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2 months in ..... Going home?

2 months in ..... Going home?

Old Aug 16th 2013, 8:40 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by Bexie7
Just to update. It will be no surprise to anyone, but the flights back home are booked. Thanks to everyone for their comments and suggestions. The Mr just doesn't want to stay. Even admitted that he hasn't really tried and now just doesn't want to. He's more of a "home" boy then he ever wanted to admit and also a bit more materialistic! (wants everything now, didn't have to wait in UK, why wait now?) I am absolutely gutted. Im liking things more the longer we're here (he says I'm learning to settle for less). Discussed possibility of me staying til summer but know I wouldn't leave then and I'm not ready to give up on the marriage yet either. I know I will regret it (he says he only regrets coming) but I also know I can make the best of things back home too. Good luck to all those sticking it out. I hope it works out for you and is worth it in the end.
Good luck on your return....at least you won't be forever thinking what if....
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Old Aug 17th 2013, 7:45 am
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

This is really sad to see... My family and are just putting the house on the market and are quite excited about attempting the move to NZ... to see posts where people are that unhappy so quickly is a little worrying. GL with your move back... a real shame after so little time. The grass is never as green as it appears... its as green as you make it
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Old Aug 17th 2013, 8:42 am
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by jodaid
The grass is never as green as it appears... its as green as you make it
great post
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Old Aug 17th 2013, 10:01 am
  #34  
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by moonie2011
great post
+1
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Old Aug 17th 2013, 10:12 am
  #35  
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by jodaid
This is really sad to see... My family and are just putting the house on the market and are quite excited about attempting the move to NZ... to see posts where people are that unhappy so quickly is a little worrying. GL with your move back... a real shame after so little time. The grass is never as green as it appears... its as green as you make it
Don't let my story change anything. You have the right attitude, it's up to you to make it work. That's the attitude I still have, it's just a shame the Mr isn't prepared to do this.

And I've already starting setting boundaries on the move home. Yes, I'd have a lot to say to others in my position, but the choice comes down to NZ or my marriage. Not prepared to give up the marriage. Yet. I already suggested Canada, and Oz. Unsurprisingly, without having tried, the Mr can see the same problems there. Thinking of hiring him out as a know-it-all and charging consultancy fee!

I read a lot of negative posts myself before getting here. I had explanations, suggestions and reasoning as to why they weren't a big deal and would not be the same for us. Just didn't factor in how different the Mr is in NZ.

Onwards and upwards. Or backwards, whichever. I'll make the best of whatever comes my way. Can't offer anymore than that.
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Old Aug 17th 2013, 10:19 am
  #36  
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by jodaid
This is really sad to see... My family and are just putting the house on the market and are quite excited about attempting the move to NZ... to see posts where people are that unhappy so quickly is a little worrying. GL with your move back... a real shame after so little time. The grass is never as green as it appears... its as green as you make it
Sad & expensive!!!...however everyone's experiences are different....and what you read here are each individuals experience....good and bad...and only those of people who are willing to share their experiences.

You are right in your last statement....however sometimes you can only "make it" green for a period of time, then their is an event or pull that takes you right back where you came from...

I wish I had found this site before making that life changing decision...however I often wonder If I would have poo-pooed it as just a load of people who wouldn't be happy wherever they were.....its those rose-tinted glasses that we put on,(even though we say we're not wearing them) when we have made the decision already and no-ones going to change our mind....

I read stuff about the UK and think with my head...."why would I want to go back there?"...but then my heart says that's where I belong....I am just a visitor here!

Good luck with your decision...whatever it may be..
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Old Aug 17th 2013, 10:40 am
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by Bexie7
Don't let my story change anything. You have the right attitude, it's up to you to make it work. That's the attitude I still have, it's just a shame the Mr isn't prepared to do this.

And I've already starting setting boundaries on the move home. Yes, I'd have a lot to say to others in my position, but the choice comes down to NZ or my marriage. Not prepared to give up the marriage. Yet. I already suggested Canada, and Oz. Unsurprisingly, without having tried, the Mr can see the same problems there. Thinking of hiring him out as a know-it-all and charging consultancy fee!

I read a lot of negative posts myself before getting here. I had explanations, suggestions and reasoning as to why they weren't a big deal and would not be the same for us. Just didn't factor in how different the Mr is in NZ.

Onwards and upwards. Or backwards, whichever. I'll make the best of whatever comes my way. Can't offer anymore than that.
Just another chapter in "bexie7's book of life"....

This life event will have been for a reason..as is every event.....even if it was only to find out that Mr doesn't enjoy life in NZ

Look forward....never back! Life's too short Enjoy the ride!
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Old Aug 17th 2013, 10:44 am
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by pixiewink
...however everyone's experiences are different....
Yes indeed everyone's and people need to consider themselves and members of the same family, husbands, wives and kids in that.

Not everyone will love or hate NZ in the same measure and there will undoubtedly be differences of opinion and two sides to every story; emigrating can be the ultimate test and can make or break families and marriages just as Bexie has shown. When you emigrate you put your whole world at stake and you can't force people to like the same things: compromises will need to be made.

