melaniee

We moved back to the UK from Perth 4 months ago. Although we are glad to be back in the UK (for the moment!) one of the biggest disappointments for me has been coming back to friends-we were out of the country for just over one year. One of the reasons I wanted to come back was because I missed friends a lot. Now we are back, a lot of them seem different, have changed (or perhaps I have and they have not) and a lot do need seem pleased we are back, interested in what we have been up to etc. Times seem to have changed and it is not possible just to slot back in.....

Has anyone else found that when they moved to Australia they lost touch with a lot of friends of anything similar?

bondipom

Interesting you say that. How old is your circle of friends and has much changed in their lives?

russmcp

We found that out after 4 months in Oz and New Zealand. We came back and our friends were different! I can't believe how things change, one of my closest friends has very little to do with me now, I dont understand why, maybe the travelling did have an effect, or maybe he just thinks I'm a tosser!

Its a shame this has happened to you, I hope it does not last. Bloody typical though isnt it, one of the reasons you came back was for your mates, and now they don't seem to care........

soapy©

ive read post like this before, but it was with families.

melaniee

Yeah-that too!! Circle of friends were varied, long term friends.

soapy©

its a strange old world. many people find it easier to move to the other side of the world and make new friends. than slot back into the old ones.
our teens keep saying they will go back to the uk in a few years, cos they miss friends. i keep trying to tell them that they wont be the same people.
but hey what would i know. im only a parent

soapy©

try taking them out for a drink, but dont talk about Oz. even if they ask lol

CasG

Perhaps they feel uncertain at present - you have been away, experienced new things, lived a new life - one that they have not been part of, despite any contact you had with them while you were away.

It will probably take a bit of time - but old friends will be there for you, as you are for them.

Cas

Jamiem

I've been out in Aus several times over the last few years, and the last time I went was for around 7 months. Although I kept in reasonably regular touch with friends, and my best mate, when I arrived back things just weren't the same and haven't been since. Friends say I have changed, and i agree, that's what travelling does to some people. In my absence the world won't have stopped spinning :-) and people will have got on with their lives. In my experience, you can never really just "slot back in", and would not be right to do so. I made some of the best friends of my life on my last visit, and was incredibly lucky that way, but as I say, things here lack something which I'm not entirely sure I understand!

So, don't worry, it's not just you. Just be you, be true to yourself, and if friends (current, past and future) can't deal with that, then so be it. Such is life.

Best regards,

Jamie

jad n rich

That worries me too, god I sholdnt say this shhhhhhh we have pom visitors here now, and I am finding them sooo irritating they were all great mates and of course we have all now changed (5 years). Its not the best way to see friends/relatives admittedly having them move in for a month! and them cranky after the horrendous flights but yes we do seem to move on dont we?

Wonder if there is an expats site for expats who become repats and then we can all club together with coffee mornings understanding each other. Bloody hell my mind is swimming round today perhaps its the thought of yet another trip to australia zoo with 8 half naked poms trying to burn themselves to a frazzle with coconut oil while my family lurk in the shade under a bucket of sp60

soapy©

yeh good point. oh and if your friends think u have changed and dont like the result.
just make new ones joke

soapy©

everyones great pals till u need to live with them...day after day....
that why so many marriages fail

Merlot

Hi Melaniee

Welcome back! I was drawn to the site yet again in the last few weeks as I found the paperwork for my cat today and it brought back memories of our planning to return last year. Time has flown!!!!!

I have to say neither hubby nor I had any "friends" as such to come back to. He lived in Oz for 17 years and I never lived in more than one place for 17 years, so our only contact here was my family. I have lots of mates dotted all over the globe that I have met by travelling.

The first few months we really felt alien to everyone, even now we have moments and luckily we have each other to relate "Aussie" stories. In my 7 years in Oz I had to blend in to survive, picking up lots of Australian ways that you don't realise you had until you are back in the UK.

Sometime when I bring up Australia in conversation, not to brag or anything, just a story that happened for example, people here give you that look, maybe of envy????

I have to say I have been so lucky as by chance I made a good friend in the first few weeks, from there our circle has grown and I have some great friends here now and a great social life. I also have taken a job, which has a great bunch of people (very rare in any country), so this has helped.

As I think another poster mentioned, friends go with jobs, location, etc. Plus the family get togethers, these I came home for.

I know England has changed, as have attitudes but an Australia would probably say the same about Australia if they had done the same as me but in reverse.

I hope you feel more settled soon.

Best wishes
Merlot

mlbonner

I sometimes feel I get a 'look' when I talk about the UK, especially if I'm talking about something that is in the UK but not in Australia. I'm always careful to try and sound positive about Australia in the same conversation, but after spending all but two years of my life in the UK, I think its only natural to refer to it!!

Sophie Louise

This is all ringing very true, and we haven't even moved over to Oz yet! We go this year, and some friends have already "moved on" despite the fact we're still here. Very bizarre, but seems to be common..

We went travelling around Europe for 3 months in 2004, and even coming back to our group of friends after that was a bit odd. We missed them all massively, and some people were fine, but others (including really close friends) weren't at all interested in where we'd been, what we'd done - anything. (And I don't think we were being tooooo boring about it all - honest!! ) My 'best friend' didn't even ask how our trip was, and I have seen very little of her since then (despite my efforts to contact her). She has apparently distanced herself as we're going in May/ June so 'there's no point'. Hmmmmm....

Not much you can do about I guess, except stay close to the people who turn out to be real friends. I think this sort of thing makes or breaks friendships, and despite it being hurtful to lose people you saw as friends, you can end up with some amazing 'real' friends from it too.

Sophie