OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Apr 13th 2005, 2:10 pm
#16
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Originally Posted by Anastasia Beaverhausen
My first insinct when I read this was much the same as everyone else, but thinking about it some more, I would say go and start your new life.
Its not fair of your ex to change the goalposts like that. If it is something you have set your mind on and are excited about, it is so unfair of him to call it off on his end, just because a new bit of skirt has come on the scene.
I know it is unfair to split a family up, but for him to get your hopes up like that and then bring them crashing down is a horrible thing to do.
My opinion may sound a bit extreme, but I hate it when people muck others around.
Best of luck to you, I dont envy the decision you have to make.
Claire
xxx
Its not fair of your ex to change the goalposts like that. If it is something you have set your mind on and are excited about, it is so unfair of him to call it off on his end, just because a new bit of skirt has come on the scene.
I know it is unfair to split a family up, but for him to get your hopes up like that and then bring them crashing down is a horrible thing to do.
My opinion may sound a bit extreme, but I hate it when people muck others around.
Best of luck to you, I dont envy the decision you have to make.
Claire
xxx
Thanks Claire
I see where everyone is coming from about the validation, i just feel a bit like its now or never. A validation trip would really eat into my funds and saving it back up would take me YEARS(only work part time). Also a little concerned that the more time passes the less likely i will be to actually do it
I also need to make a firm decision for my daughters sake, obviously she has had 14 months of being hyped up for this and dont want to mess her around any more than he already has (the b**tard) 
Apr 13th 2005, 2:15 pm
#17
Joined: Jul 2004
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
I think you need to stop thinking about what your ex wants and seriously talk to your daughter about what she wants.
Bummer though just the same...
Bummer though just the same...
Apr 13th 2005, 2:21 pm
#18
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Go and validate with your daughter, tell your ex your plan is to carry on and go anyway, he may re-think his position once he knows how far away you will both be.
Nasty thought - but he has only known this new g/friend a few months and maybe has just a little besotted and his judgement is being clouded at the mo.
Best of luck to you and your daughter
Carole
Nasty thought - but he has only known this new g/friend a few months and maybe has just a little besotted and his judgement is being clouded at the mo.
Best of luck to you and your daughter
Carole
Apr 13th 2005, 2:26 pm
#19
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
It's a tough call, but seeing as he wanted to change the goalposts anyway, I'd say stick it to him and go, if not for you for your daughter. She will have a better life than she will get over here, which is why we are doing it, for the sake of our daughter.
At least if you give it a go and fail you can still say you tried!
Best of luck with a very tough decision.
At least if you give it a go and fail you can still say you tried!
Best of luck with a very tough decision.
Last edited by TheRossers; Apr 13th 2005 at 3:17 pm.
Apr 13th 2005, 2:32 pm
#20
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
I am so sorry - what a nightmare for you In my opionion, for what it's worth, I would do what you always wanted to do - go to Oz. As long as your daughter is still excited about it and wants to go to. You cant base your life on other people and do what other people expect of you - you have a right to do what is best for you and your daughter. If you stay you will probably end up hating your ex because he would be your reason for staying. If you go and it doesn't work out you can come back but if you don't do you will always wonder.
Also I would have to question your ex's decision - to be blunt it looks like he is choosing a new girlfriend over his daughter, and you may be right - you might find it doesn't work out for him and he will follow you over to oz later.
Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.
Carolyn.
Wanted to send you some karma but all out of it for today!
In my opionion, for what it's worth, I would do what you always wanted to do - go to Oz. As long as your daughter is still excited about it and wants to go to. You cant base your life on other people and do what other people expect of you - you have a right to do what is best for you and your daughter. If you stay you will probably end up hating your ex because he would be your reason for staying. If you go and it doesn't work out you can come back but if you don't do you will always wonder.Also I would have to question your ex's decision - to be blunt it looks like he is choosing a new girlfriend over his daughter, and you may be right - you might find it doesn't work out for him and he will follow you over to oz later.
Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.
Carolyn.
Wanted to send you some karma but all out of it for today!
Apr 13th 2005, 2:36 pm
#21
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Originally Posted by desperate2go
Yes i can go without him as it was skilled independant and during the process i got a signed declaration from him giving me his permission to take her.
What is the longest period that someone can travel on a holiday visa? Anyone know?
What is the longest period that someone can travel on a holiday visa? Anyone know?
Apr 13th 2005, 2:38 pm
#22
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Hello
I think you should go, definately, from the sounds of things you sound like you want to but just need some reassurance.
I think you would regret it later if you didnt, but good luck whatever you decide.
Laura
I think you should go, definately, from the sounds of things you sound like you want to but just need some reassurance.
I think you would regret it later if you didnt, but good luck whatever you decide.
