OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Apr 13th 2005, 3:10 pm
#31
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
PHEW!!
ideally, you should go and give it your best shot. dont think you should change plans because of your ex - he seems pretty fickle to me
it seems unrealistic to me to ask your daughter what she would like as she is so young and you shouldnt base your future on the opinions of a 7 year old (my girls are 4 and 9 so ive some idea of whats important to girls that age!!
)
its a tough one but why the Hell should you change your plans/great future because of your ex and his girlfriend (do me a favour!!)
ask yourself this, what do you think he would have done had you met someone else? would he have changed his plans?!!??? ......
ideally, you should go and give it your best shot. dont think you should change plans because of your ex - he seems pretty fickle to me
it seems unrealistic to me to ask your daughter what she would like as she is so young and you shouldnt base your future on the opinions of a 7 year old (my girls are 4 and 9 so ive some idea of whats important to girls that age!!
)its a tough one but why the Hell should you change your plans/great future because of your ex and his girlfriend (do me a favour!!)
ask yourself this, what do you think he would have done had you met someone else? would he have changed his plans?!!??? ......
Apr 13th 2005, 3:13 pm
#32
redlion
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Hiya, for what my humble opinion is worth i would be inclined to agrre with the majority on this thread, i would grab the bull by the horns and go for it becuase you know damn well that if you dont, in six months he will and then you will be back to square one!
It will probaly be one of the tuffest things you will ever do but then again it just could be the very best thing that you will ever do too for you and your daughter. Do what your heart tells you and think of the wonderfull life you and your daughter will have and daddy will probably turn up anyway later.
Lots and lots of luck to you both and i hope you make the right choice
Nev.
It will probaly be one of the tuffest things you will ever do but then again it just could be the very best thing that you will ever do too for you and your daughter. Do what your heart tells you and think of the wonderfull life you and your daughter will have and daddy will probably turn up anyway later.
Lots and lots of luck to you both and i hope you make the right choice
Nev.
Apr 13th 2005, 3:14 pm
#33
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Location: Ireland
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
It's not just about everyone else's happiness, you have to be happy too, go with your gut feeling, validate first, build up funds then, try and include your daughter in your decision and get her true feelings on it, if you go and it doesn't work out you family will always support you, sounds like you are strong enough to me to get through this tough time!
Hope all works out!
Gillian
Hope all works out!
Gillian
Apr 13th 2005, 3:24 pm
#34
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Location: was manchester uk now central coast nsw australia
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Originally Posted by desperate2go
Hi all
Havent been on for a while as i just havent been able to face it.Blanking it all out and getting blind drunk seems to have been the preferable option of late...but im over that now
Got THE EMAIL a few days ago to say i have my visa so it should be big smiles and plenty of celebrating.............but lifes never that simple is it!
For those that dont know my situation i will do a quick recap.
My ex is Australian, my daughter(7) has citizenship by descent so it was just me applying for a visa. Dan(the ex) had always wanted to return & i put up with many years of....better place to bring up kids, better lifestyle etc etc, but as we were split he felt he was stuck in UK if he wanted to be near our daughter.
Xmas 2003 i went over there with him and my daughter and decided he had been right. So after much discussion i went for the visa and the rollercoaster ride of emotions (that we are all too familiar with) that go with it. I began the application process in January 2004. In March this year i went round to discuss arrangements for moving with my ex ( We were not going to be together but were going to support each other and share accomodation until our container of stuff arrived) He seemed unenthusiastic but then he is never one for great displays of any emotion so i wasnt too concerned...I did ask him he he was having second thoughts and he said no.
2 days later i got a call at 7am asking if I would mind if he took somebody else
....this turns out to be his girlfriend of 3/4 months. My immediate reaction was no, i did not want to change all my plans and he was being unfair.Over the next few days i was devastated and so was my daughter who felt extremely confused and upset as she had been looking forward to going so much and knew nothing about the girlfriend.
Any way after those few days he called and told me he would not be going anymore as he was going to stay here with his girlfriend.
So theres my predicament...within 3 weeks of that bombshell i received my visa. So instead of being excited and happy i am left feeling confused and upset.
Do i still go?? To be honest the thought of doing it all completely single handed is quite terrifying and added to that the burden of guilt of taking my daughter away from her father makes it seem even worse OR
Do i stay?? I will probably spend the rest of my life wondering what if...plus my daughter has no guarantees that her Dad will stay in this country for ever, as he has dual nationality and can come and go as he pleases. Which would really be the icing on the cake if i stay and he decides to go back in a few years anyway!
So people ...what do you think??? Should i stay or should i go now????
I need opinions....but PLEASE all you trolls dont be too hard...Im still feeling a bit delicate
Rachelx
Havent been on for a while as i just havent been able to face it.Blanking it all out and getting blind drunk seems to have been the preferable option of late...but im over that now
Got THE EMAIL a few days ago to say i have my visa so it should be big smiles and plenty of celebrating.............but lifes never that simple is it!
