CSA Absent father
Oct 14th 2009 | 7:11 pm
#31
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 96
Re: CSA Absent father
Loving it so far
Are you able to appeal against the CSA's decision? What are their grounds for closing the case? Are there still Citizen's Advice Bureaux in England? If so, could someone go there on your behalf for a quick consultation to find out? If you can appeal, do so. If not, try the European route (sorry, don't know how). As your daughter continues to see her father and, given what you have explained (and I'm sorry you felt because of some posts that you had to justify your stance), I believe he should pay. Even if you don't use the money now for every day things, it could help your daughter in the future with education, training, medical treatment, travel, deposit on a flat, whatever.
Are you able to appeal against the CSA's decision? What are their grounds for closing the case? Are there still Citizen's Advice Bureaux in England? If so, could someone go there on your behalf for a quick consultation to find out? If you can appeal, do so. If not, try the European route (sorry, don't know how). As your daughter continues to see her father and, given what you have explained (and I'm sorry you felt because of some posts that you had to justify your stance), I believe he should pay. Even if you don't use the money now for every day things, it could help your daughter in the future with education, training, medical treatment, travel, deposit on a flat, whatever.
Oct 14th 2009 | 7:42 pm
#32
RETIRED ;-))
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 20,156
From: Benalmadena Pueblo,Spain
Re: CSA Absent father
I don't think the lady asked for our personal opinions, but it's inevitable that she will get them, I guess! I used to be a very active member of the first "anti CSA" group in it's very early stages, being married to an "absent" father who was denied access to his children by his ex wife prior to court intervention, ordered by the CSA to pay 80% of his earnings and bollocks to any children we may have had, so I could wax lyrical for a very long time with the way I see the situation, and the unfairness of it all.
However, it doesn't answer the lady's question, does it?
However, it doesn't answer the lady's question, does it?
There are many complex emotional issues in this situation, and as you say, you have never been in it. It is not a question necessarily of not wanting to pay, or even not being able to pay. It's more a question of, in most circumstances, the "absent" father is treated so unfairly, and is often only absent because the mother makes it that way. The only time the kids lose respect for the father is after years of systematic brain washing. They care not a jot for the financial implications unless it's rammed down their throats every day; all they want is to be allowed to love and continue to see both of their parents. And don't forget, the majority of fathers have to walk away, or are chucked out at the whim of the mother, with only the shirt on their back.
trust me, there are circumstances in which you wouldn't pay. There are many men who don't take the attitude of "let the new man pay"; that's not usually why they won't, in my experience. It is usually much deeper and much more complex than that. If you have already given your house and everything in it, for example; that could be a fairly acceptable reason. Perhaps you just have questionable friends. Or perhaps their new partners are financially able to fund their lifestyle
Loving it so far, back to your thread. If the CSA have closed the case, move on and get on with your new life. If he is genuinely a bad father (and only you know in your heart the answer to this) your daughter is probably better off without him anyway. Enjoy your life as it is now and put the past behind you, because until you can do this you will never be truly happy
There are always two ends to a stick and it is usually the husband that gets the kaka end.
Oct 14th 2009 | 7:49 pm
#33
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 474
Re: CSA Absent father
I agree that happens men are foreced out and gets the short straw, but from what I have seen and heard, that is not the majority. I have friends who do not pay a bean towards their childrens upkeep. They have nice cars and holidays, so money is not the issue.
I even know one that gave up a job so as not to pay.
Most of them have the attitude, that if the other new man, has got money let him pay.
I would have to pay towards my child or children because it is the right thing to do.
I even know one that gave up a job so as not to pay.
Most of them have the attitude, that if the other new man, has got money let him pay.
I would have to pay towards my child or children because it is the right thing to do.
Seems like every time I've seen the money land the Mother orders loads of new crap and splashes out on a large holiday..
Back to square one.
DSB.
Oct 14th 2009 | 8:14 pm
#34
Banned
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,008
Re: CSA Absent father
I have not seen one case where the 'contributions' for the child given to the Mother have been spent on the Child / living costs.
Seems like every time I've seen the money land the Mother orders loads of new crap and splashes out on a large holiday..
Back to square one.
DSB.
Seems like every time I've seen the money land the Mother orders loads of new crap and splashes out on a large holiday..
Back to square one.
DSB.
Even if it is the case that the moeny is blown on crap, the father still should pay his dues, if he doesnt he is not a father, he is merely a "sperm donor"
There are too many men in this world shirking their duty as fathers, it is just not right..............
Oct 14th 2009 | 8:19 pm
#35
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 474
Re: CSA Absent father
You must know some really "classy" women, the separated or divoced mums we know, are like tigers defending their cubs.
Even if it is the case that the moeny is blown on crap, the father still should pay his dues, if he doesnt he is not a father, he is merely a "sperm donor"
There are too many men in this world shirking their duty as fathers, it is just not right..............
Even if it is the case that the moeny is blown on crap, the father still should pay his dues, if he doesnt he is not a father, he is merely a "sperm donor"
There are too many men in this world shirking their duty as fathers, it is just not right..............
I'm just stating, as this is a Forum, that the bad people spoil it for the legitimate cases.
I feel that's where a lot of the previous posts of venting are coming from.
DSB.
