Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

thanks so much for all your encouragment.... :thumbsup:

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I will too, good luck, be brave, I have a feeling I will be doing the same thing very soon. I too will live with my sister or a friend, and that is scary after having a home of your own and all the trimmings, but I am literally making myself ill trying to live here when it's not where I want to be, I am sick that I have let it go on for almost 16 years, but as advised by other posters, I am trying to be kind to myself. Good Luck :)

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Good luck English Rose, you can LITERALLY make yourself ill living where you don't want to be.

I maybe get indigestion/heartburn once every 2 or 3 years and just lately I have had to buy indigestion tablets as this "thing" is gnawing away at my insides....I have only been back since April, couldn't get a job for 3 months, got my own rented flat again, moved in in July, and as lovely as it is and as much as I like my job it is not filling the empty space inside me......

Having a few probs buying my ticket as the fare keeps changing but as scared as I am I know I am doing the right thing for me.......possessions and money come and go while the years slip away.....why don't you join me EnglishRose, take a good look from where you are sitting right now, look at all your "stuff" does any of it really matter? It's just wood, glass, material or maybe bricks if you have to sell a place.......can you honestly say you can live in this place you call home for the rest of your life? I got out photo's and looked at the pics from when I was in England and compared them to how I FEEL now inside......and when I am there I FEEL so different inside, I am sure you know what I am talking about as does everybody on this thread.

You know your REAL home is not here, it is there........:wub:

Follow your feelings...

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I am holding your hand right now and:fingerscrossed: you will be fine when you get back home and settled. I agree with you about family, I suppose we are from the old school and feel we need to be close to our families for support, but I am finding they don't seem to need and sometimes want it. So good luck once you have your ticket the deed will be done and you can go forward:thumbsup: Denise

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Hello Gabby...

Don't worry about your eldest sons electronic stuff, he can take most if not all of it back to the UK, you can replace some things, the UK is not behind, if anything they are early adopters and ahead of the USA, I can see where you are coming from, but long term you will be doing him and yourself a big favor, kids of 12 don't understand this, he may have sticky feet, but he does not have your knowledge or wisdom.

In ten or twenty years time ask him if he would like 2 or 4 weeks paid vacation, and what about healthcare? as many others on this forum would tell you Now is the time to do it, wait a few years and chances are you will never do it as you will be splitting up your family forever, then you will find yourself Stuck...

Its great that you already know you don't want to grow old here, I could tell you my story, it would blow your mind, getting old anywhere isnt fun but in a nice American care facility it can be awful.

I wish you well...

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Thanks Bee, You are such a support, and inspiration. I was just thinking what you posted, before I sat down at the computer again. I have a lovely house, which looks wonderful today in the sunshine, my husband is outside mowing the lawn, and I feel so empty inside I could cry. What is a great house, if you can't have your Mum over for a cup of tea, or go out shopping with your sister or friends and enjoy sharing a joke and catching the bus home? those are the things I miss, not the big things or even the big occasions, it is the daily living things. GULP, I am really getting ready to go now.....

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Oh yes I know what you mean so much......I have tried hard to make this flat look so nice with all my bits and bobs, and yes it does look lovely with my new Freedom sparkly curtains and new silver leaf ornament thingies shining in the sunshine.......but you know what? Inside I am slowly dying.......it sounds dramatic huh? But it's not a dramatic feeling..........it is a feeling of disconnection of everything around me, I just don't fit, never have, never will though God knows I have tried and it seems like you have too, for 16 years.......

I hope your husband is on your side for the move, does he love it here, I do hope not for your sake.......:(

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I don't know if you can zoom in on my avatar pic, but it is a big fat bumble bee, I was sooo happy and excited when I saw this bee on the flower!! I had forgotten about British bumble bee's LOL!! I want to feel those feelings of happiness and excitement again, and HONESTLY I haven't felt like that once since I came back, not once...........

This is not living..........not when we feel the way we do.......:(

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Hello English Rose, you are speaking to others who think exactly the same as you, it is the small things that matter,
Ive had nice homes too but its always something more than possesions that you really need.
I Love the Brit attitude and humour, Ive missed it all along... Good Luck to you...

