No one forced me to board the Seattle bound plane, i'd done my homework, planning had been meticulous, furniture shipped, house and car sold, said goodbye to everyone and everything, this was it...my final flight from England. Teary eyed i remember feeling so sad as i watched every major landmark in London slowly disappear out of view, i was missing it already and couldnt help but look back! 'I'l be back for a visit next year' so i thought...that was in 2003!

I'd met and married an American, bought a new home, made 'to do list' which i'd hoped to achieve within a year. Due to a serious accident in my teens i was disabled when i left England and was aware i would naturally be losing my benefits (even though i didnt miraculously recover just because i was leaving) My husband had reassured me that he had great insurance and with combined finances and monies from the sale of my home we would be just fine!

Time passed quickly in the beginning but still i noticed an absence of friends and i naturally asked why no one ever came over? Excuses made, i really started to wonder if i'd ever meet anyone, and if so...when? I didnt think anything to it on my prior visits as time was so limited and besides there would be plenty of time for friends when i moved here permanently. Well i was here, mnths had gone by and still no friends? When i asked about a particular person he'd previously mentioned i'd usually get the same reply (just slightly altered wording) 'Well i used to know them but they've moved' What??? All of them??

Calls from friends and family back home were getting less and less, along with my fast decreasing bank account and thoughts of 'What have i done' were constantly present. His job loss and loss of health insurance came the following year after 22yrs with the same company. Great timing...no job or heath insurance and now i was getting real sick with sinus problems, so sick in fact they hospitalized me (in 44yrs i'd never had this problem before...ever) and who gets hospitalized with sinus problems? I have suffered with it ever since...taken every major antibiotic known to man and still it recurs? Now the doctor wont give me anymore (and i totally understand why) but cannot bear the thought of yet another surgery. Besides i am completely convinced its all the moisture here(WA state) thats causing it...strange how i never suffered from this before i ever came here?
It was a very stressful time and worrying wether i could keep my home didnt help matters much...no job no money! Bit by bit the bank was drained, the money from the sale of my home back in England was all i had left...and it was all gone! Mortgage payments still had to be paid, and medical bills were piling up fast.

It wasnt long after that things got completely out of hand which resulted in him been arrested, followed by a year of Domestic violence classes. I was rock bottom, my self esteem gone i retreated further. He seemed genuinely sorry for what he had done and promised he would make a new start, a new job will bring new friends (so he said) whatever happened to the old ones? I loved driving but still had no license (no stateID either) he promised he'd finally help me with that too. Relying on him to take me to every appointment wasnt a problem to him...but it sure was for me, i hated not having any independence i didnt even know where the post office was and i'd lived here 3yrs? Promises broken and 5yrs later i finally got my driving license in May 2008 (and i did it without him too)

Even after all this i still considered myself fortunate. I had a home i had food and my own bed to sleep in, visions of been homeless scared me enough not to leave. I kept telling myself that my time would come, it just wasnt yet!
I spent a lot of time in my back garden, i knew compared to a lot of people i was still lucky to have what i did and besides i loved my new found animal friends, and having an occasional deer stroll through my back yard was just fine by me...rabbits racoons squirrels chipmunks along with many different species of birds was fascinating to watch....but not a realistic substitute for humans (as much as i loved them)

2008 and i could barely walk anymore, even walking to the mailbox at the end of the drive had become a struggle and in July of the same year i had major spinal surgery (fusion) Estranged from my husband i tried to take care of myself (anyone thats had spinal surgery knows this is practically impossible and very un-advisable)
That was 6mnths ago and recently learnt that the surgery has failed, i have no idea what happens now, surgery really was my last option? I cant get disability in my own right, only through my ex husbands contributions.....and that's not on option now anyway. I have tried everything and everyone and exhausted every avenue i can think of, the bottom line is....i made my bed i have to sleep in it.

