Exile

Yeah, I guess that comes down to how you define "better and safer", and what exactly you left behind in the UK.

Was there no way you could have changed your kids' lifestyle by moving within the UK or other means?

yanH

Possibly by moving to a much more rural area than we lived in. However this wouldn't have been acceptable to my partner as she is a city girl. I think that some of the things that I didn't want for my kids, like the having to be out hanging around till all hours culture, would still have been present though.

esperanza

I can see where you're coming from, but there's a fairly easy way to avoid that one - say no! As the parent, you are in charge of what your children do/don't do, you can influence their behaviour/activities. You don't have to let them hang out of street corners if you don't want to - there are plenty of kids who are otherwise occupied in the evenings, they're just a lot less visible.

yanH

I was one of the ones who did say no. However lifes a lot easier now that we don't have to continually explain to our kids that they can't hang out till 10 every night even though their friends do (allegedly)! The culture is different here and kids remain kids for longer.

dc1

We are in this situation, I like it here in OZ cant say I love it. My wife misses her family and we are having the arguments now. We have been back over and I think it was worse coming back for my wife and she would have stayed. It looks like I may start to look for jobs back in the UK and see how we go for another month or so. Please let me know how it turns out for you.

Derek

LouiseD

Totally agree with you here - it's all about educating your kids from an early age. There are so many things in the UK for kids to do apart from hanging around on street corners and it's important to get youngsters involved in hobbies, sports, clubs and activities from a young age. Otherwise they will be become bored and either sit in front of the TV playing computer games all the time or hang around the streets.

Just as a footnote, as a teenager (many years ago), I hung around the streets sometimes but we only ever chatted and wandered around having a laugh. I wouldn't have dared get into any trouble. Not all kids loitering around on street corners are out to do wrong, many just want to be with their friends.

Pollyana

Very true, what about the wives who compromise for the sake of their husbands? Its about finding a balance, not about one being happy and the other miserable.

pommybird

I don't think people (and by people I mean women AND men by the way) in the MBTUK forum use the forum 'cos they want to wallow in misery and surround themselves with others who are equally miserable - think they use the forum to attain support and empathy to their feelings of homesickness, sadness and sometimes real despair.

Sometimes the things you cannot say to loved ones are much more easily expressed to people on these type of forums. We do not simply 'get together and complain' - I for one have been uplifted and helped by many of the regular posters on that forum. (Thank you )

I know people micky take some of us 'homing pigeons' in the MBTUK forum but at the end of the day the posters in there are real people with real sadness looking for a little support and understanding.

cranni

Hi there, well here goes,
my hubby loves life here, and does not miss a thing, not close to his family, my younger 2 are all very settled and love their new life.
My older 3 came over because of us, didnt want to at 1st, but did and now love it here.
So what about me, poor me who made this decision in the 1st place, poor me who brought my kids to the other end of the world whether they like it or not, me who turned their lives upside down.
So yes i have bad days, but I would not disrupt their lives again, so i think about what i have, and not what i havnt got, if that makes sense.
I will make the best of my life here, I made this choice, Im not unhappy, just a bit homesick sometimes.
Denise

TeresaG

We aren't there yet but have talked about what we would do if one of us hates it and the other loves it. I think the key is compromise. If you go back to the UK you might hate it but your wife would be happy again.

Have you thought about trying a different area of Oz before you go back to the UK? Although she misses her family, there may be other areas that she would like. This is something that I think we would consider if one of us hates where we are.

northernbird

I agree, I wasn't actually referring to those people in that part of the forum. I have a couple of friends who have stopped socialising with happy people and just spend hours with each other whinging. It is counter productive IMO and makes their mood much worse.

pommybird

Fair enough - didn't mean to have a go - I'm in a defensive mood today, have you noticed??!!

northernbird

no shit sherlock.

Dorothy

Yes, there are those of us who have compromised for our husbands, too. Mine could not find work in Adelaide for love or money, where I found work just a few days after we arrived. I have a job I absolutely love, friends I can rely on for anything, kids who are happy in their schools with nice friends but a husband who suffered here. He did get work in Perth, but that meant either we would have to live seperately or the rest of us would have to uproot our lives. For the second time in 15 years of marriage I'm giving up a job I love, working for people I love. I'm saying goodbye to friends and moving to parts unknown for his happiness.
Am I resentful? Maybe a little, but if the situation were reversed I would like to think he would do the same for my happiness. At the end of the day, it's really all about the 4 of us staying together and making the most of what we have as a family.

cranni

Absolutely, good on yeh.
Wishing you lots of happiness.
Denise