Difficult to make friends in America?
Nov 20th 2012, 10:00 pm
#812
Banned
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,065
Re: Difficult to make friends in America?
Well, my British reserve stops me from telling the parents exactly what I thought of them - that, to me, would be just as rude.
And I'm pretty sure that it ISN'T all Americans - in fact, I know of at least two East-Coast based employees that we have that just get incredibly pissed-off with the attitudes to time-keeping, dress and commitment from their West Coast colleagues.
I'm starting to sense that this is a California attitude....
And I'm pretty sure that it ISN'T all Americans - in fact, I know of at least two East-Coast based employees that we have that just get incredibly pissed-off with the attitudes to time-keeping, dress and commitment from their West Coast colleagues.
I'm starting to sense that this is a California attitude....
Nov 20th 2012, 10:02 pm
#813
Banned
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,065
Re: Difficult to make friends in America?
Nov 20th 2012, 10:07 pm
#814
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 59
Re: Difficult to make friends in America?
Hi All,
I've been in the US for about two years now after marrying my wife and moving over here, I have tried lots of times to socialize with people and still do not have any American friends however I've found some really nice Brits who are married to Americans. Having spoken to my Brit friend in canada who moved over there he's in the same age group as me (37) and he's in the identical predicament. His view is people have their own friends so they don't need anymore. Shame!!
Aaron in Bucks county, PA
Nov 20th 2012, 10:19 pm
#815
Banned
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,065
Re: Difficult to make friends in America?
Well, my British reserve stops me from telling the parents exactly what I thought of them - that, to me, would be just as rude.
And I'm pretty sure that it ISN'T all Americans - in fact, I know of at least two East-Coast based employees that we have that just get incredibly pissed-off with the attitudes to time-keeping, dress and commitment from their West Coast colleagues.
I'm starting to sense that this is a California attitude....
And I'm pretty sure that it ISN'T all Americans - in fact, I know of at least two East-Coast based employees that we have that just get incredibly pissed-off with the attitudes to time-keeping, dress and commitment from their West Coast colleagues.
I'm starting to sense that this is a California attitude....
It's v imp to be hip (as you can never be as cool as NYers)
1. buy a vineyard
2. don't turn up for a dinner reservation on time- arrive at least 2 hours late as the restaurant won't expect you to be on time.
3. wear jeans whatever the occasion
4. ride a very rare, limited edition skateboard to work
5 casually mention having smoken pot in Amsterdam
Follow these steps and you'll soon be made CEO
Last edited by JRG67; Nov 20th 2012 at 10:27 pm.
Nov 20th 2012, 10:25 pm
#816
Banned
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,830
Re: Difficult to make friends in America?
I left England in my early 20s to go and live/work in Germany - I went with a friend. We applied for administrative jobs at an American Air Station - since we didn't speak German. When we got there we were bowled over by the easy friendliness of the Americans we met. Our purpose of going to Germany was to live in a foreign country, see Europe, and hopefully date German guys!
At the personnel office most of the Germans spoke with an American accent, because there were so many Americans in Germany. There were very very few British people there.
During my almost 3-year stay there I found out there were dozens of American bases in Germany.with thousands of military and American civilian workers over there. My friend and I lived in an apartment just outside town. We had trouble finding an apt when we arrived, and an American who was married to a German woman (who obviously spoke German) jumped in and asked if he could help!
Back then with the thousands of Americans stationed all over Germany, obviously loads of them had family come to visit. You could find visiting Americans all over Germany. Not so many bases there now, but still quite a few, with a large American presence still. To say Americans don't go to
Germany is a very untrue statement.
I met an American over there, and we got married in England. We went back to Germany last summer to have a look around. We went back to the town where we lived, down to the ski resort we visited, to Austria, Switzerland and France, all places we had been before.
Places like Heidelberg, Rothenburg, Innsbruck, Strasbourg, Rhine river cruises are all packed with American tourists. I can't remember seeing any Brits in Germany. When I told my English family that we were going to Germany they were puzzled, and mentioned that they had never been there. They don't really know anything about it. When I said we had been to Neuschwanstein castle, the Black Forest, and Strasbourg cathedral in France, it was really puzzling to them. Oh yes, they are well travelled, but not to Germany.
