Divorce
Oct 13th 2011, 6:39 pm
#16
I have a comma problem
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: Fox Lake, IL (from Carrickfergus NI)
Posts: 49,598
Re: Divorce
Bollox, Well if it all boils down to him giving me permission, I may have to take his Military Pension! and make him pay me to stay here. Say I had to stay in the states, would I have to stay in the state NC or would we be able to move anywhere? If you can move to any state, than making me stay here with the kids makes no sense as If I moved to say L.A, than that is a the same flying time as flying to the UK from NC.
This just sucks that he has made my life hell for the last 8 - 9 years of our marriage and he can decide my future and totally screw me over. Which I now he will, just to be petty and to get back at me.
I have been keeping a journal of everything that has been going on for the last 3 months, I have recorded him shouting at the kids on a daily basis, over stupid things like splashing in the bath. I have put in the journal the things he does around the house (which is nothing) I have vidoed him shouting at me and swearing at me infront of the kids, smashing his fists into things when he doesn't get his own way. I have been keeping a record of every penny I spend on the house, kids and and myself and him. I have been taking photos of the things I do with the kids and keeping all paintings, drawings and crafts. All the school work I do with the kids etc etc
This just sucks that he has made my life hell for the last 8 - 9 years of our marriage and he can decide my future and totally screw me over. Which I now he will, just to be petty and to get back at me.
I have been keeping a journal of everything that has been going on for the last 3 months, I have recorded him shouting at the kids on a daily basis, over stupid things like splashing in the bath. I have put in the journal the things he does around the house (which is nothing) I have vidoed him shouting at me and swearing at me infront of the kids, smashing his fists into things when he doesn't get his own way. I have been keeping a record of every penny I spend on the house, kids and and myself and him. I have been taking photos of the things I do with the kids and keeping all paintings, drawings and crafts. All the school work I do with the kids etc etc
As a father myself, I have to say, if a bloke hasn't been willing to take an active role in his childrens' lives (and being a soldier just isn't an excuse, I'm sorry) then he shouldn't be putting demands on the mother after the marriage falls apart. I wouldn't expect to have that right if I didn't help with my children. Never mind the fact that he has been at least verbally abusive to you and the children as well - just unacceptable.
You're in an unenviable position - and I really do wish you all the best with this, however it turns out.
Oct 13th 2011, 6:45 pm
#17
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2006
Location: Dubuque, Iowa, USA
Posts: 3,770
Re: Divorce
Bollox, Well if it all boils down to him giving me permission, I may have to take his Military Pension! and make him pay me to stay here. Say I had to stay in the states, would I have to stay in the state NC or would we be able to move anywhere? If you can move to any state, than making me stay here with the kids makes no sense as If I moved to say L.A, than that is a the same flying time as flying to the UK from NC.
Good Luck!
Jim.
Oct 13th 2011, 6:50 pm
#18
SUPER MODERATOR
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88,022
Re: Divorce
Bollox, Well if it all boils down to him giving me permission, I may have to take his Military Pension! and make him pay me to stay here. Say I had to stay in the states, would I have to stay in the state NC or would we be able to move anywhere? If you can move to any state, than making me stay here with the kids makes no sense as If I moved to say L.A, than that is a the same flying time as flying to the UK from NC.
This just sucks that he has made my life hell for the last 8 - 9 years of our marriage and he can decide my future and totally screw me over. Which I now he will, just to be petty and to get back at me.
I have been keeping a journal of everything that has been going on for the last 3 months, I have recorded him shouting at the kids on a daily basis, over stupid things like splashing in the bath. I have put in the journal the things he does around the house (which is nothing) I have vidoed him shouting at me and swearing at me infront of the kids, smashing his fists into things when he doesn't get his own way. I have been keeping a record of every penny I spend on the house, kids and and myself and him. I have been taking photos of the things I do with the kids and keeping all paintings, drawings and crafts. All the school work I do with the kids etc etc
This just sucks that he has made my life hell for the last 8 - 9 years of our marriage and he can decide my future and totally screw me over. Which I now he will, just to be petty and to get back at me.
I have been keeping a journal of everything that has been going on for the last 3 months, I have recorded him shouting at the kids on a daily basis, over stupid things like splashing in the bath. I have put in the journal the things he does around the house (which is nothing) I have vidoed him shouting at me and swearing at me infront of the kids, smashing his fists into things when he doesn't get his own way. I have been keeping a record of every penny I spend on the house, kids and and myself and him. I have been taking photos of the things I do with the kids and keeping all paintings, drawings and crafts. All the school work I do with the kids etc etc
As long as you are not British by decent your children with be British by decent. You need to get the relevant paperwork up to date. Not sure whether that's a UK PP, UK birth certificate etc...no doubt someone will know and post the correct answer.
It's a good idea to clear the history on your computer each time you use it...just in case your husband tries to see what websites you've been looking at.
Last edited by Jerseygirl; Oct 13th 2011 at 6:56 pm.