I still believe this is a great country and for those who have found true happiness here...i salute you!! As for me...well if i ever make it back i will be sure to post an update.
This was my story thank you all for taking the time to read it.
Happy New year and god bless to all.
Beth

Crap. Hope things improve somehow. Relying on a man is always a bad idea when you are a woman.

(((hugs))) what a horrible situation. I hope you get things sorted ASAP.

Oh Beth! {{{hugs}}}

What on earth are you going to do now? Any UK support network? Any assistance from the British Embassy (I assume you are technically "destitute" - can they help with repatriation if you want to go home?). Any local advocacy services who could help you get at least some spousal support?
Whatever happens for you - I wish you all the best and hope you can see a way out of your troubles.

Thank you so much for your comments Unfortunately unless a miracle happens i really dont know what else i can do quoll? I retained my British Citizenship and am a legal permanent resident here. I have enough money for basic daily needs and my doctor (here in the USA) is trying to arrange at least physical help for the short term. I'm blessed i still have my 73yr old mother but she's not in good health herself, so understandably i try to not involve her in a mess she realistically can do very little about! She stays in touch by telephone as much as she possibly can but i havent seen her since i first arrived here in 2003

The sale of my home would only pay off the existing balance plus realtor fees, so no monies left over to help finance my divorce (legal aid not an option here) I was prepared to live in a cheap motel (once the house was sold) just until my divorce was final (4mnths) that way i could leave the USA with all ties severed, but with no equity i couldnt afford to even pay for a room! My credit in England is excellent yet here i don't even have a bank account! That was closed without my even knowing (both my own and joint) He managed to open another but i was rejected which is totally absurd as it was never my debt in the beginning?? Endless phone calls explaining the whole situation are all to no avail....all because i live in a community state. Which basically means his debt is my debt. Its all a mess i know, with simply a sink or swim option left....i don't know what the answer is i really dont....but for now i'm still swimming!

North America is the pits if one needs lots of medical care, treatment or prescriptions.
Employee benefits and insurance are fine...but one still needs to pay around a fifth of possibly high costs. And what happens when one is no longer employed and/or insurers won't cover pre-existing conditions?

Canada has Medicare but drugs aren't covered. Some provinces have programs to help where costs are high. We're not on a low income and we're doing okay...except prescription costs are now over $4000 a year due to worsening of pre-existing, uninsurable conditions and likely to rise. That does put us on a low income.

We are mortgage free and the province we are in penalises us for that. They assume an income from the value of the property. We could be renting, have the same money left after the same expenses and we would qualify for assistance with the costs.

In other provinces they look at taxable income only. We can have the same income/expenses/housing as we have in NB and we'd only have to pay a fifth of the costs as a maximum. By moving to one of those provinces we can save well over $3000 a year.

That's what we'll be doing. We have quite a few fall back positions if necessary. It's annoying, nonetheless.

Can't your old Mum have a whip round and fly you home.
Honestly I'd sell and get out, forget the divorce, wait till you are all settled and home and do it from there. (((hugs)))

I so agree with you!

What a horrible situation to be in Beth.

Please please, just get on a plane and come home. Your health and wellbeing is far more important than all the financial stuff and red tape you are dealing with.

Even if you cannot live with your mum, there are places for people like you to live. Over 55s housing places also take people who are disabled or have serious health problems. I would contact social services as soon as you get back.

Good luck xxx

I agree, go home as quick as you possibly can. Stay with your mum, if she's able to put you up, and then get in contact with the support agencies in the UK - there are plenty that can help. Citizens Advice, social services, the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP), local housing authority, your local MP's office can help too.

For your type of needs, you'll never beat living in the UK - it has the best benefits and support system in the world IMO.

Good luck to you.

Beth

So sorry to hear of your situation no one deserves to go through what you have experienced.If you don't see any way your relationship with your husband will improve(sad to say,it does not appear to be worth saving) then to be honest there is no real reason for you to remain in the U.S. .I would attempt to contact friends & family back in the UK for a small loan for airfare so to get home.

