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2 months in ..... Going home?

2 months in ..... Going home?

Old Jul 23rd 2013, 1:56 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by loadofworriesactuallymate
I think my situation is quite different in that I had no idea my qualifications would not be sufficient here although I did not feel it was the right place before the assessment came through. If I had the chance of working in my field here I might have wanted to stay longer but the nail in the coffin is sealed. Also there are very few alternative employment options here to pursue.
Sounds awful for you! Obviously you thought your qualifications would be sufficient. Is there any way you can appeal or is it a straight out no.
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Old Jul 23rd 2013, 3:29 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

[QUOTE=Bexie7;10815767]Our original thoughts on moving here were, better work/life balance. Yeah, a lot of people come for that. Then are disappointed that there's only 24 hours in the day in their destination country too. I'm agreeing with you rather than making a dig.
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Old Jul 23rd 2013, 3:29 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Went up the coast as far as Palmerston North. While we agreed it was beautiful, we felt that after the initial 30 minutes of wandering, we'd reached a dead end. We def weren't looking for Blackpool, but felt once we'd seen, we'd seen it, you know? Again, what is this unspoken promise of never getting bored like they got bored in Britain ? Do emigrants think that amnesia for your surroundings is part of the package on arrival ? Are you supposed to develop the attention span of a goldfish just because you've emigrated ? Then maintain that short attention span once you've settled ? 'Groundhog Day' happens in NZ too. OK, we live 2 miles from several beaches, and we've just about done them to death. We've yet to go there for the day in summer either. We live near two individual lakes, very nice but getting a bit ho hum. We have a nice walk along the riverbank as well, after the first 100 times in 2 years it gets stale.
more to do in Wellington. We've done the WETA caves, the zoo, the LOTR tour, up the cable car to the gardens (in the worst weather possible). I've been on the Wellington cable car (not in bad weather) and walked back to the city through the botanical gardens and the cemetery. I don't fancy the Weta caves and LOTR leaves me stone cold ! So no point doing the tour. That was just me killing time in Wellington. Have you been to Butlers Chocolate Café in Wellington ? I liked it.
We literally did all the "Top Ten" in our first week, and while that was fun, we've done it, what now? Yup, I know how that feels. However, my husband and I are not gregarious and mostly enjoy each other's company. Just as well really ! We've got the same daily/weekly round that we had in Britain. OK, I'm not in paid employment but I keep myself occupied so I can keep my spirits up. We even have the same meals on the same nights that we had in Britain ! I should know, I cook them.[/QUOTE]

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Old Jul 23rd 2013, 3:36 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by dannigirl
Sounds awful for you! Obviously you thought your qualifications would be sufficient. Is there any way you can appeal or is it a straight out no.
Hi

Thanks for your concern; I was really shocked when I found out my qualifications were not good enough for here. I have been a registered counsellor for 4 years in Sydney and will appeal but its still a kick in the guts. The letter I received was quite hostile as well insinuating that I wasn't an ethical practitioner despite a letter from my Aus association stating that I am an ethical counsellor. I really should have applied before I left Aus but we moved quite quickly over here when my partner got a job offer.
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Old Jul 23rd 2013, 3:54 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by Bexie7
date to review, which he was fine with when we'd been here 3 weeks. Now at 9 weeks, he's fed up of feeling lonely, bored and wants to get on with "living", which he feels he just can't do here.
Yup, I know how that feels. That's not to say I don't feel like that sometimes even now.

I just hope, once you return you don't regret it and end up saving to come back to NZ. People have done that citing, 'didn't give it enough time'.

I felt, for me, it would have been such a terrible waste to go back to Britain financially and emotionally broke after only 3 months. My husband's job offer was a lifeline, so we're still here. I already knew what New Zealand was like before we came here to live, so, no disappointments !

I didn't want our story to be the good old, 'went on holiday, just took our furniture with us'.

It might get better I kept telling myself. My situation has gone on for so long it's normalised itself. Doesn't make it right but at least I feel better about myself.

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Old Jul 24th 2013, 9:19 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

I'm not New Zealand's greatest fan either and I've said it loads of times before, for the most part I wonder what exactly people expect to be different here?

The' lifestyle' and 'work life balance' aspects are the most overhyped load of old cobblers IMVHO. Unless you're radically changing your job / can afford not to work then really what is going to be different? Like lots of other people, we work more hours here than we ever did in the UK and spend just as much time commuting.

If you search out that long running old thread about 'what you did to day in ten words or less' - most of it is boring old humdrum rubbish that you could do in either country.

Thursday: got up had breakfast, went to work, stayed late at the office, took the cat to the vet, came home cooked dinner, put the rubbish out, had a bath and went to bed.

Friday: got up had breakfast, went to work, lunch at desk, more work, went to the supermarket, came home cooked dinner, watched TV and went to bed.


Originally Posted by Bexie7
Now at 9 weeks, he's fed up of feeling lonely, bored and wants to get on with "living", which he feels he just can't do here.
So what did he do in the UK that he can't do here?
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Old Jul 25th 2013, 9:26 am
  #22  
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by Bexie7
that we didn't stop to appreciate what we had.
I think we are all guilty of that and it sounds as though the move has suddenly made your OH very aware of what he had.

Bexie I really feel for you. You sound like very different people in the way that you deal with things and it can be hard to listen to someones negatitivity all the time and still remain upbeat.

