mavine1

Hi chaps,

So....getting closer to our move to brissie now. And I can think about is reasons why not to go!

I have posted on here previously about my mum's heartbreak at us leaving....well a couple of days ago we had a heart to heart and she begged me to look at other options saying she can't cope with us being the otherside of the world. I know I am breaking her heart and wonder if I will ever be able to live with it....my kids want to go but they are also devasted that they are leaving their beloved nanny here. sigh.......

I don't suppose it helps that I have read alot of posts on here recently from those that have already moved about how they have lost a loved one in the UK and how heartbreaking it is to be so far away.

I seriously need a kick up the butt because I can't think of the great reasons to go only the one reason to stay We either stay to save mum from heartbreak or try something we have always wanted to.

I have no either emotional ties here only my mum....but it seems like a big one at the moment...where has my 'live for the moment and life is an adventure' outlook gone?

Mav x

eddie007

You would be inhumane if you werent havingnsecond/third thoughts because of your mum. the idea of leaving my parents crucified me and even now, knowing thatbthey are immigrating on a PR and will be here for good before this time next year, everytime I take them to that bloody airport I'm thinking this could be the last time I ever see them again... You never know WHAT is going to happen...

At the end of the day, your mum loves you... If she loves you enough she will let you go, its SO hard for her, but you can ring her, write to her, get her computer literate and email her every day, there's skype and then there's always visits... So she can see for herself how thing are for you....

I love my kids to the ends of the earth, but I'd not stop them following their dreams...

RenShen

To be honest I don't think it is fair of your Mum to lay all that on you.

My own parents were devastated when we left but honestly, with Skype, phone calls and emails they (and we) actually coped very well. Yes, it is still hard and I have recently lost my Dad and that was awful. I am now coping with Mum's grief from afar which is also dreadful, but far outweighed by our life here and more importantly the lives that our kids lead. I honestly think (after 2 recent trips back to the UK) that my boys have gained a good couple of extra years of their childhood due to our move here. They have just blossomed here and grown in confidence, outlook and positivity. Would your Mum be able to visit you in Australia? After my parent's first visit they fully understood the reason that we moved and were comforted to know that we had made the right choice.

eddie007

My parents are the same... Devastated for us to be going but fully supported us in doing what we felt was best for our children and our own futures... They came out less than 4 months after we left, Some might think was a bit quick, but THEY now tell me that they had to see for themselves what we had come to and they went home happier than they had ever been seeing us in our new surroundings..

curly

Totally agree with RenShen. I'm an only child and obviously my parents too were devastated when we came here, but not once did they beg me not to go. They visit every year and we talk via skype and phone calls and we all get by.

mavine1

Thanks Eddie...I think she would live with it if it were just me...she's devasted about the grandchildren.....she is pc literate though and I have said we can still talk to her everyday we just won't be down the road anymore. You are so lucky that your parents are following you out there...another hurdle for me...my mother is scared of flying So the only visits will be the ones we make back.

Mav x

mavine1

Hi Renshen, sadly I have no hope of my mum coming out because she won't fly so she'll never see the postive side. To her nothing is more important than having her family around her. I am so sorry you have lost your dad recently. I can only imagine what a nightmare that must be. Honestly I think we will all settle pretty well out there and will love it. I think I am just going to have to learn to live with the guilt

Bermudashorts

Maybe your mum will have to conquer her fear of flying, it can be done. My step mother-in-law overcame it at age 60 (or so) in order to visit us in Bermuda. She has no problem flying anywhere now.

honeybunny2011

I had the same problem when we moved to nz. The guilt i felt because my mother said i'd broken her heart taking away her grandchildren. Reality is tho, I didnt break her heart, she would only be heart broken if she chose to be. It was unfair of her to put all that guilt on my shoulders as it didnt help me settle in at all.

