When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
Aug 19th 2014, 7:30 pm
#91
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2014
Location: Bangkok, Thailand
Posts: 353
Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
I wish I could give everyone who feels stuck a big hug 
I can't give any advice on what to do when one partner wants to move home and the other doesn't, I haven't been in that situation and I'm buggered if I know how I'd handle something so very difficult.
I can say something to anyone who is in a abusive, controlling relationship though. That was me, all 32 years of it. Kicked and punched from pillar to post, unable to go out with friends, I worked and raised the kids while he lay on the couch, huge dramas whenever we had to attend something at my family's. I'm still trying to understand how I allowed myself to get into that situation, and why I didn't escape sooner. Getting there with that though
Sorry, I'll get to the point. Controlling partners are very clever. They have a way of twisting your words, of reinventing history, of absolving themselves of any 'blame' - so in the end not only do they tell you that it's all your fault, what's worse is that you begin to believe that. This isn't just true for physically controlling and abusive partners - psychological and social control/abuse damages you as well.
If you wake up in the mornings and wish you hadn't, if you try to look ahead towards something better and realise that if things stay as they are, then there isn't anything better - if you've tried and tried, if life's lost all its joy, if you're constantly giving in and getting absolutely nothing back - then save yourself and leave.
I took a suitcase of clothes and photographs of my (adult) children. I got the hell out of there and swore off men for life! I started doing all sorts of things that I'd never done in my adult life (I married at 17). I found myself doing mad things, like singing at the top of my voice while driving, and not caring who saw. But the best thing was that I was in control again.
Then I met Scouse - so much for swearing off men
A dearer, kinder person has never lived.
Sorry about that, I did go on a bit. I just feel so passionately that in this one life we get, we not only deserve to be happy, we owe it to ourselves to be happy. Wishing everyone who feels stuck courage, happiness and a fantastic future.
I can't give any advice on what to do when one partner wants to move home and the other doesn't, I haven't been in that situation and I'm buggered if I know how I'd handle something so very difficult.
I can say something to anyone who is in a abusive, controlling relationship though. That was me, all 32 years of it. Kicked and punched from pillar to post, unable to go out with friends, I worked and raised the kids while he lay on the couch, huge dramas whenever we had to attend something at my family's. I'm still trying to understand how I allowed myself to get into that situation, and why I didn't escape sooner. Getting there with that though
Sorry, I'll get to the point. Controlling partners are very clever. They have a way of twisting your words, of reinventing history, of absolving themselves of any 'blame' - so in the end not only do they tell you that it's all your fault, what's worse is that you begin to believe that. This isn't just true for physically controlling and abusive partners - psychological and social control/abuse damages you as well.
If you wake up in the mornings and wish you hadn't, if you try to look ahead towards something better and realise that if things stay as they are, then there isn't anything better - if you've tried and tried, if life's lost all its joy, if you're constantly giving in and getting absolutely nothing back - then save yourself and leave.
I took a suitcase of clothes and photographs of my (adult) children. I got the hell out of there and swore off men for life! I started doing all sorts of things that I'd never done in my adult life (I married at 17). I found myself doing mad things, like singing at the top of my voice while driving, and not caring who saw. But the best thing was that I was in control again.
Then I met Scouse - so much for swearing off men
A dearer, kinder person has never lived.Sorry about that, I did go on a bit. I just feel so passionately that in this one life we get, we not only deserve to be happy, we owe it to ourselves to be happy. Wishing everyone who feels stuck courage, happiness and a fantastic future.
Aug 19th 2014, 11:52 pm
#92
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2014
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 58
Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
I wish I could give everyone who feels stuck a big hug
I can't give any advice on what to do when one partner wants to move home and the other doesn't, I haven't been in that situation and I'm buggered if I know how I'd handle something so very difficult.
I can say something to anyone who is in a abusive, controlling relationship though. That was me, all 32 years of it. Kicked and punched from pillar to post, unable to go out with friends, I worked and raised the kids while he lay on the couch, huge dramas whenever we had to attend something at my family's. I'm still trying to understand how I allowed myself to get into that situation, and why I didn't escape sooner. Getting there with that though
Sorry, I'll get to the point. Controlling partners are very clever. They have a way of twisting your words, of reinventing history, of absolving themselves of any 'blame' - so in the end not only do they tell you that it's all your fault, what's worse is that you begin to believe that. This isn't just true for physically controlling and abusive partners - psychological and social control/abuse damages you as well.
