toodlepip

We came back after 4.5 years in Melbourne. Liked it well enough - had some lovely friends, good jobs, nice house etc. But was happy to be coming home, I missed my family and friends and I wanted to get to know my nephews and niece and for my 2 children to see more of their extended family.

I love it here. We decided to live in Harrogate. It took my OH a while to find a job and he's ended up working from home. It's reasonable pay but he hates it, he really needs the office environment. He has been completely unable to settle here, he has little family here and didn't keep in touch with many friends. He has been very depressed and regrets leaving Melbourne, although it was initially him who wanted to leave.

After a few awful, awful months of endless *discussion* (rows ) we have decided to return. I can't even begin to say how difficult it has been to make this decision. I am fairly ambivalent about where we live and I seem to settle much more quickly and easily than my OH. Our children are in excellent schools here which is my main reservation in returning, they are happy & settled (aged 11 & 9) and I think we'll be hard pressed to find such good state schools in Melbourne as the ones they attend here.

Ultimately I love my OH more than where we live and I want him to be involved in the children's lives. He will be returning around June as (almost) has a job secured and I'm following in November, I can't face the upheaval of the move before then and I don't want to put my son back in primary school in Australia.

We have bought a house here and will rent it out when we go. It is a fairly cheap terrace, spacious,full of character and I love it so much more than the souless 4 bed newbuild we were in in Australia even though my OH thinks I'm mad to think that. I have been seeing a counsellor to get my head around going back, I have thrashed out a pre return contract which might sound insane but it helps me feel better about the return, I will be coming back every year for a holiday and we've also said if the kids hate their schools back there then we'll come back (or I will on my own with them).

I am trying very hard to think of the positives of returning. I will find it easier to get work, I'm not working here though I didn't look very hard once it became obvious my OH didn't want to stay. I am looking forward to seeing some of the friends I have out there who have proved their value these last months with emails/phone calls etc. But I feel so sad to leave my beautiful Yorkshire and my family and friends.

I can't offer any advice to those reading this thinking of returning to the UK. If my OH was posting he'd immediately be warning that no-one should, it's a disaster. But even through all the shit of this last year I still have no regrets about returning. I wouldn't have missed the positives from this year for the world - seeing my children thrive at school, seeing them build a relationship with their cousins, seeing England through new eyes, the snow, the springtime, the lovely scenery and the temperate climate that I find much more suited to an outdoor lifestyle than Melbourne with it's heat and wind and rain. I love northerners and their humour and how genuine they are.

We have been lucky, thanks to a favourable exchange rate when we returned and house prices/COL being relatively low here we really haven't suffered financially in returning here and won't going back. My long term plan is to spend time in both countries but that won't be until the children have grown up. But it seems an achievable plan now and wouldn' have been if we hadn't left Oz when we did.

Thank you for reading and I wish everyone all the best wherever they are in the world and whatever decisions you might be making . I think love where you live wherever that might be!

fulwood

Toodlepip, can't really add anything but to say I wish you all the best..

Galala

Lucky you for spending the time you could in Harrogate. I love it there. Did you go to Betty's? Sorry you must leave, but it sounds like your great attitude will see you through the next transition. Good luck to you and your family!

morayeel

oh, I wish you and your family all the best. I am returning May 1st, without my OH of 30 years! You have friends in Australia and it sounds like your husband will have a good job. Kids are resiliant and will adjust, that's what I hear anyway and here's hoping it's true as my 8 year old grandson, who has always lived in the usa is coming back to the U.K.. Prayers for you and your family.

bettyboo67

You and I are in very similar circumstances Toodlepip and I just wanted to add my best wishes, you sound very strong and I'm sure you will be able to make the best of things. I'm not sure I'd be able to cope as well as you.

We returned from Canada after 4.5 years, neither of us able to really settle but I was the driving force behind our return home, my OH probably would have made the best of things there and really we had a good life in BC I was just unhappy for reasons that are difficult to articulate at times.

We have been back 10 months and I am very happy to be here and love where we live although it has been a very difficult few months mainly due to the job market or lack of. My OH has taken a job in Singapore rather than signing on the dole and we are going to try and make the long distance thing work rather than uproot us all again ( have kids aged 11 & 8 ) and like yours they have thrived at school . Despite all you hear about failing schools etc here, their education and the teaching especially seems far superior, at least where we are, than in BC.