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Awww (((hugs)))

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I miss the people , the honesty, the good times, the family, the rides on the bus up town, good pubs, a good curry, a cuppa and great conversation... nothing compares to the Brits when you are one... I had a beautiful home, 4 bed, 2 bath and office , a pool a tanning bed, yet so lost and miserable.... so we must get on with how we feel and when :rofl:i was back in the UK in August I felt more at peace than I have ever in my life and more connected and real... I want to live that way,, where ever you feel that peace, yo ubelong.. Good LUck.. xoxoxo


Hayley
:rofl:

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I always tell people to write a lists of the loves and hates they have now, and what they miss about the UK, that way they can look at that list when they are home and having second thoughts, I think once we are home we take things for granted and forget some of the bad things, its just a good thing to have it written down, even the smallest detail, it can save you from making the trip back, I know of a few who have done that myslef included, its expensive, frustrating and wastes lots of time.

Just write the lists on a small notepad so it doesn't take up much space, put the Usa on one side and Uk on the other... Simple..

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I know about the honesty, not wanting to tell people how you really feel about many things as you are a guest in their country and dont want to offend...

The Good times are the Best, they just are...

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That's definitely the number 50 bus! The joys of Druids Heath, the Maypole, Kingsheath, through Moseley and the like! :0)

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Beedubya - get off your backside and hit the "buy now" button"! You know you want to (well, I would hold your hand but it looks as if you need more than that - where is the boot in bum icon when you need it?):sneaky:

You know that you succeeded the last time you were here in UK and you know that you can do it again (have you checked out with your last job to see if they are still looking for someone as wonderful as you?)

I know what you mean about leaving the grandkids - it wouldnt bother me one iota although it would bother the d-i-l who thinks I need to be there for my granddaughter. What she expects me to do when I have one set in Aus and one set in UK is another matter. We now have a pair of girls in Aus with Ava being born last Sunday - she looks cute in pics but I wouldnt have swapped my 6 weeks here in UK for getting to know her on day 1, not for all the tea in china.

BTW dont let the "its dismal weather" posts get you down - it isnt. It is highly variable and although yesterday was grey and overcast the day before that started out glorious and ended up being swirly mist. Today started patchy cloud but but looks as if if could be grey again (end of the world, huh!)

Now, have you pressed the "buy me" button or not????

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Congratulations on your new Grandaughter Quoll :)

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Oh Congrats on new baby, what a lovely name :) As if the baby would even know if you are there or not duh!!

Ah you are so nice to me, I feel like crying LOL!!

Glad you are enjoying it, funny thing is that the weather didn't bother me, unlike my daughter who said No Way could she live there she would get depressed and probably get that Seasonal Disorder thingie LOL!! I like that swirly mist and the definite changes of seasons.......

Well I can't press the bloody pay button for the ticket as I have posted on here endlessly since last night!!! I wanted to go on BA because they have that very attractive (well compared to other rip off airlines) excess baggage rate, they had a FANTASTIC fare of $1020.00 one way - I even started a thread about it!! :lol: That was up until the last time I checked at 1pm yesterday, so off I drove down to the 'gong to tell my daughter face to face I was going back, all went well, so I came home last night, got a nice glass of wine ready together with my credit card,logged on and the fare had shot up to $1570!!! $560 in a few measly hours......arrgghhhh..........:eek:

So on the advise of others I am checking the BA website by the hour. Etihad do have a one way fare of $1017.00 but I wanted BA....wwaaaaa.......:cry_smile:

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OR we could come on here and read our old posts, like I did yesterday, read my own I mean and I can feel the difference in my very own posts, just like I can feel Quoll writing differently on here this past few days....and Charleygirl when she was in England...and Anna when she pops in and out.......it REALLY does come across in the writing.....people seem "lighter" and "brighter" when they are where they are supposed to be.........