In the short time you have been here you have hit upon two of the main problems - there is nothing to do (unless you ski, hunt or like 'the outdoors') and you've seen through all the hype about the supposed 'lifestyle' here. That won't change. I'm just impressed you saw these things so quickly, it took us years to realise!
None of us can tell you what to do but I can say that if your OH remains miserable it will put a big strain on your relationship. Perhaps if you are not fussy either way, it might be better to cut your losses and go home.
But don't take any notice of my advice - I'm having enough trouble trying to decide what to do myself!!
All the best whatever you decide.
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Old Aug 10th 2013, 8:00 am
  #23  
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

I would say wait for the summer: 'you can't beat Wellington on a good day' and all that but I think your relationship may be in danger if your shifts mean you have no quality couple time.
Our main family activity was to eat out on Saturday and Sunday (there are loads of good inexpensive restaurants in Wellington especially in eastern suburbs - Maranui, Polo, Elements etc) and then walk it off afterwards.

On a good winter's day, try a drive to Makkara beach (signed from Karori) - there is a scruffy cafe there which does good coffee and fish and chips.

There are lots of good viewing points in Wellington, not just Botanic Garden. There is also Brooklyn Windmill (need a clear day), Tinakori Hill, Mount Victoria. Membership of Zealandia is worth it so you can go in and do walks - the Cafe is also not bad.

Drive over the mountain to Greytown for lunch.
I agree after 2 years it gets very Groundhog Day but you are finding it a strain after a couple of months so I think it may be winter that is the issue. July and August can be really grim - I usually escaped during the July school holidays back to UK or to Oz.
Is your OH into any sports? I am afraid sport is to NZ as shopping is to UK .
Good luck it is never easy relocating whether as a posting or as emigration.
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Old Aug 15th 2013, 5:29 pm
  #24  
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Unhappy Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Just to update. It will be no surprise to anyone, but the flights back home are booked. Thanks to everyone for their comments and suggestions. The Mr just doesn't want to stay. Even admitted that he hasn't really tried and now just doesn't want to. He's more of a "home" boy then he ever wanted to admit and also a bit more materialistic! (wants everything now, didn't have to wait in UK, why wait now?) I am absolutely gutted. Im liking things more the longer we're here (he says I'm learning to settle for less). Discussed possibility of me staying til summer but know I wouldn't leave then and I'm not ready to give up on the marriage yet either. I know I will regret it (he says he only regrets coming) but I also know I can make the best of things back home too. Good luck to all those sticking it out. I hope it works out for you and is worth it in the end.
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Old Aug 15th 2013, 7:42 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

hoping in the long run it works out for you.
maybe you could relook at Canada ?

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Old Aug 16th 2013, 8:34 am
  #26  
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Sorry to hear Bexie. Just make sure you won't carry New Zealand with you in the UK. My advice say goodbye to what could have been. Good luck to you and your husband. I hope you will settle well back in the UK!
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Old Aug 16th 2013, 12:18 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by Assanah
Sorry to hear Bexie. Just make sure you won't carry New Zealand with you in the UK. My advice say goodbye to what could have been. Good luck to you and your husband. I hope you will settle well back in the UK!
Going back pronto might be the most cost-effective option especially if he can easily land his job back. The chances are that even if you did fall under Wellington's spell (those recent earthquakes may have scared him a lot - I am so glad I was no longer there to have to experience them - even little rumbles used to terrify me), you would start to feel trapped after a couple of years.
The UK has a lot going for it and when you get bored just hop over to Paris for the weekend...brilliant.
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Old Aug 16th 2013, 1:43 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by luvwelly
Going back pronto might be the most cost-effective option especially if he can easily land his job back. The chances are that even if you did fall under Wellington's spell (those recent earthquakes may have scared him a lot - I am so glad I was no longer there to have to experience them - even little rumbles used to terrify me), you would start to feel trapped after a couple of years.
The UK has a lot going for it and when you get bored just hop over to Paris for the weekend...brilliant.
Totally agree That is why I wrote not to think about what could have been because we tend to imagine everything would be more or less perfect if we just stayed in NZ - not knowing how boring and isolated the place might feel after a few years.
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Old Aug 16th 2013, 3:49 pm
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by Bexie7
Just to update. It will be no surprise to anyone, but the flights back home are booked. Thanks to everyone for their comments and suggestions. The Mr just doesn't want to stay. Even admitted that he hasn't really tried and now just doesn't want to. He's more of a "home" boy then he ever wanted to admit and also a bit more materialistic! (wants everything now, didn't have to wait in UK, why wait now?) I am absolutely gutted. Im liking things more the longer we're here (he says I'm learning to settle for less). Discussed possibility of me staying til summer but know I wouldn't leave then and I'm not ready to give up on the marriage yet either. I know I will regret it (he says he only regrets coming) but I also know I can make the best of things back home too. Good luck to all those sticking it out. I hope it works out for you and is worth it in the end.
There is a part of me that wants to pass comment on your husbands outlook vs yours, but I'll bite my tongue.

I hope everything works out.
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Old Aug 16th 2013, 4:16 pm
  #30  
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Default Re: 2 months in ..... Going home?

Originally Posted by Catchafire
There is a part of me that wants to pass comment on your husbands outlook vs yours, but I'll bite my tongue.

I hope everything works out.
Yeah, I'm biting my tongue too. I'll just say, set your boundaries Bexie in terms of what you will accept and what you won't. You're probably making the right decision in going back to the UK, but you may find the opportunity to come back if you still feel you want to some time in the future.

Best wishes - it's hard I know.
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