LIBBY

What do I do??

My Gran was on the phone to me yesterday saying I have made my choice and now I have to make a go of it here!!

Did not say anything to her about wanting to come home, but wondering if I said anything in a negative way to her that lead her to believe that?

My Dad has always said the same thing since being here, that this time its forever and should make a go of it.

My SIL yesterday said that I should never go back as its rubbish in the UK and I should never even want to come back for a visit!

I do know they miss us and can see their point but they are not here are they. Now I feel a total s**t for wanting to go back.

I know there is my Mum and Auntie that would love me to be back and welcome us with open arms and so would everyone else but I can not help thinking that I am a failure for even thinking about returning.

They dont get it....its not just family I want to return for but all those other things that make you you! such as my history, and the feeling of belonging somewhere.

I do know that I have been down this road before so should never have come back but I did and now wish I had not. Please be kind, some things are out of our control and we do have to go with the flow sometimes, (trouble is we landed here!!)

Rant over thanks for listening

LibbyX

kez81

You honestly have too do what best for you and your family, it easy for family members that aren't living the life to think that it's better here,

I would personally love to go back and i have heard the same stuff not so much from family more friends the number one phrase is " your not missing nothing here" aaah drives me nuts im missing loads my family a sense i belong etc.... i sometimes feel how dare they say to me they dont live here they haven't got a clue how it is for me!!

I know the uk has problems but surely it hasn't changed that much in 20 mths!!! I think it is there way of wanting us to do well by not being negative and trying to give us some encouragement.

kezxx

Geordie George

Hi Libby,

You're having a rough time of it at the moment, aren't you, Mrs? And to have been through this once before -I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you at the moment.

How long have you been here this time around? And how long did you stay here the first? Do you think that you've hit the same feelings after the same amount of time this time round as you did previously? (Are you spotting a repeating pattern?) Or are these feelings different to the ones that led you to return to the UK before? (Eh, I'm a nosey mare - tell me to sod off!)

Hugs to you from Sydney.

GG

Ladybird

Hi Libby

Don't really know what to say, I really thought it was going to work for you this time around, and its heartbreaking to hear you are struggling

I know family has always been a big consideration when you have been trying to decide where you want to be, going back to when you 1st arrived in Adelaide, and there is never an easy answer.

Is it really worth all the upheaval of going back again, instead of giving it more time in Oz? How was the whole going back process the 1st time? And what happens if you get back again to the uk and you realise you've made a mistake? Would you then say that's enough we can't move again and stay in the uk? Or come back again to Oz?

And you're right its not always just family that pulls you back, I feel much as you do about history, and missing a part of what makes you, you, its still really hard for me even after 2.5 years.

Hope you can find a solution / answer, I really do.

Best wishes.

Ladybird (or should that be Sunshine? ).

LIBBY

Should rename my self as the whinging pom, but I only do it on here, not in real life, its the only place you can have a good whinge and everyone understands and doesnt give you a hard time (i hope).

Been here this time 11 months but loved it at first until family stuff cracked off, now its changed the way I feel and could kick myself over and over again for it.

I suppose aswell my Mum has told me that she is retiring at Christmas and that has made me question things as she always took my Grandma and me out to places and we always joked that I would do the same for her when her time came to retire. Its pulled my heart strings.

LibbyX

LIBBY

Ladybird (or should that be Sunshine? ).[/QUOTE]


I am thick you know, I have just twigged who you are.

Really happy for you that you have settled mate. Its amazing really because the first time I met you you were ready to pack it all in.

All credit to you for making a go of it and long may your happiness continue.

LibbyX

PS really hope I have the right person or I will feel a complete numpty!!

LouiseD

Hi Libby - hope you are feeling ok today. I don't usually get angry but my blood is boiling after reading your post. Just who do these people think they are telling you what to do with your life? What makes people think that they can tell others where to live? It's your decision to make, no-one elses. Some people go back and forth six or seven times and still don't settle so don't think you are silly, mad or whatever. Your SIL may have a rubbish life in the UK but not everyone does. Just because her life is crap doesn't mean she can persuade you to live somewhere else. As for your dad - why does he say it has to be forever? Surely you only do something until you don't like it any more and I'm sure he wouldn't want you to be unhappy. What does it matter how many times you change your mind - it's your mind to change, no-one elses.

