Eric Hitchmo

What a fantastic, grounded-in-reality-and-not-based-on-popular-media-crap-at-all post that's so in tune with the vast majority of the UK population's thoughts. Karma sent!

brits1

Well most of my friends and family don't have those kind of thoughts about the U.K....all of our family have travelled and worked abroad but are happy to live in the U.K and to have their children educated there......you can label most countries because of the media....ie..."will our child get shot at a High School in the U.K"....."will our child end up a beach surfie dude who thinks a days work is polishing their boads".....or "will my child get shot or catch aids in South Africa"????? this is what happens when we listen to the media or we really want to believe that we have done the correct thing leaving our "mother countries"....and will blame anything for our choice....we may all hit it lucky and our children "turn out" fine....who knows....

username 34

yep we may.

but you have to admit - the "coolest" kids in school in the UK arent they academics ... they're they idiots answering back, mouthing off, bunking off etc etc. Like it or not thats a UK thing, and for the kids theres alot of pressure to be in that group.

As I said US schools have their own different pressures for example with the sororities, cliques etc, but they don't have the pinnacle of school acceptance being a yobbish little twat.

Like it or not thats a fact in the UK, media or no media, and though hardly the "main' reason for us not being in the UK its nice to see that where we are this does not exist. We're lucky, the schooling here has proved to exceed our expectations so far.

St.Georges Girl

I hear you and totally agree.

I had an idea it might be you, but had no idea you had gone home. So how's life you lucky thing you? I am green with envy.

I agree with much of what you are saying IM and it is a great shame. It's the same here where we are in Oz. Our son went through the private school system for all his higher education and it was the same there. It just wasn't cool to be in the top groups or to be seen as a 'squiddy', especially amongst the boys. There were some right 'Jack the lads' at my sons school and some of the young teachers appeared to encourage them by putting their names forward for Student Councillor, which of course none of them wanted because it was hard work. The only difference we saw between the private and state system, apart from strict uniform, was that problems were dealt with immediately and students who got out of hand, smoked on site, bullied etc., were suspended or expelled straight away. Saying that, our son did okay and is now at uni', so I think it's down to the child and, their home environment plays a big part, no matter where you are.

I think it does all depend which area you come from back home. My nieces and nephews have done okay. The most recent to graduate got straight A's and will follow her brother to university.

chance to be

I cant believe I havent posted on here in ages and the first thing I write abut is dog sh@t!
Now, Im no scientist but I do know things decompose quicker in hotter weather. Understand? Then 100 piles of dog crap in Aus will disappear far quicker than 100 piles in the UK. I walked the dog today and there were FROZEN dog poos FFS - how many extra days will they be around waiting to defrost?!
Also, if you let the dog crap on a beach, the tide will make it look like it was never there the next day - you just get to swim in it instead

Also, whatever country you feel you must support, if any, it is well known FACT that the British are a nation of doglovers. Yes, less poo in an Aussie street but, IME loads more in back yards where they seem to live rather than actually get taken out for proper exercise.

Dog crap is disguisting and people should pick it up wherever they live, but also have a balanced view. We see more because a) there are more dogs b) they are exercised more and c) it doesnt decompose as quick as well as the lazy t@ssers you get both places.

The stirrers who base their justifcation on leaving the UK on dog poo seems as pathetic as the people who use those methods of persuasion.

Enough talking sh@t and back to the OP in question. Tracy, love....I have been on this forum for 3yrs now and ALL and i mean ALL this time you seem to have been unsettled. Hun, thats not healthy. You dont need to know about dog poo - there'll be no more or less than before - but when you first get back the grey skies make everything look dirty as hell anyway and take a while to get used to. Nothing will have changed that much. At first it will seem like it has (reverse culture shock maybe??) and you will notice loads of negatives....but thats you, not the place. Nothing changes so drastically in 3yrs. Honestly....does it? But your experinces WILL alter your perception for a while.
Only you can decide what to do as a family - but as ive said before, sometimes the indecision is worse than any decision you could make. This limboland - you say yourself how you are not "yourself" any more. Time for a plan, any plan, but a plan none the less. You have C-Ship. Thats fantastic. What an achievement. you have successfully lived abroad whatever you do next and be proud of that.
A lot of people on here have/are pingponging. You could do that. Its no failure. If it stops the limboland and makes your mind up once and for all, so be it. your kids are young enough. what an adventure. Or you may stay happily in the UK. Can you suggest going back for 2yrs so theres no forever feeling but it gives you long enough to live the UK and make your own informed decision?
Its nearly the 1st Jan. Get writing those resolutions and good luck with whatever your plans turn out to be.
Best wishes
Chrissy

St.Georges Girl

Great post Chrissy. I have lived in a virtual limboland since 1996. It has made me ill. I am far from the person I used to be and I hate myself. I sometimes want to beg people not to end up like me, but I can't do that, because without the full story it would seem like I was just preaching.

I really hope upon hope that I am back 'home' where I belong before the end of 2008. No amount of blue skies and sunshine can change what you truly feel inside and worrying about pathetic things such as doggy do and chavs is in my opinion, quite ridiculous.

TraceyW

Hey Chrissy, you are so right. I feel like I've been in a head spin for 3.5 years and it has changed me as a person. I used to be so strong willed and decisive. I would make a decision and bang, it would happen. But now, I just second guess myself all of the time.

