Newbie here

Old Jan 21st 2015, 4:02 pm
  #1  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jan 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 11
adamcarts is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Newbie here

Hello all newbie here. Sorry I have posted this in the welcome thread too. I am hoping I can get some really great help and advice in the minefield of trying to move to the USA.

My story is that at 54 I thought I would never find love again. Well I have. And I have been with a lovely american lady for over 14 months now. We have visited each other several times and we want to marry in the future. I have used the ESTA. Unfortunately she is only separated currently as her estranged husband won't give her a divorce.

So I obviously want to be near to her while we wait. As far as I can tell its almost an impossibility. I used to be an EMT for an NHS Ambulance service and I was hoping I could get an EMT or a healthcare job there. So far I have been unsuccessful hence my reason for coming here. I guess I am looking in the wrong places.

If anyone could offer any help or advice I would be very grateful as these tearful goodbye's at the airport are killing both of us (I know I am a soppy old git).

Thanks
Adam
adamcarts is offline  
Old Jan 21st 2015, 4:06 pm
  #2  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Hotscot's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2011
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 6,156
Hotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Newbie here

Adam...at your age and skillset no one is going to offer you a job in the US.

Hasn't she been estranged long enough to obtain a divorce without his agreement?

Do you have sufficient financial resources to support her if she came to the UK?
Hotscot is offline  
Old Jan 21st 2015, 4:08 pm
  #3  
 
Lion in Winter's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: City of Broad Shoulders
Posts: 53,681
Lion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Newbie here

Originally Posted by adamcarts View Post
Hello all newbie here. Sorry I have posted this in the welcome thread too. I am hoping I can get some really great help and advice in the minefield of trying to move to the USA.

My story is that at 54 I thought I would never find love again. Well I have. And I have been with a lovely american lady for over 14 months now. We have visited each other several times and we want to marry in the future. I have used the ESTA. Unfortunately she is only separated currently as her estranged husband won't give her a divorce.

So I obviously want to be near to her while we wait. As far as I can tell its almost an impossibility. I used to be an EMT for an NHS Ambulance service and I was hoping I could get an EMT or a healthcare job there. So far I have been unsuccessful hence my reason for coming here. I guess I am looking in the wrong places.

If anyone could offer any help or advice I would be very grateful as these tearful goodbye's at the airport are killing both of us (I know I am a soppy old git).

Thanks
Adam
I'm sorry, I don't know enough about the immigration situation to help with that, but on the divorce situation nobody has to "give" anyone a divorce. She can file unilaterally, he will be served notice, and it goes from there. Laws vary by state of course, and a contested case will always be longer/more complicated/expensive than an uncontested case, but nobody can be compelled to remain married. If marriage is what will best solve your problem, then my suggestion would be to get that divorce in motion. Good luck.
Lion in Winter is offline  
Old Jan 21st 2015, 4:09 pm
  #4  
nun
BE Forum Addict
 
nun's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 4,722
nun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Newbie here

Cross border relationships (outside the EU anyway) can be difficult. Realistically, you will have to wait until she is divorced before you can make long term plans as the only visa route I see for either of you is through marriage. So you will have to content yourselves with visits for now.

How quickly she can get a divorce will depend on where she lives. Some states have liberal divorce laws, others can require long term separations before divorce if both parties don't agree.

Last edited by nun; Jan 21st 2015 at 4:12 pm.
nun is offline  
Old Jan 21st 2015, 4:21 pm
  #5  
 
Lion in Winter's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: City of Broad Shoulders
Posts: 53,681
Lion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Newbie here

Useful divorce law information. Some general principles and sections for each State.

U.S. Divorce Law
Lion in Winter is offline  
Old Jan 21st 2015, 4:29 pm
  #6  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jan 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 11
adamcarts is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Newbie here

Thank you everyone... yes it seems that waiting and divorce is the only option unfortunately. Her estranged husband will fight her all the way as he doesn't want a divorce. She lives in Illinois.
adamcarts is offline  
Old Jan 21st 2015, 4:36 pm
  #7  
 
Lion in Winter's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: City of Broad Shoulders
Posts: 53,681
Lion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Newbie here

Originally Posted by adamcarts View Post
Thank you everyone... yes it seems that waiting and divorce is the only option unfortunately. Her estranged husband will fight her all the way as he doesn't want a divorce. She lives in Illinois.
Here is some more info for you then.

Illinois Divorce: Dividing Property | DivorceNet.com

If there are any minor children involved, custody issues can be tricky and both parents may be required to take some sort of "class" on how to be good parents during/after a divorce. If it's just property, you can get arbitration from the court and a decision by the judge. Unfair division does not have to be agreed to and is frowned upon by the Illinois courts.

