bil

I got my wrist slapped (rather stupidly I felt) for making a throwaway comment that 'I must be suffering from Oldtimer's disease.'

I was told that I was insensitive, and should not make such comments. This got me thinking. Is there such a thing as a joke (IT HAS TO BE FUNNY TO BE A JOKE; OKAY?) that doesn't poke fun at someone or something? Jokes about animals don't count as they are usually just about people in disguise.

Here's the only one I can think of, and even that is slightly suspect.

'An irishman goes on site to apply for a job, and the foreman says to him 'To work here you have to be able to answer this question. What's the difference between a joist and a girder?'

The Irishman replies, "That's easy. Joyce wrote' Ulysses', and Goethe wrote 'Faust'. "

So, can anyone produce another, and is such criticism of humour, especially graveyard humour (ie, not going gentle into that good night) justified, or is it just people being precious, and desperately trying to boost themselves by putting down others?

HBG

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A jumbo jet is making its final approach to the Miami Airport.

The pilot comes on the intercom, 'This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Miami. I want to thank you for flying with us today and hope you enjoy your stay in South Florida.

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit.

The co-pilot can be heard saying to the pilot,

'So, Skip, whatcha got planned while we're in Miami?'

'Well,' says the skipper, 'first I'm gonna check into the hotel, take a big crap....then I'm gonna take that new flight attendant with the huge tits out for dinner....I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all night long.'

Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure out who this new flight attendant is that the pilot's talking about.

Meanwhile, the new flight attendant is seated at the very back of the plane.

She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off.

Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says: 'No need to hurry, dear.............
He's gotta land the plane and take a shit first.'

Dick Dasterdly

B.A.pilot taxi-ing around Berlin airport but a getting little bit lost.

Control Tower, "Vats zee matter with you, have you not been here before?"

B.A pilot,..."er yes, but that was back in the forties, it was a bit dark and I thought it better not to land".

bil

Offensive to germans.

bil

Offensive to persons with large breasts.

Rosemary

If we were forced to be in the position of not being able to make a comment like that I hope that by then I am suffering from the other oldtimer´s disease, DEATH.
PC gone mad. Sorry am I allowed to use that word.
Graham

bil

Yeah, now that is how I feel. When my mother had bowel cancer shortlt before her death, we used to joke that the real problem with a colostomy was the difficulty in finding shoes to match the bag.

HBG

I’m hopeless at telling jokes, but my wife is good at it. She’s also an Eastender and can be ever so rude. Most of the time her crude jokes are well received, but sometimes people get very offended. I couldn’t possibly print any of them here, they’re not for strangers ears. Most of the words would be rows of X’s anyway.

I think you’ve got to pick your audience, not that I agree with censorship of any kind, but that’s another matter.

Now about that body in the morgue . . .the mortuary attendant . . ., no, there’s no way it would survive on here. Pity, cos it’s ever so funny.

bil

Tell it and be damned.

JLFS

Baby polar bear asks his mother what kind of animal he is.

Mum tells him that he is a polar bear.

"are you sure that I am a polar bear mum? asks baby,

Yes I am sure you are a polar bear.

But are you really, really, really sure that I am a polar bear? asks baby bear.

Yes, says mum bear, why do you keep asking?

Baby bear replies, Because I am COLD........


surely nobody has been offended with this joke

HBG

This is not a joke.

My wife works as an interpreter and had a client who was an English deaf and dumb lady. I drove them to the local hospital and realised that my wife was really earning her money on this translation exercise. The English lady lip-read and wrote on pieces of paper.

I drove the deaf and dumb lady home afterwards and when we parked outside her house my wife leant back into the back of car and told her one of her jokes. I had a feeling that it was going to end badly, but couldn’t stop her.

I think it was the mortuary one and when my wife finished, the deaf and dumb lady started furiously scribbling on pieces of paper which she handed to my wife. She didn’t understand what was scrawled on the pieces of paper and handed them to me.

The deaf and dumb lady leapt out of the car and disappeared into her home.

The scribbles on the piece of paper read: Please please stop. Disgusting. I’m a Jehovas.

My wife lost a client that day.

bil

Jehova's Witless.

Nice people, just misguided. So what was the joke? I guarantee I won't be offended.

HBG

I might succumb when the forum night shift come on, the nice lady from LA may not be offended by strange English words.

bil

OK, but if you lose your nerve, please pm it to me.

angiescarr

This is a very good question and a knotty problem. I negotiate my way through having an unstoppable desire to wind people up if I think they are taking themselves too seriously. Including occasionally jokes at my own expense if I find me taking me too seriously, and genuinely caring about peoples reasonable sensitivities.