sandradee

We have had similar experiences to many of you in this thread. We have lived in Australia for seven months now, and all in all, its a wonderful place, and we all love it. However many of our friends seem to have dropped us like a stone. Doesnt bother us in the slightest, as it is very easy to make friends in Aus, and we have made many new friends since arriving, and now have a fuller social life than we had in the UK.

We put it down to Jealousy and envy.

Funnily enough the friends that we have in the UK that have travelled, keep in regular touch, the friends who were always going to do this, and do that, but never got round to it (because they were full of sh*t, and didnt like to see other people doing better than them) dont keep in touch at all. Its as if they think; "well if we dont keep in touch, then they cant possibly be doing better/having a better life than us" Sad really, but thats for their conscience, we dont give them a second thought any longer.

Sophie Louise

We put it down to Jealousy and envy.

Funnily enough the friends that we have in the UK that have travelled, keep in regular touch, the friends who were always going to do this, and do that, but never got round to it (because they were full of sh*t, and didnt like to see other people doing better than them) dont keep in touch at all. Its as if they think; "well if we dont keep in touch, then they cant possibly be doing better/having a better life than us" Sad really, but thats for their conscience, we dont give them a second thought any longer.[/QUOTE]

I think jealousy plays a big part, but I also think that some people are just not particularly open minded, and have no interest in anything outside of their realm of experience. Each to their own I guess. Sometimes friendships have a lifespan, and just come to a natural end. If it's true that Aussies are as friendly as I've heard then there's lots to look forward to there...!

Sophie

ABCDiamond

Hi Merlot, it sure has been a while You are one of those few people that I probably could never forget, you come to mind every time I open a bottle of .... Merlot Hope things keep going well for you.

wilko_1984

Your not alone. I left the UK at the same time as a lot of my friends were going to uni.

When I came back, they had all changed. Don't suppose things will ever be the same again. Expect they would have changed even if I hadn't gone to oz.

Still happy to be back though.

All the best

fimart

I put it down to jealousy as well. People also see it as a rejection of themselves and their lifestyle when you leave even if it is only in their subconscious. Island mentality.

soapy©

Until now

Geordie George

Coming at it from a different point of view, although it may well be the case that jealousy and/or envy play a part in some people's decision not to stay in touch, it's not necessarily always the way. Sometimes the very nature of people moving on indicates that there are differences between them and their friends- in terms of aspirations, goals etc - and this may lead people to naturally grow apart. It indicates that people have less in common than perhaps they thought or used to have. In that respect, it's not a malicious decision but a naturally evolving one.

GG

Sophie Louise

I definitely agree with this. Some people may be jealous, but others would never be interested in doing something similar themselves, and so cannot even understand why you would want to move away or travel. When we went travelling around Europe some friends seriously asked us "Didn't you get bored just going around Europe?" ?!!!! Er..... no...... !

As you say, just differences in life goals like that can make you realise that you have different priorities and dreams to those around you, and that while they are not envious of your dreams, they may not be interested in them either!!

Sophie

jinxnkay

I've been in australia for 9 months and ive just been home for a months holiday to the uk.
when i first got home all my mates and family were excited to see me but after a couple of days it felt like id never been away. if my friends were busy i was thinking I want to spend time with them why dont they feel the same im not going to be here long AND IVE REALLY MISSED THEM
They all said it was weird that i just slotted back into their daily lives and they forgot i wasnt home to stay.
my brother in law said ' ...the world has still been turning while you were away and you cant expect it to stop just because you are home for a few weeks'
kay

Bix

Do you think of me evy time you see a lion ABC ?

On topic I believe it is indeed the movers that change.

Those left behind plod along in a reletively settled existence.

tiredwithtwins

very true bix, very true!

lol, but i found many of my friends drifted away when i had children - perhaps it has something to do with the fact there are 3 of 'em!! (kids that is.....)

Merlot

Very funny Bix with the lion bit. ABC Diamond, nice to hear from you and well done with your website for new people to Oz.

Extremely useful and done with all the best intentions. Wonderful to see in such a time where we don't see much kindness . . .OK enough buttering up!!!!

I agree it is the movers that do change, I certainly have and because I moved so much I have gotten used to "friends moving on". I have been very fortunate as I have never had too many problems making new buddies and still do have a few true friends who I can turn to, but I do empathise with those who are experiencing this.

I also agree with coming back for a holiday. We came back for 4 weeks from Oz to UK in 1999. We were completely knackered by all the driving around to see family, none of them broke out of their comfort zones to see us or even do anything different. For example, "Please don't come mid week as we don't like going out then but we can see you at the weekend". We had only flown 12,000 miles to see them!!!! Case rested.

Merlot

janeyray

I left what I thought was a good friend behind in the Uk (only known each other 3 years) when we left for OZ. We both shared the same passion for horses and kept ours together.
However in the 16 months I was in Perth I spoke to her once on the phone and had two letters!!!!!???? Since coming back we have seen each other maybe 3-4 times and didn't even get in touch over Christmas. Maybe all we shared was the love of horses!

On the other hand a friend I have known for years came to visit in Oz and since we've been back has become a lot closer and we see a lot more of each other than before we left the UK.

I think coming home just proves who your friends are. Some of mine have had children since we left for OZ so things do change but apart from the one friend I think mine are closer.

Oh and another thing Melannie....I never talk about OZ!!! maybe that helps???

vikk

I had exactly the same thing happen to me twice, the first time was when I returned from Uni, my friends from home were never the same with me. Then again when I returned from 3 years abroad. Nobody wants to know about your time away, I think they feel they've been ignored or something, so you end up having to keep very quiet about it and try to act like you have never been away. I don't know if it's jealousy or just dissinterest. It's far easier to make new friends than to rekindle old ones but what you really need to work out is which friends do you WANT to keep? Whoever they are, YOU need to make the effort because they won't. Good luck, I hope you get to keep the important & valuable ones.

debsy

Janeray
I totally agree with you. Some of my friends - the ones that I thought would really miss me dont seem to bother much anymore, yet others that I thought would not miss us so much have really maintained contact with us.

When you go overseas, it is really hard to continue with friendships. I left the UK in 1988 and I worked in Spain, Greek Islands, Italy, Cyprus and Turkey - when I came back from time to time I found that most of my mates had moved on with their lives and they had no more room for you as the gap had been filled by someone else.

I am sure that we all notice the emails and phone calls dropping off as time goes by...

Anyway, we will all have to make new friends