I went to Ireland later last year with my daughter. Same thing - all the tourist places and B and B's were packed with American tourists. Even though we had an Irish grandparent, none of my British family are interested in going there for a holiday (even though we had an Irish grandfather). Why not? Well, it's so expensive over there, it's too wet, and well there are no hot sunny beaches to lie out on.
So if you go Europe and don't see Americans there, you must be blind. The Aer Lingus flight we took to Dublin was packed to the gills with Americans, coming and going. When we came back from Dublin the computers were down, and everyone had to queue for a boarding pass, from all airlines. There were hundreds of Americans in the airport waiting for flights out. I'm always hearing about Americans going over to an Irish castle to get married, or guys going on golfing trips to Ireland.
I had a guy in my house the other day doing some measuring for work in my house. He works for a big national company, and told me about a trip to Ireland where he had taken several clients and their spouses for a complimentary trip. His company also entertains people with trips to Scotland.
I've noticed that when many Americans go abroad, they like to go to interesting historical sites, i.e the pyramids, Irish castles, Macchu Picchu, Galapagos Islands, etc. British people like to go to hot sunny resorts, with lots of booze and entertainment laid on. That's probably why their paths don't cross so much on foreign holidays. You don't have to leave the states to find hot sunny beaches, palm trees and shopping malls. People have different needs and tastes.
At the personnel office most of the Germans spoke with an American accent, because there were so many Americans in Germany. There were very very few British people there.
During my almost 3-year stay there I found out there were dozens of American bases in Germany.with thousands of military and American civilian workers over there. My friend and I lived in an apartment just outside town. We had trouble finding an apt when we arrived, and an American who was married to a German woman (who obviously spoke German) jumped in and asked if he could help!
Back then with the thousands of Americans stationed all over Germany, obviously loads of them had family come to visit. You could find visiting Americans all over Germany. Not so many bases there now, but still quite a few, with a large American presence still. To say Americans don't go to
Germany is a very untrue statement.
I met an American over there, and we got married in England. We went back to Germany last summer to have a look around. We went back to the town where we lived, down to the ski resort we visited, to Austria, Switzerland and France, all places we had been before.
Places like Heidelberg, Rothenburg, Innsbruck, Strasbourg, Rhine river cruises are all packed with American tourists. I can't remember seeing any Brits in Germany. When I told my English family that we were going to Germany they were puzzled, and mentioned that they had never been there. They don't really know anything about it. When I said we had been to Neuschwanstein castle, the Black Forest, and Strasbourg cathedral in France, it was really puzzling to them. Oh yes, they are well travelled, but not to Germany.
I went to Ireland later last year with my daughter. Same thing - all the tourist places and B and B's were packed with American tourists. Even though we had an Irish grandparent, none of my British family are interested in going there for a holiday (even though we had an Irish grandfather). Why not? Well, it's so expensive over there, it's too wet, and well there are no hot sunny beaches to lie out on.
So if you go Europe and don't see Americans there, you must be blind. The Aer Lingus flight we took to Dublin was packed to the gills with Americans, coming and going. When we came back from Dublin the computers were down, and everyone had to queue for a boarding pass, from all airlines. There were hundreds of Americans in the airport waiting for flights out. I'm always hearing about Americans going over to an Irish castle to get married, or guys going on golfing trips to Ireland.
I had a guy in my house the other day doing some measuring for work in my house. He works for a big national company, and told me about a trip to Ireland where he had taken several clients and their spouses for a complimentary trip. His company also entertains people with trips to Scotland.
I've noticed that when many Americans go abroad, they like to go to interesting historical sites, i.e the pyramids, Irish castles, Macchu Picchu, Galapagos Islands, etc. British people like to go to hot sunny resorts, with lots of booze and entertainment laid on. That's probably why their paths don't cross so much on foreign holidays. You don't have to leave the states to find hot sunny beaches, palm trees and shopping malls. People have different needs and tastes.
Nov 20th 2012, 10:43 pm
#819
Banned
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,830
Re: Difficult to make friends in America?
