Originally Posted by rebeccajo

I am not being snippy or unkind.

Really I am not.

Originally Posted by sile

When you say " one of the more sensible things you've said", the obvious inference is that most other things I have said are not. That is not nice and it is snippy and condescending, not to mention inaccurate.

Originally Posted by sile

... can I get past it to do the thing I have been dreaming of and planning on for so long?

Originally Posted by sile

As some of you are aware, I am not a British Expat, I am an American who has been planning on moving, sight unseen and all alone, to somewhere in the UK. I've been really looking forward to this move taking place this Fall.
I have very specific reasons for wanting to be there, very specific reasons for not wanting to live the rest of my life here where I have lived all my life, and many of them others here have expressed as well...the culture, the weather, the relative safety, the NHS, which is huge for me as a self-employed person here..I have just had to give up my health insurance because it's just too expensive... I feel that through all kinds of research and especially reading and participating in these forums for over a year now, I have the best ideas of how life can be for me over there, short of actually being there.

I am alone by both circumstance and choice these days. I have lost my parents and only sibling in recent years, I have become quite the loner for various reasons, but I truly want to get social again at this point. I'd like to find love again and get married as well. I know what I want and I feel that it can all be had in England or Scotland. I also don't know of anywhere in the US that I could find all I am seeking, except perhaps Northern California, but every place that I would like is very expensive, and then there are the earthquakes...

I have thought it all out, planned as much as possible, gotten my Irish Citizenship, had the dog microchipped and vaccinated, sold off a lot of things, and tell everyone I talk to that I am planning on moving there shortly. But last night for some reason, I began to think I must be nuts to try to pick up and move to another country and put myself through all the stress of learning everything new, how to drive, currency, laws, customs....
I started thinking that I would be better off just trying to deal with everything I don't like here and just stay in my own country. But doing that would make me feel like I have no courage, that fear has once again reared its ugly head and scared me into giving up on my dreams. But maybe this dream is unrealisitc...even though I don't consciously believe that.

One thing that started this creeping fear was an article that someone here placed a link to about the possible severity of homesickness. Scared the heck out of me. And many of you expats have talked about the things you mis about the US, like the size of houses and streets. I now have this vision of feeling like I'm crammed into little houses, driving with a feeling of claustrophobia and terror in teeny cars down streets that barely accommodate one vehicle...in a neverending downpour.

Unlike so many of you, I would not be going back to anyplace or any people. But here, although I know many, many people, there is no one I would want to move to be near anyway. My life now is an open thing in every way, waiting to be designed by me and made into what I want.

What is going on here? Is this just normal trepidation one feels when making a major change, and can I get past it to do the thing I have been dreaming of and planning on for so long?

Originally Posted by holly_1948

As my dear deceased mother once said -

When in life you are faced with a difficult choice between head and heart, always go with the heart.
If you do you are likely to regret it and get over it in fairly short order. But if you go the other way you are likely to regret it for the rest of your life.

Just stay far far away from London at first, it's way too expensive for a newbie. Wirral is great if you need ideas. There are lots and lots of other wonderful places.

Oh, and take two or three hours of professional lessons from a "School of Motoring" to learn driving UK style. Cheap at half the price.

Originally Posted by windsong

Sile, it is clear that your heart is pulling you towards the UK. I know you haven't been there but sometimes there is no explanation for the feeling of being "pulled" in a certain direction. It is only when we follow through, that we know the reason.

As for the feelings of trepidation, I think it's very normal. I am British and I have them, too.

Over the last few years, the urge to find my ex-boyfriend from years ago grew stronger and stronger until a few weeks ago when I knew that, no matter what, I just had to find him. I couldn't explain it at all and the feeling was SO strong. After all, why now and not ten years ago? I came up with some hair-brained scheme to find him and it actually worked. After finding him, I knew why I had those feelings. Sometimes we just have to follow through with blind faith, knowing that the universe is wiser than we are. The teacup that you mentioned in another thread . . . well, you say the "Made in England" sign on the bottom and it struck a chord in you. Those little signs are important.

Originally Posted by Sugarmooma

Also remember that it is not always homesickness but familiarity that people miss ..so tell yourself you are going on a 2 year adventure and at the end of that time if it all falls apart then you can return.

Fear of the unknown is quite scary for all of us in any aspect in life but just making the decision to give it a try by yourself shows you have guts, so I say good luck to you, I really hope you succeed

Originally Posted by brissybee

It can be quite frightening to realize you are in control of (and therefore responsible for) your own destiny... and also quite anxiety provoking to realize you are free to go just about wherever you want... without having to think of anyone else but yourself.

Maybe you have spent a long time trying to please other people and now find it difficult to identify your own needs?

In this situation I imagine what it might be like to free a wild creature that has been held in captivity for a long time...

...initially, when the cage door opens, the creature might hesitate, not knowing where to run and fearful of where it runs to.

But the choice is to run (and see what's out there) or stay in the cage.

Up to you.

But remember, life is short... and cages are replaceable.

Originally Posted by shocked kiwi

Hell yes, of course you should go, do not ask yourself "why" but ask yourself "why not?" I hope these travel quotes may inspire you -

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -- Mark Twain

"Without new experiences, something inside of us sleeps. The sleeper must awaken." -- Frank Herbert

"If you come to a fork in the road, take it" Yogi Berra

Originally Posted by Snap Shot

To the OP:

Just comfort yourself with the fact that you can return whenever you like, for whatever duration suits you. Yes I know you've got considerations, not least your dog.

When we moved from Britain to NZ in 2011 I knew that I could comfort myself with the thought, 'be home by tomorrow tea time'. This was because it's a 26 hour flight from NZ to Britain. I accept there are other logistics but flying time alone is 26 hours.

So when I reminded myself of that I thought, 'is that all, ?'. It made the distance not seem so great. However, should I go back, I realise I'll be going back to what I knew already. I just hope it fits the OP and culture shock/homesickness isn't to debilitating. From personal experience I sometimes wonder if homesickness exists in my head i.e. I miss things from the past that will never come back unless they invent time travel. There is an element of grief when emigrating, a sense of mourning for what they once had even if they feel confident about the move.

I like America but find little things jarring, it would not be a good fit for me to live there (and this is no criticism) i.e. drinking age is 21, school until age 18, and, what's a sophomore ? a home girl ? etc. (I don't need answers btw). Silly things that do not give me the shared experience of my peers who grew up in America.

So a return to Britain would see me at least visiting my old neighbourhood and of course, the obligatory family and friends visit. Even if we set up home somewhere completely new. The OP doesn't have that so I see, 'where they are coming from'. Hey: feel the fear and do it anyway !

To help me get the courage to make the decision to leave Britain, I imagined what it would be like to take a parachute jump. When the light goes from red to green in the aircraft, to let the parachutist know that they must jump now, i.e. to late for discussion just jump and practice safe landing as rehearsed.

Originally Posted by sile

Really good thoughts here. It really p****s me off that this fear thing has to show up and I really want to just "feel the fear and do it anyway." I just have to think, "what's the worst that can happen?" and go from there.