SecretGarden

I'm very sorry for what you're going through, particularly your son. Again, it's probably just the way you express yourself. You have a very matter of fact way of putting things and perhaps something is lost in the act of writing it rather than saying it.

The courts are, by definition, supposed to make judgements objectively. However, sometimes things are swayed due to how the parties convey their thoughts and concerns. Just keep in mind how your choice of words might influence those who will decide your case. You will need to convey a nurturing manner, particularly because you are his father, not his mother. In my experience, nuturing qualities of a mother are assumed unless proven otherwise, so you start out on unsteady footing. Not fair, but realistic.

Again, no offense meant and good luck with all of it.
~SecretGarden

klinus

True - absolutely true. However, in this case even though I started out with a -ve - being male - she basically kamakazied. i'm not going into the gory details but it was clear to everybody concerned, including the family court that she was willing to damage him in the interest in getting even with me. For a change, that gave said male an advantage. Plus, taking him to a shelter where he wound up with an infectious disease left the court with the choice of my son being with loonie twoonie (pun intended)in a shelter, with a false claim to resident status or stability and continuity with Dad.That also forced an immedeate decision, particulary since the pediatrician group said that to leave him in the shelter was potential child endagerment.
There is no joy in this. It will take at least a year of therapy to repair the damage and I dare not let him go to Mom's country given her penchant for kidnapping (the court concurs). And in her focus on getting even with me, she lost sight of the immigration ball.
trust me when I say that my parsimony with words does not extend to my relationship with my son.

augigi

Scabies is a mild skin condition, no worse or more difficult to treat than head lice in kids! There's no guarantee that he won't get scabies at school.

klinus

I will bow to your superior knowledge. Except that
!) http://www.bhchp.org/BHCHP%20manual/...DF/Scabies.pdf
2)CDC http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dpd/parasi...ht_scabies.htm, and 3) His docs at Stanford University medical school don't think so.
So if you don't mind I will go with their advice. Thanks for your input

augigi

Wow, sarcasm. I am well aware of the condition, as a health professional, but thanks for the links. Did you actually read them? They also say "scabies is found worldwide, infesting approximately 300 million people annually and occurring in all climates, socio-economic classes, and races". I'm sure your child didn't have Norwegian scabies, HIV, or dog mange as per the gory pics in the link.

I had it once, as a kid at a school camp. You apply lotion and wash your bedding in hot water, that's it. It's really not a big issue.

klinus

Actually no you apply premethrin from neck down to the toe with attention paid to the folds of the skin. twice if necessary. Also, wash the sheets, towels, take out the stuff that can't be washed put them in plastic for a week AND ensure that all members that he comes in contact with (read everybody in the shelter) to prevent reinfestation.
In any event, he was treated by some very well reknown doctors. My wife found an emergency room that stated that he had flea bites, not scabies.
The important point is that the head of Pediatrics stated that to prevent reinfestation.
Also btw around here scabies is considered an infectious disease; the standards here are what is relevant to me and the family court.
Last but not least if you look at defenitions of neglect within child abuse (CAPTA) a child having scabies is considered neglect (attached)

augigi

You just repeated exactly what I said. The lotion is called "permethrin". Trust me, I've treated more people with this than you have had hot dinners.

Anyhow, whatever, I don't need to argue with you about this, but you're completely wrong. That link does NOT say scabies is child abuse, it says it may be a "neglect indicator". Then again, it may not. If your kid gets lice at school, is that neglect? Of course not. Likewise, that list says "colds" may be a "neglect indicator" - but I don't think your kid having a cold counts as being abused.

I'm just telling you, apparently you're very bitter about your ex-partner, but scabies is one of those things that can happen when you get a bunch of kids together, wherever they are.

meauxna

It's simple salesmanship, augigi.. it serves his cause to make it out as the worst-possible case.

Ray

As I said before ...A total control freak ....

klinus

Jeez I though I was asking a simple question to an immigration forum, not to NOW

For all the sanctimonious whatever out there, the bottom line was a two year old was snatched away from his home and taken to a shelter for an alleged child abuse reason. The mother did not feel the necessity to either inform the father or the authorities; the shelter did. My boy lost 12% of his weight, got scabies (for all of those who think that scabies is a common disease that afflicts 10 times the number of people with AIDS, the bottom line is that my son would never had scabies if he was at home, interacting with his friends). He has been stuck in said shelter for close to 2 months; however, the authorities have decided to return him to the “control freak” with sole custody. So the comments about control freaks etc. etc. are worth rat poop in the light of the fact that he will be back – safe – and where he belongs.

The original thought was to get some feedback from people who were in the same position. It certainly has been fun to see how bigoted, ignorant and monumentally stupid some people can be as they make assumptions without knowing the facts.

Got the information I needed from an immigration attorney. Hasta la vista.

Elvira

One wonders why someone would prefer to live in a flea-infested shelter rather than the marital home.

But then again, having read the OP's posts...

Ray

No !! you gave us your version of events
With everybody at fault except yourself ..heard it all before ..seen it all before...
and your response once again proves it ..
Shame we could not hear the other side ...about why she went into a shelter ...I bet I have a good idea ...

meauxna

Nope, exactly what Ray says. If the mother had posted her side of the story, she would've gotten much of the same factual information (you notice a lot of posters answered as if you were the immigrant) and had she persisted with editorializing her side of the story, it would've played up the parts that make HER the sympathetic character.
She might've been bounced on for putting all the blame on the other party too.. that's happened here.

There's three sides to every story.. His, Hers and the Truth.

augigi

True, why bother reasoning with someone like that. I actually thought I might be laying your mind to rest that the scabies was not a huge disease to worry about. Nevermind.

ian-mstm

Yup... no good deed goes unpunished!

Ian