Blunder

I've been here in the USA now (Texas for four years, Colorado for one) and I've finally arrived at the point where the "novelty has worn off". I don't know if it's age, maturity, a few years in the school of life, or what, but after some ups and downs, some wonderful experiences and adventures, and some true tests of patience, I'm officially done.

At first, the glitz of living in "AMERICA!", the open roads, the scenery, the big plates of food, frosted beer glasses, huge houses and athe things we heard about in movies were enough to sustain my interest. It has been a wonderful larger than life experience with good friends, but I've never been able to shake the feeling that I had overstayed a holiday.

And as good as the friends are that I've made here, I know we don't have that deep, true blood "brotherhood" bond like what I have with my mates back home. It's like everything in America emotionally gets to a 7 or an 8 before hitting a glass ceiling and never truly hitting that 10 to say "This truly is my home now."

I miss so many things, big and small, about England and I want to know if I decided to move back, would I regret it once all the tearful reunions and catching up with friends died down? Would catching the bus to my small terraced house just in time for Eastenders soon get old, with me asking myself why I left behind a grand home, car, and laying by the pool?

I miss my family, my true childhood friends, I miss the lifestyle over there. I can't ever shake the feeling that America is just constantly shaking me down for money - processing fees, admin fees, convenience fees, toll road fees, state tax, federal tax, etc. I feel like my original plans to travel the continent and see the sights have somehow been slapped with a giant dose of reality and instead I'm just working 8-6 (with ten days vacation a year lol) just to pay the bills and try to survive. Life has become more about existing rather than living.

And if I'm going to "exist", I'd rather do it in the same locale as my parents, siblings and friends.

Is a return to England really that promising? Or just another "grass is greener" fantasy that will soon leave me cold and longing for my US life again?

Right now nothing sounds better than making my way through the cold to see the warm orange glow of the pub windows, the muffle of a live band, and knowing there's a pint in there waiting for me, and a group of mates around the small circular table.

I really miss home

Wolfy

We could all say that about the place we live now and what a lot of people loose sight of is that we have to live to the lifstyle and work in the current enviorment.

We all see a different perspective when we compare two places and think that perhaps you have seen your current location as just that an extended holiday that has now lost its novelty.

Life is what we make it, we make choices to change our lives, whether it be for the best or not and often we beleive it is for the best.

Opinions alone must not be used in basing your judgement, but facts such as, if you return could you afford a huge deposit to get on the property ladder? may not be a deal breaker affording health insurance and holiday entitlement in the U.S may be a negative to some.

If it were me having to make that choice and it has, when my fiancee and I sat down, we wrote pros and cons down for both sides of the Atlantic and as she has family and a great job it was those two alone that swayed our decision.

What is important to some may not be to others such as taking a £4500 paycut to be happy! I did....but that was eons ago or it seems.

Good luck in what ever you decide

Bluegrass Lass

Blunder, are you my husband masquerading as someone else?

Wish I had something positive to say. My OH (UKC) and I (USC) have going around in circles about this very same topic for the past 6 months or so. Do we move to Scotland, or don't we? We haven't been able to come to a decision as yet. There are so many pros/cons for both sides, its been very difficult to decide. We know we aren't entirely happy here, but will we be happy there? What if we aren't? Then we've just traded unhappiness here, for unhappiness there and then we'll be right back to where we started.

I think there is an aspect of the 'rose-tinted glasses' or 'grass is greener' playing a role in our current unhappiness. Nothing is going to be 100% perfect in either country; there are always going to be aspects of the politics or society that aren't liked. I think it comes down to what differences can you tolerate. Do you get more bent out of shape about the politics, or more about small houses and generally cooler/rainier weather?

If possible, why don't you try to do an extended holiday back home and see if it's all how you remember it? Things do change, and people you once were good friends with, may have moved on. Check out the job market for your field, see how much housing costs for the size, etc. Kind of like a reccie trip to evaluate the possibility of moving back.

Maybe you should take a pop over into the Moving Back to the UK forum to see what advice they can offer. They are people going through some of the same things you are. Good luck in your decision making.

Nutmegger

If you search, you will find thread after thread asking the same question.

In all honesty, I don't believe that anyone can answer that question for you. How can anyone know how you will feel, how you will react? People don't feel the same way in the same situation, there's no one-size-fits-all for this.

Sorry, but this is a decision that only you can make. It's you that's moving or staying, it's you that knows how you feel about the US, it will be you that knows how you feel about being back in the UK.

