Loving it so Far, Sorry I don't have any info for you but welcome to the forum and I'm glad you're enjoying life in Spain, Triana

Have you tried to talk to your ex and see if you can appeal to his better nature (I'm sure he has one lol) and see if you can sort it out without the intervention of any agencies, they can sometimes make things worse, just by their involvement??

As for where your ex takes your daughter when he has her, sadly, its down to him as long as it doesnt involve abuse, as your daughter grows she will make it quite clear to him how she feels and where she'll go when she sees him - My daughters disliked their father intently during their teenage years and refused to visit him (that went down well - not!). Now they're adults, they get on well with him, but on their terms - actually we all get on well now. We even spent christmas with him, my husband and our kids, his wife and their daughter, our joint older girls - one big happy family that I never thought I'd see considering the acrimony during our divorce! He still owes me maintenance tho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jo xxx

That's the trouble with asking for information on an internet forum, you disclose a third of the circumstances hoping that it's sufficient to get you the wise answers you are looking for, and also because to disclose any more of it would make your post too long.

Then you need to disclose more because people haven't fully understood your question.

I must admit I agreed with some of the harsher comments until the OP explained more, and I'm now on her side, for all that matters.

On the criminal side, European law is being made to apply to all EU countries, and the civil side must surely follow. But the CSA is such a shambles in the UK that I doubt the rest of the EU will adopt anything like it.

It really shouldn't matter who leaves who, if a father leaves he should still want to contribute towards his childs upbringing and vice versa. I dont know about the legalities in Spain but I would think any decent person would have or feel a moral duty towards their child/children, in my opinion I think it would matter to that child /chrildren to know that the absent parent cared enough to do that
Liz

The lady asked a civil question, so why could you simply not give a civil reply ?
Fact is you cannot give the info that she seeks, or point her to where she may find it. So on balance you should of said nothing as I suspect you would not have said that to her face !

Brian

You obviously don`t know me very well. ;-))

Can anybody on here give her an answer ?
The people dealing with the case have given up, so what chance are pixels on a computer going to give her ?

I find a little bit of irony in your answer too, you have not helped her, just got a bit personal like you only seem able to do.

I got personal ?, surely you must see the irony in that statement of your above.

Brian

The irony was you telling me off for posting my thoughts on the matter with this post, on balance maybe you should of said nothing too. ;-))

"Originally Posted by playamonte
The lady asked a civil question, so why could you simply not give a civil reply ?
Fact is you cannot give the info that she seeks, or point her to where she may find it. So on balance you should of said nothing as I suspect you would not have said that to her face !

Brian"

There you go !

Brian

I don't think the lady asked for our personal opinions, but it's inevitable that she will get them, I guess! I used to be a very active member of the first "anti CSA" group in it's very early stages, being married to an "absent" father who was denied access to his children by his ex wife prior to court intervention, ordered by the CSA to pay 80% of his earnings and bollocks to any children we may have had, so I could wax lyrical for a very long time with the way I see the situation, and the unfairness of it all.

However, it doesn't answer the lady's question, does it?

I cannot give any advice on this matter, but I would like to give my opinion.

I cannot understand why a father would not want to pay for his own child or children, even if the mother can afford to keep them.

I have never been in this type of situation, but pride would not allow me to let another man take over the full financial burden of MY children.

No matter what the finances are, most fathers can afford to pay something towards their childs upkeep, even if the money is not needed for everyday living it should still be paid regularly.

It is such a "cop out" to say, that the wife has a new partner, only a shit father would lose the respect of his children over a few quid.

There are many complex emotional issues in this situation, and as you say, you have never been in it. It is not a question necessarily of not wanting to pay, or even not being able to pay. It's more a question of, in most circumstances, the "absent" father is treated so unfairly, and is often only absent because the mother makes it that way. The only time the kids lose respect for the father is after years of systematic brain washing. They care not a jot for the financial implications unless it's rammed down their throats every day; all they want is to be allowed to love and continue to see both of their parents. And don't forget, the majority of fathers have to walk away, or are chucked out at the whim of the mother, with only the shirt on their back.

I agree that happens men are foreced out and gets the short straw, but from what I have seen and heard, that is not the majority. I have friends who do not pay a bean towards their childrens upkeep. They have nice cars and holidays, so money is not the issue.
I even know one that gave up a job so as not to pay.

Most of them have the attitude, that if the other new man, has got money let him pay.
I would have to pay towards my child or children because it is the right thing to do.

trust me, there are circumstances in which you wouldn't pay. There are many men who don't take the attitude of "let the new man pay"; that's not usually why they won't, in my experience. It is usually much deeper and much more complex than that. If you have already given your house and everything in it, for example; that could be a fairly acceptable reason. Perhaps you just have questionable friends. Or perhaps their new partners are financially able to fund their lifestyle

Loving it so far, back to your thread. If the CSA have closed the case, move on and get on with your new life. If he is genuinely a bad father (and only you know in your heart the answer to this) your daughter is probably better off without him anyway. Enjoy your life as it is now and put the past behind you, because until you can do this you will never be truly happy