sallysimmons

This picture is great
http://www.flickr.com/photos/islandwoman/5325605898

Amazing composition!

cheers

I 'ope our Sally doesn't read some of the postings today. I think she will 'ave a fit with all these goings on. She will not put up with it.lol

Wawa

Hi and welcome SomersetGirl....just wondering where in Canada you are, or did I miss something? Pages just fly by..

HighSpeedGrandma

Hello Expat friends.

I know it’s been absolutely ages since I’ve written an update on here and for those of you that missed me I am sorry. For those of you that haven’t missed me, sorry to disappoint you.

The last time I posted an update was August I think. I haven’t been on this site since then. I kept meaning to, but one day falls into another and before you know.....here I am!

I am leaving Hong Kong on January 25th. It has been a wonderful few months. I have watched my grandson grow from a newborn to a feisty, happy, healthy nine month old who is getting into everything.

He knows me as much as he knows his mum and the feeling is wonderful. It’s going to be very hard to leave the little guy. And my four (almost five year old) other grandson is a huge chunk of my life now.
For the first time in his life I have been here for school events, reading sessions and parties and his brief fall outs with friends. We have had trips to Mickey D’s followed by the park and we have been to science centers and for play dates. All the things a grandparent should be able to share with a grandchild.
He absolutely loves the scooter I bought him for Christmas. Much to dads dismay because he wanted him to ride his bike more often.

We had swimming lessons in the summer. I was the horse being led around by him, whilst wearing a float over my head with the ties as the reigns.
I have learned things about little boys that I never imagined, but have proven to me that boys really are boys and that men obviously are not responsible for some of the things they do. It really IS all down to genes.
It has been a revelation. I am a grandmother of 2 boys. I have 3 brothers and have had 2 husbands, but the grandsons have taught me more about the male sex than any of the other men in my life ever have.

November brought a visit to Hong Kong that made my daughter very happy. She was bemoaning the fact that her dad (my ex) had not visited her since she had the new baby. She wanted him to see his new grandson. But he lived in Florida with his second wife and she wasn’t able to get away from work and he wouldn’t come to Hong Kong without her.

Unknowingly he had arranged a visit here. Her husband, my dear S.I.L who calls me Nanny The Old Goat (affectionately I like to believe) was in on the secret and the plan was for him to arrive on my daughters birthday. So to cut a long story short he arrived the week of her birthday.
Kelly was not prepared of course for his arrival so had no room ready for him. But we moved the baby out of his room and the ex took that room for the 10 days he was here.

We discovered during his visit that things were not going well with his marriage and he had taken this time apart from his wife to evaluate what he was going to do with his future.

He and I have always talked ever since we divorced and we have remained friends. He has been aware of my plans to return to England for a long time. He has done everything in his power to talk me out of it. He says I won’t like it there any more.

He knew I was planning on staying with our younger daughter in Bournemouth when I left Hong Kong.
To cut a long story short when he left Hong Kong we thought he had everything sorted and he was returning to live his life with his wife in the US.

A few weeks after he left, right before Christmas, my daughter Kelly received an email from him saying that things had taken a really bad nosedive and he was leaving the US on Friday and was going to go and stay with Ami in Bournemouth. He was leaving his wife.

Talk about timing! A few weeks before I am going to make my move to the UK he is now staying at my daughters flat. The very place I was offered to stay at till I get on my feet.
At this point in time he hasn’t started divorce proceedings, but he has bought himself and a car and is seeking employment in the UK so it appears the move back to the UK is for the foreseeble future.

He knows he has to be out of my daughters by the time I get there because she doesn’t have enough room for both of us. He is aware he has not picked the best time to make his move, but in his words “there is no best time’. It just happened this way.

My daughter Kelly and her hubby have a house in England that they have rented out while they are here in Hong Kong. The house is up for rental again because the current tenants have just left.

My ex husband has made a suggestion to me that I am considering. Perhaps you guys can give me your thoughts. I KNOW you will give me honest, unbiased opinions, especially those that are a little aware of the situation.

My ex has suggested that he and I rent the house and spilt the costs of the rent etc. He said this way we will both have more space. It will be cheaper splitting the costs. He is hardly ever there because of work etc. Ami doesn’t have much room in her flat. She has no garden. She lives with here fella which makes it more difficult having a parent staying there.

He has a lot of contacts over there and has said he would be more than happy to help me in any way he can. He feels he owes me that.

I really am in 2 minds as to what to do. Living in my daughters house would definitely help her. She said she finds it incredible that after 20 years of her parents not being around at the same time, that there could even be a possibility that we were now both in the same country, but possibly in her house too. For visiting purposes with the grandkids that would be great. But of course she is not going to tell us whether we should or should not house share.