Whatever your choice, good luck!

penguinsix

The cold hard reality of the present, positive and negative, will never match the purely positive memories of the past. One of the keys to moving on in life is to remember the past in both a positive and negative light. What was it about your previous life that made you seek something better? What really bothered you in the past and has it improved since you left? Many expats remember and miss only the good bits. It happens to expats of all nationalities living in every country. You should checkout the American expats in the UK site. Their homesickness board is often a mirrored copy of comments we get here.

Now if you can rationally think of another place, good and bad, and still yearn to return, then maybe it is time to start planning a change. I would second a review of the moving back forum and recommend reading about the successes AND the failures (search for 'ping pong' to see those who re-returned to their adopted homes when current reality of moving back to their original 'home' didn't meet their memories).

In the end the specifics of each person's situation make the difference. There really isn't a universal answer for all. I wish you good luck as you seek your answer.

Bob

Do you have US citizenship?

Get that first before deciding to bugger off, at least you'll have the option to come back if it all turns out to be a sour experience and everyone has moved on back home...

paddingtongreen

Would you be going home, or re-emigrating, you have changed, your old home has changed.

Yorkieabroad

I don't know if it would be possible, but I agree with whoever it was that suggested an extended trip back to see how you feel.

We spent 8 years in Singapore and when we left I still had the feeling some days that I was on holiday. I've never really felt like that here, mainly because even with the nice house/car/pool in the backyard, the atmosphere isn't holiday-like, and there is too much hassle in day to day life.

We came here for family reasons, but after 2 years, had the opportunity to move back to England for 6 months. I was a bit nervous about it, as I still (then and now) consider England to be the ultimate home, beyond the family home that we have here, and I didn't want to find that I no longer fit in. I was pleasantly surprised, and at the end of 6 months had no doubts whatsoever that if we ever decided to move back, we would be able to do so with no qualms. In a way, that has made me more content here - knowing that there is a realistic alternative should it all go to ratshit here.

We will stay here for the forseeable future, because from a family point of view it makes sense, even if from a purely selfish point of view I would prefer to be in England because I prefer the lifestyle there.

If I were you, I would look to get that same idea of whether it is going to work or not, before you take a plunge that may be difficult to reverse.

tonrob

I've been in the US for five years too (well, six almost) and I can relate to everything your wrote in your post as I felt the exact same way, but for me it was somewhere at the 3-4 year mark (but lasted about 18 months). This year though I have secured a new role (at the same company) and Mrs tonrob fell pregnant. Somehow - and not by design - those two events shook me out of my blues and I now see most other aspects of our lives in a much more positive light. I know everyone's different, but I sometimes find it hard to attribute how I feel about things in general to one specific cause, but I've learned over the years that it can just take one (or two) things to colour everything.

Not sure if this helps, but it might be possible to force some easier changes in your life (than moving back home) and then see if that makes a difference. If not, then maybe that confirms your need to move.

Good luck.

Mummy in the foothills

For me is six of one and half dozen of the other.
I like both places, both have good and bad, so just deciding where you want to be in the up coming years and old age are what tips the scale for me.
Hopefully you can decide where you want to be soon, then make a plan.

Sally Redux

Totally understand where you are coming from, our whole family feels the same way, however our house has lost too much value for us to move at the moment plus Britain is not good for public sector workers just at the moment.

Derrygal

I hear you on the housing market - I purchased my condo in 2005 - it's lost at least 25% of it's value. Not a good time to sell at all - even if you get a buyer - they practically want you to give your house away!

bevinva

If you can, go home.

Mother England
By Gillian Parker

If you plan to leave My shores
Do it when you’re very young,
Leave before your memory stores
Knowledge of your mother tongue.
Leave before you call Me “ Home”
And before your Heart is given
Because , if after that You roam,
Then forever you are riven.
though your eyes may seek and find
wondrous sights on land and sea
you will always find your mind
Turning homeward back to Me.
You will hunger ,you will thirst,
You will suffer all your days ,
Yearning for what you knew first,
English folk and English ways.

English lanes with hedges high,
English gardens all in bloom.
English earth English sky,
English fields and English coomb.
English habits ,
Eyes that smile,
English jokes I think are funny
English clothing worn with style,
English weather , damp or sunny.
And in your rememberings,
Let the pride blot out the pain.
Pride in England’s Kings and Queens.
Pride in speaking England’s name.
Pride in all that made me great ,
Pride in my illustrious past.
Pride in that I played the game
And shall until the very last

ldyinlv

I couldnt agree more..that is why I am returning home in January after 34 years in the US..

southerncomfort