Laura
Apr 13th 2005, 2:38 pm
#23
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Originally Posted by desperate2go
Thanks Claire
I see where everyone is coming from about the validation, i just feel a bit like its now or never. A validation trip would really eat into my funds and saving it back up would take me YEARS(only work part time). Also a little concerned that the more time passes the less likely i will be to actually do it I also need to make a firm decision for my daughters sake, obviously she has had 14 months of being hyped up for this and dont want to mess her around any more than he already has (the b**tard)
I see where everyone is coming from about the validation, i just feel a bit like its now or never. A validation trip would really eat into my funds and saving it back up would take me YEARS(only work part time). Also a little concerned that the more time passes the less likely i will be to actually do it
I also need to make a firm decision for my daughters sake, obviously she has had 14 months of being hyped up for this and dont want to mess her around any more than he already has (the b**tard) What are friends for if you can't depend on them when you need.
I know it will eat your funds. But if you validate your visa atleast it gives you and your daughter a feeling that the whole australia thing hasn't disappeared.
When you are back try hard to save money and then when you are ready take the ride back to downunder.
Its not fair that things go like but be strong and make decision with you and your daughter in mind.
cheers
Badri
Apr 13th 2005, 2:46 pm
#24
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Originally Posted by tommytriggs
holiday visas 6 munfs....take me wiv ya...
Apr 13th 2005, 2:52 pm
#25
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
If it were me I would GO FOR IT 
you obviously have been through all the should we shouldn't we's. It seems as if your ex is thinking only of himself as far as this is concerned because like you say he can come and go as he pleases.... you will not have this choice unless you make your choice now and I'm sure he will go home at some point.... I wouldn't want to be left with regrets.
At the end of the day tho thats what I would do .....you must only do what you think is right for you and your daughter.....good luck with whatever you decide
you obviously have been through all the should we shouldn't we's. It seems as if your ex is thinking only of himself as far as this is concerned because like you say he can come and go as he pleases.... you will not have this choice unless you make your choice now and I'm sure he will go home at some point.... I wouldn't want to be left with regrets.At the end of the day tho thats what I would do .....you must only do what you think is right for you and your daughter.....good luck with whatever you decide
Apr 13th 2005, 2:56 pm
#26
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
He's messed you about once, he's likely to do it again .
Definitely validate.
If you don't then he may really mess you up by going to Australia after your visa has expired.
As others have said do what you and your daughter want to do. Stop thinking about how it may impact him. He clearly hasn't thought and doesn't appear to care how his actions affect you and your daughter.
All the best for what ever you decide.
.Definitely validate.
If you don't then he may really mess you up by going to Australia after your visa has expired.
As others have said do what you and your daughter want to do. Stop thinking about how it may impact him. He clearly hasn't thought and doesn't appear to care how his actions affect you and your daughter.
All the best for what ever you decide.
Apr 13th 2005, 2:58 pm
#27
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Originally Posted by desperate2go
Everyone welcome!! Must be - Good with kids, excellent cook, great sense of humour, loads of money!!
This is the kind of crap that can happen out of the blue, but try not to let it sidetrack your plans, however upset you may be. As others say, validate your visa and then you have time to make a final decision.
Good luck and much karma!
Apr 13th 2005, 3:01 pm
#28
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Originally Posted by desperate2go
Hi all
Havent been on for a while as i just havent been able to face it.Blanking it all out and getting blind drunk seems to have been the preferable option of late...but im over that now
Got THE EMAIL a few days ago to say i have my visa so it should be big smiles and plenty of celebrating.............but lifes never that simple is it!
For those that dont know my situation i will do a quick recap.
My ex is Australian, my daughter(7) has citizenship by descent so it was just me applying for a visa. Dan(the ex) had always wanted to return & i put up with many years of....better place to bring up kids, better lifestyle etc etc, but as we were split he felt he was stuck in UK if he wanted to be near our daughter.
Xmas 2003 i went over there with him and my daughter and decided he had been right. So after much discussion i went for the visa and the rollercoaster ride of emotions (that we are all too familiar with) that go with it. I began the application process in January 2004. In March this year i went round to discuss arrangements for moving with my ex ( We were not going to be together but were going to support each other and share accomodation until our container of stuff arrived) He seemed unenthusiastic but then he is never one for great displays of any emotion so i wasnt too concerned...I did ask him he he was having second thoughts and he said no.
2 days later i got a call at 7am asking if I would mind if he took somebody else
....this turns out to be his girlfriend of 3/4 months. My immediate reaction was no, i did not want to change all my plans and he was being unfair.Over the next few days i was devastated and so was my daughter who felt extremely confused and upset as she had been looking forward to going so much and knew nothing about the girlfriend.
Any way after those few days he called and told me he would not be going anymore as he was going to stay here with his girlfriend.
So theres my predicament...within 3 weeks of that bombshell i received my visa. So instead of being excited and happy i am left feeling confused and upset.
Do i still go?? To be honest the thought of doing it all completely single handed is quite terrifying and added to that the burden of guilt of taking my daughter away from her father makes it seem even worse OR
Do i stay?? I will probably spend the rest of my life wondering what if...plus my daughter has no guarantees that her Dad will stay in this country for ever, as he has dual nationality and can come and go as he pleases. Which would really be the icing on the cake if i stay and he decides to go back in a few years anyway!
