adamcarts

He certainly isn't destitute. He has a well paid job which he has held for over 20 years and his income is higher of the two. He has gambled away a great deal of money and they have lost several homes because of it. She now lives in a rented house because of this. She is holding back currently as they have to sort out joint taxes. She is fearful that he will not pay his way and leave it all to her. It is very complicated and this was one of the reasons I was hoping I could move closer while we waited for all this to clear.

Hotscot

How long have they been separated?

(Lost several homes...wow...)

adamcarts

They have been separated for almost 2 years but as mentioned he does stay at the home regularly with his son.

Lion in Winter

Understandable feeling. It sounds as though legal help would be a good idea to sort out the division of property.

If this is the last year they have to file joint, then the wait to file is almost over since April 15th is the absolute last date to file taxes in the US.

Lion in Winter

I don't think that counts. I believe you can even live together "as room mates". Again, I'm no lawyer though - it sounds as though getting one would be the best next step.

nun

Have divorce proceedings started? Your friend should get a lawyer asap if not

Lion in Winter

I believe the OP said that they have not - she is waiting due to other worries.

Lawyer seems to be the concensus here, and I would get one now to help with the tax issue as well.

adamcarts

Divorce proceedings haven't started yet due to the fear of him not completing the taxes etc if the divorce petition commenced. He doesn't want to agree to anything and will fight her on all fronts. He wants her money, he is a gambler, and has gambled away so much, she has suffered ill health because of it and we were hoping we could be together to work through this.

Hotscot

In that case nothing else can be achieved here.
She needs a lawyer.

Lion in Winter

Completely understandable, but sadly difficult owing to the US immigration system.

She should gather up all her proof of what he spent on what.

If it gets down to April 15th and he won't sign the tax return, then perhaps she could file as a single person (more expensive but would keep her legal before the IRS), and then file the divorce petition. It probably won't help him to be delinquent on his taxes.

Seriously, she should get a lawyer.

You hang in there - she will need you and Skype and visits are much better than nothing, although not nearly as good as the real thing. A financial agreement will be reached - the courts require it and the judge will make one if the parties can't agree. Get the lawyer.

Pulaski

Taxes shouldn't be an impediment. If they're not cohabiting or otherwise living as a married couple, then the wife can only file "married filing separately" anyway. If she thinks otherwise she is mistaken.

There is really no objective reason to delay "getting the ball rolling" on divorce. Nothing will get any better and there is every chance the situation will further deteriorate.

adamcarts

Lion in Winter, thank you for your kind words. I have felt completely helpless and it is so painful that I can't be there to help her. We Skype very regularly and to see her so upset is heart wrenchingly bad.

Owen778

It's probably important to correct that to "Married filing separately", not "single", which is not appropriate while still married.

Agreed.

nun

Hmm....well 30 years of marriage it is as much his as hers.

No divorce begun, contested divorce, living in separate countries. She should file married separately and get the divorce going if that's what she wants. You need to be practical. It all sounds too complicated right now and I would keep a sensible distance. Once your friend starts divorce proceedings and sorts out her situation then you can think out visas and moving. You are in an emotional, financial and practical minefield and I would tread carefully.

Lion in Winter

Yes, thank you. Correction noted.