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Feeling very down about the whole thing

Feeling very down about the whole thing

Old Jan 11th 2010, 8:36 pm
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Default Feeling very down about the whole thing

Hi,

OH and I are expecting to move to Colorado in the next 6-8 weeks. I'm the trailing spouse. We've known about this for a good while, it's taken an age to get the paperwork sorted out, and we're now at the stage of starting to pack up our lives here in the UK.

At the moment I'm feeling really down about the whole thing, and at the same time I feel guilty because I know it's an opportunity that others would give their teeth for. Is it normal to feel like this? People say to me 'you must be so excited', but I'm not, and even though I'm certainly interested, I've not felt excited at all. Doesn't help that I'm overwhelmed by the amount we've got to do before moving, and I'm still having to maintain normality every day at work (they don't know yet).

I suppose I'm a bit daunted by the whole thing. I feel like I'm giving up my whole life to move to a place I've spent precisely 3 days in, know no one, and haven't the first clue what I'm going to do with myself when I get there.

Did anyone else feel like this before their move?

Thanks
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Old Jan 11th 2010, 8:48 pm
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Default Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing

I have nothing to contribute from my own experience because that's not how I arrived here, however I know that my life saver has been friends.... either virtual or real..... new or existing.

I joined a book club (local library) and groups from www.meetup.com, made sure that I had internet connections for email and web groups and cheap (free) telephone calls overseas (try vonage)

Good luck with the move... Oh I'd like to add that moving anywhere is epic stress, so moving half way round the world is major major stress......
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Old Jan 11th 2010, 9:58 pm
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Default Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing

Originally Posted by MadRad View Post

Did anyone else feel like this before their move?
Plenty of people...it's just life.

Plenty you can do to help yourself out though, being aware of what you might face helps, as you can at least try and plan to do something about it, like that meet up group mentioned above, or joining any other clubs in the area that might interest you.
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Old Jan 11th 2010, 10:53 pm
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Default Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing

Originally Posted by MadRad View Post
haven't the first clue what I'm going to do with myself when I get there.
Get yourself down to Dairy Queen. You'll feel a little bit better.

Then go and get your driver's license (presuming you qualify on your visa).
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Old Jan 11th 2010, 10:59 pm
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Default Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing

Originally Posted by MadRad View Post
Did anyone else feel like this before their move?
Most of us, I reckon.

Speaking for myself, I 'bout went mental, before the move. It gets better, then it gets worse again. Rinse and repeat. Eventually, you settle in.
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Old Jan 11th 2010, 11:23 pm
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Default Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing

Becoming an expat can really be overwhelming at times. All those feelings are certainly very valid ones.
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Old Jan 11th 2010, 11:28 pm
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Default Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing

Originally Posted by flagirl View Post
All those feelings are certainly very valid ones.
Out of interest, what would a feeling that wasn't valid look like?
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Old Jan 11th 2010, 11:32 pm
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Default Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing

a little like this....

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Old Jan 11th 2010, 11:43 pm
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Default Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing

Originally Posted by MadRad View Post
Hi,

OH and I are expecting to move to Colorado in the next 6-8 weeks. I'm the trailing spouse. We've known about this for a good while, it's taken an age to get the paperwork sorted out, and we're now at the stage of starting to pack up our lives here in the UK.

At the moment I'm feeling really down about the whole thing, and at the same time I feel guilty because I know it's an opportunity that others would give their teeth for. Is it normal to feel like this? People say to me 'you must be so excited', but I'm not, and even though I'm certainly interested, I've not felt excited at all. Doesn't help that I'm overwhelmed by the amount we've got to do before moving, and I'm still having to maintain normality every day at work (they don't know yet).

I suppose I'm a bit daunted by the whole thing. I feel like I'm giving up my whole life to move to a place I've spent precisely 3 days in, know no one, and haven't the first clue what I'm going to do with myself when I get there.

Did anyone else feel like this before their move?

Thanks
Where in CO are you going? Went there last year for a couple of weeks - just a holiday of course - but loved the wholesomeness of the place, the outdoors, scenery, food, drink and the general vibe...
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Old Jan 12th 2010, 1:32 am
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Default Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing

i also didnt tell work what was going on for quite some time - in case it all was denied etc(I was trailing spouse too) - and I found the double life very stressful. I was asked to take on special projects and training that would be happening/finishing after i was planning on being gone and had to 'accept' even though i doubted i was not going to be there. I hated the hiding of the truth bit.

It was also an enormous amount of stuff to sort out and we were doing stuff up to the last day so i was so busy. worried to about the kids ate and leaving friends and family behind.
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Old Jan 12th 2010, 1:35 am
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Default Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing

Originally Posted by MsElui View Post
i also didnt tell work what was going on for quite some time - in case it all was denied etc(I was trailing spouse too) - and I found the double life very stressful. I was asked to take on special projects and training that would be happening/finishing after i was planning on being gone and had to 'accept' even though i doubted i was not going to be there. I hated the hiding of the truth bit.
That was one burden I didn't have to shoulder. I was up front with work from day 1. Course, it meant I ended up working pretty much 24/7 towards the end, instead of dealing with moving stuff, cos there was no way one of my projects was going to fail - even if I was fscking off.
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Old Jan 12th 2010, 1:40 am
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Default Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing

Originally Posted by MadRad View Post
Hi,

OH and I are expecting to move to Colorado in the next 6-8 weeks. I'm the trailing spouse. We've known about this for a good while, it's taken an age to get the paperwork sorted out, and we're now at the stage of starting to pack up our lives here in the UK.

