Feeling Blue
Aug 5th 2008 | 11:47 pm
#31
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 128
Re: Feeling Blue
sounds abit saucy, tell us more
Aug 5th 2008 | 11:48 pm
#32
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,998
Re: Feeling Blue
I can see what you are all saying but maxing out the credit cards isn't going to help in the long run. You will just end up with more hassle and a bigger strain on what looks like a fraught relationship as it is.
You both need to sit down and have a long talk about what's really wrong. Whatever that is.
You both need to sit down and have a long talk about what's really wrong. Whatever that is.
Aug 6th 2008 | 3:43 am
#33
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 273
Re: Feeling Blue
This sounds like you haven't settled in a foreign country and you feel that your OH is having a whale of a time getting on with life, while you hanker back with what you had.
It hasn't helped he has seen his family and you haven't seen yours.
Biggest issue i see here? Communication. Why? Cause you're on an anonymous forum looking for answers to your personal issues, whereas it's you two that should feel comfortable talking to each other and resolving them.
Edited cause i really shouldn't speed read threads!
Last edited by rightruccus; Aug 6th 2008 at 3:57 am.
Aug 6th 2008 | 4:40 am
#34
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 48
Re: Feeling Blue
For a successful marriage, the couple must have separate vacations.
Aug 6th 2008 | 4:50 am
#35
MODERATOR
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 19,115
From: Province of Vicenza
Re: Feeling Blue
at the very least get him to bring you some of favourite goodies back and fill the suitcase with things that YOU want.
Aug 6th 2008 | 4:57 am
#36
egghead4+becky
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 797
From: was newport now sunny Bundy
Re: Feeling Blue
i really feel for you. the longer you leave things the more this feeling will fester and the more hurt you will be. you need to get things out in the open and just tell him how bloody selfish you think he is being. he may be blind to the fact that you are hurting, dont keep it bottled up inside, this will only make you more upset.
bec
bec
Aug 6th 2008 | 8:00 am
#37
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,201
From: Gloucestershire
Re: Feeling Blue
Opinions are like areseholes - everybody's got one (as my old Nan used to say). It really is very easy for us all to sit in judgement of others, especially when we don't know the facts I guess. My immediate reaction was 'what a cad', but it would be helpful if his side of things were known. I do agree that the best thing to happen were for him to see your post and for it to give you a starting point for discussions. I do know though that trying to settle into a foreign country, with two young kids, no matter how many friends you have must be extremely difficult even in a relationship where there is flowing communication. Could it be that he is at breaking point and is looking for a way to get his head together? Is he handling moving over there OK or is he feeling trapped (was it his idea to move and things aren't working out and he doesn't want to say/admit it?). I must admit that with the exception of funerals where we have said that we would travel alone, I wouldn't travel back to the UK alone as I have the feeling of us all being 'in it together'. In Laws sound a pain though and pretty unsensitive for only paying for him - what a bloody cheek! It's such a shame that none of us can guide you - you sound so sad. Really hope things work out for you and all the best for the future.
Aug 6th 2008 | 9:11 am
#38
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 54
From: Bedfordshire now, aspire to the Gold Coast
Re: Feeling Blue
DinkyDi,
I am not surprised you are feeling blue, but why didn't you sit down and have a proper conversation about OH going on holiday on his own? If all that has been said is him asking if you mind and you saying yes, with no further conversation taking place and no attempt to resolve this between you, then I think the pair of you are heading into potential problems.
I might gently suggest that you should be finding ways of expressing your pent up emotions to him and not to people you don't know on the world wide web...we can't sort it out for you but by communicating with each other, you can!
If he is going tomorrow, its too late to make a big deal about it, but please promise yourself, to book a babysitter on his return,take him out for dinner and have a heart to heart. Even the smartest man can't do mind reading....
I wish you luck and please, do reach out and make your feelings known, fr example, if you aren't happy with the hours he does, then say so, as maybe there are adjustments that can be made to give you the uality of life you were hoping for, when you made the brave move to go to Australia.
Wish you all the best and stay strong whilst he is away, I bet some of his family here in the UK will express their surprise he is taking a holiday without you, being away might do you both good...
I am not surprised you are feeling blue, but why didn't you sit down and have a proper conversation about OH going on holiday on his own? If all that has been said is him asking if you mind and you saying yes, with no further conversation taking place and no attempt to resolve this between you, then I think the pair of you are heading into potential problems.
I might gently suggest that you should be finding ways of expressing your pent up emotions to him and not to people you don't know on the world wide web...we can't sort it out for you but by communicating with each other, you can!
If he is going tomorrow, its too late to make a big deal about it, but please promise yourself, to book a babysitter on his return,take him out for dinner and have a heart to heart. Even the smartest man can't do mind reading....
I wish you luck and please, do reach out and make your feelings known, fr example, if you aren't happy with the hours he does, then say so, as maybe there are adjustments that can be made to give you the uality of life you were hoping for, when you made the brave move to go to Australia.
Wish you all the best and stay strong whilst he is away, I bet some of his family here in the UK will express their surprise he is taking a holiday without you, being away might do you both good...
Aug 6th 2008 | 2:55 pm
#39
Oiiii.. You slaggg!
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 5,209
From: Brisbaneshire
Re: Feeling Blue
Nice one (from a man).
Aug 6th 2008 | 3:01 pm
#40
Oiiii.. You slaggg!
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 5,209
From: Brisbaneshire
Re: Feeling Blue
I am not a new user,but changed my username recently as did not want OH to see my posts,this one in particular.
Briefly,we have been in Australia for just over two years.
On paper things look fine,he has a good job,although does longhours - in fact one of the many reasons we moved here was because of the long hours he was out of the home ,three hour commute etc..We thought this would improve,in fact it is pretty much the same,he is away for usually 12 hours a day.We have two small children,they maybe see him for 30 minutes a day.That's not the problem though.
