Divorce

Old Oct 13th 2011, 2:45 pm
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Default Divorce

Hi

My husband and I have not got on for years. He has pretty much made my life as miserable as possible. To the point of telling me that we can't afford flights home to see my dying mum, which is total rubbish as I know we can afford them.

So I have decided that this is it, enough is enough. We do have 2 kids together both still very young under 4 years old. We live in NC, you have to be septerated a year before getting a divorce.

My questions:

My husband is military, what do you think the chances are of him getting the kids (taking in mind that he deploys every 1-2 years for 6 months.

I am not a U.S citizen and I would like to take the kids back to the UK with me, what do you think the chances are?

We are going to be moving soon (in the next 7 months) we have put places in Europe as all of our top choices, England, Germany, Italy and Greece. Would it be best for me to sit tight and wait for us to get stationed out of the states and back in to the EU?

I have booked to see a lawyer to ask him these questions, but when I spoke to the receptionist, she was like "oh dear, you wanting to take them to England will be a challenge"

I have waited for the last year for taking any action on getting divorce, we are going to counseling together but I just can't take it anymore. Everytime I see him I just want to slap him and shout open your eyes and see what you are doing to me and the kids. Come on you must see.
Any advice or help is great.
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Old Oct 13th 2011, 2:48 pm
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Default Re: Divorce

Sit tight.

Protect yourself.

Make sure that you have spare money/cash to hand or easy access to it.
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Old Oct 13th 2011, 3:01 pm
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Default Re: Divorce

Originally Posted by Scotch View Post
I am not a U.S citizen and I would like to take the kids back to the UK with me,

We are going to be moving soon (in the next 7 months)
If qualified, get your US citizenship now. You want the same citizenships as your children in case you need to live in the US.
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Old Oct 13th 2011, 3:12 pm
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Default Re: Divorce

Originally Posted by fatbrit View Post
If qualified, get your US citizenship now. You want the same citizenships as your children in case you need to live in the US.
I'll echo this. If you meet the criteria - do it. It is running about 6 months start to finish now and is an easy process (albeit an expensive one).

I'm sorry your first post had to be under these circumstances but welcome to BE - I hope you can find the help you need here.
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Old Oct 13th 2011, 3:20 pm
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Default Re: Divorce

Hi

Check out the other thread we have going on a similar issue.

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=735512

First things first--don't do anything stupid. Don't leave with the kids without his permission, thinking that you might get a more favorable judgment from a UK judge. Child abduction is a pain to deal with and undoing it can mess with the long term custody issues. Doesn't sound like you are planning this but I just wanted to throw it out there.

I'm afraid I don't know the specifics of family law in the countries you mentioned. There might also be protection offered to US servicemen under military basing treaties that keeps family law matters like a divorce outside of the purview of the local courts (not sure--possible). You'll also probably have a residency requirement over there of a few months before you can petition for divorce--but again I don't know the specifics (many countries have them to prevent people from popping in and getting a divorce).

As you talk to family lawyers see if you can find a firm that also has an immigration component to it. Some of the solo practitioners in small towns might not be fully versed on the details of international child custody matters (though if you are in a military town, they might have some experience in that).

Good luck.
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Old Oct 13th 2011, 3:21 pm
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Default Re: Divorce

I will look into getting the U.S citizenship it, thank you.
I was going to do the kids UK citizenship and use the moving to Europe as the excuse, i.e it would be easier moving around with them etc etc.

The crazy thing is, my husband has only spent half of there lives with them, due to deploying and going away for weeks and long weekends. My mind just boggles that there is even a chance that someone would think that would be best for a 1 year old and a 3 year old. plus the fact that we move every 2-3 years all over the world. How can a Judge think that making us stay in the U.S would be better for the kids, when there father could be in Germany or Korea, and in the UK they would have a settled life, with grandparents and lots of relatives and friends not more than 30 minutes away.

I just don't get it.
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Old Oct 13th 2011, 3:23 pm
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Default Re: Divorce

Originally Posted by penguinsix View Post
Check out the other thread we have going on a similar issue.

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=735512
The is one major and crucial difference. In the other thread, the poster does not have the option to live in the US without the marriage.
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Old Oct 13th 2011, 3:58 pm
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Default Re: Divorce

Originally Posted by Scotch View Post
My mind just boggles that there is even a chance that someone would think that would be best for a 1 year old and a 3 year old. plus the fact that we move every 2-3 years all over the world. How can a Judge think that making us stay in the U.S would be better for the kids, when there father could be in Germany or Korea, and in the UK they would have a settled life, with grandparents and lots of relatives and friends not more than 30 minutes away.

I just don't get it.

It is far more common for the couple to be awarded joint custodial custody of the children rather than sole custody. Unless he can prove that you are a neglect mother and would cause bodily or mental harm to your children, the decision will most likely be joint in some way, i.e. school year with you and summers with their dad. Do you want them to never see their father again?

If the kids are USC why would the judge not think that the children might do well to remain in the country where they hold citizenship?

