clarissageo

You can pretty much count on the ear bashing - my ex started on my kids as soon as he found out I had an american bf (now husband) and that I was in the states visiting his family. Mine went as far as going on the internet and hunting down stories about gun crime in ohio and showing the children things - at this point we hadnt even decided we were moving, let alone told the kids.

Just make sure you keep EVERYTHING, all the emails etc, print in hard copy as well as in a seperate folder. I kept a log of all phone calls, what was said, length of time they were on the phone etc. When you have the visits, make sure you log arrival times etc - it all counts.

squiddley

We will be keeping everything,one thing is sure his time keeping is appalling,dont think he has turned up on time yet...
Since my wife told him what our intent was, i would have thought he would have at least been on the phone to the girls and asked them what they wanted...but guess what, he hasn't...:curse:

On the phone later to NZ to speak to our employers to find out where we stand,so once again fingers crossed

clarissageo

I'm starting to wonder if maybe my ex is the father of your stepkids too!! lol

We told ours on the 8th september we were moving, he went 24 days before he called the kids, and that was only because it was their birthday.

it was then gaps of 68 days, 49 days, and 65 days. And all this was whilst he was trying to prove that he had a relationship with his children.

Dont worry about him not calling / not turning up - every day that goes by without him calling is a day in your favour.

squiddley

Ex's dont they get in the way of life....
Almost forgot...he did txt his daughter today to ask her to ask her mum to put extra clothes in because he has forgot to pack any because he is at his girlfriends,,mm put alot of thought into this weekend ,,NOT

squiddley

We have been on the phone very early this morning to our respective employers in NZ ,to see if they will keep jobs open,in the light as to what is happened regarding my step children....
And good news,they are willing to keep the jobs open for us,just have to keep them informed as to what is happening along the way...
Just wanted to get it it off our chests,phew ,feel alot better about things now.

clarissageo

Thats Great news!!!

Now get sorting that pack out!! the quicker you file things and get things moving the faster the process will be!

Do you need a list of what to put in it?

squiddley

Thanks ,cant believe it
Yes please any info on the pack would greatly appreciated

squiddley

Thanks inadvance
Have to rush off to work now...
:curse:

clarissageo

Ok, the main things to show is that the move has been thoroughly researched and every eventuality taken into account - you need to show plans for accomodation, healthcare, education, financial security and contact. Dont forget that contact in the UK does not have to be physical, it can be in the form of phonecalls or emails, letters or webcam, so include all of those.

We had a 4 page introduction in ours, divided into sub headings with a short explanation of each aspect. All the information was pulled off the internet and expanded upon with my husbands knowledge of home.

Location - a description of the area we were going to live in, the population, the nearest big city. An ariel photo off google earth was then put into another section of the pack.

Education - A description of the school, the journey time to the school, how many pupils, the fact that the school had an educational pyschologist to ease the transition. We then put the school prospectus and report card in the back section of the pack. we also did this for the middle school and high school as well to show we had thought ahead.

Healthcare - we researched how much medical insurance was going to be, and put how far away we were from the nearest hospital. We also inserted into the pack the information about Cincinnati childrens hospital.

Accomodation - We showed the property we were buying, and how we intended to pay for it, an ariel photo of the estate. we also included examples of other similar properties in the area should that one fall through.

Self-Support - This is where you put in the information about the jobs you have secured.

Information about the applicants partner - as it is the mother who applies for LTR, she needs to put in information about you - how long you have been married etc

childrens relationship with applicants partner - here you describe about your relationship with the kids

Maintaining relationships with friends in the UK - put in here about how you intend the kids to keep in touch with friends from school etc - we mentioned using skype, msn, myspace etc.

Then you get to the contact......
In here, we offered my ex the world! put simple things in there, like unlimited phone and email contact, including set call times three times a week etc, visits to the UK in the summer holidays, or the father coming to NZ - make it as appealing as possible.

The main thing to bear in mind, is that the court dont give two hoots about you, they are bothered about what is best for the children, and how it will affect them, so you need to make sure that everything you show in the pack is about the kids, better education, better healthcare, more opportunities. When I had my initial appointment with my lawyer to start my proceedings he told me that the majority of these cases fall at the first hurdle because they have not been researched properly. The more information you can put in the pack the better.

Hope this helps a little bit

j19fmm

Fantastic news, what a weight off your minds! Good luck putting it all together.

squiddley

Thanks Clarissageo for the pack info....lots to do but we all want this,so it will happen
Also thanks to you J19FMM

krissie

Ifeel for you!!! my ex was exactly the same and had nothing to do with the kids....hardly.. his reason was...."ive always wanted to emigrate but havent so why should you!!!"
dont give up!! go to a solicitor...you have to show that youve researched the place...schools, health, hobbies, outdoor life..university (for the future) EVERYTHING!!!! and go to court for an order from them. my ex had a contact order in place and even accused me of beating the kids!!! it can get really messy but at the end of the day, they spoke to the kids (they were 10 and 12) and they said that they didnt feel they had the right to tell someone where they could and couldnt live...especially when the ex could live wherever he wanted. they gave us the order but it did take 10 months!! get the ball rolling now!! good luck and dont let him put you off your dream!

j19fmm

I haven't managed to talk with my solicitor yet as she on hols, but this morning got a letter from Ex's solicitor - good grief he spent money -he 'vehemently opposes', application for Prohibited Steps Order,caused great deal of stress and upset, his view children should not be brought into discussions surrounding this issue (?), he will have kids on permanent basis, blah blah blah.
How can I not involve the kids??? Not about to run of to NZ, not that daft, but heck he could try talking to me. Get to see my solicitor beginning of June. Deep joy.
Hope all keeping positive for you,

clarissageo

Oh crap, are you going through this too?

j19fmm

Hi Clarissageo, yup fraidso. I know mine is different cos the kids do see their dad every week, although he only picks them up from me just before bedtime and returns them in the morning before school, on a couple of nights, then has them on a saturday. Well aware that some people will think i'm a hideously cruel woman wanting to take the kids away,but they WANT to go and see it as an amazing experience.I have shed loads of cousins in NZ and my Uncle lives there too.Kids have been out twice. Daft thing is we had PR granted in 1995 and didn't go for one reason or another (pre kids) then when we were divorcing he thort we should try again then!
This is going to be a real earner for the solicitors...