Dreamaway 10, don't be too naive, I think you would find that if you lived in Australia long enough and made a few groups of friends, over time you would eventually be judged the same as in the UK probably more so because you are British.

The reason why you are probably feeling more chirpy and upbeat lately about Australia is because you now have an exist strategy in place? Take that away and how would you really feel now? It's a bit like when you get all excited about going on holiday, arrive find you don't like the place (big anticlimax), you create about it, then as you near the time to come home you make the most of the last few days or week and start to enjoy some aspects of it.

Perhaps you should give it another year? It won't financially cost you anymore to stay and at least you would have given it your best shot. If your partner is keen to stay it is important that you are sure you want to come back to the UK, if not it could become the centre of every argument you have from now on with your partner!

I wish when we moved here we hadnt said it was for keeps and we were just going to try it.

I think that is one of the main reasons my oh doesnt want to go back as he doesnt want to admit defeat. Me I dont give a toss. People will talk but I get they will be glad we are back.

I am having major probs convincing my oh to come back. I have now got to the point where I am going back with the kids wheather he is coming or not. He knows this and is adament he is staying here. Not good for a marriage either. Then again is me over here crying every day healthy and good either. No I dont think so. Anyway we have decided the house will be sold in October, and as soon as that happens, see ya. If he doesnt want to sell the business I cant force him.

Anyway things suck right now if you are in my house.

nicola

Nicola I think we have a fair bit in common.
I too was in this situation only a few months back.
Hubby has now decided he is coming back.
But at one point I too was coming back with the kids on my own and I really meant it.He realised its not worth losing the marriage we have too much going for us.
Good Luck with the house sale and hope he sees the light as such in time he may realise its the best thing he's ever done.

I think you have picked out a very good point.
Someone said to me the other day that I seemed to be so much happier and upbeat.
I couldn't say that the reason I was ,as I was going home soon, but I know thats why.
Stay Another Year!!!!!!!!!!!! No definatley not .I have decided its now or never.I have to go back and only then will I know exactly if I have done the right thing or not.
Just very nervous at the moment as I know what people are like.
But hey that's people some good or bad where ever you are right? .
My next door neighbour is Ozzy and I have to be very careful what I say to him so that I don't offend him when I explain why I am returning.

Yes something has to give with us. He is insisting he isnt coming back which makes me feel that he prefers the country to me and the boys. I wouldnt mind so much if he had a fantastic life over here but he doesent. Yes we have the big house and all the trappings etc. But he is always at work I am there on weekends we have no family time at all. If I am going to be a single mum I may as well do it with my family and friends around me to support me. He obviously doesnt give a toss about the marriage or my feelings. You see now it gets really tricky because eventually I will get fed up with the lack of caring and support. What to do, what to do. How did you convince your hubby? What gets me is we were such a tight knit little family before we came here now, all we do is row.

Nicola I feel for you I really do.
We went out for the evening and I told him exactly the way I felt and all the reasons why not too sure how much he took in but he just thought it was no good me being so unhappy and did not like to see me this way.Also the children were not as happy as they should be.
I feel bad as he loves it here and he is not looking forward to going back but he has a lot going for him but does not realise it.
Good Luck with it all I wish you all the very best.

I've gone through pretty much what you ladies have gone, or are going, through. I knew after a few months that I wouldn't be staying here, it just doesn't feel right for me. Hubby continually said we had to stay for two years.

We are now over 2.5 years down the line and I couldn't tell you how many rows we've had about going home. In the UK we rarely argued at all. It all came to a head a few weeks ago and I just asked him "What's more important to you. This country or our marriage?" Thankfully he gave the right answer and has realised just what being here does to me, and ultimately us as a family. He now keeps saying "Happy wife, happy life!" and that's true. The woman is usually the king-pin in a family make-up. If she's not 'right' the whole family will most probably feel the ripple of discontentment somewhere along the way.

I understand how it feels to think that your husband loves the sunshine/beaches/big house more than he loves you. But I'm sure he doesn't. He's just doing a man thing and throwing his toys out of the pram because he can't have his own way!

I really feel for all you people who want to leave but who's partners love it there, it must be absolutely awful for you.

I think from speaking to my husband before we returned, that he was more concerned about being seen as a failure by his mates in the UK. He'd done lots of bragging about how good life was going to be in Oz and how he couldn't wait to leave the UK etc. So coming back was obviously a big deal. Now we are back, everyone just says well done for trying it - they have all been great (to our faces anyway )

I do hope that you can find a solution, as a new country, no matter how much you love it is worth giving up your family for.

For anyone who is thinking of emigrating, try to discuss the possibilities first and make an absolute promise to each other before you go that if one of you is unhappy, the other will return with them, that you will stand by each other - we did this and it did make it easier.

Thanks Tracey and Dreamaway
Yes I tried to do the going out for a meal thing without the kids last weekend but the oldest one wasnt well so we couldnt go. Now its weekend again and I have to work and he is here with the boys...I dont know a bit of good news after emailing my accountant and telling her I am coming back she has assured me I will have no probs getting a mortgage with my old business, luckily she hasnt shut it down yet.

Anyway with regards to hubby he can stay here if he wants but I am going home. The thing he doesnt realise though is when he is a tw*t to me because I want to go home he just makes me want to go home even more!

Anyway hopefully he will come around. Tracey my hubby has asked is we can stay for 5 years just to get residency. I have told him the only reason I could possibly still be here in 5 years is if I am in the ground. How much clearer do I possibly need to be?????????????//

Hello Nicola,

Unfortunately I can completely relate to what you are going through, except that my other half is an Aussie. I moved over to Sydney with him from the UK where we had previously lived together for 5 years. Prior to that we had spent one year here in Sydney. Despite the fact that I was miserable when here before I still agreed to come back here "for good" as that is what he had always wanted and had always told me was his intention. Somehow I thought that we were meant to be together and that therefore somehow we would make it work. We were supposed to be getting married in August and buying a house here although these have been put on hold as since we got back here as I feel like I can't commit to being here "forever". Fiance has basically told me that he won't go back to the UK as its not the lifestyle he wants there, which is fair enough I guess, but I feel like I don't want to spend the rest of my life here, bring up kids etc at the other side of the world from my family. And so I must decide what to do ... to risk being here "forever" and having a life tinged with sadness or to go home alone, without the man I planned to marry and bring up children with.

Is there anything in particular that has convinced you that you must go home? Its a shame you're not in Sydney as I think it could be quite therapeutic to have someone in the same boat to talk to. When are you planning to leave?

LCT

It helps to know that someone else has exactly the same thoughts