I just saw hubby off yesterday and trying to keep a stiff upper lip for kids sake but it is wobbling a bit (a lot) today.

I will look out for your updates, good luck

toodlepip

Thank you

MissBetty

Oh poor you, that's a very difficult situation to be in. My parents immigrated to Australia when I was 2 but my Mum hated it and we returned to the UK when I was 5. We all settled back in quite well - except my Mum who felt she'd made a big mistake so after a year we returned to Australia. We all settled in quite well but by the time I was 14 my parents BOTH decided they had enough of Australia and returned to the UK.

On the plus side it made my sister and I very outgoing, adaptable people, the moves did not affect our education at all so fingers crossed it'll be the same for your kids! I came back to Australia 4 years ago but now, like you, I realise how much I love the UK and I am moving back in Nov. A good thing is when I have had negativity from people the "why do you want to come back here for?'" brigade and have been struggling with the stay/go question my parents have been amazingly understanding/supportive as they know EXACTLY how I feel.

My parents have been happily settled back in the UK now for 31 years and they are very happy there so just goes to show you never know what is going to happen in the future. I feel for you,really I do, there is no easy answer but I hope everything works out well for you and your family. Good luck

toodlepip

Yes, have been to Bettys also the Turkish baths a few times. So many lovely places to visit around here and knowing my time here is limited has forced me to make the most of it. Brimham Rocks became a favourite very quickly and we also have had a day trip to Blackpool and spend time in Scarborough (where my family live). In the last few weeks we've been down to London (to a gay marriage celebration - something we could never have in Australia!) and to Edinburgh to sort our Aussie passports out. I fully intend to take the children to a few more places like the Lakes (only an hour away) over the summer.

Thank you for your good wishes.

toodlepip

Thank you. Good luck with your move.

Dorothy

If you're not sure about Melbourne can you look at somewhere else? Australia is a huge country and you may find a place that will suit you a bit better.

Whatever you decide, best of luck for your return back to Australia.

toodlepip

Oh poor you. It is difficult though to be honest I'm thinking that a 6 month separation from my husband for 6 months might do us both good after being constantly with each other for the past 10/11 months. I feel cross with him that he hasn't given it longer here and hasn't made an effort to settle. I don't believe long term that he will settle back into Australia, but feel lucky that we can choose where we live.

All the very best wishes to you, I hope things work out well for your family and yes to the schools. They get a very negative press here but you will never hear me complain about the English education system (though I appreciate the area we live in is very good for schools - it's why we chose it).

toodlepip

Thank you for sharing your story - I just read it out to my OH, he is so full of regret and feels guilty for wanting to come back here yet I think his feelings are totally normal.

My children are lovely (obv I'm biased) and though they'd rather stay here they understand. They're both bright kids so I think they'll do ok school wise, I just think the schools are better here.

Like you say, you never know what the future holds. Have to say i've had very few negative comments about us returning here, only from strangers who are thinking of going themselves. My mum is actually Australian and has lived here for 50 years. She wasn't happy we were returning to begin with but that was more of a concern about us getting work. Now she wants us to stay.

Good luck with your return.

toodlepip

No my OH will only consider Melbourne. We have moved around so much (in UK before we emigrated) i don't think he can face starting from scratch again. Neither can I tbh! At least I have a few good friends in Melbourne to help us resettle.

MissBetty

Oh you are welcome, I watched my parents go through it, the endless "discussions" (rows, lol!) and debates of what was best for everyone - sigh!
The thing I picked up most from your post is that you and your OH seem to have a very good relationship and your family is a strong little unit, if you have that you can get through anything, believe me, I know!

My parents are 65 and 71 now, they have lovely holidays in their camper van all over the UK and are happy. They still argue but these days its only about whose turn it is to do the washing up lol!!!

toodlepip

Ha, not so sure about strong marriage, we have very nearly split up over this! I even saw a solicitor back in January and we have been to Relate. We're not out of the woods, I am making a huge sacrifice for him and though he says he is grateful only time will tell if he really does appreciate it.