You have to try and remember your reasons for leaving in the first place. It would be far worse if you stayed in the uk, secretly waiting for her to die so you could then go live your life. You have to do whats best for your family and maybe tell your mother its not fair to make you feel so guilty for doing something that improves your life. She has to let go, not you. The world is a smaller place now. I'm sure it will all work out. Just talk to your mother and help her see that its a good thing. It is hard for those left behind and usually just takes time for them to adjust. Just because we are happy to move on doesnt mean those left behind are. Hope you sort it out, best of luck.

moneypenny20

Ok I'm going to be really harsh here if only to put another perspective. She says her heart will be broken if you move away. It won't. Yes she'll be hurt and upset but she's had her life, chances, mistakes, etc etc etc. Now it's your turn.

You change your minds about going in order to make your mum happy. You're then miserable because you're not doing what you really want to do. If she loves you as much as any parent does then she will be miserable because she's selfishly made you do something you didn't want to do.

You stay. God forbid, your mother gets killed in a car crash (I did say I was going to be harsh, sorry). You're obviously devastated and it takes a long while to get over it and you miss your chance to move. She won't care - she won't be here to worry.

Many many parents of migrants have stated categorically that they won't come visit, that they're afraid of flying, that their children are cruel to leave them and they won't ever forgive them etc etc etc. The vast majority then accept they've brought their children up to be independent, and realise that they can get on a plane because they do want to see their children's new lives and stay part of the family and have many happy trips.

Yes there's guilt, it's normal. However once you are an adult and have responsibilities, only you can make decisions for you and yours, no one else.

Hell, you may get here and hate it and move back, who knows. Or you could get here, love it, she visits, loves it and manages to be eligible for CPV, move out and be happy ever after.

You have to go with what's right for your circumstances and the vast majority of your family.

Sorry again, don't want to upset anyone but sometimes family can be very selfish and only see the immediate future in their own lives.

macy

When we lived in the UK my hubbies dad was taken very ill, it went over a few weeks and he seemed to be doing ok. Then we got the call, as in you need to get to the hospital as we think he isn't going to be around too much longer..... Hubbie jumped in the car, got stuck in traffic and never made it in time....

The guilt he felt was horrible but he could do nothing about it, it doesn't matter where you are in the world sometimes things go against you. If we had been living in Brissy at the time maybe the hospital would have given him more notice and he would have been there, who knows.

Anyway there is no moral of this story just that you can't worry about the what if's and don't let the guilt get to you, (come out to Brissy - it's a perfect weather day today)....

Dorothy

Tell your mother to stop being such a manipulative old cow and grow the hell up. You (presumably) are an adult and as such are capable of making decisions for yourself about what you feel is best for you and your family.

I seriously wonder what is wrong with these parents who try to manipulate and wheedle there children into doing what makes them happy with no regard for what the children want. I also don't understand adult children who allow themselves to be treated with such little respect for their decision making skills. Really...When your children are adults are you going to treat them this way?

eddie007

My MIL doesnt like flying ... she made a ONCE IN A LIFETIME trip in 2009 ... this was a one off never coming back etc etc etc too scared to fly....

on the way back to the airport after her 6 WEEK stay

she told us she liked it so much that she would conquer her fear of flying and come back ..... Christmas 2011

Bikergirl

Ignore what your mum has said and go back to when you started this process and why you and your family made this decision to start the emigration process. What were those reasons? Other than your mum's statement what else has change from those decisions

Right back to your mum's comments - yes she will be upset that you arent going to be local anymore, and yes that will be tough on everyone concerned. However you have made the decision to follow this process knowing this initially, and you need to remember that and make your future decisions for you, your partner and your children - not for your mum. She has had her time to tell you what you can do and when you can do it when you were a child. Now you are an adult with your own family to consider.

My dad hasnt been out of the UK for about 35-40 years (let alone flew anywhere), but he is planning on getting his passport and visiting us within the next 12months.

General Tojo

So where are YOU flying off to Christmas 2011?