Disillusioned
Jul 25th 2010 | 5:50 am
#196
Just Joined
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 12
Re: Disillusioned
Would you mind a reply to your original points from an American? Hope not. I joined just to talk to you. Haven't read every single post so if I am repeating stuff please forgive.
I grew up in the NE and have lived in the South for many years. I had culture shock galore. It was like moving to a foreign land. I also had trouble making friends and longed for the "real friends" of the NE.
I have also spent a lot of time in the UK and I really appreciate all the wonderful things about your country. I also find, along with many others of my generation, that America has changed and is changing into a place unrecognizable. The crappy entertainment industry feeding vacant minds from inferior schools and spoiled entitled children wallowing in their texts and apps---I could go on--but
There are other people here in the U.S., unfortunately it is getting harder to find them--- people who dress well, read, have global perspective, and value quality. But the obese, ignorant and self-obsessed are too often forefront. What is going to happen down the road I don't know but I am not optimistic.
Meanwhile we don't all eat junk, say "Ya know-like...." or wear t-shirts and torn jeans to work or while traveling. I want you to find that other side of us
From one who conquered the loneliness and sense of being an outsider in my own country here are my suggestions to find people who will share a cuppa...
Participate in group activities that meet regulaly and share a common interest--a garden club, a workout class (not just the gym but a specific class), take a fun class like watercolor or Italian, join a reading group through the library, volunteer at the school, the women's shelter, the library, the animal shelter--join an animal rescue group, find others in your area and get out there.
You will find people--and what is the big deal about the accent?? I got that as a Yankee in the South and I found it a good way to talk about myself and get to know the person who asked. It isn't really important and focusing on dumb stuff like that will make you cynical.
Get cracking and make it your goal to conquer this damn country. No running with tail between the legs. And, if you haven't done so--read up on the stages of culture shock.
By the way--just for perspective--I found the British polite but icy--see--it works both ways.
I grew up in the NE and have lived in the South for many years. I had culture shock galore. It was like moving to a foreign land. I also had trouble making friends and longed for the "real friends" of the NE.
I have also spent a lot of time in the UK and I really appreciate all the wonderful things about your country. I also find, along with many others of my generation, that America has changed and is changing into a place unrecognizable. The crappy entertainment industry feeding vacant minds from inferior schools and spoiled entitled children wallowing in their texts and apps---I could go on--but
There are other people here in the U.S., unfortunately it is getting harder to find them--- people who dress well, read, have global perspective, and value quality. But the obese, ignorant and self-obsessed are too often forefront. What is going to happen down the road I don't know but I am not optimistic.
Meanwhile we don't all eat junk, say "Ya know-like...." or wear t-shirts and torn jeans to work or while traveling. I want you to find that other side of us
From one who conquered the loneliness and sense of being an outsider in my own country here are my suggestions to find people who will share a cuppa...
Participate in group activities that meet regulaly and share a common interest--a garden club, a workout class (not just the gym but a specific class), take a fun class like watercolor or Italian, join a reading group through the library, volunteer at the school, the women's shelter, the library, the animal shelter--join an animal rescue group, find others in your area and get out there.
You will find people--and what is the big deal about the accent?? I got that as a Yankee in the South and I found it a good way to talk about myself and get to know the person who asked. It isn't really important and focusing on dumb stuff like that will make you cynical.
Get cracking and make it your goal to conquer this damn country. No running with tail between the legs. And, if you haven't done so--read up on the stages of culture shock.
By the way--just for perspective--I found the British polite but icy--see--it works both ways.
Greetings Tama2 - point taken. Come to think of it my best years here were as a volunteer for a community radio station. I loved fundraising, going to shows, training future radio personalities, meetings that focussed on action - all with eclectic dynamic people. A few years later as the mum of a school aged kid, my closest friends were parents - and the never ending gatherings around school events birthdays and the like created a wonderful social life I certainly didn't plan. All good reasons for me to keep a vacation place here and to stay in touch with the few friends I have in California who have not since migrated elsewhere in this huge country.
Jul 26th 2010 | 4:37 am
#197
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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,439
From: Bishopbriggs - now Bethel, Connecticut
Re: Disillusioned
Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time at the minute.
Whereabouts are you in Connecticut. We're in Bethel, and I can honestly say, we've been extremely lucky and have made some really good friends in only 5 months, who have taken their own time to take us places, invite us to family gatherings etc. I have been out more in the last 5 months than I was in the last 5 years back home because of our highly stressed, time consuming careers. I love it here, but can totally sympathise with you.
Maybe a trip back home would definitely be an idea. You could then see the good and the bad you've left behind and maybe decide that it's not all bad here and not all good back there.
Keep your chin up and I'm sure you'll get through this
Whereabouts are you in Connecticut. We're in Bethel, and I can honestly say, we've been extremely lucky and have made some really good friends in only 5 months, who have taken their own time to take us places, invite us to family gatherings etc. I have been out more in the last 5 months than I was in the last 5 years back home because of our highly stressed, time consuming careers. I love it here, but can totally sympathise with you.