Possibly, but I think there must be more to it than that. If it were the "British Reserve" or communication problems, why would it seem to be that people find it easy to make friends with folk from other countries who may not even have English as their first language? Perhaps out of necessity expats of any nationality need to be a bit more outgoing to make friends in a new environment, and reaching out to other people in similar situations, albeit from different backgrounds is easier than reaching out to the locals as there is an immediate common bond? I don't know. I certainly feel that way for myself, here, but I didn't in Singapore where I found it easy to make friends with the locals. Maybe its an age/stage of life thing....back then I was young, single, out all the time. Here I'm old, married and spend most of my time with the kids....
Nov 20th 2012, 10:44 pm
#820
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2011
Location: West Sussex - did 3 years in the US...
Posts: 577
Re: Difficult to make friends in America?
How to be NorCal hip guide-
It's v imp to be hip (as you can never be as cool as NYers)
1. buy a vineyard
2. don't turn up for a dinner reservation on time- arrive at least 2 hours late as the restaurant won't expect you to be on time.
3. wear jeans whatever the occasion
4. ride a very rare, limited edition skateboard to work
5 casually mention having smoken pot in Amsterdam
Follow these steps and you'll soon be made CEO
It's v imp to be hip (as you can never be as cool as NYers)
1. buy a vineyard
2. don't turn up for a dinner reservation on time- arrive at least 2 hours late as the restaurant won't expect you to be on time.
3. wear jeans whatever the occasion
4. ride a very rare, limited edition skateboard to work
5 casually mention having smoken pot in Amsterdam
Follow these steps and you'll soon be made CEO
“I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.”
(Restaurant at the End of the Universe - funniest book/radio series EVER)
Nov 20th 2012, 10:52 pm
#821
Banned
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,065
Re: Difficult to make friends in America?
Ye gods - I've just realised that Douglas Adams was taking the piss out of the Californians:
“I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.”
(Restaurant at the End of the Universe - funniest book/radio series EVER)
“I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.”
(Restaurant at the End of the Universe - funniest book/radio series EVER)
drink expensive Californian wines out of jam jars (that's what the millionaires do at the Laundromat restaurant)
Don't do RSVP "snooty" parties- have informal beach parties on exclusive private beaches
Nov 20th 2012, 10:53 pm
#822
Banned
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,065
Re: Difficult to make friends in America?
Ye gods - I've just realised that Douglas Adams was taking the piss out of the Californians:
“I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.”
(Restaurant at the End of the Universe - funniest book/radio series EVER)
“I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.”
(Restaurant at the End of the Universe - funniest book/radio series EVER)
Nov 20th 2012, 10:59 pm
#823
Banned
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,830
Re: Difficult to make friends in America?
That is a question which I'm trying to figure out. The last thing I would want is for Brits to be unhappy in America. But I can't get away from my feeling that some of these issues are communication errors, and culturally related.
Nov 20th 2012, 11:10 pm
#824
Democracy advocate
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 12,460
Re: Difficult to make friends in America?
And it only took her 3 months of living here! You need to pull your finger out Sally.
Nov 20th 2012, 11:11 pm
#825
Banned
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,830
Re: Difficult to make friends in America?
I agree entirely.
And I wonder how many people complaining about the unfriendliness of Americans as one of their main reason for not being able to settle is more a problem of their own.
Put bluntly, if you're Nobby No-Mates at home the chances are you're going to be Nobby No-Mates wherever you move.
Funnily enough a number of my Brit friends in the States purposely go out of their way to avoid other Brits they might meet - sometimes, but not always, they find it an embarrassment. Heavy drinking, bad manners and poor social skills are among the reasons they quote.
And I wonder how many people complaining about the unfriendliness of Americans as one of their main reason for not being able to settle is more a problem of their own.
Put bluntly, if you're Nobby No-Mates at home the chances are you're going to be Nobby No-Mates wherever you move.
Funnily enough a number of my Brit friends in the States purposely go out of their way to avoid other Brits they might meet - sometimes, but not always, they find it an embarrassment. Heavy drinking, bad manners and poor social skills are among the reasons they quote.