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2 months in ..... Going home?

2 months in ..... Going home?

Old Jul 22nd 2013, 8:12 am
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Wink 2 months in ..... Going home?

Been here 2 months now. Not long I know, but the Mr hates it here. Living in Wellington. He walks to work, I drive. I'm a nurse and do various shifts, working a 4 on 2 off pattern, meaning I get one full weekend off every 6 weeks. Hes never been the best at entertaining himself but seems to have gotten worse being here. We moved her for the usual "better life and more opportunities". But we're now struggling to see what the opportunities are here. Yes the weather is milder (temp wise, wind is just as bad!). We can see a more outdoor life style in summer, but what else? We keep asking our work colleagues what people do here, to be told "Oh there's loads of things" but on discussion they're not actually naming anything. We had a fairly comfortable life in UK, but like most people, wanted more and felt NZ would offer this. Knew if we never tried we'd always regret it. Obvious gripes are the cost of eveything. We knew from research it was expensive but somethings still take my breath away. But cost isn't the issue. We have well paid jobs and can afford the
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Old Jul 22nd 2013, 1:42 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Hi there .

I think you lost the last bit of your post.

I would normally say to you that 2 months is way too early to make such a call. Give it a year. Especially after the blummin' quakes and that you both will only have experienced winter.

Thing is, from your posts, I think your hearts were originally really set on Canada so perhaps MrBexie7 was never 100% certain about New Zealand.

Anyway, sorry to read you are struggling . It takes a whole lot of effort and nerve to emigrate . Not to mention expense. I do hope your next move will be better for the both of you, whatever you decide to do.
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Old Jul 22nd 2013, 1:51 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

as BEVS says 2 months is really to short a time to be making any big decisions especially as you are in the lucky position of both having jobs and already done the hard work of actually moving.
Its winter, we've had some quakes all to bring downer but only to be expected to be fair.

Make more of an effort to meet people, my husbands sounds the same as your partner the only people he has met here are the one's he works with and he came here 4mths before me and the kids.

The friends we have made now are down to me, arranging meets on BE and putting myself out there. Just joined a dog walking group from http://www.meetup.com/find/

where abouts are you in Wellington?
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Old Jul 22nd 2013, 3:00 pm
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Red face Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Quite a bit of the post was lost! Currently in Wadestown. The original plan was Canada, but due to changes with visas, and the fact that no-one replies to you so it takes a long time to get anything in place, we decided to try elsewhere and (after several heated debates, I wanted Oz he wanted NZ)decided on NZ. The winter and quakes is not an issue. And to be honest none of it is an issue for me. Its the Mr who is championing the move. I'm not overly amazed yet, but agree that 2 months is not enough to make a decision. I've suggested different things, such as meet ups, but he isn't keen. He works in a small office with females who are older than he is, so work friends seems to be out. Attempted to integrate him with my work colleagues, but he has the attitude they're my friends, not his. His current opinion is we spent so long trying to leave the UK (made the decision in 2005 and spent the rest of the time getting the qualifications, experience and money together) that we didn't stop to appreciate what we had. In a way I agree, everything was done for the purpose of moving later (i.e not buying only renting house, buying cheap furniture as we wouldn't keep it, no holidays - we'll holiday when we get there!). But we are here now and should make the effort. I see him getting more miserable by the day, knowing I'm keeping him here. As I haven't made too much of an attachment here yet, it wouldn't be too hard to go home. My shifts don't help, working most weekends (he's Mon-Fri 9 to 5-er). I've suggested a second car, so he can about more when I'm working, but he won't get it as he plans to leave anyway (again, like back in the UK, why spend it when we won't need it). I'm quite an easy-going, laid back person (probably why I'm finding it easier here!) so I know I can be happy in any country. He wants to leave now so we can get home, recoup some of the money we've lost in the move, buy a house and settle down. I just wondered if anybody could enlighten me on these "opportunities" that make it a better place to be. Maybe I could entice him to try a little longer if there was something of interest to him?

Anyway, rant over. Thanks for the responses.
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Old Jul 22nd 2013, 4:00 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Hi Bexie7. you are in the exact situation as my hubby and myself. Were giving it a year and then returning to the UK. Our lives were on hold in the Uk for 3 years whilst we applied to live here. I wish we had made the most of those 3 years. There are so many things we missed out on. New Zealand is a fab place to live but you need well paid jobs and sadly we don't! We dont want to spend the rest of our savings here or we will be stuck. Good luck on whatever you decide. Keep me posted. xx
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Old Jul 22nd 2013, 4:22 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

sorry to say but if he's not prepared to try then there isn't much any place can offer. You both wanted out of the UK for what ever reasons you spent time money and effort to leave but yet he seems unwilling to put any time or energy here to make it work.
If he doesn't enjoy his work get him to look for something else but if he's not willing to put in how can he expect to get anything out?
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Old Jul 22nd 2013, 4:28 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by Bexie7
Quite a bit of the post was lost! .
Oo. It was , wasn't it. Nightmare when that happens.

