sile

As some of you are aware, I am not a British Expat, I am an American who has been planning on moving, sight unseen and all alone, to somewhere in the UK. I've been really looking forward to this move taking place this Fall.
I have very specific reasons for wanting to be there, very specific reasons for not wanting to live the rest of my life here where I have lived all my life, and many of them others here have expressed as well...the culture, the weather, the relative safety, the NHS, which is huge for me as a self-employed person here..I have just had to give up my health insurance because it's just too expensive... I feel that through all kinds of research and especially reading and participating in these forums for over a year now, I have the best ideas of how life can be for me over there, short of actually being there.

I am alone by both circumstance and choice these days. I have lost my parents and only sibling in recent years, I have become quite the loner for various reasons, but I truly want to get social again at this point. I'd like to find love again and get married as well. I know what I want and I feel that it can all be had in England or Scotland. I also don't know of anywhere in the US that I could find all I am seeking, except perhaps Northern California, but every place that I would like is very expensive, and then there are the earthquakes...

I have thought it all out, planned as much as possible, gotten my Irish Citizenship, had the dog microchipped and vaccinated, sold off a lot of things, and tell everyone I talk to that I am planning on moving there shortly. But last night for some reason, I began to think I must be nuts to try to pick up and move to another country and put myself through all the stress of learning everything new, how to drive, currency, laws, customs....
I started thinking that I would be better off just trying to deal with everything I don't like here and just stay in my own country. But doing that would make me feel like I have no courage, that fear has once again reared its ugly head and scared me into giving up on my dreams. But maybe this dream is unrealisitc...even though I don't consciously believe that.

One thing that started this creeping fear was an article that someone here placed a link to about the possible severity of homesickness. Scared the heck out of me. And many of you expats have talked about the things you mis about the US, like the size of houses and streets. I now have this vision of feeling like I'm crammed into little houses, driving with a feeling of claustrophobia and terror in teeny cars down streets that barely accommodate one vehicle...in a neverending downpour.

Unlike so many of you, I would not be going back to anyplace or any people. But here, although I know many, many people, there is no one I would want to move to be near anyway. My life now is an open thing in every way, waiting to be designed by me and made into what I want.

What is going on here? Is this just normal trepidation one feels when making a major change, and can I get past it to do the thing I have been dreaming of and planning on for so long?

aries

Have you spent much time in the UK to know what it's like, apart from a brief holiday?

Mummy in the foothills

I think they call that sudden fear and questioning your decision "the collywobbles" we all get them at some point, I managed to get over it, and then in quiet times they come back.
If you go and hate it you can always come back, it's not like you are giving up your US citizenship.
I had it when coming to the US the first time and again the second time.

SanDiegogirl

Sile has been researching this move/trip to the UK for months and months and has had pages and pages of advice.

She has never visited the UK, but has had this hankering that she should just up and go live there ............ and now is getting cold feet. Our advice to take a vacation in the UK to get a feel for it, has fallen on deaf ears over the months.

I really can't believe we are at this point in the discussion

sile

MUST you be nasty? Really. If you find me tedious and can't understand what I am going through, then perhaps you should just not say ANYTHING.

sile

Thank you, Mummy. That is true...I can always come back if I don't like it. I guess I'm engaging in "all or nothing" thinking.

Karrie72

Sile, it's completely understandable that you're nervous. Now that you have Irish citizenship the ball is in your court, so to speak. Why not go over for an extended holiday, say three months and have a look around. Keep a plan b in place in case you discover it's not for you...

sile

No, I have not been there at all.

BTW, my sympathies on the loss of your sister. I read that on another thread. I know how awful that is, having lost my sister a few years ago.

sile

Thanks, Montfan. I should go with the idea in mind that nothing is permanent if I don't want it to be. As Mummy said, I can always come back.

SanDiegogirl

..... but I'm not being nasty ..... I'm being practical.

Over the months we have provided information from John O'Groats to Land's End. We have also said that, since you have never visited the UK, to just up sticks is not the way to go - you should visit first. You have given us excuses from cannot leave the dog, to can't afford it. If you can't afford a vacation you certainly can't afford to just move to the UK because it will cost a fortune.

Since you are a follower of this forum, you will have seen umpteen messages about homesickness - and how most people get over it; or if not they return home. This you can do too.

Yes, its just normal trepidation; but other people who have had this feeling and far more responsibilities than you have moved to another land.

Just do it - or visit - but get off the fence and do something.

quoll

Nah, don't go with the forever thing, go with the "Wow what an adventure!" attitude. You don't HAVE to stay forever - but you might. You don't HAVE to even like it, but you might. You have nothing to lose by moving and as others have said you can always move on if it stops being an adventure! It took me 20 yrs to feel homesick so you never know, you might have those feelings or you might not - it might be immediate, it might happen down the track or it may never happen at all. Go with the adventure!!!

rebeccajo

No, it's not normal trepidation.

The title of your thread is "Psychoanalyze Me".

So here it comes.

I believe you are beginning to come out of the dark stages of your grief. As such, you are starting to see things more clearly - less emotionally.

And that's why you are questioning your plan. You are realizing that it is based more on emotion than reality.

It's actually one of the more sensible things you have said, IMO.

sile

well, I guess some people just can't help themselves...and this is an example, along with sandiegogorl's response...of how anyone posting here is taking a risk. I'll leave it at that.

I am not just coming out of grief, and my plans are not based on emotion. I have concrete reasons which I have talked about.
And your comment about this being one "one of the more sensible things (I) have said" is just rude. I don't know why you can't stop yourself from being like this, at least with me over the last year, but I would really suggest you take a good look at yourself and your reasons for being snippy instead of kind, and if you can't figure it out.. or don't want to, please just refrain from putting your two cents in regarding anything I post.

sile

Thanks, Quoll! Very helpful advice Much appreciated.

rebeccajo

I am not being snippy or unkind.

Really I am not.