Greg Thomas

We've been here three years now and whilst I like Perth my wife just can't settle. We both have good jobs and the kids are doing well in school, but she misses family and friends so much that we are starting to argue more and more. She says she can't see herself here forever.
Has anyone else had this problem?
Has anyone compromised and gone back to the UK, only to find that they wish they had never moved? Is anyone here not 100% happy but living with it 'for now?' Is anyone keeping schtum to keep their partner happy? Happy wife, happy life?!
Thanks anyone for their reply.

Buzzy--Bee

Oh dear Greg this is a situation I hope we are never in. Does your wife work or is she looking after the children? Hopefully some of those in Perth can offer advice and friendship.

Buzzy

Wave the Sails

Have you been back for a holiday yet? Would that help her? I think where family and friends are a consideration you are in for a tough time. Practical issues can be resolved but emotional needs are much more difficult to sort out.

Wish I could help more, but will be watching the thread with interest.

esperanza

Ultimately if one of you can only be happy in the UK and one of you can only be happy in Australia then you are facing a big problem and there will be some decision-making to do. If it comes down to it, the choice for you both might be being together in a country where one person is unhappy, or both being alone in the countries you love. Of course there are the children to think about too.
A holiday might help, and budgeting for your wife to go back and see family/friends every year or every 18 months might make her feel happier.
Alternatively have you tried more than one part of Australia? Because some people can't settle in one area but fall in love with a different region. Perhaps that would be a compromise to try?
There's no doubt that this is a horrible situation to be stuck in, but there are things you can try to see if you can find a solution. And you'll always find lots of help and support on here. Good luck.

sme

Have you thought about relationship counselling ? It might be easier to discuss these very emotive and contenious issues in a neutral enviroment.


Whereabouts in Perth are you ?

Gillian

TraceyW

I wish my husband came on here, he'd certainly answer this one!!

He's been living with a very unsettled me for the past three years here in Perth. It's not been much fun for either of us. The rows we've had have been terrible.

I am very lucky that hubby is an incredibly supportive and caring bloke and has agreed to going home. But, before we make that final jump back there, I'm going across to QLD to see if I feel differently about it there. As someone before said, people may dislike one place but love another. Any chance your wife could do that?

I think you have to ask yourself; what's more important, your marriage or where you live. Now I speak as a bird here and us women are mostly very emotional and sensitive. I may be generalising when I say that we don't have the capacity to be able to just "Put up and shut up" with a situation...it just doesn't work. So, in my case, my hubby would be prepared to move to where I was happy, just to get a peaceful happy life for himself! Like they say "Happy wife, happy life."

Keep talking to your wife. You'll make a decision in the end. Good luck

shade8

It must be a very had decision to make but surely before you set off you would have had an argument I will give it so long if not we go back and I would say your wife has gien it a dam good go.
I love it here and brought our kids out when 4-8 been here 9 years.
We have a fab house and ok jobs wa sit worth the move NO because the kids arn't bothered what type of house they live in they get bored of the beach.
And really nothing beats the extended family I personally don't think.

jonest

I've been in QLD for nearly 3 years & I'm in the same boat. My 2 kids are very settled & my hubby is enjoying it for now! Neither of us wants to stay here long term for various reasons that I wont go into because of the risk of being slated. Every day is a struggle emotionally here cos I don't want to be here. I feel trapped & can't imagine having to stay here for the rest of my days. At the moment I have to focus on trips back every 12-18 months, which I call my fix. Although I know it is a better place for my kids in some respects, I just feel as though I've lost my identity here . Basically I have to put up & shut up. There are no easy answers, either one half compromises or the marriage ends. Very harsh, but life is too short to be unhappy, even though you may be in paradise! Good luck.

Vernons

Hi Greg
We know how you are feeling. I am the wife who wants to move back to the UK. My husband is happy here and wants to stay. We have agreed to stay for a while but after a couple of years have agreed to go back to be closer to family and so that I can teach again (no luck here). It is very hard as we feel everything we do is temporary and it hangs over us and leads to upset. We know how you are feeling. Good luck with it all.

Australia_bound?

Keep the wife happy and have a happy life! Doesn't really matter where you live at the end of the day....I'm sure you were fine in UK or where ever you came from and would not be the end of the world if you went back.

pommybird

Hi Greg - this is a very difficult situation (and all too common) and there is no easy answer which I am sure you are aware!! We were in the same situation, me unhappy, hubby loved it - we came back because we guessed OH would be less unhappy back in the UK than I was in Perth - as it turned out things have worked out fine and OH is now quite happy back here (but he is a positive, lovely bloke who would make a go of it anywhere!).

Who knows if you came back to the UK your wife may well realise it was a mistake and then back to OZ it would be (this happened to a couple of our pommie friends in Perth - they went back after 7 years in Perth, and then back to Perth after 4 months in the UK!!)- a very expensive and disruptive way of resolving the situation but at least then it would be sorted - is a long hols back to the UK an option?? - I know of many desperately homesick people who on their return to the UK have realised that although homesick a move back to the UK is simply not the right thing to do.

Anyway - the main thing is that you keep talking and listening to each other, good luck with a resolution, having been in the same situation I know how horrible it can be.

BadgeIsBack

But if a happy wife means an unhappy husband it will never work.

It's tautological.

worzel

Which would you find it easier to get over living without? Perth or your wife? If you "put up" and go back with her then you may well end up resenting her so much you split up anyway. I don't intend to be heartless but it could happen. My wife and me talked about it long and hard before we came out and although neither actually said it out loud, there was a definitite acceptance that something like this could split us up.

Nomore

Maybe....but most men like to keep their wives happy, or things could end up with divorce. As long as you are together i suppose it doesn't matter where you are.

Gems

If you can afford it Id see about a holiday in the UK.

This may make her change her mind. Im in foreign country and go back to the UK fairly regular. A week or two in the UK, makes me realise that I dont want to live there anymore. Once I step of the plane back here, I think phew glad to be back. The grass can look greener than it actually is when your away from it!

Also consider visiting other Australian states, she may like another area more than the one you are living in. Australia is a big place so someplace might be her dream location.

Good Luck, I hope things can work out. But its a difficult situation, you need to make together as a family.

GEMS