Hhmm. Awkward. When he says 'settle' down, does he mean taking on a mortgage and starting a family?

Any chance you could change the mind set , as it were, and look on this as a temporary experience for a year or so. Bit like when NZers and Australians travel to the UK/ Canada etc to do an OE for a couple of years. If he feels it's not a forever move he might be more open to just experiencing the place and surrounds.
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Old Jul 22nd 2013, 5:43 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

I understand the years of planning and waiting prior to leaving for NZ. However, part of our countdown was fitting in travel plans. These would not have been affordable once we got to NZ. Part of wanting to base ourselves in NZ for a few years was to make Australia/Japan/Cambodia/Vietnam/Bali etc nearer and therefore more affordable. None of which is likely to happen while we are on one income !

Oh, ok, we're visiting Sydney later this year. We've also booked a ski break at Ruapehu

I understand the feeling of wanting to cut your losses and go home. Can you hang on a bit longer ? You've really only seen the winter. Let the summer come and Christmas and reassess in the new year perhaps.

It would be horrible to regret not giving NZ a bit longer when you look back. It's a tough call.

Last edited by Snap Shot; Jul 22nd 2013 at 6:14 pm.
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Old Jul 22nd 2013, 8:20 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Can you tell us what the opportunities are that you "thought" were here but aren't? What is it that you feel is missing? What did you have in your mind (realistic or not) that you thought living in NZ would be like? Is it not living up to expectations or do you think you maybe had slightly unrealistic expectations?

Is it work? Is it socialising or work, or finding things to do?

Some expats really land on their feet and seem to make new friends easily, some don't and struggle for no apparent rhyme or reason.

He may be experiencing some culture shock - fighting the newness of everything, comparing.

I think sometimes you do have to change your mindset and be more positive about getting out and about I.e give him a big kick up the bum! You have worked so hard to get here, seems a shame to go back now. On the other hand I think you just know when it's not right. Doesn't mean you can't stay but you can maybe have a rough timescale and try and relax and enjoy your time here
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Old Jul 22nd 2013, 10:31 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Oh well, there are quite a few people that move here and are disappointed. Anyway, you might as well make the most of your time here and not spend the year or so with your life on hold again! Go out and meet people, travel, get to know NZ, set a deadline (a year or so) and then make a final decision.

I came here over 2 years ago. Didn't like it in the beginning, still don't like it. The sense of freedom and opportunity just doesn't arise for me. But I have seen a lot of NZ, met a lot of great people, made the most out of my time here and now am very (very) content to go back home soon.
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Old Jul 23rd 2013, 8:47 am
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by Bexie7
Quite a bit of the post was lost! Currently in Wadestown. The original plan was Canada, but due to changes with visas, and the fact that no-one replies to you so it takes a long time to get anything in place, we decided to try elsewhere and (after several heated debates, I wanted Oz he wanted NZ)decided on NZ. The winter and quakes is not an issue. And to be honest none of it is an issue for me. Its the Mr who is championing the move. I'm not overly amazed yet, but agree that 2 months is not enough to make a decision. I've suggested different things, such as meet ups, but he isn't keen. He works in a small office with females who are older than he is, so work friends seems to be out. Attempted to integrate him with my work colleagues, but he has the attitude they're my friends, not his. His current opinion is we spent so long trying to leave the UK (made the decision in 2005 and spent the rest of the time getting the qualifications, experience and money together) that we didn't stop to appreciate what we had. In a way I agree, everything was done for the purpose of moving later (i.e not buying only renting house, buying cheap furniture as we wouldn't keep it, no holidays - we'll holiday when we get there!). But we are here now and should make the effort. I see him getting more miserable by the day, knowing I'm keeping him here. As I haven't made too much of an attachment here yet, it wouldn't be too hard to go home. My shifts don't help, working most weekends (he's Mon-Fri 9 to 5-er). I've suggested a second car, so he can about more when I'm working, but he won't get it as he plans to leave anyway (again, like back in the UK, why spend it when we won't need it). I'm quite an easy-going, laid back person (probably why I'm finding it easier here!) so I know I can be happy in any country. He wants to leave now so we can get home, recoup some of the money we've lost in the move, buy a house and settle down. I just wondered if anybody could enlighten me on these "opportunities" that make it a better place to be. Maybe I could entice him to try a little longer if there was something of interest to him?

Anyway, rant over. Thanks for the responses.
Awkward, I agree. It does seem that you have a relationship of opposite personalities. He must of had some sort of "vision" of what NZ would be like, is Wellington living up to the that ideal? Have you guys been anywhere else in NZ, even just for a holiday?

