LIBBY

I know what you mean, I want to be able to go out in the midday sun in Autumn and walk my black Cocker Spaniel. I can not do that now as he would be so uncomfortable bless him. I have to go early or late.

Also dont you get bored, any one else on the Gold Coast get fed up with the weather always being the same, never thought I would even say that but its boring. Warm or hot or warm and rainy or hot and rainy.

Shallow I know but hey.....

LibbyX

LIBBY

Thats how I felt to as if he doesnt want me to go back to England, but I do know deep down he is encouraging me to stay and give it a go but he could word things differently, but he is a bloke I suppose.

If you do go back then I am sure he will be pleased to see you as will mine, hopefully.

LibbyX

Treacle Tart

Hi Libby

When I first got here and used to speak to family back home they were adamant that I'd done the right thing by leaving the UK, since I have told them we are returning they are all so positive we are doing the right thing by coming back, talk about a turnaround.

So perhaps you're family are just saying what they think you want to hear, maybe if you told them how you really felt you might be pleasantly surpried

TT.

Beryl the Peril

Wow - you have SO hit the nail on the head Linda! What you said about the 'grit' of the UK totally describes what I've been trying to put my finger on. This really resonates with me. I have so often agonised about why I just feel so 'wrong' in Perth. I just look around and think "it's just all too easy here - and that's what makes it so boring" For me, anyway! Trying to put things into words is not always easy. I think what I feel I have lost so much here, is my motivation. I can't even be bothered to go for a walk.

It's pathetic really but I just do not feel inspired at all. Been there, done it, been there again, done it again, over and over again! By that, I mean going to the beach, the river, the sandunes, the shopping centres, Lancelin and Margaret River. All gorgeous places (apart from the shopping centres!) - but HOW MANY MORE TIMES?!! I made the grave mistake of telling someone I found Perth boring the other day. She jumped down my throat and said "A place is only as boring as you make it! There is loads to do here if you look for it!". Interesting that she has left Perth twice to live back in the UK! Trying to justify something perhaps?! Besides, it's not that kind of boredom - the boredom I'm talking about is the absolute lack of atmosphere and the laid-back life style (which is great if you are on holiday - but not ALL the time!)

I agree, I have never felt like I belong here, I don't ever feel I am myself - always wary of what I say so I don't offend people, I desperately miss the feeling of belonging and I actually think it's very unnatural to live so very far away from friends, family and the life that made you the person you are. My heart aches constantly from not being a part of my 'life' that was my real life, and even though the end is now in sight (THANK GOD!!) - I wish we could just go NOW! We leave in July.

LouiseD

Great post Beryl. I totally relate to all that you've said - it's kind of like living someone else's life isn't it? You can't be the real you, say the things that you you really want to say so you find yourself pretending to be something that you are not.

You are so right with your comments about how any more times can you visit the same place - in Australia, because of the distance, you are really limited aren't you? We went with the intention of exploring loads of places but found it so difficult in the time we had. We get out and about far more here and feel so much more motivated.

Funny, I was only thinking this morning that my happiest time in Oz was the last four weeks before we came home - when the flights and removals were booked I could just relax and enjoy the place. To me it proves that reccies and holidays just don't compare at all to how you feel about a place when you have to live there permanently.

My state of mind now is so different to when I was over there. I am starting to resent the time and money that I spent there and hate to see anything to do with Australia on TV - it just brings back so many bad feelings in me. I suppose it will fade with time hopefully.

Not long for you now though - good luck with it all

my melbourne

Hi Beryl,I know isn't it weird,the very things i wanted to get away from are the things i miss the most and make me the person i am!!!I also think the "grit" as i put it is ingrained in the Englishness of a person,does that make any sense.Probably not but i miss being 'gritty' i cant wait to wallow in it again.There i feel much better now.Good luck.

chance to be

Hello all
Im trying to think of some things to say that may cheer those of you up who are a bit worried about moving to the UK again. Im now back a year and it might be the change in the weather (predicted to be the hottest day since 2003 today ) or just time - but I finally feel better about being here.
I really think as long as it takes you to settle in Oz, it will take you as long to settle back in the UK, like a reverse culture shock. I think maybe, Libby, that happened to you last time. for the first 6 mnths, i could easily have stepped back on a plane to Oz, but now im through that I can see it was not to do with the country but the fallout from the emotional rollercoaster which migration is. Now, I dont know where I'll go - but for now that doesnt matter because, contray to popular belief, Im not in a warzone, - im in a beautiful, safe, friendly place with wonderful people. so if I leave the Uk, its because of my wonderlust (and personal reasons) and absolutely nothing to do with the state of the country Im in.
Let me try to dispel some myths about this ingrained Englishness...
People almost say they have Englishness as though they are embarassed about it - but if you take time to really sum up what that means, isnt it positive. To me a biggie is sense of humour. Where else can people make you pee yourself laughing? TV - amazing scriptwiters. Helping the underdog and being humble about it? Isnt that amazing? Thats what we are. Libby et al - you are English, thats why you feel guilt so much about letting people down, doing the right thing. Its you. Be proud of it but accept its a part of your make up. Then, when youve accepted it, challenge it. What do YOU want to do? If you can carry on living in Oz because you are optamisetic things will improove then stay. If not, go home.