Oct 13th 2011, 6:58 pm
#19
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 7
Re: Divorce
If he makes me stay in the US, than I will if I can move to somewhere were it makes it really hard for him to see tham, (not that I don't want him to see tham). If he complains than I will say well it would have been a direct flight from the UK! Sorry. Look at this lovely new coat I just got with your pension
This really does suck, I may start calling Lawyers on bases in Europe and see what they say. Hopefully we can get posted to the UK and I can apply for divorce there after 6-12 months of being there, so I can show how the kids have a routine already set up with grandparents, friends, school etc etc
This bloody country ;-) and my bloody XXXXXX of a husband.
I do clear my computer and my neighbours are my contact for my lawyer. My diary is kept with the cleaning supplies, he doesn't even know where that cupboard is! All letters I receive about my husband, i.e. my doctor back in the last state we lived in noticed things weren't right and said if I ever needed him to call. So he has written a letter regarding my hubands behavior whilst I was giving birth etc etc
This really does suck, I may start calling Lawyers on bases in Europe and see what they say. Hopefully we can get posted to the UK and I can apply for divorce there after 6-12 months of being there, so I can show how the kids have a routine already set up with grandparents, friends, school etc etc
This bloody country ;-) and my bloody XXXXXX of a husband.
I do clear my computer and my neighbours are my contact for my lawyer. My diary is kept with the cleaning supplies, he doesn't even know where that cupboard is! All letters I receive about my husband, i.e. my doctor back in the last state we lived in noticed things weren't right and said if I ever needed him to call. So he has written a letter regarding my hubands behavior whilst I was giving birth etc etc
Last edited by Scotch; Oct 13th 2011 at 7:10 pm. Reason: Update
Oct 13th 2011, 7:01 pm
#20
Sursum corda
Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Richmond Hill, GA USA
Posts: 38,860
Re: Divorce
Bollox, Well if it all boils down to him giving me permission, I may have to take his Military Pension! and make him pay me to stay here. Say I had to stay in the states, would I have to stay in the state NC or would we be able to move anywhere? If you can move to any state, than making me stay here with the kids makes no sense as If I moved to say L.A, than that is a the same flying time as flying to the UK from NC.
This just sucks that he has made my life hell for the last 8 - 9 years of our marriage and he can decide my future and totally screw me over. Which I now he will, just to be petty and to get back at me.
I have been keeping a journal of everything that has been going on for the last 3 months, I have recorded him shouting at the kids on a daily basis, over stupid things like splashing in the bath. I have put in the journal the things he does around the house (which is nothing) I have vidoed him shouting at me and swearing at me infront of the kids, smashing his fists into things when he doesn't get his own way. I have been keeping a record of every penny I spend on the house, kids and and myself and him. I have been taking photos of the things I do with the kids and keeping all paintings, drawings and crafts. All the school work I do with the kids etc etc
This just sucks that he has made my life hell for the last 8 - 9 years of our marriage and he can decide my future and totally screw me over. Which I now he will, just to be petty and to get back at me.
I have been keeping a journal of everything that has been going on for the last 3 months, I have recorded him shouting at the kids on a daily basis, over stupid things like splashing in the bath. I have put in the journal the things he does around the house (which is nothing) I have vidoed him shouting at me and swearing at me infront of the kids, smashing his fists into things when he doesn't get his own way. I have been keeping a record of every penny I spend on the house, kids and and myself and him. I have been taking photos of the things I do with the kids and keeping all paintings, drawings and crafts. All the school work I do with the kids etc etc
, is unlike anything the soldier or spouse and family have had to contend with before.The pension issue- normally a military pension may be considered community property and split. However, the split will NOT exceed 50/50 unless the military spouse is behind on support. Also you have to be married 10 years.
Last edited by cindyabs; Oct 13th 2011 at 7:09 pm.
Oct 13th 2011, 7:06 pm
#21
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 6,848
Re: Divorce
If he makes me stay in the US, than I will if I can move to somewhere were it makes it really hard for him to see tham, (not that I don't want him to see tham). If he complains than I will say well it would have been a direct flight from the UK! Sorry. Look at this lovely new coat I just got with your pension
This really does suck, I may start calling Lawyers on bases in Europe and see what they say. Hopefully we can get posted to the UK and I can apply for divorce there after 6-12 months of being there, so I can show how the kids have a routine already set up with grandparents, friends, school etc etc
This bloody country ;-) and my bloody XXXXXX of a husband.
This really does suck, I may start calling Lawyers on bases in Europe and see what they say. Hopefully we can get posted to the UK and I can apply for divorce there after 6-12 months of being there, so I can show how the kids have a routine already set up with grandparents, friends, school etc etc
This bloody country ;-) and my bloody XXXXXX of a husband.
Sending you a big ((((hug)))).It's good to see that at least you are a little optimistic in your last paragraph. It seems like an excellent strategy.
I posted on the other thread on the main USA board; my friend's landlady had a nasty divorce and is not allowed to move her children more than 25 miles from Brooklyn, New York.