If you wake up in the mornings and wish you hadn't, if you try to look ahead towards something better and realise that if things stay as they are, then there isn't anything better - if you've tried and tried, if life's lost all its joy, if you're constantly giving in and getting absolutely nothing back - then save yourself and leave.
I took a suitcase of clothes and photographs of my (adult) children. I got the hell out of there and swore off men for life! I started doing all sorts of things that I'd never done in my adult life (I married at 17). I found myself doing mad things, like singing at the top of my voice while driving, and not caring who saw. But the best thing was that I was in control again.
Then I met Scouse - so much for swearing off men A dearer, kinder person has never lived.
Sorry about that, I did go on a bit. I just feel so passionately that in this one life we get, we not only deserve to be happy, we owe it to ourselves to be happy. Wishing everyone who feels stuck courage, happiness and a fantastic future.
I can't give any advice on what to do when one partner wants to move home and the other doesn't, I haven't been in that situation and I'm buggered if I know how I'd handle something so very difficult.
I can say something to anyone who is in a abusive, controlling relationship though. That was me, all 32 years of it. Kicked and punched from pillar to post, unable to go out with friends, I worked and raised the kids while he lay on the couch, huge dramas whenever we had to attend something at my family's. I'm still trying to understand how I allowed myself to get into that situation, and why I didn't escape sooner. Getting there with that though
Sorry, I'll get to the point. Controlling partners are very clever. They have a way of twisting your words, of reinventing history, of absolving themselves of any 'blame' - so in the end not only do they tell you that it's all your fault, what's worse is that you begin to believe that. This isn't just true for physically controlling and abusive partners - psychological and social control/abuse damages you as well.
If you wake up in the mornings and wish you hadn't, if you try to look ahead towards something better and realise that if things stay as they are, then there isn't anything better - if you've tried and tried, if life's lost all its joy, if you're constantly giving in and getting absolutely nothing back - then save yourself and leave.
I took a suitcase of clothes and photographs of my (adult) children. I got the hell out of there and swore off men for life! I started doing all sorts of things that I'd never done in my adult life (I married at 17). I found myself doing mad things, like singing at the top of my voice while driving, and not caring who saw. But the best thing was that I was in control again.
Then I met Scouse - so much for swearing off men
A dearer, kinder person has never lived.Sorry about that, I did go on a bit. I just feel so passionately that in this one life we get, we not only deserve to be happy, we owe it to ourselves to be happy. Wishing everyone who feels stuck courage, happiness and a fantastic future.
Aug 20th 2014, 4:31 am
#93
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 378
Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
I wish I could give everyone who feels stuck a big hug
I can't give any advice on what to do when one partner wants to move home and the other doesn't, I haven't been in that situation and I'm buggered if I know how I'd handle something so very difficult.
I can say something to anyone who is in a abusive, controlling relationship though. That was me, all 32 years of it. Kicked and punched from pillar to post, unable to go out with friends, I worked and raised the kids while he lay on the couch, huge dramas whenever we had to attend something at my family's. I'm still trying to understand how I allowed myself to get into that situation, and why I didn't escape sooner. Getting there with that though
Sorry, I'll get to the point. Controlling partners are very clever. They have a way of twisting your words, of reinventing history, of absolving themselves of any 'blame' - so in the end not only do they tell you that it's all your fault, what's worse is that you begin to believe that. This isn't just true for physically controlling and abusive partners - psychological and social control/abuse damages you as well.
If you wake up in the mornings and wish you hadn't, if you try to look ahead towards something better and realise that if things stay as they are, then there isn't anything better - if you've tried and tried, if life's lost all its joy, if you're constantly giving in and getting absolutely nothing back - then save yourself and leave.
I took a suitcase of clothes and photographs of my (adult) children. I got the hell out of there and swore off men for life! I started doing all sorts of things that I'd never done in my adult life (I married at 17). I found myself doing mad things, like singing at the top of my voice while driving, and not caring who saw. But the best thing was that I was in control again.
Then I met Scouse - so much for swearing off men A dearer, kinder person has never lived.
Sorry about that, I did go on a bit. I just feel so passionately that in this one life we get, we not only deserve to be happy, we owe it to ourselves to be happy. Wishing everyone who feels stuck courage, happiness and a fantastic future.
I can't give any advice on what to do when one partner wants to move home and the other doesn't, I haven't been in that situation and I'm buggered if I know how I'd handle something so very difficult.