What will you achieve if you dont?


I missed the grittiness, the edge, hence my return. Its what we are. We cant cope if its too easy. We are guilt ridden people -its like we dont deserve it when its on a plate. Its a pain in the arse but Im also proud to be like that.

Last week I took OH to a football match but we bought tickets for the stands in the opposition side. So he couldnt speak incase he got thumped! I laughed and laughed! There was an edge. He wouldnt really of got thumped, just got taken the p out of. I said to the friends we went with, that when I saw Perth Glory play, they got out picnic hampers and had tea WTF?????!!!!!

Last week. I have a boxer dog that sits on the passenger seat in my car, head out of window. I was driving through the town and a woman pulled up alongside me and said "You're husbands f***kin ugly, love", and I laughed and thought. He did for a year in Perth with not a comment. Thats what I like about being here. Down to Earth, sharp wit and less pretence.

And one last thing. Newspaper headlines. I really dont know where these scaremongers get it from. Today is the Grand National. The other main story is a girl who threw a b day party while parents on holiday and house was trashed. Had it not been the Grand National, the headline might of been about a stabbing. They need something to make people buy the paper, and sure it exisits, but the other 40 pages are all the usual mundane celeb stuff, Dear Deadrie etc. I bet for every bad story in a paper, there are 2 that you wouldnt call bad. But we fail to see that. We ARE British, after all

Honestly, its not so bad here. It might not be for you, but thats ok. It might be where you will be most happy. So, go for it.

God, Ive gone on again!
Best wishes

bramblebush

I love this post, so positive, it makes a really nice change

lil_ol_wine_drinker_me

Excellent post - specially loved this bit!
Am gonna laugh every time I think of it.

raiz

Wow I feel so much better for reading this thread - thank you everyone.

I've just recently told my hubbie that I want to go home after only a short time out here. I'm a strong believer in instinct, it hasn't let me down yet.

Having already told my friends and family that we'll be coming home at the end of the year, I received very similar responses which made me feel guilty and incredibly lonely. I'm just so relieved that we didn't sell our house in the UK and we haven't bought in oz either.

I must admit that I'm petrified I will want to return to Australia one day but I must remind myself daily of the reasons we will be returning....my family, my friends, my life.

Good luck - do the right thing x

Mrs R
English and proud of it.

Beryl the Peril

Funnily enough, it was only my sister who gave me a hard time about going back - she thought I was being very unfair to my son and husband, and said that I always 'call the shots' and get my own way. She also said how on earth was my OH going to get another job in the UK? I was terribly upset by this for days - even now I can hear her comments going around my head. But I also felt bloody annoyed - it's not her sitting out here feeling homesick. lonely and generally hating it. Also, my son is keen to go back and my hubby is fine with it. He's already had a job offer in the UK. Funnily enough, it was only my sister who gave me a hard time about going back - she thought I was being very unfair on my son and husband, and said that I always 'call the shots' and get my own way. She also said how on earth was my OH going to get another job in the UK? I was terribly upset by this for days - even now I can hear her comments going around my head. But I also felt bloody annoyed - it's not her sitting out here feeling homesick. lonely and generally hating it. Also, my son was keen to go back and my hubby is fine with it. He's already had a job offer before we've even got there!

But apart from that, everyone else seems thrilled that we are going home - most of the negative comments come from people out here who think we must be made - but yes, it does hurt when people don't seem to want you back! Best thing is to ignore what other people say - or ask them 'could you leave your family and friends and go to the other side of the world permanently'? I'll bet most of them would say 'no'. It's a brave thing to do and it's not for other people to decide what is best for you when they are not living your life or having your experience. It is SO easy for others to judge without having any idea what they are judging.

PLANTS

Bramble bush, just loved reading what you said as it sums up exactly how I feel.
Libby, I have read your story for a couple of years now and have read you through the highs and lows and believe me I understand, totally.

I haven't said much on here as I was far too embarrassed to admit to everything but here goes.

