Beedubya

All the very best of luck to you all.

I am long since divorced and my "kids" are adults but it was still extremely hard to leave them and my 2 grand-children behind after 29 years in Australia, I have been home for just over 12 months now and I appreciate this country more than I ever thought possible.

I really hope it works out for all you ladies, I never dreamed when I was "stuck" in Australia married with 2 young children that my life would have turned out like this.

Who knows where life will lead us...............

bettyboo67

Too true Beedubya, I never thought that moving abroad would effectively lead to me living on a different continent to my OH.
It's all about how you deal with the cards that life deals you and it sounds like Toodlepip has a good attitude to moving back, I'm not sure I'd be dealing with it quite so well.

toodlepip

Very true! I try and be fairly fatalistic, what will be will be and things usually work out, just not the way you'd planned sometimes.

Glad you're enjoying being back

toodlepip

I have good and bad days! Poss more bad than good currently but I'm getting there.

abi31

Hope it works out for you back in Oz - I'm from Harrogate - you're right a lot of very good schools (and a couple not so good - as in the one I went to!). Hope you'll be taking a visit to York before you head back we have Bettys here too (though I have to admit having lived in H'gate and York for 22 years I've never been )

toodlepip

Hi, yes have done Bettys in H'gate & Ilkley and we go to York quite frequently. One thing about being time limited is that we try and fit more in rather than think "oh I've all the time in the world to do that" and never going!

Tr1boy

Toodlepip,

If you search some of my posts, you'll see I am in a similar situation (minus kids). I decided to 'let go' of the things I thought were important about location. Oz is just as craptacular to me as it ever was, but if the marriage is worth it, then love will conquer all (that doesn't mean all marriages are worth saving). Your OH tried, as did mine, which is a better shot than a lot of folks get.

Funnily enough since getting ILR, Mrs TB has been more settled here, and I think in some ways that's due to her knowing there is no emotional gun at her head making her stay. She's even talking about hanging on for citizenship now (which would be next March).

We've had a lot of trauma here with Mrs TB getting sick last yar and me having two lots of spine surgery and being off work (and more importantly off the bike for 7 mths!), in some ways it has had a positive effect on us and our outlook.

I don't expect an epiphany from your OH, but if you are going back, let go of the emotional anchor to here, otherwise it can really pull you under. It's not easy and took me a long time, but has been worth doing.

toodlepip

Thanks TB, you're right - it's difficult. I hope things work out for you & Mrs TB.

I think having kids has made it all the more complicated for me, if it was just me I would go as not really bothered here i live to he point of splitting up ovrr it, but I firmly believe my children are better off here. More importantly both would prefer to stay here, there is something very English about both of them. My OH firmly believes they are better off over in Oz and therein lies our constant argument.

However, his job offer is through and it's a good package. I'm due to have foot surgery on the good old NHS in a couple of weeks so he's hanging on to see me through the worst of the post op recovery then will go in June.

I'm looking forward to enjoying my summer here with the kids before we go at the end of the year.

toodlepip

Gawd sorry for typos, on phone.

MissBetty

I must say with regard to your kids I totally agree with you just based on my own experiences. As a 45 year old now looking back I am so happy my parents returned to the UK when I was a teenager. I was exposed to such much more culture and foreign travel, having extended family around me (aunts, cousins etc) when we returned to the UK was something I always took for granted but now realise how important it is. When we returned to the UK only my maternal grandmother was alive, the others had all passed away whilst we were in Australia. She was an amazing lady and I was so glad I got the chance to know her. My Mum and I still talk about her a lot and the funny things she used to say and do!!!!

I think I had a far better education in the UK compared to here, I was very behind when I started in the UK at 14 and it took me a while to catch up, especially when it came to languages, I now speak 3!

However I will say that I enjoyed my time in Australia and NZ, it exposed me to a different way of life. My parents traveled with us all around the US, NZ and Australia and I got to do things as a child most people can only dream of. I do find now that I am drawn to people who have had similar childhoods, my best friend in the UK (the first friend I made) is Jamaican and we are very close. She is actually more English than I am (lol!) but at school we were seen as different to everyone else, not in a bad way just different and it forged a very strong bond between us. At least your kids will have duel citizenship, as I do now, and can come and go as they please - what a gift!

Good luck with the surgery hope all goes well for you and yes, enjoy the summer with your kids!

Famous 5

Hi Toodlepip

I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this situation; what a dreadful state of affairs.

I am not really in a position to offer advice, but there seem to be a lot of people who are, or have been, in similar circumstances who have offered lots of advice, so you can draw on their experiences and suggestions. It also seems like you have great support from extended family and friends.

You sound like the kind of person who can deal with whatever life throws at you, but I just wanted to wish you luck all the same.

Enjoy your remaining months in the UK and I hope it all works out when you return to Melbourne (and I hope the op goes well too!).

Famous 5

toodlepip

Thanks, hopefully we'll be regular visitors back here and if the kids want to finish their education back here they can. I do need to hold onto the thought that we are in a very privileged position to have so many options!

toodlepip

Thank you. I am fairly strong but i will admit that this is/has been a very difficult time.

Onwards & upwards though! Thanks for good wishes about the op, I've ne er had a GA or an op before so fairly nervous!

happy4

Hello there,

I haven't been on this forum for ages and was interested to read your story. As a family of four, we moved to Melbourne when our children were three and one, with my now ex-husband's job. I'm afraid I did not settle well at all and this caused a huge amount of stress on our marriage. I became severely depressed but my ex-husband refused to return to the UK. So I returned alone to the UK with our children, it was very difficult. He came back for a visit to the UK and promised me if I returned to Melbourne and didn't settle, we would come back to the UK together. So I returned to Melbourne..again and gave it another go..for 18 months and once again, I could not settle and was very unhappy. My ex-husband refused to return, again...and I was left to fly home, alone with my children, again. It was so humiliating and one of the worst times of my life. Luckily, I hadn't sold our house and was able to settle my children at home.

My ex-husband never did come back to the UK. We have visits from him twice a year, which are difficult for my children and the occasional Skype call. He has met another lady, has a great career and seems to have 'moved on'. I would never have believed the man I married would ever do this to his children. We had an agreement and he never fulfilled it, which left me feeling very saddened that he chose the Australian lifestyle over his children.

On a lighter note, myself and my children are doing well. They love School, their family and we have some amazing friends who really love us. Also, I have just achieved a place at a University that I have always wanted to go to. Life goes on, but I would be lying if I sometimes wonder what would have happened if we hadn't left in the first place. It is obvious now the cracks were already there..I think you need a very strong marriage to survive emigration. I really wish you the very best, I think you are an amazing lady and your husband is very lucky to have you

crap coffee

me too.

I am sad. Wish I could live in somewhere Uk