Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

Did you get cold feet when you believed you wanted to return to the UK and it came down to booking the flights in case you are making the wrong decision? Keep in looking at flights but not managed to go through with it. I am not 100% happy here in OZ and my kids would like to go back. its just the wife who wants to stay as we have only been here 6 months. I dont believe in the you have to give it 2 years before you settle as I realised pretty early it was the wrong decision to come. but I realise it will all be over once I book those flights. Think i need counciling again :confused:

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

I think everyone on this forum has had cold feet at one time or another. Good luck with it. I am planning for feb 2011. So i don't have to book yet but i am still scared to death.

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

I'm crapping it (sorry excuse language). We were going back on one way flights in June. 3 weeks before hubby gets a job offer. We ended up buying a return ticket from England just because it wasn't much more than cancelling the singles. Because I couldn't book the return leg for 12 months in advance (scheduling) I picked the next best date which happened to be 9th September. Hubby is about to hand his notice in on Monday................. that will be it then for us.

I will either be taking the flights on 9th or slightly after and hubby then following. We know I am unhappy here. He's got a job here but both of us have health problems. Mine I think are made worse through the deep grief of being here. WA isn't that bad. Somethings are great but I want my kids to grow up in England and I am English and nothing I do will shake that.

So it looks like we'll be heading back very very soon :( It has been the hardest decision and I think we've needed to be far braver returning than when we moved out.

Best of luck everyone.

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

I think if you dont get cold feet at some point in deciding to leave or deciding to come back again there is a good chance your brain isn't fully engaged in the process!

Its totaly to be expected, just think it through rationally and do what you think is right.

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Cold feet ?? Mine have been frozen lately and I have tried to put silly obstacles in the way of booking our tickets home.

Now I have got a grip and had a good talk with my husband last night and we went through all the pros and cons again and that helped me.

Your mind goes in swirls and because you have so many things to do and decisions to make. Best to make a list and put all your thoughts on paper. Then you can refer to it each day.

Good luck with the move...we are off soon...

BTW..my wrong decision was coming here in the first place but hey ho..now we know!

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Yes, returning takes a lot more nerve, I think. Heading away (especially the first time) is an adventure that always has a Get Out of Jail Free card (you can always come back), if you change your mind.

Coming back, I think the "What if I'm wrong?" implications are much more complex (especially if you don't have citizenship of wherever you moved to). Plus there is the whole "I must have failed" complex to deal with ...

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

Will i returned to uk to southampton and it was wrong i am about to return to Canada and can't wait i am going to have to leave my wife and kids in uk till i have enough money for them to return hopeful with in 6 mths i would think long and hard about it

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Had you thought about another part of UK before putting out the kind of money it takes to move to Canada all over again?

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Agree, I mean Southampton isn't the best part of England :blink:

If you cannot afford to all go back together, why not try somewhere else?

You may get back to Canada and get settled and your wife and kids may want to stay in England, then you will have to come back :ohmy:

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

I agree with Dunroving - moving forward to the place you came from takes much more nerve (dont say "going back" that smacks of failure!).

I think, though, if one of the family doesnt want to make the move then that makes things even harder because unless they are really conscious not to blame everything that goes wrong for the next 20 years on "the move" you can get a fair degree of resentment building up. So to the OP, hopefully your wife can be the bigger person here - she doesnt want to move but her family do - I just hope she doesnt hold you to ransom over it in the future. You may have to work very hard to make sure that she sees some evidence of compromise on your part - maybe moving on to a new place in UK or building long holidays into your finances etc.

Good luck with it - I really do think you "know" if this is the place you belong in and it doesnt take you 2 years to suss that one out. Last thing you want, in that case, is to be trapped here - I can assure you that is the pits!

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

thanks for the comments everyone. probably book flights today as wife has sort of come round and realised its not for all the family. Just realised that our lives were not that bad in Uk and moving because the weather is shit is not a good enough reason. I seriously thought this move was better for my children but they hate it and having witnessed OZ now I dont think that is the case. I am fairly lucky that my job is still open in UK having took a career break and we have our house with a tenant if we want to go back to but dont intend. we will probably rent somewhere. Its just the financial sacrifice moving over and back which is eating me at mo.