I think if my husband wanted to go home as much as I do I would feel a hell of a lot better about it all. But he doesn't. He will go home, but he doesn't want to. I feel very selfish about making him do something he doesn't want to do. Also, I'm worried that I won't find the right place for our kids or me and OH back home. I worry that the kids will suffer, that they'll hate being back, that OH will be unhappy....oh sh*it...and it'll all be my fault if it goes wrong.

If I look at our lives here it's all cushty. As the old saying goes "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." and for OH and the kids, this life suits them. In fact, as I sit here typing my usual twaddle, OH and kids are splashing about and laughing in the pool. They love their lives, they're so happy here and yet their selfish old cow of a wife/mother is going to take this all away from them just because it doesn't suit me Surely that's not right?

I will see things more clearly when I've been back for my rekkie to Devon in February. Once I've seen where I could take our kids to, what sort of life we could have, what home we could afford etc, then hopefully some doubts will be laid to rest in my fuddled head.

St.Georges Girl

Oh God Tracey, you sound just like I was, then I sat back and let life go on around me so as not to be 'selfish', not to rock the boat. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was wrong. I was giving up my happiness and good health, which has done my family no favours whatsoever in the long term. My heart was never here and although I have tried, God knows how I've tried, I just don't belong here.

You are thinking as I used to think, but soon your children will be grown and have no interest in the pool, it's only a material thing anyway. You can take them to the pools back home. You can take them to Europe on holiday. Our son used to love those short breaks we took in France and the holidays we had in resorts in Spain, Greece etc., but most of all, he loved being with his extended family.

I fully understand what you are saying and how you are thinking. My OH doesn't want to go home particularly and it's taken years for him to finally say he will, but I know he is worried about the work situation and all the upheaval again after 10½ years, so I don't speak about it much at all. I was even planning how I would go it alone at one point.

Just remember, that children are happy if their parents are happy. A pool, sun, sea and sand are nothing compared to that.

jojosan

I so know what you mean! Just hope I won't wait as long as you have to go home. I've said I'll give it 2 years (if I can hang on that long) - but each to their own; no one person can say what is right or wrong for anyone else.. Good luck to you - I hope 2008 does for you all that you wish for.
Jo

St.Georges Girl

Thank you and the same to you. What we expats put ourselves through eh. How long have you been in Oz?


Welcome to BE btw.

guest5234

Well said, have you noticed that after a few months the trips to the beach becomes less and less as the novelty wears off, its only when freinds and family come that you return to the beach......I prefer a good walk in the hills and woods thank you.

chance to be

Tracey, if its any consolation to you, heres how my first year and a bit back home has been. OH DIDNT want to come back. Came back because of me. Sometimes when things were hard, I'd catch an expression on his face and thinks he hates it/resents me etc etc and boy, was it hard to keep it all together.
I went into overdrive like a demented tour guide for the UK (spent a fortune) arranging things to do we couldnt in Perth to help see the good in moving back. So, in a year we have been to 3 different European city breaks, the theatre, gigs etc and it has been much more fulfilling than we ever did in the UK before we left - and what we ever did in Perth for that matter. The kids, with no word of a lie are in fantastic schools and have a varied out-of-school activities. They are happy. They miss the "holiday weather" of Perth and the feeling of being on holiday that goes with it but thats it. They go out on their own and it is as safe as anywhere else.
Anyway, fast forward a year. As you know, I never got C-Ship, like you and regret it terribly. If I had it, I think I would be ok now....but the guilt I have (that you feel too) is still here. But you have C Ship so an easy option to return - you havent deprived your family of anything. You are just giving them an opportunity to experience a different lifestyle again, which they can or cannot choose long term.I applied recently for a job in Perth. I didnt get it - but my reasoning was, "if we can go back one year and i get the C Ship", it wasnt all for nothing after all. Its the guilt and sense of failure talking. BUT, and this is the important BUT for you, Tracey, When I told OH, id applied for a job, he said theres no way he'd want to go back to Perth now and cant even think about it. He said, "why when lifes on track here after all this upheaval." He said what can we get there (apart from weather) that we cant achieve or havent already got here.? So, it took a good year - but he's settled. I dont know if its cos I was the instigator in all this that I'll ever get over the guilt/regret (in that sense, its made no difference what country Im in) but, for him....he has moved on and is happy with his life.
Yours will be too (but it takes a lot of effort and patience)
Try not to worry
If you set shorter term plans (2yrs at a time maybe?), then it seems more manageable and a heap less scarey.
A Happy and productive year to you
Chrissy

jojosan

Errr.... 4 months!! We visited for a holiday 10 years ago, validated last year, and came to live in August 07. However, those previous holidays in no way can give you a real view of what it means to give up your known 'life' and to start afresh. As I said before, each to their own, we are all individuals, I just know that this is not for me and I intend rectifying that position!! It actually makes me feel so much better to know that I am not alone, as I was always sure people would think I was weird - 'you don't want the Australian dream?' Also I feel better having 'voiced' a plan to get out!!

Thanks for the welcome!

TraceyW

Sent you a PM Chrissy

pommybird

I agree great post Chrissy, as for you St GG - you've given over 10 years of your life to Perth and what you thought was best for your family - well now it's your turn to get what you want - make it happen, be home for 2008!