I can say something to anyone who is in a abusive, controlling relationship though. That was me, all 32 years of it. Kicked and punched from pillar to post, unable to go out with friends, I worked and raised the kids while he lay on the couch, huge dramas whenever we had to attend something at my family's. I'm still trying to understand how I allowed myself to get into that situation, and why I didn't escape sooner. Getting there with that though
Sorry, I'll get to the point. Controlling partners are very clever. They have a way of twisting your words, of reinventing history, of absolving themselves of any 'blame' - so in the end not only do they tell you that it's all your fault, what's worse is that you begin to believe that. This isn't just true for physically controlling and abusive partners - psychological and social control/abuse damages you as well.
If you wake up in the mornings and wish you hadn't, if you try to look ahead towards something better and realise that if things stay as they are, then there isn't anything better - if you've tried and tried, if life's lost all its joy, if you're constantly giving in and getting absolutely nothing back - then save yourself and leave.
I took a suitcase of clothes and photographs of my (adult) children. I got the hell out of there and swore off men for life! I started doing all sorts of things that I'd never done in my adult life (I married at 17). I found myself doing mad things, like singing at the top of my voice while driving, and not caring who saw. But the best thing was that I was in control again.
Then I met Scouse - so much for swearing off men
A dearer, kinder person has never lived.Sorry about that, I did go on a bit. I just feel so passionately that in this one life we get, we not only deserve to be happy, we owe it to ourselves to be happy. Wishing everyone who feels stuck courage, happiness and a fantastic future.
Aug 20th 2014, 5:09 am
#94
Still alive
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,994
Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
I wish I could give everyone who feels stuck a big hug
I can't give any advice on what to do when one partner wants to move home and the other doesn't, I haven't been in that situation and I'm buggered if I know how I'd handle something so very difficult.
I can say something to anyone who is in a abusive, controlling relationship though. That was me, all 32 years of it. Kicked and punched from pillar to post, unable to go out with friends, I worked and raised the kids while he lay on the couch, huge dramas whenever we had to attend something at my family's. I'm still trying to understand how I allowed myself to get into that situation, and why I didn't escape sooner. Getting there with that though
Sorry, I'll get to the point. Controlling partners are very clever. They have a way of twisting your words, of reinventing history, of absolving themselves of any 'blame' - so in the end not only do they tell you that it's all your fault, what's worse is that you begin to believe that. This isn't just true for physically controlling and abusive partners - psychological and social control/abuse damages you as well.
If you wake up in the mornings and wish you hadn't, if you try to look ahead towards something better and realise that if things stay as they are, then there isn't anything better - if you've tried and tried, if life's lost all its joy, if you're constantly giving in and getting absolutely nothing back - then save yourself and leave.
I took a suitcase of clothes and photographs of my (adult) children. I got the hell out of there and swore off men for life! I started doing all sorts of things that I'd never done in my adult life (I married at 17). I found myself doing mad things, like singing at the top of my voice while driving, and not caring who saw. But the best thing was that I was in control again.
Then I met Scouse - so much for swearing off men A dearer, kinder person has never lived.
Sorry about that, I did go on a bit. I just feel so passionately that in this one life we get, we not only deserve to be happy, we owe it to ourselves to be happy. Wishing everyone who feels stuck courage, happiness and a fantastic future.
I can't give any advice on what to do when one partner wants to move home and the other doesn't, I haven't been in that situation and I'm buggered if I know how I'd handle something so very difficult.
I can say something to anyone who is in a abusive, controlling relationship though. That was me, all 32 years of it. Kicked and punched from pillar to post, unable to go out with friends, I worked and raised the kids while he lay on the couch, huge dramas whenever we had to attend something at my family's. I'm still trying to understand how I allowed myself to get into that situation, and why I didn't escape sooner. Getting there with that though
Sorry, I'll get to the point. Controlling partners are very clever. They have a way of twisting your words, of reinventing history, of absolving themselves of any 'blame' - so in the end not only do they tell you that it's all your fault, what's worse is that you begin to believe that. This isn't just true for physically controlling and abusive partners - psychological and social control/abuse damages you as well.
If you wake up in the mornings and wish you hadn't, if you try to look ahead towards something better and realise that if things stay as they are, then there isn't anything better - if you've tried and tried, if life's lost all its joy, if you're constantly giving in and getting absolutely nothing back - then save yourself and leave.
I took a suitcase of clothes and photographs of my (adult) children. I got the hell out of there and swore off men for life! I started doing all sorts of things that I'd never done in my adult life (I married at 17). I found myself doing mad things, like singing at the top of my voice while driving, and not caring who saw. But the best thing was that I was in control again.
