Gazza-d

In an earlier post it was mentioned that LL wanted to start a family, This is classic filipina thinking, it's to lock you in bacause they think you will not run off. This is the age old trick in what was a you bed them you wed them culture. This was very common as filipinas though that if they could quickly get the foreigner into bed she would have caught the golden goose and having a child would cement the relationship as filipinas can be very insecure in relationships.

As a side you say you contribute to medicine, do you actually buy the medicine and LL contributes to rent, does she pay this direct to tbe lsndlord. If not very little likely gets used as intended. This is their way in the Philippines.

Raffin

I think it would be useful if further posters here work on the obvious that the OP is strongly minded to continue his relationship with LL...in for a Peso in for 70 Pesos, if you like. Those who think that this is a huge error need to come to terms with that and would do better by advising him how to mitigate what, in their view, will come from it.

Despite what the OP has said I still believe that marriage is at least a high value card, if not an Ace for him...if he wishes to use it.

Likewise,advice by some to move well away is also wasted as the OP has said and intimated a number of times that he wants to stay put. This option was discussed previously in the thread and is therefore a non starter.

Atomic bombs have been mentioned...this made me think of North Korea. A few people in the US administration think they can negotiate with them to fully give them up, when most other people who know about it say they are obviously strongly minded not to do so. A re-reading of the OPs previous posts show a similar type of mindset.

Philosophical 11

Greetings!

Stokkevn:

****Being a bit sneaky if I was going to do a runner I would make sure it coincided with a visa run***** I was thinking more in terms of a serious illness in my family in the UK and had to return immediately.

Gazza:

The family have a credit arrangement with the local pharmacy. All medicines appear to be branded which they use. Because its credit, a Senior Citizens Card cannot be used. She settles up at the end of the month with the 3k I give her but the bill is normally in excess of the allowance.....up to 5k on one occasion I have seen. When he started the meds, I costed it at 2.2k or 1.4K using generics. At the time I was unaware of the SS discount which I believe is 20%. I have suggested on more than one occasion that she goes to TGF, buys the medicine using his SS card. But of course, that is logic.....a rare quality here. But she could save 2k or more each month.

She pays half the rent to her father. Her brother does the same. Again, I have suggested the money should go direct to the landlord.....but commonsense is also a rare quality here. As you know, there was an almighty bust up about a month ago because they could not afford the 3k for her mothers scan. She said that she will not help financially any longer. Hope she sticks to it. When we first arrived here, they were all living in a little native type hut paying minimal rent. Less than 1k I believe. They have moved several times since....upgrading each time. The house they have now is very large and well appointed. I would be happy living there. This is all because of lovely lady's efforts and financial help. I can see them moving back to a native hut and living in squalor. I have absolutely no sympathy. If Sloth girl got off her backside and utilized the degree which lovely lady and I financed over the 4 yrs, she could be in a call centre earning between 20 - 30k pm. I am done with them.

Raffin. Thank you. I couldn't put it better. I will add however (again) that I am the man on the ground and have a better feel of the situation. I appreciate ALL comments and I do take note. But instinct remains supreme. Again, I only basically write about the crap that goes on, but that is well balanced by the great times we have together. She is not perfect...maybe never will be. But I know she is learning....albeit slowly.

Regards

quiltman

I'm still hereP11!! Been quiet as 1. Have nothing really to add to your saga.
2 we have moved house , so a month of chaos sorting out new t'internet etc , and 3 Wife had few days in hospital and their wifi was rubbish!

Although I agree with most of the comments here, it's your life and your decision. you seem to be handling each crisis as it occurs but I do think you need to think seriously re marriage as then LL has the whip hand . I know two expats - one aussie and one 'merican who got married and within a year or so wifey wanted them out because they controlled the purse strings and wifey did not like it!. One was reported to police as committing adultery and the other reported as beating his wife. Luckily they both got married outside the Phils and one has got his divorce and the other is just starting proceedings in his home country.
Oh, in both cases, ex-wifey is now living with boyfriend!
you do what you feel is best in your circumstances mate and always have a plan B - which you appear to already have! Good luck and look forward to the ongoing story.

Gazza-d

And that is another thing in Philippine culture, it was normal for the wife to control the purse strings and can have problems when they are not. So when a westener appears on tbe scene there can be a bit of a culture shock.

Millhouse

Philosophical 11

Greetings!

And now for something completely different..

The Wedding.