Maybe a trip back home would definitely be an idea. You could then see the good and the bad you've left behind and maybe decide that it's not all bad here and not all good back there.
Keep your chin up and I'm sure you'll get through this
Aug 14th 2010 | 7:12 am
#198
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 149
From: Washington State.
Re: Disillusioned
I haven't read all 13 pages of this, but I do feel for the author of this thread. It never ceases to amaze me how much American, (women expecially) seem so fake. It's all, "love you guys" and love you at the end of a sentence when we would just say bye, cya.
I, too miss my freinds back home but do wonder how much of that is because I had these friends for donkeys years, whereas here it's only been 5 - and some of them I have only met recently.
Strangely enough my "best" friends here is one originally from Guernsey, (though she's been here 35yrs) and another form the Phillipines.
I do love it here, (have a wonderful American husband - that helps considerably!!) and like you, love my home and the American way-of-life; but there are many times when I feel very let down by the few American friends I have.
They don't seem to have the loyalty, too wrapped up in their own lives, too self-absorbed.
I constantly get the "gee love your accent", but so many people there say are you from London, like it's a country!!!
I also have one "acquaintance" who thinks it's oh so funny to imitate me constantly and boy, does THAT get old. She tells everyone we meet, "we tease our English friend all the time about her accent," so they think it's ok to do that, too - perfect strangers!!
Grrrr.
Good luck to you.. hope you're feeling better now - and wished you lived local to me.. we could meet and have a natter. I'm also an RN, but they didn't recognise my qualifications and needed me to do more psychiatry in order to even sit the first exam. At 49 I decided it wasn't worth it and have been looking for alternatives ever since.
To be honest, I don't know how I would have found working as a nurse here, either.
Hope things have worked out for you.
I, too miss my freinds back home but do wonder how much of that is because I had these friends for donkeys years, whereas here it's only been 5 - and some of them I have only met recently.
Strangely enough my "best" friends here is one originally from Guernsey, (though she's been here 35yrs) and another form the Phillipines.
I do love it here, (have a wonderful American husband - that helps considerably!!) and like you, love my home and the American way-of-life; but there are many times when I feel very let down by the few American friends I have.
They don't seem to have the loyalty, too wrapped up in their own lives, too self-absorbed.
I constantly get the "gee love your accent", but so many people there say are you from London, like it's a country!!!
I also have one "acquaintance" who thinks it's oh so funny to imitate me constantly and boy, does THAT get old. She tells everyone we meet, "we tease our English friend all the time about her accent," so they think it's ok to do that, too - perfect strangers!!
Grrrr.
Good luck to you.. hope you're feeling better now - and wished you lived local to me.. we could meet and have a natter. I'm also an RN, but they didn't recognise my qualifications and needed me to do more psychiatry in order to even sit the first exam. At 49 I decided it wasn't worth it and have been looking for alternatives ever since.
To be honest, I don't know how I would have found working as a nurse here, either.
Hope things have worked out for you.
Aug 14th 2010 | 7:40 pm
#199
Just Joined
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 25
Re: Disillusioned
Coming from a part of Scotland where everyone is down to earth, the American "Have a nice day!" thing did come over as very insincere and in reality, they couldn't give a rat's arse what sort of day we end up having lol
If the check out assistant at my local tesco wished me a nice day in the manner they do, Id prolly think she was on some sort of happy pills lol but that's the thing with Americans, they are OTT.. but on the other hand, my American husband found a lot of the Scottish males to be unfriendly, rude and abrupt, so when I returned to Scotland and the glum faces, I wondered if my complaints about about "false politeness" was me trying rationalize our own bad manners and in turn perceiving Americans as insincere because I belong to a cynical country.
I started to think maybe Americans were just happy, optimistic people in general, as opposed to, Scots, who can have a dour, gloomy attitudes (which is prolly partly due to our horrible weather) and the reason why i myself perceived their over friendliness as false. I did miss the happy vibe when I returned home.
I suppose it comes down which part you are in too, I lived in Glasgow which is only 30 mins from my hometown and hated it.. goodness knows what the Americans would think of it, stereotypes would be created giving Scotland a bad name. Certain parts of Scotland make America look warm, friendly and optimistic.. and insincere or not, I know which one I'd choose given the choice.
Maybe you are just in a bad part?
If the check out assistant at my local tesco wished me a nice day in the manner they do, Id prolly think she was on some sort of happy pills lol but that's the thing with Americans, they are OTT.. but on the other hand, my American husband found a lot of the Scottish males to be unfriendly, rude and abrupt, so when I returned to Scotland and the glum faces, I wondered if my complaints about about "false politeness" was me trying rationalize our own bad manners and in turn perceiving Americans as insincere because I belong to a cynical country.
I started to think maybe Americans were just happy, optimistic people in general, as opposed to, Scots, who can have a dour, gloomy attitudes (which is prolly partly due to our horrible weather) and the reason why i myself perceived their over friendliness as false. I did miss the happy vibe when I returned home.