Are you cool with "He wants to leave now so we can get home, recoup some of the money we've lost in the move, buy a house and settle down"?
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Old Jul 23rd 2013, 11:47 am
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Hi Bexie

I empathise with both you and your partner's situation as I have lived in Wellington for 3 months (in Wadestown actually) and have experienced a real sense that I have made a mistake coming to live here from Sydney. Also my qualifications are not recognised here which has cemented the feeling that I am in the wrong place. I feel gutted every day as I pushed for me and my partner to come here which makes it doubly worse. I also feel it is too soon to go back to Aus although I am going to apply for jobs out there. The main reason for coming here was to try to buy a house as that is pretty much out of the question in Sydney. I didn't realise how much I would miss Oz; sometimes I think you have to give something up to realise how much you sometimes take things close to home for granted. In summary the people here are great, scenery beautiful and lots to explore. The downsides are no qualifications = no job, temp jobs pay really low wages, no career prospects here and missing the big city. No problems with weather & quakes (I'm British). Good luck with whatever you two decide to do.
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Old Jul 23rd 2013, 12:03 pm
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Red face Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Our original thoughts on moving here were, better work/life balance. Not the case, I work shorter days but more of them, meaning our time off together doesn't exist. He works longer days. We've had a few days out and about (before the Mr started work). Went up the coast as far as Palmerston North. While we agreed it was beautiful, we felt that after the initial 30 minutes of wandering, we'd reached a dead end. We def weren't looking for Blackpool, but felt once we'd seen, we'd seen it, you know? We were planning on visiting a friend in Chch but with her being a doctor, we've checked rotas and there's no days off together in the next 6 months. We also thought there would be more to do in Wellington. We've done the WETA caves, the zoo, the LOTR tour, up the cable car to the gardens (in the worst weather possible). We literally did all the "Top Ten" in our first week, and while that was fun, we've done it, what now? Luckily, I've not had time to be bored, working all weekends, but the Mr feels lost. The people here are definitely friendly (took a while to get used to, thought everyone was taking the Michael, until realising that people here are genuinely nice!). My work mates have been helpful, including us in social events. We've gone to them all and enjoyed it but none of them live near us, and we've had to leave every event early, due to having work the next morning. I'll be gutted going back, but like I said, I'm a bit more resilient than the Mr and will make the best of wherever we are. We talked about setting a date in summer to review, which he was fine with when we'd been here 3 weeks. Now at 9 weeks, he's fed up of feeling lonely, bored and wants to get on with "living", which he feels he just can't do here. Bottom line, we will probably end up back home soon. I will miss the scenery and friendly people, but not sure what else?
Thanks for the posts and suggestions. Although I've suggested them all, at least I know there wasn't something else to try/suggest to the Mr. I can say that I tried at least.
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Old Jul 23rd 2013, 12:10 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

I think my situation is quite different in that I had no idea my qualifications would not be sufficient here although I did not feel it was the right place before the assessment came through. If I had the chance of working in my field here I might have wanted to stay longer but the nail in the coffin is sealed. Also there are very few alternative employment options here to pursue.
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Old Jul 23rd 2013, 1:54 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by Bexie7
Our original thoughts on moving here were, better work/life balance. Not the case, I work shorter days but more of them, meaning our time off together doesn't exist. He works longer days. We've had a few days out and about (before the Mr started work). Went up the coast as far as Palmerston North. While we agreed it was beautiful, we felt that after the initial 30 minutes of wandering, we'd reached a dead end. We def weren't looking for Blackpool, but felt once we'd seen, we'd seen it, you know? We were planning on visiting a friend in Chch but with her being a doctor, we've checked rotas and there's no days off together in the next 6 months. We also thought there would be more to do in Wellington. We've done the WETA caves, the zoo, the LOTR tour, up the cable car to the gardens (in the worst weather possible). We literally did all the "Top Ten" in our first week, and while that was fun, we've done it, what now? Luckily, I've not had time to be bored, working all weekends, but the Mr feels lost. The people here are definitely friendly (took a while to get used to, thought everyone was taking the Michael, until realising that people here are genuinely nice!). My work mates have been helpful, including us in social events. We've gone to them all and enjoyed it but none of them live near us, and we've had to leave every event early, due to having work the next morning. I'll be gutted going back, but like I said, I'm a bit more resilient than the Mr and will make the best of wherever we are. We talked about setting a date in summer to review, which he was fine with when we'd been here 3 weeks. Now at 9 weeks, he's fed up of feeling lonely, bored and wants to get on with "living", which he feels he just can't do here. Bottom line, we will probably end up back home soon. I will miss the scenery and friendly people, but not sure what else?
Thanks for the posts and suggestions. Although I've suggested them all, at least I know there wasn't something else to try/suggest to the Mr. I can say that I tried at least.
Totally get that and understand. Sounds like your job is quite full on. It is hard I guess until you build up some networks and can fill your time with some other social events, but I agree sometimes there is not a lot to do especially if you are not into the outdoors at all. Now I know why so many people go to Sydney or Melbourne to shop!

Work does have a habit of getting in the way doesn't it. My sis fosters and her boy is off at camp this week, we had planned to catch up but she is busy at work training people and doing longer hours whilst she can It's really hard for us to catch up as she is on her own (no partner) works full time and babysitting can be hard to arrange.

I really wish you lots of luck, sometimes it's just nice to get a different perspective and to realise you are not going mad!
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