When we first arrived back, my in-laws were really disapointed that we hadn't stayed "for a better life" so we calmly explained to them just exactly what it was like there. Everyone seems to believe it's some kind of paradise or something.

Finally do not feel a failure at all. You've travelled the world, tried different things and had experiences that others can only dream about. You only get one life - live it your way, where you want to be not were others would like you to be. Once you decide where that is, go for it no matter what other people say - a month after you get back, they'll have got used to it anyway.

Good luck

Shazpow

Hi Libby

Sometimes Grans and Dad's can say stuff "for your own good" and it doesn't mean that they don't want you to come back but they want you to "have a go". They are saying these things more for themselves than for you.

You sound to me like you might be a bit homesick. Thats quite a normal response at any stage when you have changed countries.
That's why it might be nice to go home for a visit a couple of times a year if you can afford it. It' s a big move coming to a new country.
How about in the meantime you join up with expats meeting on the GC - might be good to touch base with some UK mates and become a bit more grounded. You live in a great spot on the Gold Coast. But sometimes it is nice to feel "at home". You do what is best for you!

Take care and vent as much as you want.

Sheridan

my melbourne

Hi Libby,i dont often post on here but tune in every day to hear whats going on.Today i felt compelled to respond as i know how you feel.Our family has been in Melbourne for 2 years and are going back early 2008.We have loved the experience of being here and have had very little homesickness but realized pretty early on that we couldnt live here permanently.We have often tortured ourselves with the shall we shant we scenario,and now we are going home im so relieved.We have realized that we are sooo English and miss alot of things which are probably better here,but we miss the grit of the UK,which is part of the reason we left the UK.Sounds ridiculous doesnt it!I think its ingrained in us as people and its what makes us tick.Even if i could bring every friend and family member i would still miss Englishness.I have followed your posts right back to when we were applying and you were in Adelaide and i think you may just be one of those people who have to ping pong to know where you shoul be.Hubbies Auntie came and went 4 times before she settled in Perth,who cares,its all part of your personal journey and you can never be deemed as boring!Try and enjoy the journey on the way to your own personal destination and if you end up in the UK,what a fantastic one you've been on.Good Luck sweetie.lindax

pommybird

Hi Libby

One of the things I learned from our experience of living in Oz and coming back to the UK is NEVER NEVER NEVER take advice from people who have not been through the experience themselves - I must admit before we moved to Oz I was probably one of those people who would say 'why do you want to come back to England, there's nothing here to come back for,' - gosh how times have changed - having lived in Perth and come backto the UK I see the country through totally different eyes - sure there are some problems here but the UK still has an awful lot to offer - I for one will never allow myself to be taken in again but the constant doom and gloom reported in the UK media or by those who constantly moan about the UK but have never experienced life outside of their own town, let alone another country.

I spent all of yesterday watching my children play on the beach with two of their cousins and their Grandma - we were with the people we love most, we stayed there all day, I did not have to slather them in 3 layers of suncream from head to foot and it was not so hot that we had to go home after half an hour - the UK has nothing to offer??? Utter hogwash! I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart that I have never been happier.

LouiseD

Great post Pommybird

bramblebush

Sorry, slightly off topic but what beach were you on, I would love to just complete this lovely dream that I have in my mind of being on an english beach with family zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

bramblebush

Can so relate to this.

One day I said to myself 'right, imagine that all the people that you miss were coming here to live' I imagined them dotted about in villages nearby.

And the answer was that I would still not feel right here, I would still want to go back to England.

I don't want everyone to come here, I want to go there with everyone

LIBBY

Thankyou to all of you for all your words of wisdom, advice and compassion, you all have made very valid points and I will take it all on board and hopefully figure something out.

What would I do without you lot to keep me sane..

LibbyX

bramblebush

Hi Libby.

I have had a lot of people saying "you're not missing anything here" etc.

My Dad said "you don't wanna come back, this country's finished, it's better for the kids where you are"

It actually made me feel a bit sorry for myself at first, I was hurt and felt quite rejected.

I should have expected his response though because he is Mr Doom and Gloom big time. He hasn't got a positive word to say about anything.

If you do decide to return then that is your choice.

Dont be too hard on yourself, who says that we have to stick with one thing.

If we go back, then when people ask me why, I shall just say that we felt it was time to come home.