Re: Scared of Making Wrong Decision
 

Thank you SO much for your words of advice -they really do help when one is pondering and second guessing :)

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I am from Kings Norton :thumbup::)

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if its a one way make a trip out of it, me and my mom are goin g on the QM2 6 days cruise out of NY it is cheaper than some plane tickets and everything is included, might be a nice way to exit the old life and start fresh (-: good luck!

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Oh Lucky you and your Mom. I want to go home by QM2, make a real holiday of it and say good bye to US with style (British style at that :lol:)

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Might as well go in style, plus you can take all that extra luggage, Very Nice.

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Ah if only, I just checked it out, very few cruises out of Australia. It takes 38 days so I never even bothered checking out the cost!! :eek:

Good on you and your mum, I'm sure you'll have a blast!! :lol:

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oh crap , wow yeah, i am sorry i always seem to think everyone is in the USA... see becoming too bloody selfish , get me out hahaha.... good luck with your ticket...

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You are very welcome, from reading what you said about not wanting to grow old here Im sure you are making the Right decesion, Time is of the essence, Good Luck to you.

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hey everyone, i know there is a thread on here somewhere mentioning what electronics are worth taking back but I cant seem to find the thread. Does anyone know which it is..? The only 2 things i ant to keep are my Phillips 52 inch flat screen t.v and my bose Ipod dock... I heard t.v's are compatible now but not sure if i would need more than just a plug convertor and / or if it would work with "SKY" ... anyways sorry to change the thread with this post just got a bit lost on here.....

Cheers! :beer:

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Why don't you start a new thread on here. In the Moving Back to the UK bit, I am sure there are lots of experts. I thought the US had a different voltage system to the UK? I know Australia is the same as the UK, then it's just a matter of changing the plugs and Bob's ya uncle!!

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good i dea , will do.. i know the voltage is 120 here and 240 in UK and when i visit i take an adaptor and things work i know it cuts the life of your electronices but if i can save money on a t.v great.. i did here the somthing about the t.v line could be diffrent.. will post a thread and forward it to you.. thanks (::thumbup:

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Yeah the voltage system is defo different when I have been to Hawaii I take an adaptor but my hairdryer is sooo piffly slow.........it is just not the same oomph as here LOL!!

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You can run electrical goods off a transformer, but if it takes a lot of power the transformer will be huge and expensive. Not worth it.

We're running computers and monitors, however, plus some other small things.

I know UK TVs are completely different -- more or less lines -- but it's possible the modern ones can handle both. Someone will know.

Bev

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So many comments on this thread hit the nail on the head. Someone mentioned about how you feel when you are returning to the UK and landing after a while abroad. I feel a massive sense of relief when I touch down, and when leaving the UK the cloud starts to form again.
It takes an enormous amount of courage I think to give everything up and try and return home, but thats what it is....home and I think being an expat we can forget that. I was back in September and took my wife and inlaws to the Lake District, and knew that this is where I belong. It gets more and more difficult as time goes by, and I know like others have said, about trying to make your house nicer, getting a new job etc etc......but it doesnt fix the underlying problem of feeling like you dont belong.

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So so true, I spent a year back there, only got back in April and I have had it, I cannot live like this any longer, it doesn't matter where you live, what job you have, etc...........none of that matters except the feeling of not belonging and hey I lived for 6 months last year in the Lake District......how lucky was I? :thumbsup:

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Vagabond, I totally understand...

When I'm on my way home I'm always so excited, so pumped up and silly like a child, I drive my wife crazy.

When I know I'm close to home I have my eyes to the window looking for any site of land, finally I see the rolling hills, fields and homes below, usually its dark, I see the amber street lights above Birmingham or Manchester, the cars look tiny from above, they look awesome, sometimes its raining but what do I care, its english rain, I get so excited I could almost cry, I LOVE The Old Country, I just feel so normal, if only the British that live there could feel this way.

One of these days...