I also seem to recall that one American poster on these boards ('Snowbunny' - I think) also wasn't allowed to move far from her ex-spouse, even though she is highly qualified and was hoping to move further away for a better career opportunity. I think this was in Texas.
Good Luck
Oct 13th 2011, 7:08 pm
#22
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Vermont
Posts: 3,264
Re: Divorce
Sounds like he has some issues, and I wonder how much of that is due to his deployments(s). I can speak from experience that just having the spouse TDY for a lengthy period, never mind being deployed, ESPECIALLY in a combat situation is tough on everybody, and there are some MAJOR adjustments that have to be made. This deployed, home, deployed, home cycle of the last 10 years of the various wars, , is unlike anything the soldier or spouse and family have had to contend with before.
The pension issue- normally a military pension may be considered community property and split. However, the split will NOT exceed 50/50 unless the military spouse is behind on support.
, is unlike anything the soldier or spouse and family have had to contend with before.The pension issue- normally a military pension may be considered community property and split. However, the split will NOT exceed 50/50 unless the military spouse is behind on support.
Oct 13th 2011, 7:14 pm
#23
MODERATOR
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Posts: 58,679
Re: Divorce
Bollox, Well if it all boils down to him giving me permission, I may have to take his Military Pension! and make him pay me to stay here. Say I had to stay in the states, would I have to stay in the state NC or would we be able to move anywhere? If you can move to any state, than making me stay here with the kids makes no sense as If I moved to say L.A, than that is a the same flying time as flying to the UK from NC.
My advice is the same as the others...work on getting your own US citizenship, so if it boils down to the kids having to stay in the USA, you can at least stay with them.
Rene
Oct 13th 2011, 7:23 pm
#24
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,518
Re: Divorce
If he makes me stay in the US, than I will if I can move to somewhere were it makes it really hard for him to see tham, (not that I don't want him to see tham). If he complains than I will say well it would have been a direct flight from the UK! Sorry. Look at this lovely new coat I just got with your pension
Oct 13th 2011, 7:25 pm
#25
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 7
Re: Divorce
Yeah I know about the 50/50, I know he would be very mad if I went for his pension. So maybe I can use that to get my kids to the Uk. I will gladly let him have everything if it meant I could leave with the kids. That's all I want is a small house, me and the kids and the dog, close to family and friends where I have control over my life and the kids life and I am not walking on egg shells all the time. I just want to be happy and I want my kids to grow up well rounded little men, my 3 year old is already a very angry little boy and I feel so sad and sorry for him, but he is young enough to change that. If I can just give them a normal happy house to live in.
Oct 13th 2011, 9:51 pm
#26
Sursum corda
Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Richmond Hill, GA USA
Posts: 38,860
Re: Divorce
Yeah I know about the 50/50, I know he would be very mad if I went for his pension. So maybe I can use that to get my kids to the Uk. I will gladly let him have everything if it meant I could leave with the kids. That's all I want is a small house, me and the kids and the dog, close to family and friends where I have control over my life and the kids life and I am not walking on egg shells all the time. I just want to be happy and I want my kids to grow up well rounded little men, my 3 year old is already a very angry little boy and I feel so sad and sorry for him, but he is young enough to change that. If I can just give them a normal happy house to live in.
Oct 13th 2011, 11:50 pm
#27
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 7
Re: Divorce
He only has 6 years left.
Oct 14th 2011, 2:17 am
#28
BE Site Lead
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: MA, USA
Posts: 92,170
Re: Divorce
One thing to consider, if you don't already have your 40 quarters of work....and you've clearly got a greencard and aren't dead, he's still on the hook as a financial sponsor...so until you get US citizenship, you could try to use that to your advantage, so get a good family divorce lawyer and immigration lawyer to talk.
Oct 14th 2011, 3:23 am
#29
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 143
Re: Divorce
Yeah I know about the 50/50, I know he would be very mad if I went for his pension. So maybe I can use that to get my kids to the Uk. I will gladly let him have everything if it meant I could leave with the kids. That's all I want is a small house, me and the kids and the dog, close to family and friends where I have control over my life and the kids life and I am not walking on egg shells all the time. I just want to be happy and I want my kids to grow up well rounded little men, my 3 year old is already a very angry little boy and I feel so sad and sorry for him, but he is young enough to change that. If I can just give them a normal happy house to live in.
When I told my ex wife I wanted a divorce she took me to the cleaners house, cars, pensions the lot, and my son. I had my son every weekend ( so she could go clubbing it ) and school holidays. By the time he was 6 he understood what was going on living with her and came to live with me........now he is a gorgeous 14 year old who doesn't have a care in the world and lives with me his dad in the Middle East.
Scotch, you will go through pain now, but it is worth it.........my attitude was, you can have it all you bitch, just let me have my son so that he can have a life!!
It was worth every penny and all the heartache. Good Luck, and I like your fighting spirit
Last edited by markinbahrain; Oct 14th 2011 at 3:54 am.
Oct 14th 2011, 3:29 am
#30
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 143
Re: Divorce
Mind you, I wish he would have told me a bit earlier, as it would have saved me a few bob!! 