Then I met Scouse - so much for swearing off men
A dearer, kinder person has never lived.Sorry about that, I did go on a bit. I just feel so passionately that in this one life we get, we not only deserve to be happy, we owe it to ourselves to be happy. Wishing everyone who feels stuck courage, happiness and a fantastic future.
SoS, you are one of my favourite posters here. Your advice is always so level headed and comes from experience. You don't judge but give sound, caring words of wisdom.
Like you, I believe that you only get one life and we deserve it to be a good one. My (newish) motto is that nobody is responsible for my happiness but me. Same with my unhappiness. When I realised that I was truly unhappy with my situation I took steps to change it. It took some time and planning, but with the support of some very good friends I know that I'm going to be just fine.
Aug 20th 2014, 11:00 am
#95
Concierge
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,139
Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
"Sorry, you must spread some reputation before giving to Spouse of Scouse again".
SoS, you are one of my favourite posters here. Your advice is always so level headed and comes from experience. You don't judge but give sound, caring words of wisdom.
Like you, I believe that you only get one life and we deserve it to be a good one. My (newish) motto is that nobody is responsible for my happiness but me. Same with my unhappiness. When I realised that I was truly unhappy with my situation I took steps to change it. It took some time and planning, but with the support of some very good friends I know that I'm going to be just fine.
SoS, you are one of my favourite posters here. Your advice is always so level headed and comes from experience. You don't judge but give sound, caring words of wisdom.
Like you, I believe that you only get one life and we deserve it to be a good one. My (newish) motto is that nobody is responsible for my happiness but me. Same with my unhappiness. When I realised that I was truly unhappy with my situation I took steps to change it. It took some time and planning, but with the support of some very good friends I know that I'm going to be just fine.
Beach Gal, you are so right about it helping to know that other people have had/are having the same sort of experiences. Keeping their partner isolated from people who can offer support to her/him is a key weapon in an abuser's arsenal. Well bugger them, we have the internet! Always happy to have a chat via BE email.
Dorothy, what a lovely message. We have a lot in common, you and I - including our strength and our willingness to take responsibility for our own happiness. You're not off the hook yet re house/dog sitting! If you still do it, of course. Still waiting for this bloody motor vehicle accident insurance claim to settle - can't hurry them, it's only been 3 years
Aug 20th 2014, 9:38 pm
#96
Fancy a Cuppa?
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 438
Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
..... put my house on the market on the Thursday, accepted a sale on my house on the Friday and got an offer agreed on another house on the Saturday, when I also decided to tell my husband. Really, besides the shock, he had no worries or stress so he couldn't complain!!
Aug 20th 2014, 9:38 pm
#97
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2012
Location: South Bucks
Posts: 1,654
Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
I wish I could give everyone who feels stuck a big hug
I can't give any advice on what to do when one partner wants to move home and the other doesn't, I haven't been in that situation and I'm buggered if I know how I'd handle something so very difficult.
I can say something to anyone who is in a abusive, controlling relationship though. That was me, all 32 years of it. Kicked and punched from pillar to post, unable to go out with friends, I worked and raised the kids while he lay on the couch, huge dramas whenever we had to attend something at my family's. I'm still trying to understand how I allowed myself to get into that situation, and why I didn't escape sooner. Getting there with that though
Sorry, I'll get to the point. Controlling partners are very clever. They have a way of twisting your words, of reinventing history, of absolving themselves of any 'blame' - so in the end not only do they tell you that it's all your fault, what's worse is that you begin to believe that. This isn't just true for physically controlling and abusive partners - psychological and social control/abuse damages you as well.
If you wake up in the mornings and wish you hadn't, if you try to look ahead towards something better and realise that if things stay as they are, then there isn't anything better - if you've tried and tried, if life's lost all its joy, if you're constantly giving in and getting absolutely nothing back - then save yourself and leave.
I took a suitcase of clothes and photographs of my (adult) children. I got the hell out of there and swore off men for life! I started doing all sorts of things that I'd never done in my adult life (I married at 17). I found myself doing mad things, like singing at the top of my voice while driving, and not caring who saw. But the best thing was that I was in control again.
Then I met Scouse - so much for swearing off men A dearer, kinder person has never lived.
Sorry about that, I did go on a bit. I just feel so passionately that in this one life we get, we not only deserve to be happy, we owe it to ourselves to be happy. Wishing everyone who feels stuck courage, happiness and a fantastic future.