I pointed out all my doubts at first as to why I didn’t think it would work. I mean it is very odd to even think about it. But in reality I do think it could work.

We are well beyond being married. We have a very good open friendship. We are both adults. He is very good with cars and fixing things in the house so for me (and my daughter) it would be great to have him in her house. I would get half a house instead of a room in a flat.
We would have our own bedrooms and bathrooms. There would be a shared living room and kitchen and laundry room.

What do you think? I have yet to even mention the idea to my husband. Of course he may well say absolutely no way can I envision you house sharing with your ex when I am here in the US.
But my husband does not want to come to the UK. He is still happy in the US, in our home.
So at the moment I don’t even know whether I will be married in the future.

Part of me is saying go for the easy option and house share. I will have my own life and things will be cheaper splitting the costs of my daughters house.

The other part of me is saying is this really a terrible idea because I should be doing everything on my own. I should stay at Ami’s till I have a job and can get my own place and then see how things are?

I return to the UK as I said on the 25th Jan. My ex is going back to his wife on the 21st January to pick up some more stuff and ‘sort things out’. I have to add here that he didn’t want the marriage to end. He still loves her. He has been trying to make the marriage work for over 2 years, but according to him his wife, who is 14 years younger, does not want the same things as he does so she won’t make the changes he wants her to make.
So he decided he can’t make the marriage work alone and he will be happier in the UK because he is not happy in the US.

I think he has suggested the house share because he hates being alone and it will a ‘comfort’ for him to have someone he knows there. So in a way we would both be using each other as something to lean on. Is that really a bad idea? Thoughts? Opinions?

I am going back to my husband on February 1st for a five week visit. I need to get our taxes sorted and pick up some more clothes and stuff for England. I have my return flight booked. Hubby knows I am there for five weeks. He is fine with that. Or seems to be. He is just happy that I am not forcing him to make a decision to leave the US I think.

So, that is my update in a nutshell. I don’t really know where to go at this point. I think I will see what my husbands reaction is when I say I might rent Kelly’s house with the ex and take it from there.

I haven’t read any of the posts on here since I last posted. I just haven’t been here online much at all. So please forgive me for not making comments on any posts. I really need to go back and get the updates on where everyone is and what you are all doing.

I can’t wait to hear from you all. I will keep you posted, if you’re interested, in what happens or what decision I make.

Bye for now.

Love Sue.

cheers

Rosie,
As always your posts are the best. I walk every step of the way with you. I've been gone most of the day so I'm catching up now and I've read some of your post twice.
The reason I'm on these forums is to open my eyes to some of the disappointments I may encounter back in Blighty. I think I can get around some of them especially since they have been reported here.
I want to know if you are comfortable in your private space(flat)?
I know you are warm, got a telly and its raining outside. Now can we all pop over and visit?

Derrygal

Wow - interesting post!! I've never been a person to tell someone what to do about their personal life, but since you've asked for opinions/advice, here's my thought. If you want to stay married to your current husband, forget about house-sharing with your ex - not a good idea.

Wawa

HighSpeedGranma, Lovely to hear from you after all this time. Regarding the dilemma you find yourself in, and if I had to put myself in your position, I do believe my current hubby would not see the funny side (plus I would rather string myself up ).....so I agree with Derrygirl.

Mummy in the foothills

Wow Sue thats one heck of an update. No advice from me, I have no ex Dh (yet ) I I thought my marriage was still good I don't think I coul do it without the Dh's blessing, or maybe thats not how you guys work, no idea, it's all too confusing
Nice to hear you have had a lovely time with grandchildren and family. it's gone so fast.

Easterndawn

Sue, here is my two cents for whatever it is worth. From reading your posts I think you have already moved on from your current husband and that you are now ready to make the move permanent. As for sharing with your ex, I don't know what your relationship is with your ex but it sounds very friendly and that is always a good thing when it comes to kids, grandkids etc. Sharing a house, well thats a different thing, I think it would not be a good idea, yes it is an easy answer but not what I think you need, nor really does he. He needs to spend time on his own to figure things out also, I think that this could become a sticky situation that could lead to the relationship that you now have with your ex to deteriorate.
I would go with your original plans, stay friends, and both start living the lives that you need to live. There are so many scenarios that could arise, to many to write about on this thread. Think of a meal, sharing a glass of wine, both reminiscing and you never know what can happen.

Fish n Chips 56

Hello Sue, High speed.

Wow that was quiet the update, The truth is I don't know you, your husband or Ex, and neither does anyone else on this forum, our advise would be what we would do, Not what you should do, after all we are all different people.

Just the fact that you are asking the question means you have interest in living in the same house as your ex, you gave many positive reasons for doing so, also you've reminded us that your present husband has no wishes to move back to the UK, I have no idea why you divorced but it looks like the Ex may want you back and I think you may have considered that, tell me if I'm right or wrong, I'm sure you've pictured the fact that you could be a happy family again if previous issues were resolved.

