So homesick
 

Hi,

I'm a H4 visa holder, and moved to Houston from the UK (Manchester) in February to join my husband. We got married in December after a three year engagement. hubby has been in the US for the last 8 years. He studied here and then got his H1 visa a couple of years ago.

The thing is that I am so homesick :(. Back home I used to live with my parents and three of my five sisters. I have always been really close to my family and I am used to having lots of people around me: family, friends etc. Since I moved here I don't seem to have made that many friends. I didn't realise I would find adjusting this difficult.

I was very independent back home and did everything for myself. Out here I don't even have access to a car, as my husband needs it for work. I have to rely on him even for simple stuff like going grocery shopping! I basically end up spending most of my days at home alone. My husband is always tired and stressed when he gets home from work and is pretty grumpy and silent, meaning even when he is at home I'm still alone! He never wants to go out and if we do it just feels like a favour.

I just feel like the walls are closing in on me.

I was really positive about coming out here but it has been harder than I expected. I don't say too much about it to my husband because I don't want to bring him down too. He has enough on his plate. Although I do get frustrated and end up fighting with him :(

Did other people feel this bad when they got here, or am I just a complete saddo?? :blink:

Re: So homesick
 

I think you're among the vast majority there. Some people take to the move very quickly, others take a lot longer to adjust to the new situation. It took me about two years. Best of luck. :)

Re: So homesick
 

No, kiddo, you're not a saddo. That's a pretty lonely situation you're in. People need something to do and people to interact with. No wonder you're going up the wall. Glad you found this place. There'll be others along to help.

Could you drive your hubby to work to free up that car?

Re: So homesick
 

Driving him was an option but he is too attached to his car. He is also too busy with work to give me a few driving lessons and we just cant afford lessons at the moment.

(I have tried walking but Houston is not particularly pedestrian-friendly!)

Re: So homesick
 

I think most people have felt similar to that, I have been here 5 years and still don't have anything like the social group I did in England. You need to keep telling yourself life is what you make it. Maybe think about some voluntary work to get out and meet people.

Re: So homesick
 

It sounds like your problems are being compounded by being bored and isolated. You need things to do and that will be difficult without a car.

I suggest a serious chat with your husband when he's not too tired and stressed, pointing out your difficulties and having some solutions in mind such as buying another car or sharing with him for some of the days, looking up some clubs/activities/classes you could join to get you active and meeting people.

Good luck :)

Re: So homesick
 

Fixed that for you.

Re: So homesick
 

Thanks CitySimon. I guess you're right ;)

Re: So homesick
 

With all due respect, sounds like your hubby needs to be a little less selfish.

Re: So homesick
 

I lived at home with my mum and sister right up until moving here in march and can totally relate to you missing having people around. I get SO bored all day when hubby is at work, and I dont drive so can only go a short distance (mainly walmart - the joys!!)

Thank god for the internet!!

Re: So homesick
 

Sounds like excellent advice. I was 'housebound' with a 3 year old when we first came but at least I was in downtown Chicago and could walk places.
Is there talk of a green card in the works? At least then you would be able to work. Long term H4 is not pretty as most here will tell you.
And yes I'm sure that there are also some general adjustments from living with 5 other adults to living with one. Add that to being in a new place with nobody else to talk to. It will just take time. Getting out there and doing stuff will help with that.

Re: So homesick
 

you need to explain to him how your feeling ''too attached to the car'' is rather selfish considering the impact he is having on you. He needs to make time - otherwise why did he bother to get married? Schedule up lessons at the weekend. dont take no for an answer. sorting out the car/driving will be one step forward that may open up a lot of other options for you (volunteer work, classes, gym, museanms etc - and help make friends that way.

Re: So homesick
 

Can you drive?
If you can then do you really need lessons?

Sometimes I think that moving abroad is a bit like a bereavement. It is very hard and isolating if you don't know anyone at all. At least if you marry a US person you have some contacts here even if you don't like them.

I remember my first morning here when OH and kids had gone to school...I didn't know a soul, I didn't know where anything was and yet everyone back home was doing all the usual stuff that I had been part of a few days earlier.
I really felt like I'd been bereaved.
Very strange feeling:(

If you can drive then could you buy a cheap car? Just being able to leave your house whenever you want to makes such a difference and there's a whole new country waiting for you to discover it.

You'll be lonley for a while because it takes ages to find new people, start to know them, build relationships etc but don't give up because it will happen.
Sometimes it's hard and you have to make yourself.

But you do need your own transport in this country!

Re: So homesick
 

What does he think you are going to do all day!

Re: So homesick
 

Come to that, even if you can't drive, do you really need lessons in the US? All you have to do is get the car round the shopping plaza car park, thus passing the test and then you're away to teach yourself!

Definitely could do with a second motor by the sound of it.