TRPardoe

I have no problem with Joint Accounts with my spouse although she does have a minor problem with my own, non-joint, savings account.

That aside - in your case, as you state it:

Here's a "Rule of Thumb" which always works for me.

If it looks like a rat,
and it smells like a rat,
it's usually a rat.

dbark

Sibsie, I'm so very sorry that things have turned out like this for you. I can only echo what the others have said - keep your own assets separate until you decide for sure what you want to do. It sounds like Mr S is partly paranoid that, should things go down the road to divorce, you would take everything he has, as his ex-wife seems to have done previously.

However things work out for you, I wish you all the best.

Big hug.
Debbie

Brit'n'TX

all our accounts are joint - what's mine is hers and what's hers is mine and I don't think either of us would have it any other way

marriage, more than any other type of relationship, has to be based on total trust ... though, where pressure is coming from one side only, that trust is obviously not there ..

I feel the same about pre-nuptual agreements - how can you possibly go into a marriage, having made arrangements for its failure? that is alien to me

Leslie

Yeah, pre-nuptual agreements always seemed strange to me. <shrug>

However, sometimes having separate accounts is just a matter of convenience or personal preference. As long as nobody is keeping "secret" accounts it really doesn't indicate a lack of trust. Perhaps within the couple if their money spending habits clash.... it can just be a good way to keep the peace. Having separate accounts (in a case such as that) can actually indicate that they have complete trust in each other.

CitySimon

I've only read through to page three of this one so forgive me if I'm repeating anyone...

I'd be very concerned if I were you. My wife and I do have a joint account but it is used solely for transferring money over the internet without having to go into the bank or taking out cash. It's usually empty.


My suggestion would depend on how ballsy you were feeling.

To suggest that a Joint account makes the marriage is bollox. A marriage is a two way street.

I would suggest that you agree to put all of your money where he can access it if he puts all of his money where you can access it.

If he doesn't like it... find a lawyer!

Sounds like he got screwed in his previous marriage and is now very suspicious of it happening again. However, by acting like that, it sounds like he is speeding up the demise of his seconds marriage. How ironic.

Not a nice situation!

snowbunny

In a community property state, they can make sense if there is going to be inevitable "comingling" of assets, and you want to protect some of them. In my case, I have to walk the line between protecting some things for my children and sharing my income in good faith with a spouse. (A will is not enough in a community property state.)

meauxna

Well shit, girl. Now I know where've you've been lo these many months.

Based on previous discussions, I'd say you've given it a VERY good shot. I'm going to work on an appropriate cover story to buy you 6 months.
Hang in there, and do NOT bring the money over.

Leslie

Well, I think what Brit's point is (and I agree with) is that if you go so far as to marry somebody then you trust them implicitly and know in your heart that they will look out for your dying wishes (in your case that your children would receive certain things). Otherwise, why not just live together or have a committed relationship outside of marriage?

AmerLisa

I'm coming in the tail end of this thread (as usual ) without reading the whole thing, so excuse me if I step on toes or repeat what someone else has said. I agree with what Leslie is saying. My husband and I share a joint account and always have. I've always taken care of finances, even before we married. I suppose we are both lucky that we are in a trusting and happy marriage/relationship. I know there are probably people with a lot more money than we have and perhaps rockier relationships.....and I don't really have a good word of wisdom except that I'm sorry you're there (would love to have the money tho )

Personally Sibsie, I wouldn't move money anywhere if I was so unsure of my relationship....but then again you probably already know that and have been told more than once. So I'm just repeating myself. Best of luck in the coming days ahead.

psb182

if you are writing this you KNOW deep down not to do it.........it's not as if you are young kids starting out...........DON'T DO IT