So people ...what do you think??? Should i stay or should i go now????
I need opinions....but PLEASE all you trolls dont be too hard...Im still feeling a bit delicate
Rachelx
Havent been on for a while as i just havent been able to face it.Blanking it all out and getting blind drunk seems to have been the preferable option of late...but im over that now
Got THE EMAIL a few days ago to say i have my visa so it should be big smiles and plenty of celebrating.............but lifes never that simple is it!
For those that dont know my situation i will do a quick recap.
My ex is Australian, my daughter(7) has citizenship by descent so it was just me applying for a visa. Dan(the ex) had always wanted to return & i put up with many years of....better place to bring up kids, better lifestyle etc etc, but as we were split he felt he was stuck in UK if he wanted to be near our daughter.
Xmas 2003 i went over there with him and my daughter and decided he had been right. So after much discussion i went for the visa and the rollercoaster ride of emotions (that we are all too familiar with) that go with it. I began the application process in January 2004. In March this year i went round to discuss arrangements for moving with my ex ( We were not going to be together but were going to support each other and share accomodation until our container of stuff arrived) He seemed unenthusiastic but then he is never one for great displays of any emotion so i wasnt too concerned...I did ask him he he was having second thoughts and he said no.
2 days later i got a call at 7am asking if I would mind if he took somebody else
....this turns out to be his girlfriend of 3/4 months. My immediate reaction was no, i did not want to change all my plans and he was being unfair.Over the next few days i was devastated and so was my daughter who felt extremely confused and upset as she had been looking forward to going so much and knew nothing about the girlfriend. Any way after those few days he called and told me he would not be going anymore as he was going to stay here with his girlfriend.
So theres my predicament...within 3 weeks of that bombshell i received my visa. So instead of being excited and happy i am left feeling confused and upset.
Do i still go?? To be honest the thought of doing it all completely single handed is quite terrifying and added to that the burden of guilt of taking my daughter away from her father makes it seem even worse OR
Do i stay?? I will probably spend the rest of my life wondering what if...plus my daughter has no guarantees that her Dad will stay in this country for ever, as he has dual nationality and can come and go as he pleases. Which would really be the icing on the cake if i stay and he decides to go back in a few years anyway!
So people ...what do you think??? Should i stay or should i go now????
I need opinions....but PLEASE all you trolls dont be too hard...Im still feeling a bit delicate
Rachelx
I hope everything works out for you and I wish you all of the luck in the world.
Apr 13th 2005, 3:05 pm
#29
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Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
Hi there
What a dilemma! I think you have to narrow it down to the choices that are available to you:-
1. Go to validate your visa and then return to UK for good
2. Go to validate visa and return to UK with possibility of returning to Oz
within 5 years.
3. Go to Oz, stay for 2 years, get citizenship and return to UK
4. Go to Oz, get citizenship and stay
5. Stay in UK
It would be just such a shame to throw the visa away without even giving Australia a chance. I know it must be a real scary thought going it alone but you will have your daughter, and children do give us the strength and determination to succeed (honestly).
You know we will all be eagerly awaiting your decision. Good luck to you and I hope you are happy in the decision that you choose.
Theresa
PS I will send you karma.
What a dilemma! I think you have to narrow it down to the choices that are available to you:-
1. Go to validate your visa and then return to UK for good
2. Go to validate visa and return to UK with possibility of returning to Oz
within 5 years.
3. Go to Oz, stay for 2 years, get citizenship and return to UK
4. Go to Oz, get citizenship and stay
5. Stay in UK
It would be just such a shame to throw the visa away without even giving Australia a chance. I know it must be a real scary thought going it alone but you will have your daughter, and children do give us the strength and determination to succeed (honestly).
You know we will all be eagerly awaiting your decision. Good luck to you and I hope you are happy in the decision that you choose.
Theresa
PS I will send you karma.
Apr 13th 2005, 3:08 pm
#30
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Joined: Apr 2003
Location: South East, Perth (was Holland)
Posts: 5,789
Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
You poor thing!
Please remember this forum is mostly biased, because everyone is wanting to move there, and also are nearly all going as a family.
And the ones who are not, are often doing it for the adventure.
The question is if adventure is what you(or your daughter) needs right now. Such big changes... Migration is a huge step.
And Australia isn't always necessarily a better life for you or your daughter, though most (who haven't moved yet especially) are biased on that side of things to I believe.
Good luck. I would also say validate, but the money side makes that not an easy decision either.
Good luck
Please remember this forum is mostly biased, because everyone is wanting to move there, and also are nearly all going as a family.
And the ones who are not, are often doing it for the adventure.
The question is if adventure is what you(or your daughter) needs right now. Such big changes... Migration is a huge step.
And Australia isn't always necessarily a better life for you or your daughter, though most (who haven't moved yet especially) are biased on that side of things to I believe.
Good luck. I would also say validate, but the money side makes that not an easy decision either.
Good luck