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-   -   torn!! (https://britishexpats.com/forum/usa-57/torn-620086/)

C_H Jul 16th 2009 12:19 am

Re: torn!!
 
thanks again every one!!

honestly i knew all along what i needed to do just at the same time needed to rant... im just glad i was alone when i felt that anger and frustration or there my have been blood lol! i have for the best part kept as much to my self as i can when my feelings were involved and tried to see it from "others" views but i kept going back to my heart and i guess the frustration just had to come out and you guys were there to listen and cast your opinions all of which are valid and some give food for thought. nice to see that other people have been through similar things and as you have absolutly no idea who i am or what im going through in detail, your honest opinions on the matter are deffinatly the best. and i truly belive that the man i have is the most wonderful kind caring person i have ever met, and i would if he were to loose his job (heaven forbid that to happen) id support him and i know he would do the same for me. (just the parts i remember of the topic)im sorry i didnt reply sooner and i cant remember what you all said but thank you anyway! i will keep you updated on what happens next.

p.s. as for the internet dating spin on the thread... i honestly believe that when there is no face to face orkwardness if thats how you spell it? you find the real person so so much sooner than the ones you meet face to face and try "Make them like/want you" but that is just my view on it. :D

H

Englishtart Jul 16th 2009 1:52 am

Re: torn!!
 

Originally Posted by Leslie66 (Post 7756125)
People have been falling in love through correspondence for as long as there has been such a thing as correspondence. Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning come to mind. Some internet relationships can be as deep and revealing as a modern day sort of epistolary affair, if you will. Others could be likened to caveman gruntings.

Most relationships fail, full stop ... not just the cyber ones. Anyway, I think it's as easy to delude yourself online as it is in person so it boils down to a matter of preference. ;)


Very true...I'm really not 'against' the online meeting thing in any way, I know it has worked for many on this forum and no matter how you meet your partner, if it works, it works and that is great.

Maybe I am just a little bit 'old fashioned' :huh: The thing is for me, that even if you meet your 'perfect' partner online, you could still be surprised or disappointed when you finally meet face to face. in the pub, work or supermarket etc, you can get an 'instant' feeling about someone and don't waste too much time on someone that you 'think' might be ok in a chat room etc. (imho) Bit shallow? maybe.

do love the stories on here though about the members that have met online and are very happy:thumbsup:

Leslie Jul 16th 2009 2:23 am

Re: torn!!
 

Originally Posted by Englishtart (Post 7758130)
Very true...I'm really not 'against' the online meeting thing in any way, I know it has worked for many on this forum and no matter how you meet your partner, if it works, it works and that is great.

Maybe I am just a little bit 'old fashioned' :huh: The thing is for me, that even if you meet your 'perfect' partner online, you could still be surprised or disappointed when you finally meet face to face. in the pub, work or supermarket etc, you can get an 'instant' feeling about someone and don't waste too much time on someone that you 'think' might be ok in a chat room etc. (imho) Bit shallow? maybe.

do love the stories on here though about the members that have met online and are very happy:thumbsup:

I'm sure that all of those scenarios happen all of the time. The internet has simply expanded the possibilities of ways to have horrible relationship experiences. Yay technology!

Poppy girl Jul 16th 2009 2:23 am

Re: torn!!
 

Originally Posted by Englishtart (Post 7758130)
Very true...I'm really not 'against' the online meeting thing in any way, I know it has worked for many on this forum and no matter how you meet your partner, if it works, it works and that is great.

Maybe I am just a little bit 'old fashioned' :huh: The thing is for me, that even if you meet your 'perfect' partner online, you could still be surprised or disappointed when you finally meet face to face. in the pub, work or supermarket etc, you can get an 'instant' feeling about someone and don't waste too much time on someone that you 'think' might be ok in a chat room etc. (imho) Bit shallow? maybe.

do love the stories on here though about the members that have met online and are very happy:thumbsup:

LOL..:wub: But you get photos 1st and know what they look like if you have any sense.

I remember years ago in Australia my best buddy met a guy online from Detroit, they talked and talked for 6 months day and night, she lost the outside world and shut everyone out, she had photos, web-cam of him etc anyways....

He decides to come to Aussie,she is going to take him to Byron Bay one day and there we sit waiting in anticipation for this cool hunk to arrive :rofl: the convert drives past with Lesa's face none to happy, he looks nice :thumbsup:...they park, he gets out 5ft 5ins she is 5ft 7ins :eek:...

Moral of the story make sure you ask the height :lol:

She since met and married a guy she met online and they have a little girl :wub:

Ash UK/US Jul 16th 2009 3:33 am

Re: torn!!
 

Originally Posted by Englishtart (Post 7755866)
I'm just not sure how you could really 'know' someone from sending messages over the internet?

How do you know the guy you met in a bar thats telling you he is a single wealthy business man isn't really a shelf stacker at Walmart with 3 kids and a girlfriend at home? Key to ANY relationship is honesty.

I got to know my husband (who I met online) better than any guy I had knew before. A bonus to online relationships, unlike other couples, there is no distractions when you talk to someone for 3 hours all you can do is get to know each other better. If you go on a date in the usual sense maybe see a movie or go dancing or to a bar how much do you actually talk?