We have been back here is Aus since July last year, we went back just before Christmas 2005, found a gorgeous rental in a gorgeous village near my son wife and grandtoddlers. We went back because I had depression and I so wanted to live in England and not Australia for all the reasons people have said above so hubbie and son although settled here came back too but hubbie couldn't get a job and looked everywhere, after applying for countless jobs he became depressed himself then he was offered a job back here in Aus again, same firm he had left, different job but working with someone he gets on with extremely well, so we felt we had no option but to take it so here we are back in Perth since Julyl last year, hubbie happy in job, son happy school and me, utterly depressed again. I have one illness after the other, tried to be positive even started a Stamping Up craft business as we moved to a new area and even joined a craft group to make some terrific new friends but it hasn't changed the way I feel deep inside. In UK I could understand where hubbie was going in the depression so felt I had to come back. I myself have tried every trick in the book, talking positively about Australia, I do like it here etc etc but sure enough depression has come back, back on two lots of tablets struggling with life once again. I go to a phyciatrist to try and get my head sorted out, and I dont want sympathy from anyone, just want you to understand where I am at at present. I have gone through every feeling possible wondering what the hell we are doing here, even doubted my marriage but eventually had to tell hubbie how I felt and I want to go back. Fortunately he took it rather well and said how much he enjoyed living in the UK too but have no idea how we will do it.

I do like it here, just dont love it, it has the most amazing culture here, I just dont love it, it has the most bluest, highest of skies but I just dont love it here.

England isn't just about where your family is to me if they were all over here in Aus I would still want to go back to England, being able to go out for a walk with our dog Bella over the fields, seeing that god given spring come to life like I did last year was the most amazing feeling in my soul, it uplifted me pure and simple even though I was low still. I would walk out the door, see the buds coming to life, see the blossoms opening and just sniff up that feeling of coldness in the air. I could walk into the village and see someone to say hello to, chat to the women in th village post office, someone!

I feel so much guilt Libby, just like you, that everyone else is happy here but I am not and its a horrible place to be. My brother said the same thing to me, we are far better off here, even just for the weather but sometimes they say things to make us feel more positive about the decision we have made and lets face it, we have all made these decisions one way and another thinking they are for the better for all of us, it may not turn out that way but we can sure enjoy the time we have here can't we.

At least we had the balls to do it, to take a chance and see how the other half of the world lives, and it ahs been an adventure one way and another.


Plants

Beryl the Peril

Amazing culture here?? Have I missed something?!!!

I totally sympathise with your depression - it is a horrendous feeling and one that I know well from the past. Oddly enough, I haven't actually had depression since I've been here - well not severe anyway - but a feeling of terrible emptiness, to the point that my heart aches and I want to scream. I actually managed to make myself walk along the beach this morning and stunning though it was, I stil had a heavy heart. And I'm leaving soon, so why I should STILL feel this! - I guess it's become ingrained.

I can't agree with you about everyone being happy here! That is not the case - there are many people on this forum who are definitely NOT happy here - me for one! - and the fact that apparently more people leave Perth than any other part of Australia, must be an indication that a lot of people don't like it. You really are not alone in your thoughts. It just is not right for some people - we don't really even need to analyse it. We just need to accept it, no matter what anyone else thinks or says. Something is missing and that will never change in my opinion. It's almost not even possible to put your finger on what it is, but you know it's there! :confused

I must say it scares me that I might be tempted to come back to Perth one day - thinking that I will feel differently about it - but I just don't think one can feel differently. It's been exactly the same since the first month of being here - you don't even see anything interesting or exciting going on in the streets. I have never, ever known a place so bland. That is never going to change! I do wish you well, Plants, and really hope that you can find a way out - don't waste your life here being depressed. There has to be a solution. This is one of my fave quotes - "There are no problems, only solutions". Probably crap, but it works for me!

PLANTS

ok, ok, perhaps I went overboard with the amazing culture bit but I was trying to think positively about Aus and no, you didn't miss anything, honestly! LOL As you can read, I am still trying to remain positive about being here even though I dont want to be!

I quite agree, it is a bland place, everyone lives behind closed curtains/verticals, going in and out of there remote controlled garage doors in there cars hardly making eyes with anyone, or at least they do around here, its so empty as you said.

My OH said to me the other month that he wished we had never started this Aus business in the first place and if thats how he feels well...

Thanks for the quote, there is a solution out there I know there is and one day I am going back, one way or another!

Sorry Libby, didn't mean to take over your thread, just wanted to put my comments in and I can fully sympathize with how you are feeling.

Plants

Ladybird

I am thick you know, I have just twigged who you are.

Really happy for you that you have settled mate. Its amazing really because the first time I met you you were ready to pack it all in.

All credit to you for making a go of it and long may your happiness continue.

LibbyX

PS really hope I have the right person or I will feel a complete numpty!![/QUOTE]



Hey Libby

Yes you've got the right person!!

Really hope you can sort out what best for you all, and quickly, its no fun being in limbo.

Sarah