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The longer you stay the bigger the financial hit, you'll buy more furniture, cars, the kids will get settled into the lifestyle. We have tons of stuff to sort through and get rid of. All those bits and pieces you end up with. Your job may not be open for too long, if you want to take advantage of that then you need to jump on that. Most of us move with no job. it can take weeks/months to find a decent one.

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Ah, sensible people! Yup, an expensive experiment but now you know, you wont need to do it again! How wise you were to take a career break!

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Been there (a few times!) and one thing I learned is you just can't waste energy beating yourself up about the money thing - you can't get it back so there's no point. The timing of my moves has meant not only the cost of moving, but huge losses on house sales/purchases, huge losses on exchange rate, blahdeblahdeblah, but you just have to move on and don't let it eat away at you. I can't do anything about the fact my peers have all paid off their mortgages and I have 22 years left of a 25 year mortgage (I'm 53) - though it does piss me off when I get the sneering "You must be loaded on a university lecturer's salary". Grrrrr ....


- See? See you how easy it is to get into the negative thinking rut? Don't do it!! ;)

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

Follow your gut feeling pal, She may like it now, but how happy will she be when she finally figures it out, for her to be the only happy one seems a bit selfish, (I'm not picking on her) surely she can see all your faces, I understand the two year thing, but some have agreed to the two years and found themselves agreeing to another year after that, and so it goes till they are stuck, usually I see the guys wanting to stay and the wives wanting to go home, try another six months and see how you honestly feel, then you are meeting her half way.

Let me tell you there are plenty of people have gone and not liked it in Oz, Canada and the USA, just look at these forums, its full of upset and displaced people who crave a normal British life.

Its an awful thing to put a child in place they don't like or fit in, I was moved as a kid, Ive never enjoyed being a fish out of water.

Seek out some threads with others wanting to go back home and have your wife read them, it may make sense to her, if you do move back don't look at this as failure, look at it as a learning experience, at least you gave it a shot, most people cant say that.

Now I wished Id read the whole thread before posting. Huhhhhhhh

I wish you well.

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

Dunroving hit the nail on the head for me, Im the same age and wished my house was paid for too, Man I hate all the good luck stories people tell me, everybody seems to do well, what about us?
I suppose we realise we have to put up with less, can't worry about whats done.
Enjoy Your Weekend.

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Well I too pondered it forever.... I am 32 and moved to South Florida when I was 12 So I grew up in the U.S for the most part. with trips to England however over the past few years I have been back every year and each time it was really hard for me to leave. i went back again this past August and all the day to day anxiety I suffer here in the states was gone. i felt "at peace, and at home" I finally felt like i belonged somewhere after feeling lost for years. i have been on anti-anxiety medication since i was 14 xanex, valium, anti-depressants but when i was in the UK i was able to not have piece of medication until the day before I had to fly back to florida where my life was just in a shambles... so i packed up all I had left of 1 broken engagment, and once a marriage and moved to my mom in South Carolina (which is hell on earth) 2 weeks ago because the 2 of us are selling it all and finally going home to the rest of our large family... i finally got that feeling of home and it was back in the UK ... so thats the leap i am making, just getting the dog prepped now... It is very scary and I will miss the beach and friends, but i have so many friends that are constantly in touch with me in the UK and In Florida life is grand if u can afford to sit on the beach all day, but when u are wearing a suit and driving in a car with crappy Air -con.. in 95 degrees and missing your family and the people in general.. its all a bit different... just my thoughts... good luck and follow your gut, there is a reason to feel like you need to go home so go with it..
Wish all of you the best , time to get excited and go home!:)

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

WOW ,good luck :)

So glad you have found your place ...

Gabriella

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

That's where we are. I don't think we can go back now.

