curleytops

Easterndawn, so sorry to hear your move back has proven so difficult. Thanks so much for sharing your experience with everyone. You are one courageous lady and I sincerely hope the future is kinder to you and you are reunited with your husband and the dogs very soon. Please don't be a stranger, you are thought of fondly and often. All the very best.

cheers

ED you and Trotty have made my day.

You saying you barely make it on £800 per month makes me think I have my head in the clouds because that seems like a reasonable amount to live on. Apparently its not.

I think there are a lot of good things for you around the corner.

OK the trash and street drinking would get to me really fast but you do live in the Greater Glasgow area so it doesn't surprise me.

One good thing is you can move to a better environment because you are no longer tied to a 'well??' paying job.

Thank you for posting and I know it may frustrate you reading about the good life others are living but again things will turn around for you.

Your post may seem depressing but I saw some good things in it! One, your Scottish doctor probably saved your life by getting you off the wrong medication that they put you on in Canada. Two, you are doing alright by only working 20 hours a week. Way to go you!

Cheers

between two worlds

Easterndawn, I add my greetings to you as well, like everyone on here I've followed your story for a long time and you have been such an inspiration.

So so sorry it has been so difficult, I do hope very much that things improve soon.

Very good news about your improved health though, as Cheers says that's one positive thing that has come out of your move to UK. Also glad to hear Wee Mac is doing well and giving you so much joy and of course that he can go to work with you is a bonus.

SO many prayers and well wishes are coming your way, you can't imagine how many people here care about you. I have thought of you SO often and wondered how you were.

Thanks so much for the update and I do hope things work out better soon for you. And you are STILL an enormous inspiration because you are making ends meet, and soldiering on in difficult circumstances...but I do wish the circumstances were better and you could be reunited with your husband and other dogs.

Also thanks for courageously telling it as it has been, we need to hear that it isn't always easy to make this kind of transition.

All the very very best,
Tina.

Easterndawn

Good Evenening, Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts.
Cheers, here is a breakdown on living expences,
Rent £400, one bedroom flat
Council Tax £104
Electric £45
Gas £45
TV liscence £12
Groceries £140
Macs Food £40

Total £786
This leaves £14.00 for clothing, personal products etc. The grocery budget is £35.00 week, but if I need anything extra like a haircut, that has to go down to about £25.00 per week.

As for going back to Canada, that is out of the question at this time. There are many wonderful things to do and see in the UK but you have to have moeny to do them. There are fantastic places to visit, great food to eat, wonderful beaches to walk upon, fantastical musical events to attend but all that cost money, either to get to or to buy tickets for. There are cheap flights to any country you can imagine in Europe but only those who are have a good income or are receiving benefits can afford to go. Do I sound a little sour, well I guess I am. I came here on a Friday and started a little part time job that following weekend, there are people here who are third and forth generation benefit receivers, who have no intention of ever getting a job and yet they can afford 52 inch TV's in there houses and go off for a week or two to Benidorm not only once but sometimes twice a year. There are more people here who walk with walking sticks than I have ever seen in my life, at least they walk with them when they are going for the medical, guess there must be some kind of wonderful cure in the Ale here, because they walk into the pub with there limp and a stick and a miracle happens they come out not needing it, but of course this is only a 24 hr cure as they seem to need to go there every night for this miracle to happen.

I had no choice wither I went to Canada or not, parents made that decision for me. I will never feel like I belong anywhere for the rest of my life as no matter where I would live I would be classed as an outsider. Here I speak with a American accent, there I speak with a British one. There is no happily ever after for many of us, so please make sure if you are thinking of returning that you test the waters before commiting, or that you have lots of money to live your dream. It is not impossible but without family and or money it will be very difficult. I am not trying to change peoples mind, everyones experience will be different but for me so far the dream is illusive but hopefull is still in the distance. Good night everyone, sweet dreams.

trottytrue

Hello all, seems so long since I posted and such alot has happened since then. The needle situation I thought I would clear that up first. I am not infected (hopefully) but he did infect 30 people at the hospital were I had treatment. I think they are just being careful testing. I go for my blood test tomorrow. Thankyou Cheers for posting my update.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts. Rodney emailed me many months ago at the start of my treatment and was kind enough to say I could reply when I felt better. Well I am just coming out of the black area now. Most of you know what chemo is like so I wont go into detail just to say I am glad its over.

ED..As most of you know was one of the very first of us to return to the UK. Her thoughts on being back are very honest and worth thinking about. She has gone through alot and always managed to get herself back on track. I know from information I get from people in the UK that not all is good and its getting worse. You have to pick carefully were you want to live.

I have thought about returning home many times during the past months.If I do decide to return it will be in Spring.