Preparations are well under way. Date is 8 Sep on a posh resort nearby. Hawaiian style on the beach. Lovely lady is excited and running around like a blue a...d fly organizing the pre-nup photo shoot which will take place probably next week and the big day. I have given her a strict budget (yes...I can hear you chortling) and she is happy as Larry. Every piece of expenditure is referred to me and so far no problems. 3 photographers plus drone will be present at pre-nup and wedding itself. On the pre-nup we have several exotic locations and she will be attended to by her ladyboy stylist/hairdresser who is really very good. He will charge 3k for the day which includes free use of a friends car. One location costs 8k but because she is friends of the resort owners wife....it will be free. It is their house, on a large hill overlooking the bay. Guests will be limited to 50 (cue more chortling) but she appears to have hundreds of relatives so that may be a problem. Yes...I have heard the horror stories. Hopefully, I will get the resort to admit only those with invites. Rings have been ordered and everything looks going to plan. Life is good!

Quiltman:

Good to see you back. I hope your lovely lady is ok now and you are back into the swing of things after your upheavals. I have to say, your comments are always worthwhile reading and balanced. I take a lot of store on what you say.

Regards....

scot47

Give it all up and come to live in Newcastle or Barnsley in post-Brexit dystopian UKANIA ? It may be best to stay in the Pilipinas !

Englishmum

Dorothy

I have wondered about what the sons think of all of this. I know what I would think if it were my dad.

Jerseygirl

If I was the OP I certainly wouldn’t go ahead with the wedding. What is she going to do if he doesn’t...have another childish tantrum and sulk for a while?

Raffin

Philosophical 11

Greetings!

The family appears to be emotionally blackmailing my lovely lady. She went around to their house yesterday morning and another row took place. I think she refused to negotiate with the owner about the rent. This morning when she awoke she saw on FB that her father was in hospital.....trouble breathing. Normally she would have got an early morning phone call. We went to the hospital and he was in the observation room hooked up to oxygen with Waddly in attendance. He turned away when he saw us. I checked with the nurse and they said his BP and ECG was fine and no problems and were just keeping him in for observation. He didn't talk to us. His medication was an aspirin. We left after about an hour when his missus turned up and lovely lady gave her 1k to pay for his treatment. She has been trying to ring various members of the family to ascertain his condition and all calls have been unanswered. Obviously this is putting a strain on her and I suspect she might just give in and pay the rent arrears. I just hope it strengthens her resolve. It has mine.

Re my family coming to the wedding. Yes, I have two sons and I am in constant touch with them. They know what is happening out here and they support me implicitly. They are happy that I am also very happy after a difficult divorce. But that's what sons do....isn't it? I see no reason to think otherwise.

Been informed that there will be 4 photographers at the pre-nup photo shoot and at the wedding. Sounds like over-kill to me. I am expected to pay for their food and drink for the day and I am beginning to smell something fishy. In the UK, I normally see 2 photographers only. Here we will have 4 plus the make-up ladyboy. So on the photoshoot, I might have to hire another car to carry the 7 of us. But she knows the budget. I asked why there are so many photographers....her reply.....because they have a lot of equipment! But this is the Philippines.

Regards

Stokkevn

Dashing off to hospital normally for a minor ailment quite often occurs just after a family dispute or reduction in funds, my mother-in-law was a gold medal winner at this trick to gain sympathy and some funds. While I was working in Australia the wife had to dash home from Perth with bundles of cash to pay for her private hospital stay several times. She tried it once when, unbeknown to her, we were in the Philippines. Quick dash from the provinces to Manila, bundles of cash again. So I had a go at one of the nurses that all she had was an asthma attack so they should have discharged her days ago, the nurse told me they tried to but she would not leave ( not wishing to miss out on extra money they let her stay ) so I grabbed the wife and the nurse repeated it her. Once we got back home the argument started and loudly. My father-in-law ( a born again christian ) took me by the arm and suggested we retired to the local pub, that is the only time I have ever seen him drink.

Outcome was that she had to get a Philhealth card ( apparently before she did not need one as she had a rich son-in-law ) and if she felt sick she was to go to the public hospital, since then ( 14 years ago ) she has only been to hospital outpatients once when she tripped over the dog and twisted her ankle.

I am not the only foreigner to have this done to them, aging parents using sickness as emotional blackmail is not that uncommon.

Jerseygirl

My father did something similar because he wanted family attention...but it was in Asda UK...not the Philippines. Told one of the shop assistants he felt dizzy...she got him a chair and then called 999. He was taken to the ER. Scared the sh*t out of him...he never pulled that trick again.

Unless it’s the melon syndrome...I’m at a loss why Brits put up with all this crap from these women and their families.