For those that dont know my situation i will do a quick recap.
My ex is Australian, my daughter(7) has citizenship by descent so it was just me applying for a visa. Dan(the ex) had always wanted to return & i put up with many years of....better place to bring up kids, better lifestyle etc etc, but as we were split he felt he was stuck in UK if he wanted to be near our daughter.
Xmas 2003 i went over there with him and my daughter and decided he had been right. So after much discussion i went for the visa and the rollercoaster ride of emotions (that we are all too familiar with) that go with it. I began the application process in January 2004. In March this year i went round to discuss arrangements for moving with my ex ( We were not going to be together but were going to support each other and share accomodation until our container of stuff arrived) He seemed unenthusiastic but then he is never one for great displays of any emotion so i wasnt too concerned...I did ask him he he was having second thoughts and he said no.
2 days later i got a call at 7am asking if I would mind if he took somebody else
....this turns out to be his girlfriend of 3/4 months. My immediate reaction was no, i did not want to change all my plans and he was being unfair.Over the next few days i was devastated and so was my daughter who felt extremely confused and upset as she had been looking forward to going so much and knew nothing about the girlfriend. Any way after those few days he called and told me he would not be going anymore as he was going to stay here with his girlfriend.
So theres my predicament...within 3 weeks of that bombshell i received my visa. So instead of being excited and happy i am left feeling confused and upset.
Do i still go?? To be honest the thought of doing it all completely single handed is quite terrifying and added to that the burden of guilt of taking my daughter away from her father makes it seem even worse OR
Do i stay?? I will probably spend the rest of my life wondering what if...plus my daughter has no guarantees that her Dad will stay in this country for ever, as he has dual nationality and can come and go as he pleases. Which would really be the icing on the cake if i stay and he decides to go back in a few years anyway!
So people ...what do you think??? Should i stay or should i go now????
I need opinions....but PLEASE all you trolls dont be too hard...Im still feeling a bit delicate
Rachelx
i would validate at least,does his parents live where u r going,could they help out,baby sitting etc(your daughter is there grand daughter)what do your parents say on the matter,your ex will still have to give you money every week for his daughters upbringing,and you can get something part time while daughter is in school,rent a two bedroom town house for less than $200 a week and the goverment will top your wages up with rent assistance and family allowance(i dont know how much but you could find out off centerlink)
you have many options.if u dont go it will haunt u for the rest of your life and if you dont like it u can always come back to england and u have 3-4 years to work out what u want,your ex could be with his new girlfriend for five mins
then he will be left there on his own,he will be on the next flight out of there.
he has only known her five mins and when his daughter is half way round the world,he wont be far behind,and i am sure when other expats read your predicament who will be in your area of oz they would give you help and support,advice etc.keep your chin up you never know whats round the corner.
Apr 13th 2005, 3:30 pm
#35
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Originally Posted by bridiej
I think you need to stop thinking about what your ex wants and seriously talk to your daughter about what she wants.
Bummer though just the same...
Bummer though just the same...
She is too young really to be involved in any decision making process. She wants to go, but she does not want to go without her dad. So if i do choose to go i will inevitably have the fall out as though the decision to take her from him were mine....
Apr 13th 2005, 3:32 pm
#36
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
No advice as outta of it at the moment, but wanted to wish you the very best with your final decision.
I'd send karma but I am out of that too.
M
I'd send karma but I am out of that too.
M
Apr 13th 2005, 3:35 pm
#37
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Originally Posted by Merlot
No advice as outta of it at the moment, but wanted to wish you the very best with your final decision.
I'd send karma but I am out of that too.
M
I'd send karma but I am out of that too.
M
Thanks for the thoughts of karma
Apr 13th 2005, 3:38 pm
#38
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Originally Posted by desperate2go
Intriguing Merlot....In what way are you out of it at 4.30pm
Thanks for the thoughts of karma
Thanks for the thoughts of karma
I can send the other real stuff though.
M xx
Apr 13th 2005, 3:45 pm
#39
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Hi - bad news to state the least.
If you really can't afford to validate why not go and give it a try. I know it'll be very hard - it's hard enough for families who have each other for support - but like everyone says at least you'll have tried and with a young child there's more opportunity for making friends.
I get the idea you'll get loads of support - if not from the locals (and they're a very friendly lot) then from expats. Sorry I can't help with physical support but we'll be in Melbourne.
Have you got a lot to lose by going now? Isn't it the best time to arrive in winter/autumn when rentals are easier to get?
As for him you'll probably want to keep in touch as he's still your daughter's dad but at least it'll be up to him to make the effort rather than just you compromising all the time.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Carolyn
If you really can't afford to validate why not go and give it a try. I know it'll be very hard - it's hard enough for families who have each other for support - but like everyone says at least you'll have tried and with a young child there's more opportunity for making friends.
