Chimney sweep.

Ahhhh - all them weddings?

No, hardly any to be honest. There are some sweeps that make weddings quite a profitable sideline, but to be perfectly blunt, they really aren't worth the trouble. If I want the money, I'd rather work a Saturday as I can do far more chimneys in a day than I ever could do weddings.

Seriously you're a sweep???? I thought you were joking. Well oil go to the foot of oir apples. Never met a chimernee schweep before ave oi (best said in finest Dick van Dyke Cockernee)

Oh yes. Started the business almost 30 years ago. It's a bit seasonal, which is a mixed blessing, but at least I'm not beholden to anyone else.

(Except customers, the bank, and so on.)

OK then you must some stories to tell?? What's the biggest dusty disaster you've managed??

In a controlled fashion, or one that went wrong?

Well if you do that sort of thing on purpose!! I was meaning a lounge coated in soot or some such?

well, it has happened. More so at the beginning, tho not often. I am a very fast learner!

There are certain types of job that i would have been afraid to walk away from when I was inexperienced. Now, such work which carries a risk of soot escaping, I just walk away from tehm.

The real dangers are things that you can't predict. The worst of all is a breach between two flues.

(The column of bricks is the chimney. Within the chimney are a number of flues, or tubes if you like, one per appliance - whether that is an open fire, stove or boiler. On the top of the stack or chimney top, there are a number of terminals, one per appliance/flue. The rules are very strict that there is one flue ONLY per appliance unless two appliances are in the same room.)

Breaches happen once in a blue moon, or more accurately once in three to five blue moons, but then soot can rush out into another room.

I have had the bricks between two flues collapse and a wheelbarrow full of soot and bricks drop 20 feet into another room.

That was fun.

Did I hear my name mentioned

I can imagine the game is full of near misses and the odd own goal!!

It was 'im guv!!

Oh yes.

A mate of my OH was `helping` with a chimney blockage that we had. He turned up and just climbed up onto the roof and did whatever he did..... he didn`t knock on the door and warn us that he had arrived so nothing was prepared in advance..... I had spent 3 days the week before completely redecorating the living room.... well you can imagine what happened and I was not a happy bunny. I gave him cleaning equipment... left the house for a couple of hours and had a long walk... and left him to it.

That's about the worst way to deal with it to be honest.

Both for the chimney and the clear up afterwards.

I'd have suggested an immediate insurance claim and a pro cleaner.

I agree Bil, and hindsight is a wonderful thing... I was really cross with him. Luckily (for him) we had laminate flooring and a leather suite, which was completely covered, but he cleaned it all... I gave it the fingertip test and nothing. It touched the skirting boards in the whoosh up but not the walls thankfully.