Heslop - is that you?

This place kills me. So I come to Birminum and get told quite correctly that it's pronounced Burr-Ming-Hamm. Big emphasis on the Ham. Fair enough. So then I go down the road to Pelham, pronounce it Pell-Hamm and get the whole eye-rolling stupid-foreigner thing. It's pronounced Pellum. Apparently.

I mean - where's the consistency? And don't get me started on Arab (AL).

Be thankful you don't live in Nevada.

Among other things, we have towns nearby called Norwich and Thames, and a hilly area called the Berkshires.

No guessing how all of those are pronounced.

Funnily enough there's also a Worcester not far away, pronounced the same as in the UK (and about as attractive).

There's a Salisbury near me, and it is pronounced the same as in the UK (though not as attractive). You can tell some who are from out of state .... they call it Sal-iss-bury.

There's always someone calling it something else though.... Wuuusta, wooorchesta, wueeesta...

I am definately thankful I don't live in Nev-Ardour. Or indeed Tallahassee.

But it does look like you live in a vacuum.

Let's hope those Americans never come across an Estuary English English speaking Briton - such as someone from Milton Keynes or Harlow or Basildon or most of Metropolitan inner city London - talking about "woe-(h)ah".

That'll really throw 'em good-n-prop-ah.

Dyson or Miele?

That Hertz

... or maybe half way up a dam. Or even in a J. Edgar, although that would mean [SECTION OF POST DELETED DUE TO FBI CENSORSHIP] with a toothbrush.

Is that the real Milton Keynes or the stereotypical one, Jimmie?

Can't be the "real" one, because the last time I checked a map MK is one of the places in the UK least likely to be described as being anywhere near an estuary!

The frequency of lame jokes and puns round here certainly does.