GeniB

As we approach Christmas I thought it might be interesting to talk about 'After all the technical stuff is done,what then'?Many ex-pats will be heading 'home' for the festivities.But what if home is too far away? What if you have to stay here? What if you choose to stay here?

As a long term ex-pat I knew what to expect from living in another country,learning another language ,and that the the most difficult bit has always been. Making new friends.

So. How has it been for you? How have you gone about it ? Has it been successful
I'm sure many ex-pats on here would love to know,especially any of your tips for where and how you met new people!

BillBullock

For us, joining AFPOP immediately lead to meeting new people at social activities organized locally, as did playing sports like tennis, golf and lawn bowls. Many new friends were made whilst walking the dogs. Our policy has always been "never turn down an invitation to go somewhere or do something". Now, after 13 years here, we are so busy that our large garden is occasionally getting ignored.

I can't see any point in going back to the UK for Christmas (or any other time of the year); just keep on inviting UK friends and relations over here to enjoy the climate and country.

macliam

My take is slightly different - I have the advantage of being married to a Portuguese and speaking the language...... and I don't play golf or live in the Algarve. But I'm also happy in my own space and not "lonely" or in need of company.

If I wanted British or Irish friends then I would have stayed there; If I make British or Irish friends in Portugal, so be it - but I don't go out of my way to do so. That being said, I have met many ex-pats (not just UK/Irish) and whilst some have become friends and others acquaintances, yet others have proved the danger of small communities everywhere - and I have no time for gossip, back-biting and rivalries.

For me, the saddest sight are those ex-pats who treat Portugal as the "UK in the sun" and who would rather exist in an ersatz community than actually immerse themselves in the local culture. They miss out on so much.

BillBullock

Macliam, I hope you are not making assumptions about me! I do not live in a small, ex-pat community and I have Portuguese friends, including those who play tennis at our Portuguese club. I do however love the sun which is why I am not in a hurry to go back to the UK for Christmas.

macliam

No, no! To assume is to make an ass of u and me, as the old saying goes! sorry if my post reads that way, it certainly wasn't intended.

But you will know of those who feel they can be "big wheels" in an ex-pat society whereas they are small cogs at home - and those to whom mixing with the "natives" seems almost an anathema. Then, worse in my opinion, are those who seem to think the Portuguese are "missing out" by not being British, poor dears.

Being married to a Portuguese gives me an "in" to the Portuguese community, but even in France and Spain I wanted to mix with the "big" society, not an ex-pat enclave. For someone without the advantage of speaking the language it's difficult - but there's no reason not to try - as they say "you have nothing to fear but fear itself".

Strangely, I will be in the UK for Christmas - my wife likes it there!

mfesharne

I'd happily never set foot in the UK ever again & have lots of Portuguese & ex pat friends here....... One thing I have found is that doing a bit of 'community help' with the locals helps immensely on the acceptance front.

A few weeks ago I saw one of my elderly Portuguese neighbours struggling to walk to the next village (as it turned out) for a physio appointment & I elected myself her driver to & from the appointments until she was fixed.

It was explained to me that the Bombeiros could do it but I said I was happy to because it firstly helped a neighbour & secondly it relieved pressure from the Bombeiros who I admired immensely.

That act of driving a few minutes every day for a few weeks has earned me endless 'brownie points' with the people of the two villages.

If you want to be accepted by the local community, you need to become part of it.

macliam

ouriquejan

Since moving to the Alentejo - not too far from Maclaim - we have made many more friends, mainly Portuguese, with a smattering of other nationals, a couple English.

There is a thriving English ex-pat community around here and to be honest, we're steering clear, although we have attended a couple of events, they are not for us. They weren't the sort of thing we'd do in England, so why should we do things we don't like here?

We're also happy with our own company - happy to meet people down at the bar, happy to stay here.

macliam

Sounds a lot like me (PS - there are plenty of Irish, Germans and Dutch too!)

But then, the Alentejo (or your average Alentejano) is "special" How many places have so many different names for the same thing - Azinheira, Azinho, Chaparro, Sardão, Sardoeira and more..... Every conversation is an adventure!

ouriquejan

We now have Irish, American, Dutch, Austrian, German and Norwegian friends.

And you're right about the words

GeniB

Interesting replies folks. Most seem to have decided to immerse themselves into Portuguese life .A brave move. I say that because we tried that in the Netherlands. It was a dismal failure .Local Dutch were not exactly friendly to outsiders and ex-pat Dutch wanted to immerse themselves into the English speaking culture (mainly American I have to say).

Age is a factor as well. Not having kids at school age anymore means less opportunities to meet locals.
I accept that i will mostly be meeting ex-pats here in the Algarve,not ideal but a reality.

macliam

The Portuguese are generally more welcoming of foreigners than anyone else I know - whereas, from my limited exposure to the Dutch (at home in Holland), I'm not surprised to hear your comments. Oddly, the Dutch here seem very happy to mix.

My wife went to the eastern Algarve for a week in February. The hotel was full of German and Dutch pensioners - and I've never heard her be so complimentary about the Brits before! She said it was truly awful, the way they treated each other, the way they treated the staff, their attitude in the restaurant. Luckily she doesn't like pools too much, so headed off to the beach each day, otherwise I think there might have been an international incident!

Having said which, her experience in England was "interesting" too. All was OK when we lived in London (apart from the "living in London" part). Then I moved out to Suffolk and at first rented a cottage in a small village. When our London house sold, she moved up and we stayed on for about 4 months whilst house-hunting. Nobody greeted her, nobody spoke to her and even the neighbours seemed to avoid meeting us. Oh, and she has lived in England for 30 years, so whilst her English is accented, she speaks it fairly well and she is used to the manners and customs there too. So, goodness help any foreigner trying to break in there either.

So, I guess the fact is, it depends who you are, where you are and what you want. But for me, if I thought I was going to be in the sun, but looking for friends amongst a small subset of people, I'd be back to Ireland tomorrow. Go to a Portuguese cafe, buy a round of drinks and see what happens!

liveaboard

Those of us who choose not to consume alcohol are shunned everywhere...

macliam

If you drive, I would have thought you were very popular at this time of year!

GeniB

Love the last bit macliam A bit hard for a woman to do though,without raising a few questions.