settle down.
You say that your daughter is emotionally retarted to the age of six, can you remeber anything at all from that period that could of triggered the teenage anger, It could be anything trivial to us but major to them.Similar thing happened to a friend and they traced it back to her grandma died when she was 9. Other poeple act out for no reasons whatsoever, just teenage angst.
Its awful to say id put her on a plane back to uk for six months the short sharp shock treament.Its maybe what she needs.She might even open up to you if she knows your serious about sending her back.
Best of luck to you and your family. xx
I really feel for you all. My sister is going thro exactly the same thing.Her yougest J started acting out at the age of 11 (14 now) and has done everything you descibe what your daughter is doing, also sleeping at a drugged up 20 something young mothers bedsit for 2 weeks, punching her mum ( my sister) stealing, hanging around with a very dodgy 20 year old man.
Sis tried all sorts to get her back to the sweet loving kid she was before she came this angry monster inc SS doctors ect.
Anyway last year we found out why she was so angry, shed been getting sexually abused by her step dad since the age of 8, and it was only when she was 11 that she realised that this was wrong.This is when the arger and problems started.This totally devasted the family, the fact that that monster had done this to her, hed ruined her life.
Today she is still angry and has episodes weekly.We're hoping once it all gets thro court maybe she will settle down.
You say that your daughter is emotionally retarted to the age of six, can you remeber anything at all from that period that could of triggered the teenage anger, It could be anything trivial to us but major to them.Similar thing happened to a friend and they traced it back to her grandma died when she was 9. Other poeple act out for no reasons whatsoever, just teenage angst.
Its awful to say id put her on a plane back to uk for six months the short sharp shock treament.Its maybe what she needs.She might even open up to you if she knows your serious about sending her back.
Best of luck to you and your family. xx