OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
 

Hi all

Havent been on for a while as i just havent been able to face it.Blanking it all out and getting blind drunk seems to have been the preferable option of late...but im over that now:p
Got THE EMAIL a few days ago to say i have my visa so it should be big smiles and plenty of celebrating.............but lifes never that simple is it!
For those that dont know my situation i will do a quick recap.
My ex is Australian, my daughter(7) has citizenship by descent so it was just me applying for a visa. Dan(the ex) had always wanted to return & i put up with many years of....better place to bring up kids, better lifestyle etc etc, but as we were split he felt he was stuck in UK if he wanted to be near our daughter.
Xmas 2003 i went over there with him and my daughter and decided he had been right. So after much discussion i went for the visa and the rollercoaster ride of emotions (that we are all too familiar with) that go with it. I began the application process in January 2004. In March this year i went round to discuss arrangements for moving with my ex ( We were not going to be together but were going to support each other and share accomodation until our container of stuff arrived) He seemed unenthusiastic but then he is never one for great displays of any emotion so i wasnt too concerned...I did ask him he he was having second thoughts and he said no.
2 days later i got a call at 7am asking if I would mind if he took somebody else :eek: ....this turns out to be his girlfriend of 3/4 months. My immediate reaction was no, i did not want to change all my plans and he was being unfair.Over the next few days i was devastated and so was my daughter who felt extremely confused and upset as she had been looking forward to going so much and knew nothing about the girlfriend.
Any way after those few days he called and told me he would not be going anymore as he was going to stay here with his girlfriend.

So theres my predicament...within 3 weeks of that bombshell i received my visa. So instead of being excited and happy i am left feeling confused and upset.
Do i still go?? To be honest the thought of doing it all completely single handed is quite terrifying and added to that the burden of guilt of taking my daughter away from her father makes it seem even worse OR
Do i stay?? I will probably spend the rest of my life wondering what if...plus my daughter has no guarantees that her Dad will stay in this country for ever, as he has dual nationality and can come and go as he pleases. Which would really be the icing on the cake if i stay and he decides to go back in a few years anyway! :rolleyes:

So people ...what do you think??? Should i stay or should i go now????
I need opinions....but PLEASE all you trolls dont be too hard...Im still feeling a bit delicate :cool:


Rachelx

Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
 

Keep your options open. Go and validate then you have at least another four years to decide fully.

Can't help you with the problem, sorry but all the best.

Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
 

SHIT, i wish i could give u an answer, but im still in shock at reading your post :eek:

Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
 

What a total nightmare! I think moneypen20 has hit the nail on the head -that sounds like the best option for you cos you will then have more time to think it over and you may go to validate and find the answer to your question yourself without the added complication of the ex! keep your chin up! :)

Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
 

Trouble is...financially i am not really in a position to just pop over and validate as it will be using up funds that were there for living costs when i arrive. :rolleyes:

Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
 

Got to agree with that. And don't worry about using up your funds, you've another 4 years to build them up again. It will also be good for you and your daughter to see if you could actually live here. It might completely change your perspective,

Good luck,
JTL

Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
 

Sorry to clarify, you and your daughter can go without your ex? if so then validating the visa if you can afford it seems to be a good option. My friend is moving to canada, whilst other half has to stay and finish off job in uk, she is taking a young relative (20 odd with her on tourist visa to help out with the kids etc) could that be an option for you, an adult to be brave with and help keep you sane. So sorry that you are in this prediciment and wish you all the luck, keep us posted

Nicky

Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
 

How does your daughter feel? Was she harbouring thoughts of mum and dad getting back together perhaps?

Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
 

Hi Rach,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through lots of issues.

My advice:

Go ahead with your plans and get settled in Australia.

I know its difficult to be there on your own with your daughter. Imagine you are master of your own destiny. Show the world that you have the guts and spirit to survive.Not only survive but enjoy the life in Australia.

Think about your daughter she deserves as well as you a good and fresh start.

The only thing I can say from myself is If you are in Brisbane ( If we there soon too :) ). I would be more than willing to give you a shoulder to lean on as a friend.
Don't give up now.!!!
Cheers
Badri

Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
 

Hi

I also agree with Moneypenny. If you are still in the dilemma go and get the visa validated then you have time to get things sorted out also

Cheers
badri

Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
 

I agree too, at least then you'll have some breathing space to make your final decision. :)

Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
 

I dont think she was. Him and I had always been quite close(until now!)
I think its just a big shock to her system- not only might we not be going anymore but me and him are no longer even on speaking terms so she is coming to terms with some big changes in her life.

Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
 

Hi Badri

Thanks for the offer of support......think i will need all the friends i can get if i do bite the bullet and go it alone. I was going to move to Sunshine Coast so wont be so far from Brissy.
Any news your end yet?
Rachel

Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
 

My first insinct when I read this was much the same as everyone else, but thinking about it some more, I would say go and start your new life.

Its not fair of your ex to change the goalposts like that. If it is something you have set your mind on and are excited about, it is so unfair of him to call it off on his end, just because a new bit of skirt has come on the scene.

I know it is unfair to split a family up, but for him to get your hopes up like that and then bring them crashing down is a horrible thing to do.

My opinion may sound a bit extreme, but I hate it when people muck others around.

Best of luck to you, I dont envy the decision you have to make.

Claire
xxx

Re: OMG- What now? Do i stay or do i go??
 

Yes i can go without him as it was skilled independant and during the process i got a signed declaration from him giving me his permission to take her.
What is the longest period that someone can travel on a holiday visa? Anyone know?