Oct 14th 2009 | 8:26 pm
#36
Banned
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,008
Re: CSA Absent father
If the Mother blows the money on crap then she is neither a Mother than the Father is a Father either.
I'm just stating, as this is a Forum, that the bad people spoil it for the legitimate cases.
I feel that's where a lot of the previous posts of venting are coming from.
DSB.
I'm just stating, as this is a Forum, that the bad people spoil it for the legitimate cases.
I feel that's where a lot of the previous posts of venting are coming from.
DSB.
there are lots of personal things to be considered in any break up, but I personally, think that the responibility for any children belongs to the sire as well. Even if his contribution is minimal.
Oct 14th 2009 | 9:44 pm
#37
Hotter on your tongue
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 872
From: Closer than you think
Re: CSA Absent father
There are many complex emotional issues in this situation, and as you say, you have never been in it. It is not a question necessarily of not wanting to pay, or even not being able to pay. It's more a question of, in most circumstances, the "absent" father is treated so unfairly, and is often only absent because the mother makes it that way. The only time the kids lose respect for the father is after years of systematic brain washing. They care not a jot for the financial implications unless it's rammed down their throats every day; all they want is to be allowed to love and continue to see both of their parents. And don't forget, the majority of fathers have to walk away, or are chucked out at the whim of the mother, with only the shirt on their back.
Oct 14th 2009 | 10:15 pm
#39
Hotter on your tongue
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 872
From: Closer than you think
Re: CSA Absent father
Loving it so far, back to your thread. If the CSA have closed the case, move on and get on with your new life. If he is genuinely a bad father (and only you know in your heart the answer to this) your daughter is probably better off without him anyway. Enjoy your life as it is now and put the past behind you, because until you can do this you will never be truly happy
Oct 14th 2009 | 10:21 pm
#40
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 5,367
Re: CSA Absent father
The problem is that far too many fathers are being penalised for something that was not of their making. Good friend of ours absolutely dotted on his wife and daughter, the wife decided she wanted to have a fling behind his back, and has now moved in with her new man. Now our friend has had his life devastated, he has had the two most important things in his life no longer in his life, and if that is not enough, he has to pay for his daughter until she is 16. Yes, he'll get very limited access, but it's hardly the same is it?
Oct 14th 2009 | 10:24 pm
#41
Hotter on your tongue
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 872
From: Closer than you think
Re: CSA Absent father
You must know some really "classy" women, the separated or divoced mums we know, are like tigers defending their cubs.
Even if it is the case that the moeny is blown on crap, the father still should pay his dues, if he doesnt he is not a father, he is merely a "sperm donor"
There are too many men in this world shirking their duty as fathers, it is just not right..............
Even if it is the case that the moeny is blown on crap, the father still should pay his dues, if he doesnt he is not a father, he is merely a "sperm donor"
There are too many men in this world shirking their duty as fathers, it is just not right..............
If your children are taken away from you and you are prevented from seeing them or having any real influence on their lives surely you are no more than a sperm donor/piggy bank
Oct 14th 2009 | 10:50 pm
#42
Banned
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 305
Re: CSA Absent father
You must know some really "classy" women, the separated or divoced mums we know, are like tigers defending their cubs.
Even if it is the case that the moeny is blown on crap, the father still should pay his dues, if he doesnt he is not a father, he is merely a "sperm donor"
There are too many men in this world shirking their duty as fathers, it is just not right..............
Even if it is the case that the moeny is blown on crap, the father still should pay his dues, if he doesnt he is not a father, he is merely a "sperm donor"
There are too many men in this world shirking their duty as fathers, it is just not right..............
Oct 14th 2009 | 10:55 pm
#43
Banned
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 305
Re: CSA Absent father
Thanks, Lime Pickle! I usually have to take nothing but crap on this forum, so it's a nice change! 
Ain't that the truth! And we all know many men in this situation, don't we?!!
[QUOTE]The problem is that far too many fathers are being penalised for something that was not of their making. Good friend of ours absolutely dotted on his wife and daughter, the wife decided she wanted to have a fling behind his back, and has now moved in with her new man. Now our friend has had his life devastated, he has had the two most important things in his life no longer in his life, and if that is not enough, he has to pay for his daughter until she is 16. Yes, he'll get very limited access, but it's hardly the same is it?[/QUOTE]
And ain't this the truth, too! And I guess his "limited access" was hard fought for, and disrupted at every possible opportunity
There is so much more to being a Father than splashing cash around.
If your children are taken away from you and you are prevented from seeing them or having any real influence on their lives surely you are no more than a sperm donor/piggy bank
If your children are taken away from you and you are prevented from seeing them or having any real influence on their lives surely you are no more than a sperm donor/piggy bank
[QUOTE
[QUOTE]The problem is that far too many fathers are being penalised for something that was not of their making. Good friend of ours absolutely dotted on his wife and daughter, the wife decided she wanted to have a fling behind his back, and has now moved in with her new man. Now our friend has had his life devastated, he has had the two most important things in his life no longer in his life, and if that is not enough, he has to pay for his daughter until she is 16. Yes, he'll get very limited access, but it's hardly the same is it?[/QUOTE]
And ain't this the truth, too! And I guess his "limited access" was hard fought for, and disrupted at every possible opportunity
Oct 14th 2009 | 10:57 pm
#45
Banned
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 305
Re: CSA Absent father