I can't give any advice on what to do when one partner wants to move home and the other doesn't, I haven't been in that situation and I'm buggered if I know how I'd handle something so very difficult.
I can say something to anyone who is in a abusive, controlling relationship though. That was me, all 32 years of it. Kicked and punched from pillar to post, unable to go out with friends, I worked and raised the kids while he lay on the couch, huge dramas whenever we had to attend something at my family's. I'm still trying to understand how I allowed myself to get into that situation, and why I didn't escape sooner. Getting there with that though
Sorry, I'll get to the point. Controlling partners are very clever. They have a way of twisting your words, of reinventing history, of absolving themselves of any 'blame' - so in the end not only do they tell you that it's all your fault, what's worse is that you begin to believe that. This isn't just true for physically controlling and abusive partners - psychological and social control/abuse damages you as well.
If you wake up in the mornings and wish you hadn't, if you try to look ahead towards something better and realise that if things stay as they are, then there isn't anything better - if you've tried and tried, if life's lost all its joy, if you're constantly giving in and getting absolutely nothing back - then save yourself and leave.
I took a suitcase of clothes and photographs of my (adult) children. I got the hell out of there and swore off men for life! I started doing all sorts of things that I'd never done in my adult life (I married at 17). I found myself doing mad things, like singing at the top of my voice while driving, and not caring who saw. But the best thing was that I was in control again.
Then I met Scouse - so much for swearing off men
A dearer, kinder person has never lived.Sorry about that, I did go on a bit. I just feel so passionately that in this one life we get, we not only deserve to be happy, we owe it to ourselves to be happy. Wishing everyone who feels stuck courage, happiness and a fantastic future.
Aug 22nd 2014, 5:16 pm
#98
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: Back in the UK!
Posts: 2,404
Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
Thanks for the wishes, support and advice!
This morning over our cup of tea (he had to go to work late shift) he said to me we will probably end up in UK sometime! I decided to ask him pertinent questions, try to home in on what is bothering him! Me: "you don't like change do you",
him: "no";
me: it is more the change that is bothering you than where we end up?
him: yes, I am worried we maybe making a mistake!
me: is it your impending retirement May next year?
him: yes, when I walk out on that last day, then what? I have only worked at 5 places in my life since age 15 and every time I had to leave it was like a dread!
me: would you feel better if we did this in stages? like instead of retireing full time in May next year, you go part time for a year? We have to sell this house anyway, it was always in the plan, would you feel better if we sold this, rent for a year and in May you go part time? Then we see how we feel after that?
him: I think so, I am just so worried we do the wrong thing!
Now I am I guess a bit like "Mrs Bucket" and him Richard! I am an organiser, make a plan and if it does not work out, geez, just try something else! He seems to always be wanting my advice but then gets annoyed with me and calls me Hyacinth when I take over
So to any other ladies who are having trouble with their OH and the reluctance it may be that they also do not like change!
So now, I pull back on going next year when sell (which I hope we do) and rather stay an extra year or two to really make sure we are doing the right thing! I feel much better today! Still have to sell our house though!
This morning over our cup of tea (he had to go to work late shift) he said to me we will probably end up in UK sometime! I decided to ask him pertinent questions, try to home in on what is bothering him! Me: "you don't like change do you",
him: "no";
me: it is more the change that is bothering you than where we end up?
him: yes, I am worried we maybe making a mistake!
me: is it your impending retirement May next year?
him: yes, when I walk out on that last day, then what? I have only worked at 5 places in my life since age 15 and every time I had to leave it was like a dread!
me: would you feel better if we did this in stages? like instead of retireing full time in May next year, you go part time for a year? We have to sell this house anyway, it was always in the plan, would you feel better if we sold this, rent for a year and in May you go part time? Then we see how we feel after that?
him: I think so, I am just so worried we do the wrong thing!
Now I am I guess a bit like "Mrs Bucket" and him Richard! I am an organiser, make a plan and if it does not work out, geez, just try something else! He seems to always be wanting my advice but then gets annoyed with me and calls me Hyacinth when I take over
So to any other ladies who are having trouble with their OH and the reluctance it may be that they also do not like change!
So now, I pull back on going next year when sell (which I hope we do) and rather stay an extra year or two to really make sure we are doing the right thing! I feel much better today! Still have to sell our house though!
My OH, on the other hand, is ready to go tomorrow, if we could afford to sell the biz and retire right now. He thinks nothing of picking up sticks and leaving for another country. When I first met him he was a contractor and moved every 3 years to another country, so it is in his blood.
