bingobob777

ask yourself this

Would your parents ever have changed their life plans to suit what their parents wanted?

I know for a fact mine wouldn't have hence why I barely felt guilt about coming.

asher

oh and by the way I am 50 deaf disabled and with a past history of pulmonary embolism yet I fly backwards and forwards, flying scares me but the thought of not seeing my kids in the UK scares me more so I get on a plane!!

your mum has to sort herself out and you have to decide what you want, but to be honest i think she has already damaged your relationship a lot if you don't go you may come to really resent her! if you do go you have guilt which will be easier to live with?

sending hugs honey it must be really hard on you

Dreamy

Mine did.

My parents had the chance to come to Australia in the mid-70s (my dad was a foreman with British Steel so it was something to do with that) - they had the whole guilt trip from both sets of parents (particularly from my dad's mum) and didn't come. They've lived with 'what if' and regrets ever since, just made worse when my mam came out for a holiday to visit us.

In my grandparents' defence, the world was a lot bigger in the 70s!

So, there's no way on Earth that my parents would have stood in our way when we had the opportunity to come. They miss us, they'd love us to live closer.. but they're happy that we're doing what they couldn't.

eddie007

Your mother isnt speaking to you or your children because she cant cope with how she is feeling?

FFS this woman needs a good slap or medicating....

Be the adult...

Try and protect your children from Her behaviour, which has obviously escalated....

See it for what it is... And move on.

She is behaving VERY badly and in the end will only hurt you if you let it hurt you... Be strong, be the grown up, and for gods sake dont play into her hands...

macy

She says that now but if my kids were on the other side of the planet I would be visiting them all the time and I hate flying, I am sure she will change her mind. It is so hard, and only a decision you can make at the end of the day. Would she qualify for a contributory parent visa once you were living here for over two years?

campervanfan

obviously you must go & live your life where you want to be.... your mum will get used to it..she won't have a choice; but I do have a certain amount of sympathy with her -she's just not good at hiding her feelings & she knows it's going to hurt ! personally speaking it's been the most painful time of my life to have mine so far away - because we don't know how long it will be till we're able to be together again even once the decision has been made to go out & join her- plus it's going to cost so much that I might always have to rent & live in someone else's property- I know I'm going to hate that plus it'll cost loads more than my mortgage here! & I don't know if I'll ever be employable again... these are real life changes that are scary because they will alter our standard of living.... & meanwhile all the skyping in the world is no substitute for a proper face to face conversation.... & once a year is a long time to wait..... none of this means you should not go - I am delighted my daughter is living the life she wants.... just to show you that although I don't even say much of this to her myself they are facts that your mum might well already be contemplating.... & there's no sugar coating what we know will be difficult - separation at that distance does a certain amount of damage to both sides in my experience.... I'm sure in time she'll fly out to see you ( & if not that won't be your fault) but meanwhile try to have a quiet chat with her about the fact that she needs to find someone else to express her fears to- not put you on a guilt trip!!

mavine1

Hello everyone, well I thought you may like an update on our situation. Well, the house was sold and we were getting ready to go at Easter. Then my brother called and basically the whole thing was called off overnight. For an hour I had to listen to my brother 'did I know what I was putting my mum through and how upset she is etc...' the emotional blackmail worked and to my husbands and kids horror I called the whole thing off. Pulled out of the house sale, by this time husband is unemployed...but I thought it was the right thing to do at the time and in a funny way it was...it became appararent quite quickly than OH would not find work in the UK very easily. He applied for about a 100 jobs and got 6 interviews as a result. At each one he was pipped at the post by someone else because he was either too senior or the other person had more finance experience etc etc..it got to the point where our savings (Oz money!) was getting eaten into in big chunks and nothing going in to fill it up. Before we knew it we were cutting back and starting to think we'd have to sell our house and rent somewhere smaller. The realisation of what have I done started to set in. Then, out of the blue OH get's a call from Australia...asking him to attend a phone interview for a role there. He thought well why not. Passed that with flying colours and then they said would he consider flying out...we looked at our savings and thought we are pretty much stuffed anyway so let's just take the risk. So he flew out 2 and a half weeks ago...attended a further 3 meetings for the same job and has now been offered the role. This time the emotional crap from my relatives is just not going to cut it. OH has been unemployed for a total of 7 months now and we are about at the point that he would accept a job just about anywhere. Daughter had her last day at school today, shippers are booked for Thursday (got a last minute booking!) and then in 3 to 4 weeks well head out...so we will make it there this time...and despite the emotions at Easter it feels right now. Even my mother is being amicable. I think she realises you got to go where the work is! I shall be stepping on the plane with my head high!

Jilliebee

Everything happens for a reason. Hope it all works out for you x

Lois1

Well i have just read the thread from the beginning, what a rollercoaster for you. I am pleased that you are at last doing what you want to do. Wishing you the very best of luck for your future!

Bernieboy

Happy days,welcome to yer new adventure

mavine1

Thank you I am still shitting myself! Oops am I allowed to say that word on here? It is a big move no getting away from that! My daughter and I shed a couple of tears at school today she's been there eight years and has some good friends and I am friends with all the mums. However she is very resilient and I am sure she will adapt quickly.

Kapri

Mavine, I wish you all the best. See you on the other side

PS, Keep us updated.

Mummy3

Best of luck to you and your family.

eliza61

Far out, I too have just read the thread from start to finish

Can't wait too hear and update when you arrive.

And kids do adapt very easily, we came to Australia twice, when I was 3 years old, went back when I was 5 years old and came back again when I was 8 years old. I loved all the changes, yes there were tears but honestly I adapted to new schools and new friends within hours.

As an adult I am easily able to adapt to change.