I am afraid some of us unfortunately are stuck in the middle. When I came to the US I was in my middle 30's I left behind family and friends. Once settled in the US I was not able to make that connection with people they always saw me as someone different. They would laugh at my accent and my different ways. It was fun to begin with but then it got old after a few years. Most people had already established strong friendships and were I live in New England they did not have the need for new friends. We moved after 17 years and there was no one to say a real goodbye to. Lots of acquaintances but no real friends. We then moved up the coast and lived in that house we tried to sell it for the last 6 of the 12 years we lived in it. When we moved out when we finally sold it, again there was no one to say goodbye to, even less so than the previous place we lived.

So after 30 years in the US I have not one single close friend. You know the one you can tell almost anything to.

Then we take a look at the UK side of this. Anyone that thinks your family and friends dont move on think again. I found out the hard way that apart from a few friends I can count on one hand its a case of out of sight out of mind. I think a sad thing was listening to a patient who goes to the cancer art class I go to telling us all that the one thing that sustained her through her illness was the letters cards and prayers from her friends and family it made me cry but the tears were for me for what I had missed out on. Would it have been different if I had stayed in England, I really dont know.

Many moons ago I think I touched on this subject of family in the UK when we discussed it on this forum. I try and think if I stood on the doorstep of family or friends in the UK with my suitcase how many of them would welcome me in.

I find many of my family and friends are either sick and quite a few others well more than a few have died and others I have just lost contact with.

I think the lesson to be learned is really think about it before you make a move and make sure you are the type to be able blend in and able to start new relationships, even having children does not mean you are going to make friends. You are so busy taking care of them you dont have time for making new friends or like I said earlier the people you meet dont need you as a friend.

In ED's case I think her's was a problem of her parents taking her to Canada thats another issue that really needs thinking about many children are just taken from one country to another and they dont get a chance to say they dont want to go or they think its some great adventure but once they realize there is no going back its too late. Children when they are toddlers are alright as long as you let them become part of the country you have moved to, it nice to remind them of were they came from but not to make it a constant thing.

Nice to see you are all still here, we have lost touch with many as I said once before we are like ships passing in the night. I hope with our insights we are able to help others out .

I have a friend who is 70 she moved to New Zealand and is loving it. Her husband had died her only daughter was in NZ so she sold up and went to live with her. She joined a Church and seems to have made many friends I dont know what her secret is.........See sometimes it works out.

between two worlds

ED your voice is inimitable! It's so good to be hearing it again.

Your wry humour about the benefits takers and their terrible limps and walking sticks which disappear when they go into the pub.....made me laugh, and yet at the same time made me want to cry. Why oh why can't the system weed out those who take advantage in this dreadful way? It is shocking.

And then there are the hard workers like you, struggling....it is so unfair.
Don't know if it's any comfort to be able to say at least you have your dignity and your pride.

Wishing you continued strength and many good things....you know at least you have many friends on this forum.

Tina

Derrygal

Trotty - thanks for the update. It was nice to see you post again. The needle situation - what a horrible thing to happen. On the subject of friends, I understand where you are coming from - like you, I was in my 30s when I moved to the US, and it is a lot more difficult to make friends. Just want to say that I wish you all the best for the future and hope to continue to get stronger every day and keep well. Take care.

between two worlds

Trottytrue! So good to hear from you at last!

The needle story is appalling. Let's hope you haven't been infected yourself.

But that the chemo is over and you have a clean bill of health, that is really good news.

Your post, like ED's, is very sobering and yet it is the reality. Some of us are indeed just stuck in the middle. I think it's really sad that the NH people--or at least the ones where you are, I can't believe it's state-wide!--turned out so unfriendly, that must have made it doubly hard to live there--and then, as you say, people in the UK move on.

We've talked about this a lot on the thread, and as you and ED say, it's important to have family and or friends to be there when you get back. Or it's important to love the country for itself so passionately that it doesn't matter if you have to work a bit to build new relationships. And you have to have enough money.

I think with our insights we DO help people out on this thread you started way back when. I don't know if you saw the touching post from Heelan recently, who took six weeks to read all the posts we've written (or perhaps just the posts from Part 2!) and found we had been so supportive of each other and so helpful. The situation of the expat is hard enough, for the over 50s expat I think it's even harder.

So glad you are coming out of the black chemo time and hope you can quickly build up your strength. So sorry to hear you didn't get a lot of cards and letters when you were ill.....but do you realise that if we here on the thread had your
postal address, you'd have been inundated with them!!!!! I think we mentally sent you hundreds.

Of course we all would love to know how things go from now on and whether you do decide to go back next spring or not....if you feel like telling us.

Just know that, as with this time when you've been ill and not up to communicating, understandably, you're thought of very often and will continue to be!

Tina

sallysimmons

Easterndawn, it's very good to hear from you, but I am so sorry that your experience hasn't been a good one. I can only hope that things turn around for you.

Trotty it's really good to hear from you. I'm sure like many people I imagined the worst when you went quiet, so it's a joy to see you posting larger than life and better than ever! Brilliant news!! I agree that if we had known where to send them, we would all have sent cards. We thought of you all the time.