Originally Posted by Englishtart (Post 7755866)
I have a few friends that met guys online, but to be honest there weren't any long lasting partnerships that came out of their 'encounters'

I have met my hubby over 9 years ago, we have been married almost 7 and have 2 kids... it does work.

Englishtart Jul 16th 2009 4:23 am

Re: torn!!
 

Originally Posted by Ash UK/US (Post 7758415)
Key to ANY relationship is honesty.
I got to know my husband (who I met online) better than any guy I had knew before.
I have met my hubby over 9 years ago, we have been married almost 7 and have 2 kids... it does work.


Congrats to you Ash, I did say that I am not against the online thing, and when it works it works, however you meet.;)

You are right about the honesty and the distractions, but most people don't tend to run away and get married after their first date :)

Leslie Jul 16th 2009 4:26 am

Re: torn!!
 

Originally Posted by Englishtart (Post 7758529)
Congrats to you Ash, I did say that I am not against the online thing, and when it works it works, however you meet.;)

You are right about the honesty and the distractions, but most people don't tend to run away and get married after their first date :)

Yeah but some do shag like bunnies and then wake up six months later with a completely incompatible relationship and a closet full of some total strangers clothes. Allegedly. :blink:

meauxna Jul 16th 2009 4:30 am

Re: torn!!
 

Originally Posted by Englishtart (Post 7758529)
You are right about the honesty and the distractions, but most people don't tend to run away and get married after their first date :)

:o oops.
yeah, not most people!


Originally Posted by Leslie66 (Post 7758541)
Yeah but some do shag like bunnies and then wake up six months later with a completely incompatible relationship and a closet full of some total strangers clothes. Allegedly. :blink:

oops. :o
And I hate it when they don't even fit you. The clothes.

Ash UK/US Jul 16th 2009 4:37 am

Re: torn!!
 

Originally Posted by Englishtart (Post 7758529)
You are right about the honesty and the distractions, but most people don't tend to run away and get married after their first date :)

True, however I talked to my husband 6 months before we became a couple, we 'dated' for another 2 years before we were married. We met 3 times in person. When I we met online we talked on and off for the first month after that we talked/communicated every single day without fail until I moved here.

I seriously doubt I would have got to know him as well if we had dated in the conventional sense of the word.

Poppy girl Jul 16th 2009 4:58 am

Re: torn!!
 

Originally Posted by Leslie66 (Post 7758541)
Yeah but some do shag like bunnies and then wake up six months later with a completely incompatible relationship and a closet full of some total strangers clothes. Allegedly. :blink:

You met my ex BF from last year then :lol:

another bloody yank Jul 16th 2009 5:18 am

Re: torn!!
 

Originally Posted by Ash UK/US (Post 7758415)
I have met my hubby over 9 years ago, we have been married almost 7 and have 2 kids... it does work.

How tall is he?

Ash UK/US Jul 16th 2009 5:39 am

Re: torn!!
 

Originally Posted by another bloody yank (Post 7758689)
How tall is he?

LOL 5'11 like he told me. I am 5'7. I did the sorter guy thing before my husband.

Englishtart Jul 16th 2009 5:41 am

Re: torn!!
 

Originally Posted by Ash UK/US (Post 7758581)
True, however I talked to my husband 6 months before we became a couple, we 'dated' for another 2 years before we were married. We met 3 times in person. When I we met online we talked on and off for the first month after that we talked/communicated every single day without fail until I moved here.

I seriously doubt I would have got to know him as well if we had dated in the conventional sense of the word.


It's the 'end' result that counts really, times change as Leslie said.
I knew Jay was 'the one' after our first date, but we didn't get married for 11 months, mainly because I had just come out of a confusing 5 year relationship and I wanted to be sure (this time) A lot of our early 'talking' was done via the phone as he was deployed for three months, just after we met, so I do understand the concept of 'talking' and getting to know someone better ;)

Poppy girl Jul 16th 2009 5:48 am

Re: torn!!
 

Originally Posted by Englishtart (Post 7758529)
Congrats to you Ash, I did say that I am not against the online thing, and when it works it works, however you meet.;)

You are right about the honesty and the distractions, but most people don't tend to run away and get married after their first date :)

I was with a guy last year that wanted to get married after 3 weeks was in love after a week lol and then when we split up he married another poor girlie all within 6 months, turned out she was the 3 or 4th in 12 months he had fallen in love with :rofl:...and yours truly took it all in :o Blonde.

Englishtart Jul 16th 2009 6:46 am

Re: torn!!
 

Originally Posted by Poppy girl (Post 7758773)
I was with a guy last year that wanted to get married after 3 weeks was in love after a week lol and then when we split up he married another poor girlie all within 6 months, turned out she was the 3 or 4th in 12 months he had fallen in love with :rofl:...and yours truly took it all in :o Blonde.


Life is a box of chocolates...you never know what you're gonna get till you BITE it!! :eek::rofl:

My ex (the 5 year guy) married his secretary 3 months after we split up (on my birthday!!) the barsteward!!!


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