There'll be just as many staying put in NZ either to appease the other half; staying here for a quiet life and simply not to upset the marriage. There will be others like Bexie going back to the UK full of resentment that the other didn't try hard enough and that too is going to be equally hard to overcome and fix.

Sadly for many it's a case of never the twain shall meet and they will eventually agree to disagree and go their seperate ways. It happens a lot!

Last edited by Bo-Jangles; Aug 17th 2013 at 10:46 am.
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Old Aug 17th 2013, 1:49 pm
  #39  
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by Bo-Jangles
Yes indeed everyone's and people need to consider themselves and members of the same family, husbands, wives and kids in that.

Not everyone will love or hate NZ in the same measure and there will undoubtedly be differences of opinion and two sides to every story; emigrating can be the ultimate test and can make or break families and marriages just as Bexie has shown. When you emigrate you put your whole world at stake and you can't force people to like the same things: compromises will need to be made.

There'll be just as many staying put in NZ either to appease the other half; staying here for a quiet life and simply not to upset the marriage. There will be others like Bexie going back to the UK full of resentment that the other didn't try hard enough and that too is going to be equally hard to overcome and fix.

Sadly for many it's a case of never the twain shall meet and they will eventually agree to disagree and go their seperate ways. It happens a lot!
I think this is an important point you make that many immigrants do not consider or consider too late. What will happen if one of them doesn't like NZ. I met one couple that agreed before they left that they would move back if one of them didn't like NZ. He liked it a lot, she didn't. They are on their way home. He is not too happy but he has agreed to it beforehand. At least he is not a passive victim and she is not the nagging wife who forced him to go back home.
I also know a couple who split up, he is still here, she is back with their kid in Europe. A family breakup and than the distance between father and child - sad that. But everybody has different priorities, for some it is the family, for others the country.
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Old Aug 17th 2013, 6:21 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by pixiewink
I wish I had found this site before making that life changing decision...however I often wonder If I would have poo-pooed it as just a load of people who wouldn't be happy wherever they were.....its those rose-tinted glasses that we put on,(even though we say we're not wearing them) when we have made the decision already and no-ones going to change our mind....
I would guess that a high percentage of people who read this site think that too.
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Old Aug 17th 2013, 7:07 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by Snap Shot
I would guess that a high percentage of people who read this site think that too.
I defiantly had my specs on! I don't mind admitting it either folks.
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Old Aug 17th 2013, 8:20 pm
  #42  
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by Bexie7
And I've already starting setting boundaries on the move home.

Good for you. Otherwise he gets 100% of what he wants, when he wants, which isn't a recipe for happiness in my experience.

Shame that given all the time, money and effort you've both put into planning and moving all the way over to New Zealand — all that distance — that you couldn't stay for at least the summer until April or so, when New Zealand tends to come more into its own, making the outdoors a lot more enjoyable, see and explore some of the sights, enjoy the weather and countryside and so on, and then come back to the UK when spring is picking up over here... getting two summers in a row.

That way he would have got what he wanted — but just having to wait a little — and you would have had more of a decent look around and experience of the country, just so you could say that you've 'done' New Zealand. In the larger context of your life, you could see it as a working holiday. So hope you can both squeeze in some vacation time over there before returning to the UK, even if it's just some camping or hiking somewhere nice... and/or even a few days in Australia on the way back, because it's such a trek out there again if the opportunity to travel again arises.

Many years ago when I left New Zealand to emigrate to the UK, the last three days I spent in the country were spent on a friend's little yacht in the Marlborough Sounds, swimming and sailing to little coves during the day, fishing for blue cod for breakfast, drinking rum and cokes at night while looking at amazing skies full of stars and listening to moreporks in the bush. Will never forget that time, keeping those memories until my dying days.

Life's short. If you can, take some good memories back with you.
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Old Aug 30th 2013, 12:27 pm
  #43  
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Something we noticed when first moving over here was the 9 hr days at work... you get used to it and it is all part of the new routine...
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Old Aug 31st 2013, 4:41 am
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Everyone's experience is different and I know I'd choose my marriage over a place of residence. I hope all goes well for your trip back to the UK Bexie.

To add to the mix husband and I currently work 9hr days in the UK and are expected to work 20% or even more over our contracted hours with no additional pay. It's how it is in many salaried jobs in the UK now.
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Old Sep 1st 2013, 8:58 am
  #45  
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by Assanah
I think this is an important point you make that many immigrants do not consider or consider too late. What will happen if one of them doesn't like NZ. I met one couple that agreed before they left that they would move back if one of them didn't like NZ. He liked it a lot, she didn't. They are on their way home. He is not too happy but he has agreed to it beforehand. At least he is not a passive victim and she is not the nagging wife who forced him to go back home.
That is exactly what we agreed to as well... if one wasnt happy we would move. Its a compromise when there are two people to make the decision... it takes communcation.
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