I suppose it comes down which part you are in too, I lived in Glasgow which is only 30 mins from my hometown and hated it.. goodness knows what the Americans would think of it, stereotypes would be created giving Scotland a bad name. Certain parts of Scotland make America look warm, friendly and optimistic.. and insincere or not, I know which one I'd choose given the choice.
Maybe you are just in a bad part?
Aug 16th 2010 | 8:34 am
#200
Finally Home!
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,610
From: Used to be New York, now North Yorkshire
Re: Disillusioned
(unless Obama taxes us so profusely that we have no choice where our "charity" goes.)
To the OP, I'm so sorry you feel this way. Where are you in CT? I must admit that I have found it hard too - people are just not the same here, but then that's to be expected as it's a different country
I'm thinking it might be time to move home in the next few years but we'll see.
I constantly get the "gee love your accent", but so many people there say are you from London, like it's a country!!!
Last edited by sallysimmons; Aug 16th 2010 at 8:36 am.
Aug 16th 2010 | 12:27 pm
#201
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 300
From: Sammamish, WA
Re: Disillusioned
I have been asked if I'm from Australia (once) but most people here don't ask or if they do it's because they studied in the UK or have relatives there. I always tell them "near Liverpool"...everyone's heard of The Beatles right?
Aug 16th 2010 | 12:45 pm
#202
SUPER MODERATOR
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 89,088
Re: Disillusioned
Liverpool...that's what we say...well it's near Chester right?
Aug 16th 2010 | 12:52 pm
#203
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,517
Re: Disillusioned
Recent conversation: "Didn't you go to London this year?" - "No" - "Oh well I've never met anyone with anything good to say about it. I've heard it's expensive, the food is terrible and it's full of people who don't look like us."
In fairness, another American standing nearby did say they thought a cultural mix was a good thing.
Aug 16th 2010 | 12:55 pm
#204
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From: Sammamish, WA
Re: Disillusioned
Aug 16th 2010 | 1:33 pm
#205
SUPER MODERATOR
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 89,088
Re: Disillusioned
My daughter went to The Firs School in Chester. My husband worked in The 'Pool for a few years too...then moved to the Manchester office.
Aug 16th 2010 | 1:43 pm
#206
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 300
From: Sammamish, WA
Re: Disillusioned
Noooooo...we lived in Rossett!! There another member who used to live just by the Llay roundabout...he doesn't post on here very much now though.
My daughter went to The Firs School in Chester. My husband worked in The 'Pool for a few years too...then moved to the Manchester office.
My daughter went to The Firs School in Chester. My husband worked in The 'Pool for a few years too...then moved to the Manchester office.
A long long time ago though.I used to enjoy a lovely pint of Burtonwood in Rossett. Was it the Butchers Arms? I'm from a small village the other side of Wrexham, called Llanfynydd.
Aug 16th 2010 | 1:53 pm
#207
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 89,088
Re: Disillusioned
Butcher's Arms...yes I know it but we used to go to Churton's. They were lived across the road from us and our kids when to the same school.
Last edited by Jerseygirl; Aug 16th 2010 at 1:56 pm. Reason: grammar
Aug 16th 2010 | 2:40 pm
#208
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 300
From: Sammamish, WA
Re: Disillusioned
Churtons rings a bell. Was there a Golden Lion too? I'm sure the daughters from the GL went to Queens same time as me. I started off there at Needham House and then went to the senior school. I'm going to google them now, would be interesting to see what they're like these days.
Aug 16th 2010 | 2:58 pm
#209
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 89,088
Re: Disillusioned
Churtons rings a bell. Was there a Golden Lion too? I'm sure the daughters from the GL went to Queens same time as me. I started off there at Needham House and then went to the senior school. I'm going to google them now, would be interesting to see what they're like these days.
What years were you at Queens? Some of my daughter's best childhood friends went there during the 90's.
I remember going to see the Principal to explain why we were turning my daughter's place down (can't remember her name but she's now retired). She said living in the US would be a great experience/opportunity for her and that she would keep a place open for her if we returned to the UK.
Edit: Churton's was the steak/wine bar almost next to the Butcher's Arms.
Last edited by Jerseygirl; Aug 16th 2010 at 3:01 pm.
Aug 16th 2010 | 3:04 pm
#210
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 300
From: Sammamish, WA
Re: Disillusioned
The Golden Lion is on the opposite side of the road.
What years were you at Queens? Some of my daughter's best childhood friends went there during the 90's.
I remember going to see the Principal to explain why we were turning my daughter's place down (can't remember her name but she's now retired). She said living in the US would be a great experience/opportunity for her and that she would keep a place open for her if we returned to the UK.
What years were you at Queens? Some of my daughter's best childhood friends went there during the 90's.
I remember going to see the Principal to explain why we were turning my daughter's place down (can't remember her name but she's now retired). She said living in the US would be a great experience/opportunity for her and that she would keep a place open for her if we returned to the UK.
I'm old