I get the idea you'll get loads of support - if not from the locals (and they're a very friendly lot) then from expats. Sorry I can't help with physical support but we'll be in Melbourne.
Have you got a lot to lose by going now? Isn't it the best time to arrive in winter/autumn when rentals are easier to get?
As for him you'll probably want to keep in touch as he's still your daughter's dad but at least it'll be up to him to make the effort rather than just you compromising all the time.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Carolyn
Apr 13th 2005, 4:02 pm
#40
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Originally Posted by desperate2go
Hi all
So people ...what do you think??? Should i stay or should i go now????
I need opinions....but PLEASE all you trolls dont be too hard...Im still feeling a bit delicate
Rachelx
So people ...what do you think??? Should i stay or should i go now????
I need opinions....but PLEASE all you trolls dont be too hard...Im still feeling a bit delicate
Rachelx
Apr 13th 2005, 4:18 pm
#41
Happy Daddy
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Originally Posted by desperate2go
Oh believe me, i really dont give a **** what he wants. If i stay for him it will really be for my daughter NOT for him.
She is too young really to be involved in any decision making process. She wants to go, but she does not want to go without her dad. So if i do choose to go i will inevitably have the fall out as though the decision to take her from him were mine....
She is too young really to be involved in any decision making process. She wants to go, but she does not want to go without her dad. So if i do choose to go i will inevitably have the fall out as though the decision to take her from him were mine....
I would have a sit down with your daughter and decide what you won't to do.
IMHO I would validate at the least, it gives you another 5 years to go. Who knows you daughter may change her mind during the 5 years and decide that Oz is the place to go.
Personally I would go for a fresh start in Oz and look for a "new man" who would put you first.
Bye
Mark
Apr 13th 2005, 4:24 pm
#42
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Hiya Rach
You know what I think and will chat more Friday at lunch over a 
looks like it will be at the usual pub
Chin up babe
Sue x
You know what I think
and will chat more Friday at lunch over a looks like it will be at the usual pub Chin up babe
Sue x
Apr 13th 2005, 5:15 pm
#43
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
I agree with the others if you can, validate your visa, it will give you some breathing space. Check out the flights at low peak time and you should get a good deal. Accommodation in Oz can be really cheap if you look also if you go out summertime their winter you may get it even cheaper. If you have not much funds, get a credit card/bank loan, you don't even have to go for long, a week or two.
You decide what is best for you and your daughter, the ex doesn't come into it any more, he is no longer in control you are.
Good luck
Susan
You decide what is best for you and your daughter, the ex doesn't come into it any more, he is no longer in control you are.
Good luck
Susan
Apr 13th 2005, 5:46 pm
#44
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Location: Gold Coast
Posts: 124
Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Hi Rachel,
What a nightmare for you, but I agree with the others, validate your visa and then decide so you have the option.
Only other thing I wanted to say was, we were granted our visas under skilled independant a couple of years ago and on my visa it states that I cannot enter Australia with the visa and validate it before my husband as the visas were granted for his trade. So basically he has to validate first, I assume to stop me going to live there on my own!! Would this be a problem with yours, don't know if all visas are granted under the same circumstances.
Hope it all works out for you,
Debbie
What a nightmare for you, but I agree with the others, validate your visa and then decide so you have the option.
Only other thing I wanted to say was, we were granted our visas under skilled independant a couple of years ago and on my visa it states that I cannot enter Australia with the visa and validate it before my husband as the visas were granted for his trade. So basically he has to validate first, I assume to stop me going to live there on my own!! Would this be a problem with yours, don't know if all visas are granted under the same circumstances.
Hope it all works out for you,
Debbie
Apr 13th 2005, 5:51 pm
#45
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Originally Posted by Secretsquirral
Hi Rachel,
What a nightmare for you, but I agree with the others, validate your visa and then decide so you have the option.
Only other thing I wanted to say was, we were granted our visas under skilled independant a couple of years ago and on my visa it states that I cannot enter Australia with the visa and validate it before my husband as the visas were granted for his trade. So basically he has to validate first, I assume to stop me going to live there on my own!! Would this be a problem with yours, don't know if all visas are granted under the same circumstances.
Hope it all works out for you,
Debbie
What a nightmare for you, but I agree with the others, validate your visa and then decide so you have the option.
Only other thing I wanted to say was, we were granted our visas under skilled independant a couple of years ago and on my visa it states that I cannot enter Australia with the visa and validate it before my husband as the visas were granted for his trade. So basically he has to validate first, I assume to stop me going to live there on my own!! Would this be a problem with yours, don't know if all visas are granted under the same circumstances.
Hope it all works out for you,
Debbie
Debbie