As for the receptionist you spoke with, remember she is not an attorney but only a receptionist and her opinion is worth little.
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Old Oct 13th 2011, 4:10 pm
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Default Re: Divorce

Originally Posted by fatbrit View Post
If qualified, get your US citizenship now. You want the same citizenships as your children in case you need to live in the US.
This. VERY important.
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Old Oct 13th 2011, 5:03 pm
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Default Re: Divorce

Originally Posted by Ozzidoc View Post
This. VERY important.
Yes, when we were still military there was a "mixed" marriage in the unit, she German, he USC. She did NOT have US citizenship and it got nasty when they were divorcing due to just this issue since she had no intention of staying in the US.
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Old Oct 13th 2011, 5:49 pm
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Default Re: Divorce

It is far more common for the couple to be awarded joint custodial custody of the children rather than sole custody. Unless he can prove that you are a neglect mother and would cause bodily or mental harm to your children, the decision will most likely be joint in some way, i.e. school year with you and summers with their dad. Do you want them to never see their father again?

If the kids are USC why would the judge not think that the children might do well to remain in the country where they hold citizenship?
This is one reason why I thought getting them British Citizenship may help. I do want them to see there father and if we split up the sad thing is they would most probably see more of him than they do now. I worked it out that he spends an average of 4 hours a week with them! This is including the weekends he doesn't work. I have always begged my husband to take the kids out for the day or even to play with them in the house, so I can have a break and so he can bond with them. Sadly this has not happened. He is just a crappy daddy, I'm afraid.

So basically get US Citizenship and sit tight, is the general view?? Should I get the Kids the British citizenship does aswell I mean it's not going to hurt is it?
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Old Oct 13th 2011, 5:53 pm
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Default Re: Divorce

Originally Posted by Scotch View Post
This is one reason why I thought getting them British Citizenship may help. I do want them to see there father and if we split up the sad thing is they would most probably see more of him than they do now. I worked it out that he spends an average of 4 hours a week with them! This is including the weekends he doesn't work. I have always begged my husband to take the kids out for the day or even to play with them in the house, so I can have a break and so he can bond with them. Sadly this has not happened. He is just a crappy daddy, I'm afraid.

So basically get US Citizenship and sit tight, is the general view?? Should I get the Kids the British citizenship does aswell I mean it's not going to hurt is it?
Your children already have British Citizenship by virtue of yours. They already have their dual citizenship, so once you get yours you have all bases covered.

You do still need permission from the father to bring them out of the country though, there is no way around that.
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Old Oct 13th 2011, 6:13 pm
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Default Re: Divorce

Originally Posted by Scotch View Post

So basically get US Citizenship and sit tight, is the general view?? Should I get the Kids the British citizenship does aswell I mean it's not going to hurt is it?
Were you born in the UK?
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Old Oct 13th 2011, 6:19 pm
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Default Re: Divorce

Originally Posted by Scotch View Post
I will look into getting the U.S citizenship it, thank you.
I was going to do the kids UK citizenship and use the moving to Europe as the excuse, i.e it would be easier moving around with them etc etc.

The crazy thing is, my husband has only spent half of there lives with them, due to deploying and going away for weeks and long weekends. My mind just boggles that there is even a chance that someone would think that would be best for a 1 year old and a 3 year old. plus the fact that we move every 2-3 years all over the world. How can a Judge think that making us stay in the U.S would be better for the kids, when there father could be in Germany or Korea, and in the UK they would have a settled life, with grandparents and lots of relatives and friends not more than 30 minutes away.

I just don't get it.
I don't think that a Court will accept that argument. There are plenty of Military Families that function, whilst one of the Parents is deployed.

I'm not saying it's right. Just that it may not go down well in a Divorce Case, when one Parent is serving His/Her Country.

My advice is to keep a journal and document how much time he spends with the Kids, when he is available.

Jim.
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Old Oct 13th 2011, 6:31 pm
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Default Re: Divorce

Bollox, Well if it all boils down to him giving me permission, I may have to take his Military Pension! and make him pay me to stay here. Say I had to stay in the states, would I have to stay in the state NC or would we be able to move anywhere? If you can move to any state, than making me stay here with the kids makes no sense as If I moved to say L.A, than that is a the same flying time as flying to the UK from NC.

This just sucks that he has made my life hell for the last 8 - 9 years of our marriage and he can decide my future and totally screw me over. Which I now he will, just to be petty and to get back at me.

I have been keeping a journal of everything that has been going on for the last 3 months, I have recorded him shouting at the kids on a daily basis, over stupid things like splashing in the bath. I have put in the journal the things he does around the house (which is nothing) I have vidoed him shouting at me and swearing at me infront of the kids, smashing his fists into things when he doesn't get his own way. I have been keeping a record of every penny I spend on the house, kids and and myself and him. I have been taking photos of the things I do with the kids and keeping all paintings, drawings and crafts. All the school work I do with the kids etc etc
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