If it helps at all, we will be staying here at least two more years - so you will have company, even if we are far apart
Aug 22nd 2014, 5:20 pm
#99
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: Back in the UK!
Posts: 2,404
Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
I wish I could give everyone who feels stuck a big hug
I can't give any advice on what to do when one partner wants to move home and the other doesn't, I haven't been in that situation and I'm buggered if I know how I'd handle something so very difficult.
I can say something to anyone who is in a abusive, controlling relationship though. That was me, all 32 years of it. Kicked and punched from pillar to post, unable to go out with friends, I worked and raised the kids while he lay on the couch, huge dramas whenever we had to attend something at my family's. I'm still trying to understand how I allowed myself to get into that situation, and why I didn't escape sooner. Getting there with that though
Sorry, I'll get to the point. Controlling partners are very clever. They have a way of twisting your words, of reinventing history, of absolving themselves of any 'blame' - so in the end not only do they tell you that it's all your fault, what's worse is that you begin to believe that. This isn't just true for physically controlling and abusive partners - psychological and social control/abuse damages you as well.
If you wake up in the mornings and wish you hadn't, if you try to look ahead towards something better and realise that if things stay as they are, then there isn't anything better - if you've tried and tried, if life's lost all its joy, if you're constantly giving in and getting absolutely nothing back - then save yourself and leave.
I took a suitcase of clothes and photographs of my (adult) children. I got the hell out of there and swore off men for life! I started doing all sorts of things that I'd never done in my adult life (I married at 17). I found myself doing mad things, like singing at the top of my voice while driving, and not caring who saw. But the best thing was that I was in control again.
Then I met Scouse - so much for swearing off men A dearer, kinder person has never lived.
Sorry about that, I did go on a bit. I just feel so passionately that in this one life we get, we not only deserve to be happy, we owe it to ourselves to be happy. Wishing everyone who feels stuck courage, happiness and a fantastic future.
I can't give any advice on what to do when one partner wants to move home and the other doesn't, I haven't been in that situation and I'm buggered if I know how I'd handle something so very difficult.
I can say something to anyone who is in a abusive, controlling relationship though. That was me, all 32 years of it. Kicked and punched from pillar to post, unable to go out with friends, I worked and raised the kids while he lay on the couch, huge dramas whenever we had to attend something at my family's. I'm still trying to understand how I allowed myself to get into that situation, and why I didn't escape sooner. Getting there with that though
Sorry, I'll get to the point. Controlling partners are very clever. They have a way of twisting your words, of reinventing history, of absolving themselves of any 'blame' - so in the end not only do they tell you that it's all your fault, what's worse is that you begin to believe that. This isn't just true for physically controlling and abusive partners - psychological and social control/abuse damages you as well.
If you wake up in the mornings and wish you hadn't, if you try to look ahead towards something better and realise that if things stay as they are, then there isn't anything better - if you've tried and tried, if life's lost all its joy, if you're constantly giving in and getting absolutely nothing back - then save yourself and leave.
I took a suitcase of clothes and photographs of my (adult) children. I got the hell out of there and swore off men for life! I started doing all sorts of things that I'd never done in my adult life (I married at 17). I found myself doing mad things, like singing at the top of my voice while driving, and not caring who saw. But the best thing was that I was in control again.
Then I met Scouse - so much for swearing off men
A dearer, kinder person has never lived.Sorry about that, I did go on a bit. I just feel so passionately that in this one life we get, we not only deserve to be happy, we owe it to ourselves to be happy. Wishing everyone who feels stuck courage, happiness and a fantastic future.
I thank my lucky stars every day that he came along 
Aug 22nd 2014, 8:11 pm
#100
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2012
Location: South Bucks
Posts: 1,654
Re: When 1 wants to and the other doesn,t
Excellent compromise! I think that should work out best for you both in the long run.
My OH, on the other hand, is ready to go tomorrow, if we could afford to sell the biz and retire right now. He thinks nothing of picking up sticks and leaving for another country. When I first met him he was a contractor and moved every 3 years to another country, so it is in his blood.
If it helps at all, we will be staying here at least two more years - so you will have company, even if we are far apart
My OH, on the other hand, is ready to go tomorrow, if we could afford to sell the biz and retire right now. He thinks nothing of picking up sticks and leaving for another country. When I first met him he was a contractor and moved every 3 years to another country, so it is in his blood.
If it helps at all, we will be staying here at least two more years - so you will have company, even if we are far apart
