Gabgoeshome

Fantastic post ,Thank you

aviva

I agree completely with what you've said. After having moved about the world so much, I don't feel I belong anywhere. Moving back to UK for me will be moving to one more country where they speak the same basic language, where I happened to have been born. I don't expect that I'll really "fit in". I just hope to find some level of comfort in my surroundings that I have not felt since I left UK 50 years ago. It's a good jumping off place to explore that side of the world too.
I don't regret moving about the world and seeing through these opened eyes. I hope they'll open more when I get back and get one more dose of culture shock.

keaki80

Great post Steve. I think you are so right in the fact that WE change too - and "forget that". I find myself getting irritated with family/friends over things that wouldn't have bothered me before and I have to admit it is because we have all changed.
I especially liked your passage of people back home not knowing our new life - and the new friends/acquaintances not knowing our old life.
You summed it all up perfectly.

Steve_

Honestly I went into the UPS Store a few days ago and the woman behind the counter asked me if I was from New Zealand, and I went: "I'm from er... well..." I looked in the pantry after I put that post up and I have American Twixes, Canadian Mars bars, South African Cadbury's flakes, Nestlé Nuts bars and McVitie's biscuits in there.

Like when people start to compare the healthcare systems of different countries, I can speak from personal experience of about half a dozen!

I think I spent ten minutes hunting for a TV channel the other night and it suddenly dawned on me it doesn't exist here.

I got into an argument with CBP a few months ago and my side of the conversation went something like: "Well actually if you check the regulations made under 8 USC 1184(e) that apply to entries made under 8 USC 1101(a)(15)(B)..." and it suddenly dawned on me after the conversation I know more about the immigration law than they do!

I don't recommend moving about as much as I have, I think it's starting to mess with my head. On my facebook page I only have a few dozen friends but they're people I've known for years or people I'm related to and I don't think more than two or three of them are in the same country.

dunroving

I agree with your point about constantly moving making it difficult to maintain friendships, or having friends spread all over, geographically. I don't even have a Facebook page.

I sometimes wonder how "Army Brats" adapt to constantly moving - maybe someone on here was an Army Brat and can tell us how it affected friendships, etc. I now have a friendship circle that I communicate with almost entirely by phone and email, because they are 100's/1,000's of miles away. This past move has been the most difficult to forge new friendships - not sure if it's just the cumulative effect of being exhausted by having to start over so many times, plus other practical factors that make it difficult to socialize here.

Anyway, rambling again. Back to the original question, the whole better/worse thing is not just about the respective countries but what you have in each country in terms of a social and family circle.

airways

You never form proper friendships because you are never in a place long enough. So you learn to live for the moment. We bounced all over the place for my entire youth, never in once place for more than a few years and never returning to my place of birth. When I joined the military myself it continued.

I have been in the same place now for a decade and only have a couple of friends locally and even they have proven the sort that you would not confide in. My friends that have turned out to be long term have been the ones that you would have bet originally as being the most superficial. They are Canadians and Americans, Spaniards and we talk by Skype and email every few days. My other English friends lived several hours away or overseas and again we communicate electronically and see them once a year on average.

My so called local friends in the UK are so self absorbed they can go a month without bothering and often its when then want something!!

I think for us moving around just means a different place for the annual meet ups!!

Steve_

I was in the military as well. The way I look at it is that you only live once. I wonder whether there are any people who move around a lot who have a strong belief in God. I'm an atheist.

ldyinlv

My father was in the RAF when I was growing up, every three years we picked up and moved, leaving the friends we had made behind. I have realized over the years, that I have a hard time letting people get to close to me. My heart was broken so many times as a child, telling best friends goodbye etc, that I truely believe as an adult I have walls put up..if you dont let people get to close, it doesnt hurt as much when you/they leave. Of course it doesnt always work...
Jackie

Deeks

I don't mean to intrude here, I'm a USC married to a UKC. I just wondered how the original poster was doing. I nearly cried when reading this, it says so much of what I feel living on the opposite side. He misses so many dear things about his home in England, I miss so many dear things about my home in the Pacific Northwest. I hope he finds his happiness, the real un-tinted glasses kind. Best of luck to you Blunder.

Xebedee

Very insightfull, and appreciated too.
Couldn't add much except to say, from my experience, having my own family in the new country is a real grounding to hold onto when the "waves" get a little too big to deal with.

Without them, I'd have given up long ago and probably led something of an aimless existence. So, basically they are my country (twee but true).

I'll still try going home in a few years anyway - mainly because the idea of never doing so, is basically so f'ing frightening.

I call it "Crusoe's curse"

chocciecake

hands up, yes, thats us!

aviva

Oops!

Steve_

The one point I would make about the UK that other people rarely do (and one of the main reasons I will never live there again) is that the British are the world's most opinionated people on subjects they know nothing about.

Sometimes it's called an "island mentality". The problem is that GB is a pretty big island so the British went around the world telling everyone else what they should be doing and that's why there was a British Empire, imo.

As an example, lost count of the number of racists I've met in the UK and it's completely laughable because most of the visible immigrants in the UK appear to be from Commonwealth countries - well guess what, take over half the world, expect some blowback in later years.

When I was growing up in Britain I used to think there was something wrong with me because I had a different opinion to everyone else, clearly I was not part of the "group think" that is British culture. Then I left and realised that actually no, I was right about a lot of things and the general British cultural view is wrong.

I don't mind listening to people complain who actually understand what they are complaining about, but the British appear to like sitting around and just generally whinging even when it doesn't make any sense.

I came to the conclusion it must be because of population density, the problems cannot actually be addressed so instead everyone just moans endlessly because it makes them feel better.

One of the biggest jokes ever is that apparently Milton Keynes is rated as the best place to live in the UK - a town designed by an American.

Oregon4now

Thank you for your perspective.

dunroving

There are so many points in your post I disagree with that I don't know where to start. Largely, though, I say this post appears to be a case of the pot calling the kettle black. You are generalising about so many things, with not a thread of evidence or tangible information to back up any of the points you made.

Does the US not have racists (and I'd guess probably proportionally more than in the UK)? People opinionating on things they know nothing about? Have you listened to Sarah Palin's supporters on TV lately?

So you thought you were the only person among 55m who was wrong, until you left and found people in another country who agreed with you, and then you realised it was the 55m people who were wrong and you were right after all. I'm sorry, but that just sounds more than a little off-target to me - I think there is a much larger variety of opinion (and definitely a larger variety of political opinion) in the UK than the US (where the two parties are conservative and extremely conservative).

Of course, I could be the one that's wrong.