His parents have been out twice since we arrived,both the Christmases we have spent here,his brother has also visited.
My family are not in a financial position to be able to do this,and my mum would not come even if we paid her flights.
Tomorrow he is off to the UK ,on his own for a holiday.Flight was part paid for by a family member.I am so upset about this.He asked me if I minded,I said yes.He is still going.He has never been homesick,while I have struggled since we arrived.I feel so jealous,then I feel angry and then I feel like breaking something.I am trying to be reasonable about this,but it is very hard.
Just feel so alone really,and can't cry or I may not stop.
Sorry.Just can't talk to anyone about this,suppose that's the beauty of the internet,nobody knows who you are.
Briefly,we have been in Australia for just over two years.
On paper things look fine,he has a good job,although does longhours - in fact one of the many reasons we moved here was because of the long hours he was out of the home ,three hour commute etc..We thought this would improve,in fact it is pretty much the same,he is away for usually 12 hours a day.We have two small children,they maybe see him for 30 minutes a day.That's not the problem though.
His parents have been out twice since we arrived,both the Christmases we have spent here,his brother has also visited.
My family are not in a financial position to be able to do this,and my mum would not come even if we paid her flights.
Tomorrow he is off to the UK ,on his own for a holiday.Flight was part paid for by a family member.I am so upset about this.He asked me if I minded,I said yes.He is still going.He has never been homesick,while I have struggled since we arrived.I feel so jealous,then I feel angry and then I feel like breaking something.I am trying to be reasonable about this,but it is very hard.
Just feel so alone really,and can't cry or I may not stop.
Sorry.Just can't talk to anyone about this,suppose that's the beauty of the internet,nobody knows who you are.
No matter how hard he works, he is acting unreasonably. Also, given that he hardly ever sees his own children shouldn't he devote the spare time he has to them?
Given that he asked if you were OK with this trip and you said "no" what more communication is required with regards to him going? Some other posters have intimated that this is some sort of communication breakdown but in it's purest form I don't think it is.
Aug 6th 2008 | 3:09 pm
#41
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 587
From: ..not on the boat I missed !
Re: Feeling Blue
Get a grip !DinkyDi, I feel for you. I have no advice to offer, except maybe sit him down properly and explain how you are truly feeling and how his lack of understanding or sympathy for your situation is truly hurting you. Maybe he doesn't realise how bad you really feel about all of this ! Failing that, if you're not good with words write it down for him, and ask him to read it and open a discussion about how it can be resolved, so that you both feel ok about the sitation.
I hope it all works out for you
Aug 6th 2008 | 7:03 pm
#42
Thread Starter
Account Closed
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 15
Re: Feeling Blue
Given that he asked if you were OK with this trip and you said "no" what more communication is required with regards to him going? Some other posters have intimated that this is some sort of communication breakdown but in it's purest form I don't think it is.[/QUOTE]
You are bang on.We talked about this several times,and I'm not one to holdback with an opinion.He does know exactly how I feel,and this is why I am so angry.
I know I have a lot of thinking to do and we really will need to talk again when he comes home,so that this situation never arises again.
Would like to say thanks to everyone who has posted,and especially to all those who sent PMs.It has really helped me to know that Others have the same take on the situation as me and I am not being unreasonable/whinger etc etc.....
Di
You are bang on.We talked about this several times,and I'm not one to holdback with an opinion.He does know exactly how I feel,and this is why I am so angry.
I know I have a lot of thinking to do and we really will need to talk again when he comes home,so that this situation never arises again.
Would like to say thanks to everyone who has posted,and especially to all those who sent PMs.It has really helped me to know that Others have the same take on the situation as me and I am not being unreasonable/whinger etc etc.....
Di
Aug 7th 2008 | 10:07 am
#43
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 21,434
From: Tropical North QLD
Re: Feeling Blue
Sorry Dunroamin but have to disagree 'cos Spooky ET def gave the funniest reply of the year surely?
I know I have a lot of thinking to do and we really will need to talk again when he comes home,so that this situation never arises again.
Would like to say thanks to everyone who has posted,and especially to all those who sent PMs.It has really helped me to know that Others have the same take on the situation as me and I am not being unreasonable/whinger etc etc.....
Di[/QUOTE]
Hope that you can resolve this issue. K sent!
Aug 7th 2008 | 2:37 pm
#44
Niamh,Paul + 4 :)
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,861
From: sunshine coast, now back home in Ireland :)
Re: Feeling Blue
I know I have a lot of thinking to do and we really will need to talk again when he comes home,so that this situation never arises again.
Would like to say thanks to everyone who has posted,and especially to all those who sent PMs.It has really helped me to know that Others have the same take on the situation as me and I am not being unreasonable/whinger etc etc.....
Di[/QUOTE]
No your not being unreasonable at all I would feel exactly the same as you and I know my DH would have said no way if the kids and i couldnt go then no one would go I hope you sort it out and feel better soon I can only guess it hurts a lot
sending you K 
Aug 7th 2008 | 4:13 pm
#45
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 948
Re: Feeling Blue
I dont understand this whole post, you said you were not ok with the trip. Surely the conversation didnt end there??
what happened after that...something must have been said
If you are a couple you should be discussing things and care about each others feelings thats what a relationship is, putting the ones you care about before yourself.
This discusson sounds more like something that would happen between with an ex boyfriend or maybe just a friend who you dont see often, this isnt how a couple in a relationship act
what happened after that...something must have been said
If you are a couple you should be discussing things and care about each others feelings thats what a relationship is, putting the ones you care about before yourself.
This discusson sounds more like something that would happen between with an ex boyfriend or maybe just a friend who you dont see often, this isnt how a couple in a relationship act