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One of these days..........FISH you WILL be there.......you just need to stop procrastinating and wishing and hoping and praying and JUST DO IT!! You are a hell of a lot luckier than most peeps on here in that you have assets in more than one house........so do it man.........get rid and get back home!! You are living in the wrong country and you know it.........life is too short to procrastinate any longer.........it is for NOW and for living not DYING.......just keep posting about your FEELINGS and you will get there.........I promise you, forget about all the HEAD stuff, the FEELING stuff is what matters the most......

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Chips, as bw says, do it man, be where your heart is.
You are a good match for my DH, he would get a bit emotional about UK stuff, thinks I don't notice but i do. Mind you, the American anthem gets him emotional too, he does have an attachment to the US, he's the loyal type and we mostly were treat good in the US, but he also get emotional for the R Navy evening hymn as he put years in there too.
He had always said there would be a trigger that told us when the time would be right to come back, and we came to that particular fork in the road earlier this year. Any prep you can do beforehand makes that final effort easier.

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:rofl::rofl::rofl:

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Hello Barb and JJ.

I appreciate your comments, I really do...

I certainly realise I'm luckier than many people on these forums, I know you have very little Barb, and I'm sure its irritating when you read that some people seem to have endless amounts of money or numerous homes, and they think they have problems.

I'm not really procrastinating, we have high unemployment in this area, Hi tech and call centre jobs went to China and India, homes are simply not selling, My home was worth 235 two years ago, a similar home down the street has been up for 6 months at 185 and is still for sale, its a nice house, I know the people, 185 really is a lowball give away price.

4 homes sold in this town last month, and more homes go up for sale every day, plus all the foreclosures, we'd have enough homes to sell for another 5 years if nobody else listed, We've had about a dozen lookers at my parents place since Sept 09 and still no buyer, well I did have one, I was told they were pre-approved, but then the bank wouldn't lend them the money.

The truth is its not just my decision, or just my money, My Wife has a 50% say in all of this too, there is no way she would go back without funds, me either, we cant just walk away from the equity in these homes, neither are paid for but its all we have, I have no retirement money so every penny counts, my wife would be perfectly happy to stay here, I'm the one who really wants to go back.

We are self employed and I intend to be self employed again once I'm back in the UK, Building a Biz takes time and money, plus you need to be able to last for 6 months or more while not earning, I can't ever imagine seeing the day when I will retire.

There is no way I'm going to rely on someone giving me a job, I went back to the UK in 89/90 and had numerous job promises, tough times, 300 people applying for one job, finally everything fell apart and we came back to our old jobs, the hardest flight I've ever had to make.

I don't expect anyone to give me anything, I've had almost two years in my life where I was out of work, I've never collected a single penny unemployment from the British or American Governments, I lived off my savings, after working for a company for 16 years I was let go for being a whistle blower, one of my bosses was a thief, the company let me go while that person kept their job, and yes it was depressing, but that's life sometimes, Id never do it again, it makes me sick even thinking about it.

I'm passionate about going back but only with the conditions we can live with, I just have it be honest with my wife and myself.

Again ladies I Thankyou.

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Hello JJ...

I can understand all the emotional things, Its funny when guys are like that, but Hey its who we are...

I agree prepwork has to help, I spend far too much time one here, thats one problem hahhaahaaa...

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FnC, I can relate to you somewhat. I have/had a home here that lost value - they all have. I applied for a loan modification almost two years ago and was approved. The banks made an error in the escrow figures and I wanted them to correct them before I signed the final papers. Well, instead of correcting them, they sold my home - with no notice. I was stunned beyond belief when the new owner put a note on my porch. To this day, I have great difficulty believing it happened but I do have a law suit in process against the bank. You never think this sort of thing can happen to you, but it can. In the UK, this would NEVER have happened and, if it did, the government would do something to protect the original owner. Not here. I saved hard for my home and this experience has taken away my faith in this country as well as my feeling of security. The denial has gone to what is going on here. I am out.

By the way, this is not, per se, my reason for wanting to return. It was, however, my wake-up call to the fleecing of the middle-class in America. Over all, the reason for returning is that Britain is my home. I was British and 23 when I came to the U.S. and I retained my British values and outlook on life and I am very thankful for that.