For that reason, I'd say best to go sooner rather than later.

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

Awww thanks luv...

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It's only stuff, it just takes a lot more planning and time to rid yourself of it all. I know we'll end up with about a dozen boxes and three tool chests and that will be paring it to the bare bones. :blink:

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

Good for you, I came here in my late teens, its not a place I wanted to be, but the whole family came, what was I supposed to do.
I can relate to that feeling of peace, I feel the same way when I go back, it just feels safer and something feels so right, some Brits will say its got worse of over there but thats nothing new, Ive hard that for years and still I feel safer, other than war zones nothing compares to the amount of guns and murders in this country.

A life of anti-depressant drugs and beaches has no appeal when compared to real peace and feeling good.

Life can only get better. I wish you well.

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

Well, my experience was that I knew in 2 weeks I wanted to come home. Hubby and I agreed to give it 6 months - which I found extremely testing!

Then at 6 months we both decided to return to the UK. We were both scared - we were worried we might get back home and regret our choice we also worried our family and friends would think we were crazy.

BUT the second we got of the plane at heathrow we knew our decision was right and now 2 years later we are both still really happy with our UK life!

We love the seasons, the green countryside, the history, the people, the TV need I go on... and are off to cornwall next week for a winter break by the beach!

Follow your heart!

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

I love happy endings Good for you, you are lucky that you were on the same page, Ive read so many stories where only one wants to go back and they stay here for many years unhappy.

The people are most important, you have something in common that cant be duplicated, everything else is a bonus.

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

Thanks Fish 'n ' Chips... All countries are messed up in some way the economy and jobs here are no better, in the 90's and early 2000's i was doing alright here but as i get older i want home back the best way I can describe it is like "slipping on a pair of old cozy slippers"... i tried it here for 20 years and i now know i am happier jumping on the no# 50 bus into birmigham city center with a bunch of mates thats have still stayed in touch and met up with me on all my visits over the years and pub hopping till its time for a curry (: Just gotta find some kid of job here in the middle of South Carolina to get me on the boat in August ... thanks for the kind words mate :thumbsup:

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

Good question by OP,

No cold feet for me, slightly chilly maybe.
I had been looking forward to this move back for 18 yrs, back home
(although there was one particularly trip back and a wet weekend in London that showed me the benefits of a mild winter in North Carolina).

I had been happy to live in USA with DH, we had a nice life there and used the opportunity to visit about 40 states.
We were just average working folks, we didn't become financially rich (but that wasn't the plan) but our lives were enriched by the experience. When things were good they were good, but the summer heat became daunting, prospect of high cost of retirement (particularly healthcare) was intimidating but mainly the feeling that home and belonging was here in UK was what brought us back, me absolutely ready, DH more reserved because of the negative aspects of UK (he had got used to the negatives of USA)

When we first got back to England we saw warts and all, but since then have found the nicer side of life here and are quite happy.

Would I move back to USA ? possibly for a limited time, I bear no grudge or resentment, i enjoyed the experience, but no, I do not dream or have ambition to move back there in the way I always felt I wanted, needed, to move back to UK.

Isn't that so odd, so many of us just having this 'feeling' that UK is home and that's where we need to be, even Hayley and Fish and others that left at fairly early ages when one would have thought they would have grown into it, or acclimated, as presumably their parents expected. This forum is such a fascinating insight into human nature, thanks to all those who open the door to peek inside your hearts and minds. I feel privileged to share with you.

Best Wishes to all on your journey's.

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

That's WonderfulJ.J , I am glad things are going well i cant wait to back there and its always nice to read the positives.. thanks for sharing and keep enjoying home xoxo:D

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Yes I find that interesting too. I am doing it in reverse. I am a kiwi, left and moved to the UK at 23, now at 48 'going home'. I have had a good life in the UK, but always had in the back of my mind the idea of going home. I am a bit nervous in case I get there and decide I hate it! LOL. I am renting out my house so if I change my mind I can come back. In my mind I will be giving it a year's trial to see how I feel. Feel's good at this early stage to be going home. I hope it works out but I can come back if it doesn't. Don't want to become a ping ponger though.