I enjoyed your update.
Good Luck to you.

Fish n Chips 56

Hello Rosie.

Ive read all your posts on this thread, it seems like you've got a lot done even with the Christmas stoppage, plus you've learned a few of us about bank accounts, security checks and buying Electricity on a stick, I can remember the 50p slot, and I'm sure others can too and yes all other denominations.

I can see you are going to be an involved citizen in Frome.

I hope that TV licence is transferable just in case.

Good luck to you as always.

HighSpeedGrandma

Hello to those of you that have already replied, and also to those of you that still might.
I just want to clarify a couple of things. The ex and I have a very odd (to most people) relationship. Even when we were divorcing we were still friends. We still went out for dinner and to Christmas parties while his girlfriend was still in the States. My feelings for him had died a long time before our marriage did. I always thought of him more as a friend than someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

We get on better apart than we did as a married couple. My husband and I would stay at his house when we visited family in the UK. He and his wife and my hubby and I would go out drinking together. It's just how we are. We all get on.

There is nothing 'funny' about any of it. We all take the stance we are adults, we have moved in different directions and everyone is fine with it.

My current husband is also my very good friend. He and my ex get on fine. Me husband was perfectly fine with me leaving him to go to Hong Kong and spend time with my family, because he knew from the day I met him what my life was about and how I felt and that one day I would want to go back to the UK. I have never hidden the fact that the UK was where I was going to head as I got older.

My hubby doesn't want to be in the UK right now. He loves our house and he likes his own space in the US. We too have an odd relationship I suppose! Going by most 'normal' relationships.

The option or possibility of the ex and I going out for dinner and reminiscing and maybe falling for each other again and or thinking we could be a family again is really not an issue. We have been out to dinner many times since we divorced. We have reminisced intently and gone over why we split. It was a miracle we survived as a married couple as long as we did (19 years). We are both very fond of each other and we have made jokes about 'getting it on' etc etc, but it's not going to happen.
I am not interested in him in that way. I could never 'hook up' with him again because he is very demanding of your time. I don't want that.

He needs a woman around. He has already said he is thinking of taking in a couple of female lodgers, bearing 38dd's and with legs up to their eyebrows. I don't need a man around, but they sure can be useful, especially if they can cook and fix things.
I like my things, he likes his. This would not be a permanent arrangement, merely a foothold to get us both on our way to our separate lives in the UK.

He has or is going to leave his current wife with the house in the US and all the contents, he is just taking his personal stuff. (Unlike when we split up and he forged my signature to sell our house and the new wife got all my stuff ). She is coming out of her marriage a lot better off than I did.

But that is all 20 years ago.

It's a stop gap while my daughter is in Hong Kong and has her house available and it sort of makes sense that both of us wanting to be in the UK now, we split the house sharing.

I know, reading back it all sounds so bizarre. But I just thought I'd try and clarify the situation. I am thinking of the financial side and the convenience side. He can have his girlfriends back and do his own thing, as long as they are ok with the ex wife living in the house.

I will be quite happy staying at my daughters flat, as long as I have a roof over my head till I get my own place I am happy. I just thought this may be a cheaper way, thus giving me more options to get money put aside while the equity grows in our house back in the US. Then I can get my hubby and I our own place and we can sell or rent our house out in America.

It's all a moot point anyway till I discuss it with hubby. He will probably have a heart attack or divorce me on the spot. But I don't think so. Like I said, we are an odd couple. I always seem to end up in odd relationships. But that's fine by me. I am odd.

Fish n Chips 56

Hello Somerset.

What you said made lots of sense to me, The fact is non of us know wether we are doing the right thing or not, only time will tell, the truth is like Canada and the USA, the UK has changed in some ways, but many of the things we desire are still there, its just the question of can we adapt, I think as we get older we crave the cuter things of British life, like walks in the park and days out in the country, and still the food, pubs, and British humor appeals to us.

The smaller house has concerned me too, I've lived in a English house before so why not now, I'm actually excited that I would have a smaller place, Less maintenance and cozy sounds good to me, I still don't like that homes are closer together but I will have to get used to that.

Good luck to you and Welcome.

Fish n Chips 56

The kids may be brats but look at their role models, the parents themsleves, they are pretty worthless, hoping to cash in on their kids looks, its so sad for the kids its just a case of monkey see monkey do, the kids are just copying the parents.

Beedubya

Oh yes indeed Fish, it is down to the parents for sure!!! My daughter and I have commented that the mothers live vicarious lives through their children and have no lives of their own. It is like car crash TV, you know you shouldn't watch it but the devil made you do it!!

Wait until you get to the UK and watch The Jeremy Kyle show or Trisha Goddard!!