Again, personal differences are not relevant. He can't prevent a divorce just because he "doesn't want one".
Lion in Winter is offline  
Old Jan 21st 2015, 4:37 pm
  #8  
nun
BE Forum Addict
 
nun's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 4,722
nun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Newbie here

Originally Posted by adamcarts View Post
Thank you everyone... yes it seems that waiting and divorce is the only option unfortunately. Her estranged husband will fight her all the way as he doesn't want a divorce. She lives in Illinois.
IL is like many states.....you can get a no fault divorce after a 6 month separation, but if it's contested the separation will have to be for 2 years.
nun is offline  
Old Jan 21st 2015, 4:42 pm
  #9  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jan 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 11
adamcarts is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Newbie here

No minor children involved. No property either as he gambled it all away. She knows that he will not go for a no fault divorce. It seems as though we have a battle on our hands either way. :-(
adamcarts is offline  
Old Jan 21st 2015, 4:44 pm
  #10  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Hotscot's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2011
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 6,156
Hotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Newbie here

Originally Posted by adamcarts View Post
No minor children involved. No property either as he gambled it all away. She knows that he will not go for a no fault divorce. It seems as though we have a battle on our hands either way. :-(
How long have they been separated? That will reduce the 2 year period.
Hotscot is offline  
Old Jan 21st 2015, 4:46 pm
  #11  
 
Lion in Winter's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: City of Broad Shoulders
Posts: 53,681
Lion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Newbie here

Originally Posted by adamcarts View Post
No minor children involved. No property either as he gambled it all away. She knows that he will not go for a no fault divorce. It seems as though we have a battle on our hands either way. :-(
If there is no property to divide, and no minor children, what will the battle be about?

Again, you can't compel someone to remain married if they don't want to. Just wait until the 2 years of separation is up, and there you are. File now, get the ball rolling. The judge may tell him there is no point in waiting and he may give up and sign.

Is there a risk that she will be asked to support him financially?
Lion in Winter is offline  
Old Jan 21st 2015, 4:53 pm
  #12  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jan 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 11
adamcarts is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Newbie here

She has a son of 20 that lives with her and her estranged husband comes around the house to spend time with him. He often sleeps there in his sons room. There has been no intimacy between there for around 2 years. She believes that he will want to try and get as much from her as he can. I don't understand the legalities to be honest but as they were married for over 30 years she says that he will try and get pension rights and other financial stipulations put upon her.
adamcarts is offline  
Old Jan 21st 2015, 4:55 pm
  #13  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Hotscot's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2011
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 6,156
Hotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond reputeHotscot has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Newbie here

How long have they been separated?

(And she lets him stay overnight...sorry, I don't know if that muddies the waters legally.)

Last edited by Hotscot; Jan 21st 2015 at 5:01 pm.
Hotscot is offline  
Old Jan 21st 2015, 5:01 pm
  #14  
 
Lion in Winter's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: City of Broad Shoulders
Posts: 53,681
Lion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond reputeLion in Winter has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Newbie here

Originally Posted by adamcarts View Post
She has a son of 20 that lives with her and her estranged husband comes around the house to spend time with him. He often sleeps there in his sons room. There has been no intimacy between there for around 2 years. She believes that he will want to try and get as much from her as he can. I don't understand the legalities to be honest but as they were married for over 30 years she says that he will try and get pension rights and other financial stipulations put upon her.
It sounds as though you are very close to the 2-year requirement, even it is not complete. She should get some legal help with the financial issues, but Illinois is an "equitable" division state (not equal) and takes many matters into account. She may have to give him something - but if that is the only choice then it is what it is. Here is the page that discusses the division of property. If he is destitute he can get a court-appinted lawyer who will advise him of what is reasonable/possible. The judge will not sign off on an agreement that s/he considers unfair to either party.

Illinois Divorce Law - Divorce and Legal Separation in Illinois


.../Illinois divorcee, not a lawyer, don't play one on tv, don't even look like a lawyer

Last edited by Lion in Winter; Jan 21st 2015 at 5:06 pm.
Lion in Winter is offline  
Old Jan 21st 2015, 5:06 pm
  #15  
nun
BE Forum Addict
 
nun's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 4,722
nun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond reputenun has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Newbie here

Originally Posted by adamcarts View Post
She has a son of 20 that lives with her and her estranged husband comes around the house to spend time with him. He often sleeps there in his sons room. There has been no intimacy between there for around 2 years. She believes that he will want to try and get as much from her as he can. I don't understand the legalities to be honest but as they were married for over 30 years she says that he will try and get pension rights and other financial stipulations put upon her.
Co-habitation might reset the separation clock. Division of property is a basic requirement of divorce. Both parties have rights and people married for 30 years will have to divide things like pensions and other jointly owned financial assets.
nun is offline  

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.