It might even be worth trying to open a UK credit card account since your credit history is still good back home.Just use your mothers address as your home mailing address in order to get approved.Remember at this point what matters most is your physical and mental health and everything else is secondary.I believe as a UK citizen you do still have the right to most if not all benefits in Great Britain including medical.

I'm not clear on how long you can be out of the country and still claim housing benefits but I'm sure if you request that info someone on this board will advise you.In any case I wish you all the best and please think about your health first, before the expense or problems involved in getting a devorce from your husband while in the UK.Get well first, then worry about that American loser.I see many up sides for you going home(mostly medical) and very few to staying still in your current situation.

Thank you for your kind words and suggestions. I had already made phone calls to the UK and yes i would definitely get help once i returned...the really hard part is at this end! Unfortunately for reasons mentioned earlier mum is not an option. I absolutely agree that red tape is secondary but realistically what would happen to my home if i literally just walked away (the mortgage is in my name) Ive never committed an illegal act in my life and at 49 i sure dont want to start now Seriously though its a scary thought!! If a miracle were to happen and i could get home, the thought of coming back to finalise the divorce and everything else terrifies me!! Either way its not looking good i know.......

You could do what all the US citizens are doing right now, send the keys back to the mortgage company, it takes them a few months to throw you out anyways, maybe enough time to save for a ticket home and sleep on Mums couch till you can get more sorted. It's all possible, but the first step is the hardest. Two suitcases with your most treasured belongs and off you go.

Firstly, this site is just amazing!! Sharing my story was not something i considered lightly, so much has happened since i left England.....where would i start? No reason to feel shame, yet that was the very reason i stayed 'Silent' for so long!

Unassuming, outgoing, funny, thoughtful and passionate is often how people described me. Disability never altered my determination and nothing could change my love and appreciation of this wonderful world we live in Dancing/tennis/badmington/hockey and even the occasional footy game (soccer) were just a few of the many activities i used to enjoy....acceptance of my disability in the beginning was naturally difficult! In time i found other interests and my zest for life returned, i'm an absolute believer that life really is what you make it and that anything is possible if you really want it. That's the real me and i'd lost her! Reading so many stories (good and bad) has truly inspired me....i cannot and will not give up! Help is not something i easily accept (even with a disability stubborn to a fault) that's just something i have to overcome.

I am meeting with my doctor next week to set up a (short term) care program, and as much as i want to board the next plane out of here, i have to accept that i still need physical help (if only with suitcases) I will talk with social services at this end first, who knows, they may be able to liaise with the SS dept in England? I would at least feel safer knowing i had some kind of help when i got to the other end.
I don't exactly feel comfortable with 'just walking away' but absolutely agree my health (and sanity) come first!! I am going to call the mortgage company tomorrow! As for my divorce, well if i can only do it from England...then so be it! I will update as things hopefully progress, in the meantime, thank you to everyone for your much appreciated help and support!
((((Hugs))))

You can divorce from UK, My grandmother in law did it. way back when her louse of a GI husband abandoned her and two babies in a cold house in the middle of Wisconsin. They'd have starved and frozen if it wasn't for the kindness of neighbors, who even helped her back to the airport (or it might have been the train to NY for a ship back)
You can do it to (((hugs))) stay strong.

Beth, if you tell the airlines you are disbabled and need special services, you will get help second to none!. I had to fly back to Australia in an emergency earlier this year from London. I was recovering from pnuemonia and had a shoulder injury too.
I did not have to walk ANYWHERE between London and Sydney. I was greeted at the terminal, put in a wheelchair, wheeled to check in, processed before everyone else then taken to the special services area to await my flight. I was wheele about anyhwere i wanted to go ie the toilet etc. On the stop off at Kuala Lumpur i was greeted with an electric buggy taken to terminal and escorted back again to the plane. Once i arrived at Sydney i was processed through customs via staff exit no waiting and once again in electric buggy. Staff even collected my luggage for me.

All this service is free of charge for disabled people.