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

I sometimes worry that we are making the wrong decision.

I look at my eldest son's room ,all his belongings and his gadgets he has worked hard saving up for ...all in his cozy 12 year olds nest lol !

I know at 39 that this is not the place for him ,but he has sticky feet :(

My younger son is 7 and excited to leave this small town , our little girl is just turning 2 so no problem there .

The biggest reason we are leaving though (as so many have said before me ) is family and the feeling that we do not want to grow old here .

Life for the kids is lovely in some respects ...but not for us :(
I am hoping that by re-locating to Dorset (this time )we will find a happy place for ALL of us .

Good luck to all of us here :)

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I am pleased to see that the banks/building societies are considering lending to us òlder folk`for a 25 year period, is this the norm now?

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Aww the thought of jumping on a bus and going into Brum.......

It would be the number 45 for me. 50 is that the Castle Bromwich bus?

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

Oh wow, you have just said what I said to my gf last week, "When I go home it's just like slipping on my comfy worn in Asda slippers"....and well done you for going home when you are still a youngster. :thumbsup:

I REALLY needed to read this thread today, so thank you GarryP for starting it. I have to buy my one way ticket tonight and I have the jitters........ooooohhhh what am I doing??

I have to sell everything I have except personal stuff to get the money together to make a new start as I don't want to land there like a charity case, I will stay with my sister, but still no job, no possessions, no car and very little money, I keep thinking I must be crazy, but I only came back in April this year because I felt so guilty about "abandoning" my kids and grand-kids, and look I hardly see them, not because they don't care about me, but they have their own lives.....as it should be.........I should have only come back in April to sell up and move back, but I didn't sooo much money spent and wasted over the years but anyhoo it's done now....

So will somebody please hold my hand while I buy my ticket tonight..........:unsure:

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

I'll hold your hand. Did you hit the buy button yet?

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Not yet, but I am getting prepared..........why is this so scary? So exciting? Soooo many emotions going on right now...........breathe...........look around you and think, can I live here for the rest of my life? Even for the next 10 years?

NO!!

Then do it woman!! :unsure:

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Dont worry Hayley, it will happen for you, just get a job and save hard, cut down on all the BS things and you will have the money in no time, this time next year you will be shopping in Brum for all your christmas stuff...

20 years is long enough, and Im happy you've decided to go home while you ae still young, thats Great!

The Economy here has been bad for ten years, I dont see it getting much better anytime soon so I think you are right, there are jobs in the UK I hear its tough but still I read on this forum of people getting jobs so they really are out there, and at least you will have healthcare...

I can relate to jumping in the bus with mates, I used to do that when I was a teenager in Sheffield, its hard for people in this country to understand stuff like that, you cant beat true friendship and the humour of the UK.

I have a load of in laws back in the UK, I love um all, we always go back for weddings, there are so many of us we have to rent a full size bus, we've all have plenty to drink, so even at may age I love a bus ride, a joke and a good old sing song with freinds and in laws...

Take Care, I wish you well...

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Hello JJ, I always love your posts, I too have no resentment, this country and its people have always been good to me, I just wish they would treat each other a little nicer, there is so much hate, plus politics gets on my nerves, politics has put a division in this country that may never be repaired.

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Good Luck to you pal, Home is where the heart is and I dont blame you one bit, infact New Zealand has always had some appeal to me, at least you are doing it now, I think its a good idea, if its doesnt pan out all is not lost... I wish you well...Take Care...

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dont quite remeber gets me from Kings Norton / Kings Heath to town though..(-: I'll have a drink for ya!

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it is scary but at least you've got the balls to make the jump, we all did it the 1st time by leaving, at least you can say you gave it a shot... if i had the money and my dog was ready i would be gone tomorrow.. should be outta here no later than August next year.. good luck, everyone!

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Consider your hand held, by all of us :D