At the moment I'm feeling really down about the whole thing, and at the same time I feel guilty because I know it's an opportunity that others would give their teeth for. Is it normal to feel like this? People say to me 'you must be so excited', but I'm not, and even though I'm certainly interested, I've not felt excited at all. Doesn't help that I'm overwhelmed by the amount we've got to do before moving, and I'm still having to maintain normality every day at work (they don't know yet).

I suppose I'm a bit daunted by the whole thing. I feel like I'm giving up my whole life to move to a place I've spent precisely 3 days in, know no one, and haven't the first clue what I'm going to do with myself when I get there.

Did anyone else feel like this before their move?

Thanks
IMO your feelings are perfectly normal and to be expected. I remember my husband and I sitting on the plane....waiting for it to take off at Manchester airport...looking at each other and saying 'What the hell are we doing'.

You will probably feel many emotions during the next few days/weeks/months/years. I find it helps enormously to know that you aren't the only one feeling that way. Which is where BE will help you...there will usually be several if not many people who have experienced the same roller coaster ride you are about to embark on.

It's daunting and frightening...but at least you are giving it a go and we will be around to support and help you.
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Old Jan 12th 2010, 5:28 am
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Default Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing

Originally Posted by MadRad View Post
Hi,

OH and I are expecting to move to Colorado in the next 6-8 weeks. I'm the trailing spouse. We've known about this for a good while, it's taken an age to get the paperwork sorted out, and we're now at the stage of starting to pack up our lives here in the UK.

At the moment I'm feeling really down about the whole thing, and at the same time I feel guilty because I know it's an opportunity that others would give their teeth for. Is it normal to feel like this? People say to me 'you must be so excited', but I'm not, and even though I'm certainly interested, I've not felt excited at all. Doesn't help that I'm overwhelmed by the amount we've got to do before moving, and I'm still having to maintain normality every day at work (they don't know yet).

I suppose I'm a bit daunted by the whole thing. I feel like I'm giving up my whole life to move to a place I've spent precisely 3 days in, know no one, and haven't the first clue what I'm going to do with myself when I get there.

Did anyone else feel like this before their move?

Thanks
Oh yeah. I managed one anxiety attack while packing and really contemplated getting back off the plane once seated as I just didn't want to do it.
Now 16.5 years later I'm ready to pack up and go home (I just need to pack up Dh along with the household stuff)
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Old Jan 12th 2010, 12:07 pm
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Default Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing

Originally Posted by MadRad View Post
Hi,

OH and I are expecting to move to Colorado in the next 6-8 weeks. I'm the trailing spouse. We've known about this for a good while, it's taken an age to get the paperwork sorted out, and we're now at the stage of starting to pack up our lives here in the UK.

At the moment I'm feeling really down about the whole thing, and at the same time I feel guilty because I know it's an opportunity that others would give their teeth for. Is it normal to feel like this? People say to me 'you must be so excited', but I'm not, and even though I'm certainly interested, I've not felt excited at all. Doesn't help that I'm overwhelmed by the amount we've got to do before moving, and I'm still having to maintain normality every day at work (they don't know yet).

I suppose I'm a bit daunted by the whole thing. I feel like I'm giving up my whole life to move to a place I've spent precisely 3 days in, know no one, and haven't the first clue what I'm going to do with myself when I get there.

Did anyone else feel like this before their move?

Thanks
You are not the only one. I totally felt like you. I was not the driving force to move to the US. Hubby got offered a job and 12 years later here we still are. I am not going to lie to you and tell you that its easy to settle. You will undoubtedly suffer from culture shock and everything will be new and strange... but you will also be on the brink of a new adventure. Try and think of it as an extended holiday to start with. Visit places, try new things and slowly you will start to acclimatise and settle. I don't know where you are going in Colorado but I've been to Denver and the mountains a couple of times and the scenery up in the mountains is stunning, and there is lots to see and do in that area.

Use BE as much as you can and we will get your through. Many of us found it strange and difficult at the beginning ... so come chat with us if you are having a difficult/bad day, and share your good days with us too.

Welcome
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Old Jan 12th 2010, 2:25 pm
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Default Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing

Originally Posted by MadRad View Post

I suppose I'm a bit daunted by the whole thing. I feel like I'm giving up my whole life to move to a place I've spent precisely 3 days in, know no one, and haven't the first clue what I'm going to do with myself when I get there.

Did anyone else feel like this before their move?
Not until after I got here and discovered how bad the sausages, bacon and bread were.

You are stepping into the largely unknown with a considerable amount of the stable bindings of your life being traded for uncertainty. Natural to feel the way you do. You will find plenty of good support here of a first hand we've done that got the t-shirt kind.
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