I think Easterndawn speaks wise words when she says this:

I would add 'friends' to that equation but otherwise I agree. It's important to be realistic when evaluating a move home - or anywhere in the world. Relocation is tough without a strong support network.

trottytrue

I feel so much better.... I went to my mailbox and found it full of good wishes from my ex-pat friends, I thankyou all.... the reason I did not post was one I did not want to depress you all and the other most days I just managed to get out of bed and take a very "wonky" shower plus the numbness in my hands has not helped. Hopefully that will leave soon.

I wish this forum had been around when I was making the decision to move to the US I would have thought twice about it.

feelbritish

Wow! Although I am a very recent newcomer I commend your courage to tell it as it is for you! It is easy to write on forums when everything is going well but to bare your soul and tell of hardship takes courage. I admire you and hope that in the near future things start to improve for you. xxxx

If anything this should encourage all those of us who are wanting to return, to prepare, prepare, prepare!

It is unfortunately a fact of life and even more so now with a world recession (that will probably be the norm), that in order to live a fairly reasonable life, you need money. If anything, it makes it more important to choose wisely your location. Do not rely on your old friends and relatives only. Put yourself out there and try damn hard to make friends, join the community. Take off rose tinted glasses and see moving back home with its worts and all!

I thank all of you people for posting on these forums as it helps those of us who have found something missing in our lives as ex-pats and after trying hard in our adopted country want to return to UK. Both the good and bad need to be taken into consideration. We need to hear it all.

cheers

Darn where to start with comments to the postings.

Friends....I never think about it. I think I maybe a loner (hope I don't end up on the 6 o'clock news) Part of it is possibly because I'm a 'bloke' or something.

It is a shame with the prospect of cuts in US on Medicare and Social Security and some of us will be caught out and unable to return to the UK but I see a lot of Americans are emigrating and making it to the safe haven of the UK.

Looking on the bright side.. I look forward to walking in the rain and smelling the country air in England. So I'm not one of them and neither am I here and I don't mind it in the least. I've always found the Americans to be very friendly and for the most part happy and if I want something I can usually have it here(now having said that where is my ticket to England)

In England people keep themselves to themselves and probably so do I. That's a broad statement I know. Feel free to disagree.

Cheers

I hear the TV in the other room and I'm hearing the national anthems and I'm waiting for the start of the closing ceremonies, at 2 am London time????

dontheturner

Well, Where do I begin? - Easterndawn, Trottytrue, SallyS, & Rodney (Jasper) - Most of you may be thinking, that 'Don won't be a moaner' - but I find myself doing exactly that sometimes! - and ,yes - we are short of extra cash for the little things- because although Tippawan got a full time job cleaning - after just SIX short weeks - they cut her hours down to Five hours for three days a week. And of course, the benefits had disappeared - but they also promised to increase her hours ''as soon as possible''. Without her input, my pensions come to just £1,000 a month. - and as ED has said - it is now almost impossible to live on that amount. my real moan, however, is not the weather - it is the disgusting way, that Cameron & Co, increased the Car Tax again, in spite of the fact that wages were frozen. - and by the time Tim has been here two years, we have to find £990 to apply for her settlement Visa giving her ''Indefinite leave to remain'' - (even though we have been married for years now)
Had the Government NOT allowed ANY price increases, none of us could possibly complain, now could we? Anyway - must go make a cuppa, and find a dram to pop into it, while I wait for my lovely wage-earner, to come home! Take Care, and love to you all. Don

Easterndawn

Good Morning, Trotty I am so sorry to hear about the difficult time you have had and so very glad to see that you are on the way to full recovery. I feel badly about my moans, there are so many people who are in much worse circumstances than myself and I must learn to keep my problems in prespective.

I think the biggest thing here for me is the feeling of being complete and utterly alone and sometimes even in a crowded room you are still alone. I am going to try getting back to my horseback riding which is something that I have always loved but again it takes money to do so but will try to find the money somewhere and at least go once a month.

I do believe that it is more difficult to meet people here in Scotland than in the south. I do not belong to a church as I believe that you do not have to, that you can talk to your god no matter where you are. I do not enjoy the pub life here and really can't afford it anyways. Most of my enjoyment comes from simple things, camping, antique fairs, sitting on a beach reading a good book, travelling, horse back riding and even though you can do most of these things alone, it is much better if you can share it with another person. Mac is fantastic company but his communication skills are not the best although he does read my moods better than a lot of people would.

It is funny here I feel that I am in limbo, not a wife, not divorced, not a widow, not a mother, not a grandmother, so not sure where I fit in. Sorry there I go again moaning. Well better get ready for work, raining here, again! It has been a terrible summer, no long stretch of nice weather but it has been very hot and muggy for my husband also so as my dad used to say "suck it up buttercup". Bye for now.

sallysimmons

Easterndawn, I think you make a key point when you talk about feeling alone. You haven't only moved countries and cultures, but you've been forced into a separation from your husband. No wonder you feel lonely - it must be very difficult. I only wish things would turn around for you.